I Dont Know What To Do

[burberry8 0]

i had a 7 years relationship and all those years we are happy although there were alot of things happened we fought because we love each other so much. We were used in a long distance relationship and it has never been a problem because we follow each other in anywhere we go. until last december. he changed a lot. he seldom call and send sms. then i found out that he is seeing someone. when we talked about it he claimed that they just became so close and comfortable with each other. but we made things up. but the realtionship is no longer healthy. after that month, we argued everyday and i become so paranoid. there were no days that we dont yell each other and questioned each other.i get shattered that i almost dont want to live. but he make up with me. asked for a second chance and we did. but 3 days ago, we had another argument which ended when i asked him if he still love me. he usually says that he loves me so much and no one can replace me. that we will always be together no matter what. that i will never lose him. but that night he answered he does not anymore. i felt that my whole world ended. so i hang up the phone.now its been 3 days that we did not talk or send sms. i miss him so much and i love him so much. but i dont want to call him because i dont want to get hurt anymore. or maybe i dont want to know that he really does not love me anymore.i dont know what to do now. im so depressed. should I call him and talks again and make things up, or just wait for him to call me. what if he wont. does it mean i totally lose him. please i need your thoughts. i dont have anyone to talk to now.

[anwiii 17]

i am sorry to hear about your loss and pain. you need to stop calling him and put away anything that reminds you of him. it doesn't sound like this relationship will ever be as good as it once was. you need to move on. i know it's hard, and i know it's a shame in all the hard work you both put in to the relationship and how it can just end like this. but this is life and there reasons why it turned out like this. don't blame yourself and don't blame him. it will only make you bitter and resentful and more angry. i didn't sense this from you yet, but the ugliness can easily surface.move on with your life by keeping busy. i mean really busy so it becomes easier not to think about him and your loneliness. over time, i promise it will get easier. right now, i know it's as hard as hell but you are going to have to manage somehow.i know this isn't what you wanted to hear. you can't make him love you. somewhere out there though is someone that is capable of loving you and giving you what you need. calling him will only make things worse and it will only allow you to hang on to the hurt that much longer. don't punish and torture yourself that way.

[burberry8 0]

thank you anwiii. you dont know how much it means to me getting a reply from you. Thank you so much.it is really hard. in my case its harder, i am new in this country where i am now and had no "friends" yet to talk to. everyday i am just living for the sake of living. i cannot work anymore. honestly, if God will ask me what i want right now, i will ask Him to let me die. all my life, i am thinking of others. For my family and friends. I always want the best for them. I have not experienced being take cared of and be loved until he came into my life. now, i am shattered. i dont even know where to start to pick up all the pieces. I just want to rest for a while. I am so tired of crying, hurting and thinking. God help me. Again, thank you so much.

[filmdesire 0]

Relationships are not my forte. But honesty, which I believe Xisto is fond of - is.The truth of the matter is, by your long winded description, it is easy for one to assume that your relationship consisted of something overly emotional. A Hollywood love episode which slowly faded as the realities of this world hit you. Humans lose interest in one another, it is a normal feeling to suddenly turn off from one another, seek something else. It may seem extraordinary, but couples who have been married for decades, we're talking anything up to half-a-century here, barely use the word 'love'. The times they were bought up in, it was either arranged or what we now call a 'quicky-marriage' where by two people marry for financial or economical factors.One in however many couples will get divorced, the latter is usually 7 or less depending on where you're from. Out of 3 couples, all women will experience domestic abuse at least once. 1 in three however will suffer from long term abuse, these are the figures in the UK. This is far worse in the United States, considering there are more backgrounds to exploit for national statistics organisations.You cannot, by law, and in some cases morally, expect the same right as a married couple. You cannot be expected taken care for financially by your other half, and nor can you share debt and other assets. The law does not recognise two people who just live together, or are more than friends. Could you imagine how much it would cost the state to do that? They're lawyers out there who live of our tax money, could you imagine with all the cohabiting couples, the tax payer- paying for a state provided accountant to calculate your rightful assets?This is why, when it comes down to the matter, I'd just be glad I didn't waste more of my time. Move on, and just be more vigilant. If you want to pleasure the flesh, then you don't have to be committed. If you want a relationship, then decide and plan your future, and have a list, whereby you have a criteria, something to look for in a man/woman.Be glad you didn't waste more time on something you were already pondering over and wasting your life with.

[anwiii 17]

well i have to disagree with the above post 100%. i didn't see any long winded description first of all. in fact, it wasn't long enough to get the whole story. since this situation didn't involve marriage, but just a relationship where two people loved eachother, i don't know why one would compare marriage to it even if she had the thoughts of wanting to marry.one thing i disagree on the most is the "waste of time". i don't think any relationship or experience in this world is a waste of time. how can learning experiences be a waste of time? and wasting ones life pondering? how is one supposed to even learn anything if they don't ponder life....the good AND the bad?burberry8- you can't think of this as a waste of time or a waste of your life. you are going to learn and grow from it just like others. you say your situation is unique. i can understand it. you are tired of being there for others and just want to be taken care of for once. this feeling you have though can only lead to one thing. bitterness.in your situation now, i would like to quote someone who has influenced my life and died recently.... "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out". it's important to understand what this means and how to make the best of the way things turn out.people come in and out of our lives for different reasons. some come in quickly and leave quickly. some come in for a while and leave after a while. some come in for a very long time, and then leave. from my understanding of life and people, there is always a purpose for it. none of it is selfish though. what i mean by selfish is our wants in life....which become stronger the longer we aren't getting what we want which turn to bitterness and depression and feeling sorry for ourselves and it creates thoughts of why we are even living in the first place.maybe the purpose of this relationship you had was to just show you something in life you were always missing. giving you a taste of something to let you know it's out there. believe me it is. this man showed it to you.....but most importantly, there is someone else or other people that will ultimately fulfill you more long term. i say other people because maybe it's not anyone ONE person.i have seen so many people in relationships trying to chase down a dream of feeling loved or wanting someone to take care of them....and they fail. no one person in life can offer anyone complete happiness and love. oh, it's easy to find it as you have, but usually it's more short term than long term because there is more to life than being in a relationship or eventually getting married.so my suggestion to you is to know who you are. concentrate on what you have to offer this world and the people in it. concentrate on your natural abilities that leave you misunderstood sometimes. it's ok to be weak while hiding behind a mask trying to be strong, but don't ever be afraid to ask for help and support. you can feel alone, but the truth is, we are never alone.you say you are new to this country? what country? the users here are from many countries also, if you don't have any friends yet, don't fret, you WILL. in the meantime, why don't you start posting more here? i have met many people here and there are some good ones to get to know even though the forum is a little dead right now.are you an animal lover? get a dog or a cat if you are. they are GREAT for healing. don't worry about working right now unless money is tight. if it is, then you will need to push yourself to try to look for work. ANY work. anything to help keep your mind off things. you are used to being there for others? go out and look around where you can volunteer your time until you can get back on your feet. helping people can be VERY rewarding and there is no easier way to do that than volunteering your time to help others wether it's at a shelter or soup kitchen or somewhere else. it's also important to see how other people less fortunate are living. by your comment "god help me", you may may religious? so pick yourself up and go to church services whatever your religion is. i am not too religious myself but i do that churches or temples etc can offer something to people to help find their way sometimes. also, if you're going to ask for god's help, make damn sure you allow yourself to listen to him!one thing i used to like to do when i was depressed was sit outside alone where nobody can see me. i would open my ears and senses to nature. smell the roses. hear the birds sing. i loved the night and would stare at the stars, listen to the crickets. all the things that people take for granted and don't notice because they are too busy in life to appreciate the smaller things in life. one thing i used to do that made things worse though is watch movies and listen to music. it seemed when i did those things, it would be a reminder of what i was missing in life during that time. those things just made me more depressed. or even going out in public just to see the happiness in other people or the couples walking around holding hands. it just made things worse because i wanted to be happy, or i wanted to be holding hands with someone i loved. my point is, take this time to be alone. take this time to understand how life works. take this time to get to know yourself, love yourself and who you are. take this time to be happy about yourself and who you are. life get be a real *BLEEP* sometimes. sometimes it seems like quicksand and there is no exxcape in how we feel. but there IS! we just have to allow ourselves not to be destracted in life by what we see as negative. how can we see the good if we are always dwelling on the bad? we can't.and is the negative and the bad really negative and bad? i don't believe so since i believe life is truely a learning experience until we die. i have learned myself in how to take a bad situation and understand it to turn it around in to something good. i have learned to stop concentrating on what i don't have and concentrate on what i DO have.we have very little control in this life. we can't make people be there for us or stay in relationships. what we do have is control over our own lives and choices. it IS possible to love ourselves so much and be happy with who we are where we don't need someone else for those things. beling in a relationship should only compliment who we already are and where we are going in life. if it doesn't, then it wont be meant to last. only for the short term where two people get out of a relationship what they can before moving on. do you understand what i am trying to say here? i suck at putting thoughts to words. what it basically means is that it wasn't just this guys time to leave you, it was your time to leave him as well. there are other experiences you need to experience. you are meant for something that will be more fullfilling to you in the long runone big thing you need to do right now is open yourself up to those possibilities. if you don't close this door to this relationship, other doors will not open. that is a FACT and something a lot of people don't realize. just because this relationship didn't work out doesn't mean he did anything wrong or you did anything wrong. it just means it wasn't meant to be forever. take what you learned from it and be a stronger person for it. thank your god for the opportunity to feel loved so you can continue on this path of life for yourself to experience many more things you were meant to experience. close this door so you are able to walk through other doors that will DEFINATELY open for you if you allow that to happen. i know how hard it is to close a door. it has to happen over time. just keep in mind that you will eventually have to shut this door and the sooner the better. how do you shut a door on something that means so much to you? you do this by understanding yourself better. you do this by understanding other people better. you do this by understanding life a little better. eventually, you will come to realizations that you didn't lose in this relationship. you gained something from it to help you move on to new experiences that you were meant to live.keep your head up. and even though i know you want certain things from other people, don't ever stop being there for them. it's who you are. a part of you. life is funny and goes in cycles. it has it's ups and downs. we just have to learn how to deal with those times that make us feel like CRAP. when we start to learn how to deal with those times, life starts to become easier in a way because we understand life a little more....

Edited March 7, 2011 by anwiii (see edit history)

[burberry8 0]

anwiii - again thank you. i am in the Maldives just recently joined a very good company. i am trying my best to work even my situation was not good. Honestly, im doing what you suggested. i had a great night last night with my colleagues, though i did not share my feelings with them yet, i feel good hangging around with them. i can also easily befriend to anyone. that is one of the best i do. making friends! you are right there is a lot of things that i miss to do for myself. i have focused my whole world with him alone. I realized that in 7 years, i have not checked on the things i want to do. things that i should have done long time. some of those are to learn tennis, fish, be a certified diver, drive a speed boat! to learn a 3rd language. to bake, really a lot! how i wish i can get a dog too. but pets are not allowed in the island. before i always say that i feel more depressed because im in the island feel so alone but i realized that God sent me here because He wants me to be in a place where i can easily heal. i should make every might when i am alone appreciating the things around me, the sound of the sea, the blow of the wind, the stars at night, the chirping of birds and all.... so relaxing and peaceful. i am in paradise! before i used to ask myself why i am here. i have a lot of good offers from other 5 star hotels in othr countries but i chose Maldives. and now i know why.Thank you anwiii, your words have helped me alot honestly..... i am in the right place to do the things that i want to learn. i have not realized it until you said so. there is really a reason for everything. i am hurting but i know i will get over this soon. thank you so much.

[NateP 1]

Burberry8 from what I have read here in the previous posts I can say that I have felt very much the way you do currently. I was in love with someone who didn't love me back. I tried everything I could think of to catch their attention and with every failed attempt I felt worse. As Anwiii has already mentioned, it is best to move on, to meet new people, to keep busy, and to try to focus on the present and not the past.In my experience I spent years trying to make the other person notice me, to make them feel about me the way I felt about them. I now know that effort was wasted. I only made things worse for myself. I unintentionally turned the love I felt into desperation and hopelessness. I myself am also religious and after years of feeling worthless, depressed, unloved, and unwanted, I realized the truth. The truth is simply this, everything happens for a reason, you may not know what the reason is, you may not even like it, but once you get to where you were meant to be you will finally feel the relief you seek.Two years after I decided to move on with my life and try to forget, I met my wife. Now my wife and I have been happily married for 10 years and are still very much in love. The love I feel for my wife is vastly stronger than the love I felt for that other person in my past. I could not have reached this point however without the painful experience from my past. I could not have seen how blessed I am to have my wife without the pain of the past. It hurt but it taught me how to truely love.My experiences are no doubt very different from your own, but I am sure that the feelings you are experiencing are very similar. I know it feels like everything has suddenly come to a grinding halt. I know that empty feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you feel like getting sick. I know that every day right now seems like fighting a war single handedly. But try as best you can to hold your head up, to look forward and not back, and to enjoy all that God has provided for you. It hurts for a long time, but it will get better.Remember that even though this seems like a set back, better things may come from this event. In my case I found the true love of my life, that can happen to you also. Just try and be strong and God bless.

[anwiii 17]

thanks for the post man. what you said is so true. to hear real life experiences is a lot better than telling them to "keep your chin up" or "it will be ok".in your situation though, i don't think it was a waste of time. i think your past helped you to be where you are now....even through all the hurt. there is something said for not giving up. some people who have gotten out of relationships don't have it in them to trust again and enter in to a new one. their self esteem is broken even if they did nothing wrong and didn't have to do with them.i have been in the relationships in the past that have ended. i broke two of them off myself and the second one, SHE broke it off. each one was a sad ending but i can't say they were a waste because each one prepared me for the next one and i am a better person because of all of them.i can't say i am perfect though or understand women fully yet. they are still a strange breed but it's been a fascinating ride trying to understand them, myself, and life in general. i also know a piece of me will always be with them as a piece of them will always be with me.thanks again for posting about your experiences. sometimes i feel alone trying to be empathetic around here. it's important for others to realize that they aren't alone and that other people have experienced the same feelings even if they didn't experience the same things. congrats on your 10 years of marriage. i am sure it will last your lifetime!even in fairy tales, people had to go through tremendous hardships before the fairy tale became a reality. life isn't supposed to be easy. if it was meant to be easy, what would be the purpose of living? absolutely none. each experience prepares us for our next one and in the end, we are better people.

[Hurt4love 2]

burberry8 - To tell you the truth, I did not know where to start replying to your thread or even if I am the best one to post a reply because I don't want to give you a clouded view of the situation. But your words moved me and I feel strongly your hurt because I can relate to you. I had been there before where you are now and that is not too long ago. I was in a similar position to yours 9 months ago. Let me just say to you now that what anwiii said to you is something I believe fully because he said it to me when I was going through my break up. He promised me that it gets easier over time even though it is hard to believe that now. Trust him when he says that because it is true. Ironically, we can never understand how it gets easier. For one thing, I have a theory which many don't agree with but burberry8, I tell you now you are the chosen one! You might wonder how could this be true and I will explain how. God doesn't give you more than you can handle and this is why each one of us goes through different experiences because God knows the limits of how much each one of us can handle. The more you are burdened by hurt and strong hurtful experiences, the more you are chosen by God to handle those situations because he put his trust in you. He knows you are strong to handle it. That is why I say you are the chosen one because he chose you to deal with this huge amount of pain. I am not saying to sit back and enjoy the pain. Not at all, I am just saying trust in god just as he entrusted you with this burden. Be patient and trust that he will help you ease this pain away because he knows you are strong. And YOU ARE burberry8. You can get over this over time I promise you. Just give yourself time to mourn your sorrow and pain. What you are going through right now is something that you will feel for a while but you can make it more tolerable by tossing away everything that will make you remember. Trust me dear, I know that it is the memories that haunt you and kill you. These were 7 years of memories. You remember what he said in this situation, or you remember where you went on this day or even special moments you both had. It is the memories that create ulcers inside you and make you toss and turn at night or cry yourself to sleep. That is why you need to toss away everything that reminds you of your time together. Begin with his pictures. The streets used to even remind me of him, my car even reminded me of him and our times together. Movies were killers to me when I would watch a couple in movies and remember my ex. Even when songs played on the radio I used to remember my ex and start hurting again. I had a relationship with my ex for 4 years where we were even engaged to be married. I thought with all my heart that he was the one but what I realize now is I was blinded from the truth because he was never the one. There were many aspects in that relationship that proved to be wrong for me and even painful for me to be with my ex but I was not able to see that back then because I was entrapped in the relationship blinded by my emotions. Something inside me felt wrong so many times but I could never see it or feel it back then. He came to me at a time when my father was on his death bed in a coma and said to me he does not love me and never did. A month later I found out he was cheating on me months before he broke up with me. So trust me darling, I know how you feel and I speak from an experience that is similar to yours. I posted here 9 months ago because I also was alone, worried about my dad and fearing for his life and dealing with my break up at the same time. My family did not understand what I was going through because they were in a shock themselves. My siblings are too young and inexperienced so they never understood either. I found myself going through this pain all alone. But I allowed some people inside my circle like my best friend and friends here on Xisto that helped me go through this pain with their support. My break up pain took longer than it should for me to start healing because I tried to stop the process. I tried to block the mourning process and block my tears, I tried to even put on my strength hat and act like nothing happened and soon I realized I was making it worse. Don't try to stop what you are feeling, this is my advice to you. Let it be as the Beatles say. Let your heart ache and let your tears falls. This is all supposed to happen afterall, this was a 7 year relationship and your heart is broken it is only natural to feel this pain. I know you are crying yourself to sleep most of the time, and I know you are feeling like your whole world collapsed. If anything, you feel shattered to pieces inside you and you feel so empty that you don't know what your life is going to be or even what your future looks like because your future plans and goals included him all along. Listen to me now and try to feel what I am going to say. He was attracted to you because of what is inside you. You have a burning flame making you unique and he loved that part of you. Surely he did or he would not have been with you for 7 years. Now try to look inside you for that burning flame that make you YOU. What makes you who you are? What were your dreams and goals that kept you going all along? Focus on YOU my dear. It is not about him anymore, it is about YOU. I realized after my break up that I lost a part of me just by being with my ex. For us to be together I had to kill a very important part and I did and this is why it did not work. Had I ended up with my ex I would die because I would no longer have that charming side of me that make me special. That part was my passion for my dreams and my childish side of me that makes people around me smile. I reached a point when we broke up that I did not know who I am or what I wanted to become and I swore then That I will never let anyone kill that part of me anymore not even if it was me. I went back to college and started studying what I put on hold for him. I went back to enjoying the simplest things in life like I used to before I met my ex. Things like swinging in the park and taking a walk in nature or even just the simple thing as watching a movie and relaxing after a very long day. I no longer do things for my ex only while ignoring my own self. It is not his fault it is just who he is, someone that wants all the attention in the relationship. He took me for granted because I allowed him to and I gave in to his demanding needs and never thought for a minute about what I needed but kept focusing on what he needed. Soon after we broke up I started thinking of how I had ignored my poor self for 4 years. I am a movie maker and I had not even thought about making movies the whole time I was with him. I am a writer and I put my novel on hold and left it unfinished the whole time we were together. I literally ignored what I am meant to be just to make his business go well and If I were to blame anyone I would blame my emotions that blinded my judgement back then. So look inside you my dear and look at all the things you wanted to be and who you are and nourish that part of you. I know for a fact that there is a part inside you that needs nurturing and only you can do that. I would also like to advise you not to think of a counter situation where he would come back. Let me tell you now that even if he did come back (which is unlikely), things will never be the same. I know this because when my ex broke up with me the first time, he came back few days later and said he wanted us to try again. But nothing was ever the same. and I was really setting myself up for another heart break knowing something has already been broken in the relationship. In your case your heart has been broken by his declaration of not being in love with you anymore and by saying there is someone else in his life. You will never be able to trust him ever again the way you used to and the pain that you felt in your heart will always linger every now and then if you ever get back together. So you need to believe that this option is out of the question. You need to tell that subconscious part of you that this relationship is over and that he will never be back in the picture. I know it is so hurtful especially when this subconscious is creating this idea to ease the pain but the sooner you relaize that the relationship is over, the faster your healing process will be and the sooner your process of letting go will be. I know this is harsh on you to realize but you need to do that so you are more in the here and now... And Let me tell you now, even though I still hate to even think about my past relationship because it brings inside me anger for what I gave up all these years, I know deep inside me that I know how important my talents and gifts are to me because of what I had been through with my ex. Had I not been through that experience I probably would have never understood how important writing and making movies are to me. I probably would have never understood how important the childish person inside me is, that person that likes to sing with the birds and believes that the world is a good place. Surely life is difficult but without that innocent belief I know I cannot smile and in turn I cannot help others with just my smile. I had to go through this because I needed to know myself better. And now I know too another reason why I needed to go through this. After my ex, I thought I will never love again. But I met someone who made my heart sing and brought happiness to my life. someone I know is my Mr. Right because he pushes me to achieve my dreams and be who I always wanted to be. It is a gut feeling inside you that tells you he is the one. Something I did not feel with my ex. I understood what true love is now with the person I love today because it is far more magnified and intensified than I ever felt. I know for a fact that I appreciate this man today more and love him more than anything in this world because of what I had been through because I know he is everything I love and he is perfect for me. It is hard to admit but I know this because of my previous relationship. I also understand now that being a writer and filmmaker, I needed that experience to relate to my characters and the stories I am building. So again with patience you will see the light soon.This is all because I believed in myself and I want you to promise me that you will believe in yourself too. We are all not perfect but we are meant to be something. You were both not meant to be. But you have to believe in fate. What is meant to be for you is far greater and better than what you had with this guy. To be able to move on you need to believe that. You need to do some soul searching right now and look inside you to realize what you want to be. Once you do, then you need to know what steps to take to pursue your destiny of who you are. One more thing, one day you never know when, you will find true happiness with someone who you really deserve. It will come when you least expect it. I found true love when I wasn't looking for it and when I least expected to find it. I don't know how much my words helped you. I truly hope that by at least telling you my experience that I was able to offer some kind of help. Just remember you are not alone. I know you will have other members here for you when you need to vent. But between us girls I know sometimes a girl in this situation needs to open up and vent and I am here if you need anything. Don't hesitate to write me a PM anytime you need to let out those bottled feelings you have. And anytime you feel the need to feel sorry for yourself, it is ok and it is very natural to feel that way right now. Trust me on this, there is nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself right now and mourning your broken heart. I really hope your pain goes away because I know you deserve to be happy. Just believe in yourself! We are here for you

Edited March 11, 2011 by Hurt4love (see edit history)

[burberry8 0]

hurt4love - everything that you said is true, i am experiencing that all. as in! wherever i go, it reminds me of him. everything! thank you so much for sharing your experience. it helped me alot. i am in the stage now of realizing that i missed a lot of things. good things for myself. you know what? i have lived the 7 years focusing on him. my whole world turned with him alone. there were alot of things that i have not done because i always wanted to be with him, just with him. just the 2 of us. and the past days i realized that there is really a reason for everything. sometimes, i m thinking if the 7 years was really a worthwhile years. for both of us. or we were just both trapped in the relationship which everybody thought a great one? did we both grow with it through the years. i always want to learn things. before i met him i used to go to short term classes to learn. i want to learn things but i was not able to do that. i have no regrets of the 7 years being with him. He had loved me very much. Took good care of me. he treated me like a princess. But i cannot say that he is my Mr right because there were problems and most of the problems were money matters. some will say it is just money matters, it can still be earned. but what had happened was trend of money problems already. i knew that it is not normal anymore but i stayed and hold on with the relationship. thank you for all the reminders, and you are right i am still thinking of the what if he will come back. well, wanting him to come back. and i think i should not expect it right? i know too that damaged had been done and it will really be diffcult to get back the trust. but there is also a so called, love is sweeter the second time around right? hmmm... i think i am still not moving on... that is why im so thankful that there are people like anwiii and now you to talk too....in time, in God's time everything will be answered. for now, i will start thinking about myself. my own good, do the things that i wanted to do for myself. i will not expect for anything.i dont know but i felt tired already. i feel so so tired that i just want to live the everday because i am still waking up in the morning and need to face the day! maybe one of the phases of the healing process... but i miss him so much.

[Hurt4love 2]

I know you miss him and I know how much you are hurting right now. I know how much you loved him and it is not going to be easy I know that. In this life you will be faced with many situations where you are going to get hurt. There will be times when even if there are people that love you, you will still find yourself alone and the only person you can count on is YOU. that is why you need to start focusing on yourself because you will always need to be there for yourself even when others are there for you. You know that noone will understand the situation better than you and noone can feel what you feel. You need to nurture and nourish yourself for yourself. So you can go through life no matter what happens. Even when you are with the best person on this earth, you will need to find peace in yourself and be strong for yourself. I have to admit my love for my ex turned into hate for a while. I let my feelings surface and I allowed myself to hate him. But it was not destroying him, it was destroying me. I let go of that hate recently because of what it was doing to me. Now I decided to forgive him and decided to let go of my hatred. Sure I don't like him but I don't hate him. I feel sorry for him because he did not know any better and because he will live his life making the same mistakes over and over again. I know what it feels like to be lied to and betrayed. I try to continue making the decisions that are going to help me become a better person. You need to do that. You need to try and understand things about yourself and you need to be there for yourself. I can't tell you it is easy to trust again. I still have trust issues. But I try and it is so hard. Trust is not something you can just decides. But it is deeply rooted inside you and I tell you it is not easy at all when people that you used to trust betray you. we all make mistakes but trust issues and trusting people again is the most difficult thing ever. But the only way is if you trust yourself. That is the only way to build trust again. Trust yourself and try to never give up. Try to build it slowly and continue to do things for yourself so you can save your own soul. Alot of things happened to you in that relationship and you need to mend the pieces inside you so take your time but always look inside you and understand yourself. That is the only way you can build up what was broken. And no my dear he is not coming back. Don't try to think about it at all right now. Just take a breather and treat yourself. Do things that you wanted to do for a long time. Make new friends. Go out and explore the world. Do the things you put on hold before you met him. Start pampering yourself because you are priortiy. You deserve the best and you need to look after yourself.

Edited March 13, 2011 by Hurt4love (see edit history)

[iGuest 3]

i am feeling better now. i am making my everyday busy. and honestly, i can go to sleep now without drinking i am receiving sms, missed calls and offline messages from him. but i dont want to reply to any of those. i dont know but the past days i feel better on the things im doing for myself. making time for the things i want to do. i admit that sometimes i wanted to answer his calls but i have hesitations. i dont know why. i dont know if am i afraid that he just want a closure or am i afraid that he wants to come back. for now i just dont want to talk to him.i have realized alot of things, so many things, so many good things that i missed. and so many not so good things that i just ignored. i do not want anyone else to break me apart again. thank you guys for all the advises...