Adhd And Choosing To Repeat Junior Year My decision to repeat a grade at school

[SpartanShopGod 0]

Hey all. Today was an odd day yes it was. I woke up on time for school, next thing I know I am in my bed and it is 7:30, successfully missing first and second period. I rush to get out, my F train is super delayed due to crime. On the way I started to get really depressed, not so much depressed as anxious. I fear now for my grades. After learning that I have been SEVERELY undermedicated since my last psych visit, how long has it been? Very long. That could very well explain why I am doing so amazingly poor in school now. I wrote a letter to the vice principal, my guidance counseler is an idiot, so going to her for help would accomplish nothing. I asked in the note for some help. It is too late for me to try and fix things myself, I am in too deep, and for a while I wanted to ask for nothing because I didn't want a handout. I see now that with my grades my life will go nowhere, well my college life at least. I want to take junior year again, I don't care that I won't graduate with my friends or that I'll be a super senior, or a super junior. But I don't think I will get my wish, I don't think they do that. But I asked. I have ****ed up so bad. It hurts when I think of how I let this happen to me. Currently my dosages of ritalin have been super-upped. I pop pills so often in a day I think I am a junkie. Now all those fun normal side effects, paranoia, chest and stomach pain, muscle twitches, depression, and insomnia, have been multiplied 3x. But, I can put my mental and social well being aside for a bit, I truly need to improve. Now, all those side effects aside, oh wait, I forgot a few more, anorexia, nutrient depletion are also some, now aside from them all I can actually concentrate in class which is good. I get very odd mood swings now, I can be excited and very very focused, especially on subways. Oh I can take junior year again, oh if I write all these notes I will understand physics, That would be a great painting, I should write that, I am going to work out even harder. Then I get to school and those feelings and ideas fade completely and I just want to survive the day. Throw in some downward spiraling moments when I fear for my education and future and get close to tears/nervous breakdown. But I am able to cope. Right now, all I want, is a chance, the same chance that any student without a learning disabillity has in school. I feel cheated that for who knows how long it has been my ADHD, not my laziness. After medding myself yesterday I actually found some great fun in doing math homework. And today I actually got a good grade on a physics test. I read the english book we were assigned. I completed the program we had been working on for maybe three days in class (I had been absent from class a bunch due to Damon's unfortunate passing). I am feeling very hopeful, but that is probably a mood swing. I feel bad for my girlfriend, that she puts up with this so stoically and patiently. I do not feel like myself when on meds, I feel very antisocial, and I dont talk much, when I realize that I had not spoken in three periods I try and it strains my vocal chords and hurts for the rest of the day. I want to requit smoking before I get readdicted, I probably already am addicted. I keep procrastinating on forging some absence notes for spanish class, I have to soon, I missed five days of it. The increase in the concerta (time released ritalin) has caused my insomnia to get worse. I am very tired and drowsy and random parts of the day, but at night I cannot sleep, at all, no matter how I try. The medication also kills my appetite completely. So I wonder how I am able to go through the day with basically no food in my body. I need calories to function right....am I slowly wasting away without knowing it? Ah wait, of course, all the midnight binging I do. Of course. For as long as I can remember I've been on ritalin, and for as long as I can remember when it wears off I eat compulsively. I solved that problem for a while with multivitamens, I will start that again soon. And taking whey protein again, when I eat maybe one meal a day chances that I am getting proper amounts of protein are slim. Now, I take a dose when I get home from school, it lasts four hours, and my appetite is gone for a bit after that, so I end up eating around 10. Usually junk food, because by that time nobody really wants to cook for themselves. Then as the insomnia keeps me awake my compulsive eating and hyperactivity take over and I start eating, not so much anymore. I spoke with my mother. On friday we are going to see the vice principal. I have decided that if it is possible I will opt to repeat junior year. Wish me luck with that one all. I noticed that this post isn't all that pretty yet. My writing is just me giving information, but usually when I post I do it in ways that share more of my emotion and creativity. Maybe its the meds right now, not sure. I think I am making the right decision, I tried to think WWDD, what would Damon do? He would fight to make things work. So I will too, I will do whatever it takes to get a chance to actually make it into college, even if it means taking an entire school year over again. This was posted at one of my other posts, a reply to my posts on the death of my friend Damon. I like it, I think it applies to my wants and needs right now.LET ME NOT LOSE ITLet me gain wisdom--And I don't want to lose itLet me stand strong, tall and wiseLet me not be a broken arrow,A broken sword, a broken dagger,Let me not wallow in despairLet me not lose it.The strongest part of my heartThe strongest part of my willLet me not be a weakened soul,Left to whimper--To shed deep tears down yonder streamLet me not fall, and lay down and weepLet me gain wisdom Let me not lose it.Let me over come obstaclesLet me rise up to see the dawn of a new dayLet me not sleep, let me shine among the greatAnd let me be wise alwaysLet me not lose it.

[moonwitch1405241479 0]

I really wish I knew the answers on how to solve it. But maybe it helps to just know you are not alone. I may not have ADHD, but I am diagnosed with Borderline, which is quite a trip on its own. When I was 16, I dropped out of school (I am the fat chick and have always been bullied about that, after a few years of having just about all my things in school vandalised, I gave up and dropped out). I changed school, didn't like it. I love science, which is what I was doing. I went back to a different department of my old school, human sciences (psychology - since I am in Belgium we have a different school system). That was a year of pure glory, I loved it, I had friends, but in the end I didn't make it, because I had so much fun socializing that I didn't study. I again changed school, to study Computer Sciences (Linux system administrating, programming, and web design and a lot of maths and physics) Anyhow, the bullying returned, I started burning myself as coping resource. I gradually went downhill and kept on going. So I retook that year, by now I was in my I think junior grade (11th grade) and I was 18 going on 19. I started seeing a psychiatrist because of the self injury. It didn't help much, since the guy only offered anti psychotic medication and tranquilizers to help me. I ended up taking an overdose on those meds on night, I flatlined 4 times. I was only in the hospital for 3 days, the psych evaluation was a shrink asking me if I felt like going to a mental instution for 6 months, I said no. He then asked "so you're not gonna try it again" I shrugged. And I got released. I did realize what I did was not that good, so I went to the crisis ward for a week or two. You know what? All that medical world thing didn't help ANYTHING for me, in the end I threw away the medication, stopped seeing a shrink and all that. Yes, I blew it, I ruined my life. The side effect of flatlining 4 times, I damaged my short term memory. So I have issues remembering, which creates a very short attention span, if I am stressed I may forget the beginning of my sentence when I am in the middle of the sentence. Of course that doesn't help with school LOL. I still burn myself, but that's ok. I still get semi-psychotic episodes, have nightmares, get all paranoid and have those stupid mood swings (it's like "happiest in the world" to "suicidal maniac" in 5 minutes at times). I can't maintain a sleeping schedule, so I go to school and do ok for a while and then it goes wrong again and again.... Where does my long story leads to? I wanted to share this, so you know there are people out there who understand and are in a somewhat similar position. If you can't get help from a student counselor, try going to a non-school therapist. Or get a social worker type of thing on your case to "fight" your school issues. If you feel retaking that year will be best, by all means go for it. Try to get that. It's your life, and if YOU don't feel good about it, it won't work, believe me, I tried it :PI am now 21, will be 22 this year, and I got nothing. Chances of me going to college, even though I do have the intelligence, are non existing. No diploma here means a worthless, barely enough to live off, income. Also you could try getting in touch with others with ADHD through the internet, they may have good advice for you. Yahoo Groups or MSN communities usually have groups about ADHD as well. (I am a member of a support group for survivor of abuse, and I found it to be really helpful for me)The best of luck - Kay (AKA Moonwitch)

[Perfect_Chaos21392 0]

im not prepared to climb those walls of text.

[mirdux 0]

Ah you see my friend, you got the right path to go on, your openly admitting even here that. Your playing the game on ground level right now, and sometimes dropping your farway ambhitions to persue something more imminent will prepare you for a higher level of life. Its never the the education you will get by doing a year of school again, but it is the trial within yourself to endure something you failed at before. In life, second chances come one in a few, you have grasped this truth and are beginning to understand that you not only have the capability to aspire to something better, but that you have the will left in you to get off your *bottom* so to speak and take action towards the better good of your life. Not to be a thought to linger on as an adult but ive found anything you do in high school has the potential to multiply ten-fold as an adult. You should never focus on the negative aspects for those most literally will kill you emotionally and physically as you mature. But rather, if you pick yourself up from a low early, who in this world is to say that when you are older, you wont believe in yourself to do the same in similar situations? I really hate hearing myself say all of this because in high school i did fine, starting defensive back on the football team, ASB Vice president, girls were good etc. my grades were passive (3.2ish), i also played a mean 6-string. The experience was great, but it doesnt take a genius to figure out that some people just dont have a good time. Ill tell you now, in my eyes, of any people i have ever known, the guy that brushed off basically being tortured by the other guys in his class i respected most. Once your out of high school, what you did in any football game, or how many friends you had, how much you weighed doesnt mean sh** to anyone. The only person that can hurt you with those memories is yourself. Although it may seem impossible for some, others just throw the past behind them, and use the positive energy to create a foundation for their real life. So bro, the meds dont mean sh**, they never in your life, will control you, remember that. It doesnt matter what anyone thinks of you, the moment you cave in to harassment is the moment in which you are literally taken over by those you let get under your skin. Keep your chin up, where your focusing in life is where youll end up. You may as well have the power to do anything, but a lack of tenacity can never be compensated for with any amount of opportunity. - Musically, i hit the dumps about a year after high school, i sat in a pile of my own failures and basically just felt sorry for myself, but the day i threw it all down and realized i could do better literally was the day i joined a band, and here i am So dude, you got this, there is no doubt in my mind that you will succeed. Just KEEP AT IT And who knows, your career might just come out of left field, i am a web designer to pay for my equipment, and i never went out of the house to learn ANYTHING, youll find that if your interested in it, you, a computer, someone who can guide you along the way, and google can take you a LONG way. (worked a desk graphic design job right out of high school, picked up on design my sophomore year) Could turn to music (the mood the music is is the mood it will put you in if you wanted to learn guitar which REALLY can get you out of emotional ruts if you "feel" what you are playing., id be willing to help you along there also.

Edited October 18, 2006 by mirdux (see edit history)

[Markymark2 0]

Hey man I really feel for you must be hell at the moment ;(I am in my 30's and I guess I used to suffer from ADHD also when I was younger, only problem was back in the 70's-80's when I was at school the symptoms were never diagnosed or understood.;(Also add to that the fact that my parents split up and went thro a nasty divorce case and battles to take custody of me I guess I was pretty F**** up when I was growing up..At School I was always bored cos im pretty intelligent and learn fast so I would get distracted which led to me disrupting classes and then have to sit with the troublemakers and the slow learning class ;(So It was like a viscous circle..the normal classes were not enough for me so ofc the slow learning classes just held me back even more ;(((The teachers just said I was naughty-the doctors said "well he misses his dad" and nothing more was ever said about it...It really wasnt till a few years ago when I met a specialist teacher socially that she diagnosed what was going with me..I looked further into it read some books read some blogs...yes I have ADHD ;((So after reading your post I think its a lot better these days now that people are aware of ADHD and your accepting the fact that you have it and your seeking help.I wish you the best and from experience all I can say its tough...but you will! come through it and really you will grow out of it and it eventually withers away inside you and you can be a lot different and a lot calmer...The only thing that I still have problems with is sleeping ;( Im like a colied spring waiting to go off when I go to bed...takes me ages to goto sleep and then im woken by the slightest noises, living where I live in the busy city center this maybe is not a good idea ;( Ive tried sleeping pilss etc...but they make me into a zombie ;(( IVe kinda accepted now that I am going to be this way my whole life..cos I will never rely on drugs every day to try to correct the problem.Its a minor thing and its not to difficult to live on 4-5 hours sleep a day...for some ppl its totally normal :PSo GOOD LUCK!! with yourself...were behind you )