Why Should Only Women Compromise Their Career For Family?

[sharmiladevi 0]

I have seen many women even who are overeducated than men have to compromise their career when comes to family especially after their marriage. This finally results in development of depression in them, which is a prelude to many emotional breakups. I just want to know whether these things are more common only in India or worldwide. Recently, my friend who holds a very good post in airports authority got her marriage fixed and the demands are just she has to shift from the place where she is currently to some other place where her husband is working, which is not that supportive to her career wise. In many cases, they leave their job to take care of their family, so what is the necessity for them to get over educated, why such revolutions started?... just to make them educated??? And at last one more pathetic thing is that, even when they are working and earning handful, they have to take money and ornaments as dowry from their parents to her husband’s place and there she has to do service for her in-laws. Why the system is still unchanged???

Edited May 21, 2012 by moderator (see edit history)

[Ananya 0]

I think freedom is something which if sought aggresively comes to you irrespective of the fact it is bestowed on you or not.The decision to choose career over family is also a kind of freedom which has to be sought desperately.Woman sacrify their career on their own.Because we woman aren't the selfish creature who happily engage ourselves in our career and ignore every other responsibility that comes our way.We are the ones who are in generally the multitaskers of this society.We happilly take on dual responsibilities of home and office.The moment we see that our family is suffering and needs our undivided attention we keep everything else on one side and switch over to our family entirely.Because of this innate nature we are being taken for granted as someone made to sacrify. The moment we refuse to do so divorces happen.Our society is witnessing an escalated figure of marriage divorces just due to the fact that women nowadays deny to sacrify everything else to get something.Family and marriage are 2 different chapters in ones life. If it can coexist in a man's life so it can in woman's life too.Its not our limitation that we are supposed to sacrify.If it is being imposed we have every right to say 'no' to it.Family is an integral part in a woman's life as much as in a man's life. The system is definitely in our own hands to change/not to change.

[sharmiladevi 0]

Of course Ms.Ananya, I am not saying that others are imposing those laws on us, it is in our hand only. What I exactly mean is, whatever the culture/tradition we follow are actually because of the influence our ancestors. Even god whom we worship is because they followed it and we are doing it and as the same case, as you said“innate nature” and “we woman aren't the selfish creature” is also a part of something which our ancestors followed before. Previously, I mean, a generation before I would say, women are not over educated. So their thought processes are entirely different I would say. But nowadays, its not the case, their thoughts are also set that way, once it becomes vacant after entering into the family life, it starts to work in a different manner, only a few were able to channelize their thoughts by deviating in the positive direction. And previously, men were also not much concerned in having over-educated women as their life partners, but now most of the men prefer that, in which case, as a woman, they are overburdened. While we have taken a lot of vigorous measures to make women educated, to eradicate social illnesses like sathi, child marriage, which I mean to say it, is not complete. “The system is definitely in our own hands to change/not to change.”We are just ignoring the serious consequences of future simply by mentioning as above, which does not mean that we have to fight for this, but we can make others understand by having a simple discussion like this. I started with this topic because, I see this case almost everywhere and in some family’s people understand and in most they don’t. All this is because a family comprises of members of one to two different generations. So my idea is just to create an awareness.

[Ananya 0]

Yeah,we women are always supposed to do what society intends us to do.In the past we needn't go to school and even the simplest of primary education we were devoid of. But now partly because we have somehow managed to break the chains imposed on us and partly because of the changing times wherein the economic pressure can't be managed by the man in the house alone.So we are thought of as the support to undertake that responsibility.

[Quatrux 4]

I don't have a deep knowledge of how it is in India, but from here it looks like that "fixed marriage" is the culprit of your problem. Family is a sacrifice from woman and man. Family is something created by both adults and it is their choice to do so. Women, of course, have bigger burden (pregnancy, child birth, post-birth time), but it is also a man who keeps everything together. Respect have to go from both sides. It is easier to come to agreement on certain conditions, when it is the case.

 

Children grow not only when woman is at home ;]

[nanna 0]

In the days of now a women does not have to give up their career for a family. There are a lot of options around to raising a familie now a days. You have stay at home fathers now a days that like to take part in raising their families too.And they are lots of creches in places of work now a days where you can leave your children.You also have day nurserys that take babies from three months old to school age the odd nursery take babies from birth.You even have grand parents that help look after the grandcildren while the parents continue their careers.Years ago the norm was the mother would stay at home and raise a family like my own mum did where i went out to work but in the evenings and then i was there in the day to raise my children in the day.

[ritu 1]

I completely agree with you when you say that nothing can be worse than the fact that an educated girl has to carry a heavy volume of dowry, but even if the girl is not educated, taking dowry does not stand to make sense. The friend of yours that you are talking about,should take a step for herself, that might be the way that her education would be of real help.I would differ slightly from what you you state about women sacrificing and compromising,I can list cases where the woman in the family has chosen to pursue her career shifting attention from whatever is going on in the family and how does that make sense? Revolutions for educating women never meant to make women run away from their responsibilities. Even if a woman choose to take a break from work to take care of the requirements of her family, how is that to be termed as sacrifice or compromise?? Being educated doesn't mean only to aspire to become an ambitious professional but to become a human being of substance,the matter stated here can be also taken as a matter of choice.

[prashansas 0]

Women have the full rights to decide for themselves and they are no man's slaves. But I also believe that it is a woman who makes a good family. Because when God created Man and woman he appointed them responsibilities. The man would work for his living while the woman would raise a family. Though I totally agree when it comes to the 21st century, a man alone cannot earn for his family due to inflationary tendencies and a woman needs to be educated to help support her family.And when starting a new life i feel as much as the man lies responsible towards his wife i would say the wife has more responsibility towards her husband and her new family. Though she would have to sacrifice in the initial stage of her new marriage but both can also work out their future plans and with time once the man and wife settle in their new life the woman can resume her career once again. But at the end I would also say that more than compromising, mutual understanding between the two is very important.

[ritu 1]

The point that the originator stressed is that women have to sacrifice their career for their family, as many of the posts state that women are selfless when it comes to raising a family, then how does the word sacrifice pop up. In the recent times there are tons of women who choose to be on the other side, I mean continuing with their careers, they handle the responsibilities attached to them, but who will decide what the responsibilities are--- like what part for men and what for women, it all depends on the convenience factor, if the man's work place is closer to their house and the women travels a fair distance to reach to work, then it is not necessary that the woman still has to take care of all the household chores, most of the husbands nowadays do realize that they should extend a helping hand to the lady of the house. Moreover, I don't buy the idea that women leave their job to look after the domestic issues and they are selfless or something like that, many of them do so because of the issues at workplace or want to ease it out. In cases where they left working for the family, it is purely a matter of choice, neither sacrifice nor an act of selflessness, for that you have to prove how men and only men are selfish. I have seen families where man have contributed a lot. As a woman myself, I feel that we should be proud of our decisions and not regret in a way stating that we have made sacrifices,we do what we are supposed to do and we are happy with ourselves.

Edited June 8, 2012 by ritu (see edit history)

[sharmiladevi 0]

First of all, hi to everyone after a short vacation. As I have already mentioned in the second post, I never said that someone else is imposing law on us, it’s entirely women’s choice of course. What I exactly mean to say is, for example, if someone (aged parents) is bedridden , if both are working in a family, the first choice would be the women leaving her job to take care of the family, with which her dreams over career gets shattered. For this you can answer, we can appoint maid in simple, which is practically not accepted in most of our Indian families. Because of these reasons, I have seen many husband and wife ending up in misunderstandings. from the sentence “for that you have to prove how men and only men are selfish”This not only occurs because of men, it also happens, as i have already mentioned“All this is because a family comprises of members of one to two different generations”As I mentioned in the second post, the previous generation parents, which also includes woman.and finally, from the sentence "As a woman myself, I feel that we should be proud of our decisions and not regret in a way stating that we have made sacrifices,we do what we are supposed to do and we are happy with ourselves."its not a must that everyone will have a same experience in their life. i have started with this topic as i have been seeing these situations in many families not with my own life.

[ritu 1]

There have been points in the discussion made towards the fact that women are not selfish, but there so many men also who have shown signs of selflessness, and as you mention that everyone does not have the same experience with life, then the stress on the title about women only should compromise their career for the family also can't be generalised as many of them do not compromise at all, even if there are suggestions from members of the preceding generations. The repetition in stating that women choose to stay away from their career as they are not selfish, emphasizes on the point that ones who do not give their careers away are selfish, women from which generation wasn't stressed upon, it was women in general.

[sharmiladevi 0]

well, i have taken this topic just for creating awareness and from the statement previous generation women, I really meant mother in laws, as they have not faced all these type of problems in their generation and they expect girls from present generation to go for a job and take care of the family as they did in their generation, which is really a overburden for women to concentrate properly.