How Did You Meet Yours?

[sheepdog 10]

Might be fun to exchange stories about how we meet up with the person we have now decided to spend the rest of our lives with. I had known my current significant other for quite a few years, when we were both married to other people. I was a waitress at the local restuarant where all the city employees took their morning and afternoon coffee breaks. He worked for the city. So I saw him twice a day during the week every day. I used to give the city guys a tough time, always teased them with comments like I had heard that the coffee at the other restuarant in town was really good and wouldn't they all rather go over there? (they just drank coffe and never tipped, what can I say?) Sometimes I would make a really tall stack of full coffee cups and carry them to them balanced in one hand, nearly spilling them on them every time. I was pretty ornery. Try as I might, I could never convince them to take their breaks elsewhere. I would see him on the weekends occasion as he would bring his family in for dinner on the weekends. He had these 2 really cute little boys, they almost looked like twins, but they were a year apart. I was really surprised at how well behaved those 2 little boys were, because they were the type of boys you could look into their eyes and just see the devilment in them, I knew they had to be real corkers when they were at home and I'm sure gave there parents fits. To his credit, he was not one of the more obnoxious city workers. I knew that he raised sheep so on occasion we had some conversations about sheep raising, since I also raised goat, and the 2 are very simular so it was nice to have someone to talk to about that. Anyway, I bumped into him one day in town while we where both in the process of getting or had just gotten our divorces, and we got to talking and he asked me out. We went out a couple times. I did enjoy his company, and he seemed like a pretty good guy except for one thing. He truely undoubtedly completly dispised and hated his X wife. He was downright ugly about it. (in hindsite, later I learned that he had every reason to dispise her, she truely was a real witch) But at the time I have to say, his feeling about her nearly scared me away from him. I kept thinking to myself, what if he gets mad at me and starts feeling that way about me? He actually did scare me a little bit, he was so intense of his hatred toward her. But there always comes a tipping point. Some little something that makes you change your mind. After I first couple dates, I really kept him off at arms length. I had just gotten out of one really bad relationship and was in no way ready to jump back in the fire. However, I have this elderly lady friend, to who I mentioned I was going out with him. Much to my surprise, she was thrilled about it. She kept telling me he really was a good guy. She had known him since he was just a little boy and she thought he was wonderful. Now, normally the recomendation of one person wouldn't hold much weight with me, but this after all, was a lady I had known for quite a few years, and her liking him came as a big shock to me, because quite frankly, this woman did not like men. At all. Matter of fact she hated most men. As far as that goes, she didn't like wormen either very much, but she really did hate men. So her high opinion of him carried a lot more weight than an approval from someone else might have. As time went on I grew to realize that this guy was not like any other guy I had been with. I kept thinking about how most women make the same mistake over and over when getting into new relationships. Woman had a bad tendency to get right back with the same type of jerk that they had the time before, and the results are always the same, the guys continue to make her life a living hell. So, knowing that he was so different eventually turned the tide, and here we are, 22 years later, still going strong and completly happy with each other. We really do get along very well, hardly ever fight, and still enjoy each others company after all these years. I'm sure glad my friend kept after me and pushed me in the right direction.

[k_nitin_r 8]

Sheepdog,You seem to have quite a tale. In India, most people have arranged marriages, so they barely know a person before getting engaged. It all starts with a friend of a relative of a friend of a relative says, "Hey, I can get you hooked up with somebody," then there's a consultation with an astrologer who looks into their horoscope and makes sure that they aren't from the same family tree and that they are compatible in nature. There's an exchange of photographs, and finally the two families meet. There's usually a short chat for about five to ten minutes during which they make the choice to get engaged, and that's about it! SheepDog, you had so much longer to decide if he is the one compared to most Indians.Also, did I mention that when most people get engaged, they follow through till the wedding so even during the couple of months between the engagement and the wedding, all usually goes well so perhaps whatever the astrologer looks up seems to work out for them. However, there has been an increase in the divorce rate in India and that is probably because a lot of people are getting more hard-headed as they think about money, put forward their egoes and let petty things get in the way because of greed, selfishness, and stuff of that sort. Then, there's also the bit where people cheat on their partners, and it gets pretty ugly. It wasn't as common a few decades ago so it is perhaps the pursuit of riches that trumped over the pursuit of happiness that is more prevalent today.BTW, I know a former co-worker from the Phillippines who met his significant other one fine day when he was introduced to her. They went out together a couple of times, yet he would say that she wasn't the one for him. A couple of months later, everybody thought they were a good pair, and finally one day he proposed to her, they got married shortly afterward and they probably have a kid right now. From what I last heard about a month ago, her office moved to the same building that he works in so they even get to have lunch together, so it does not get any better than that. And since his office does not provide car parking, they get to drive to work together, she flashes her badge against the card reader and they get let into the parking lot.Of all the stories about people meeting up and getting married, the ones that you think are the best are when you know a girl who is well-mannered and polite and she ends up with a rags-to-riches tale, and then you think the world is a really nice place and that justice has been served. Of course, it does not always end up that way but when it does and you hear about, there's the nice feeling that the world is not such a bad place after all.

[mamer 0]

In my country astrologers are more clever so we have less divorce I'm kidding but we are in a very similar situation to India except for the the consultation of an astrologer. In most cases everything has to go through the family before the relation between the two is approved. To cut a long story short, marriage comes first, love comes later. You can't say to somebody: "I love your daughter" you say : " I want to marry your daughter". Then he tells you: "Come over with your family" and it all starts from there.

[sheepdog 10]

"In my country astrologers are more clever so we have less divorce"LOL, That's a good one! But seriously, this arranged marriage stuff bogles my mind. I can't see how you could get stuck with some one for your entire life that for one thing you may have absolutly nothing in common with, or someone you just flat didn't like for whatever reason. There is a lot to be said for human instinct and our reactions to other people various body chemistries, not to mention personal habits and all the other things that go toward making 2 people get along with each other. How can a third party, close family member that knows the subject well or not decide something like that? I suppose the lack of rights for women in other countries plays a part in that women are conditioned from birth that they have to accept whatever they get stuck with, and they would be more subservial than women who grow up making their own choises. I am grateful I didn't end up being born in a place that that. I am far too independant and hard headed to ever tolerate anything that archaic. Pitty the poor fool if he dot stuck with me and I didn't happen to like him!Mamer, where are you from? I've seen several of your posts, you've been very busy since starting here at Xisto, I don't think you've been here all that long and already over 200 posts, that's really busy! Wish I had that much to talk about!

[mamer 0]

Mamer, where are you from? I've seen several of your posts, you've been very busy since starting here at Xisto, I don't think you've been here all that long and already over 200 posts, that's really busy! Wish I had that much to talk about!

Sheepdog,

I'm from Egypt. I started here January 25th but I spent most of my vacation in this forum. I really like it here. It's a kind of a routine that I check posts to reply or post a topic from time to time.

I agree with all what you said about the arranged marriage stuff. But I tend to take the social setup into consideration when I compare different cultures. I believe that every culture chooses what best fits its own situation even if it looks unfair from a stand of view of another culture.

In Egypt there's a great variety of social settings from the very liberal to the very conservative. But to give you a general idea It's common that the extended family support each other in all ways and in all circumstances. One famous poet pictured the houses in narrow streets in the old Arab cities as friends hugging each other. In modern cities we like to keep a distance.

So back again to the family support, it's a give and take sort of thing. I come from a countryside background and in my family I address my uncles as "father". They also expect me to act like their own son. My uncles and my cousins are always there for me. It's always my choice to choose the family support but accept the rules or have it my own way. That applies to men and women by the way. Some women prefer the freedom to the costly price of the family support. I can't say that they're deprived from their rights as long as they can choose for themselves whether they submit to the family restrictions or challenge them.

I always tell people who criticize the western cultures that they can not see it clearly from where they stand. They have to be inside it to get the full picture and they have to accept it as is. What the west does is good for the west and what the east does is good for the east. Judge Not!
Edited February 13, 2013 by mamer (see edit history)

[sheepdog 10]

Egypt, cool! That is one of the few foreign countries I've really had a hankering to visit, thought I suspect that it will never happen. Watching the nightly news is enough to think a trip there might be a fools errand. Sure doesn't look like the safest place to be for sure. But I would dearly love to see all those very famous landmarks, the pyrimids, Spinx, and all that. I do believe that those qualify as things a person really needs to see in person. Sort of like the grand canyon. You can see a thousand pictures of it, but until you actually see it in real life, you have no idea how truely fantastic it really is. I agree, and I try not to be judgmental, but it is something that is very hard to wrap my head around what to me is a totally alien concept.

[k_nitin_r 8]

I suppose the lack of rights for women in other countries plays a part in that women are conditioned from birth that they have to accept whatever they get stuck with, and they would be more subservial than women who grow up making their own choises.

I don't think women's rights are associated with arranged marriage because they are not forced into the marriages but instead they have the same predicament as the men. The women get to meet various prospective grooms till they finally make their choice and the same applies to men. While traditionally, women were less aggressive, there are increasing cases of domestic violence in which the women attack men, and there's nothing that can be legally done because the legal system does not treat it as a case of violence if it is caused by women. However, if the reverse were the case, the law enforcement officials would be at the scene seeking a bribe. Also, if a woman isn't happy with her husband, she can make false allegations and have her husband and his family locked up behind bars for up to two months, which is the duration of the investigation, and when locked up there aren't any human rights officials around to report what really goes on. Of course, there aren't any penalties for wrongful prosecution yet, and the law enforcement folk get their cut of any settlements paid. On the flip side, many women are targeted because they are the ones decked in gold jewellery and if there's a group of individuals targeted in developing nations, it's the ones with the wealth but without the political and law enforcement connections.

[velma 6]

What a sweet story Sheep

But there always comes a tipping point. Some little something that makes you change your mind. After I first couple dates, I really kept him off at arms length. I had just gotten out of one really bad relationship and was in no way ready to jump back in the fire.

This really sticks out for me because I know what you mean. It is terrifying to get back into a relationship after getting out of a messy one...

I met my significant other, the love of my life during a down of my life... We had heard of each other but we really did not bother getting to know each other... One day, our common friend decided to introduce us and we sort of were ho hum about it.

Skip to a few months later, He had some chores to do and I accompanied him thinking that he needed the company, we got along so amazingly well.. It surprised me because our interactions were so smooth and natural, at the end of the day when I was thinking about the day we had, I knew that I had met my soul mate (I know how corny it sounds).

We had our ups and downs like any other couple initially, but one thing became clear to us, we could not stay away from each other... It just was not possible.. He is the strong silent type and I am the hyper quirky type , very supportive and dedicated.. I have never asked him for something which he has denied... He would give his all in his own way to support me even if he does not agree...

The turning point was when we both realized that we were stuck with each other for good ..

After a long and tedious history with the wrong men, I was terrified of calling him "The one" because I did not want to love someone with everything I had only to be used & abused again.... He changed a lot of things for me, all for the good.

I remember an awful time where I had to move to another place so that I could "tie loose ends" .. We both hated the separation, he had to stay back (his job) while my job was more flexible allowing me to work from anywhere I wanted... He definitely did not want me to leave, neither did I but I had to...

We were so angry the whole time , so bitter and so angry, me more than him because he simply refused to emote his feelings :| He had given me a diamond ring years ago which was too delicate for daily wear so I started wearing a second ring I had.. I am not a jewellery person at all except for this ring, I would never take it off and I mean, never... What makes me happier is that he does not let me take it off either.

So, things moved along, and I finally got to come back home... I did not know whether we still would work together, how it would be after such a long time.. But the moment I saw him when I came back, It was just like yesterday, like we had never moved apart at all. And we have been together ever since...

For the sake of all humanity, we make it a point to never leave each other's side no matter how bad a fight we have

P.S :- This is the first time I have talked about him in a public domain, my godparents were the only other people who knew about how I felt about him..

[sheepdog 10]

Sounds like you weathered the storm and did find the right one Velma! Maybe the forced seperations were a blessing in disguise, they made you realize just how much you cared for each other. And oddly, this is the first time I put in writing my own situation. I have thought about it a lot, and how close I came to blowing it off, and have always been greatful I "saw the light" so to speak and gave it a good chance. It's just way too easy to let past experiences color our current lives. Sometime I suppose this is a good thing, but it also can be a danger to our future happyness.