Why Would People Rather Be Cowards Than Be Honest? Cant people just come clean about their feelings and opinions?

[Hurt4love 2]

Well here's the thing, I've noticed that many people would state something or take a very firm stand about a certain situation and then when faced with it again they would rather coward away and change their words instead of standing up and be responsible for what they believe in. For example, a group of four friends who had been good friends for some time. When each person is making a statement to one friend in the group about the other friends in the group he/she would state all the negative points and feelings openly behind the people's back. However, when the three other people face him/her with the comments he/she stated about them, he/she would deny that he/she said anything like that and would totally change what has been said. And what pisses me off more is that everyone of those kind of dishonest people claims being honest and open. I mean seriously wouldn't people rather hear the plain painful truth right in their face than being lied to by someone who put on a face of sweetness and acts all nice in front of them but speaks about them in a very ill manner from behind their backs?

I've seen a lot of people who speak badly about even their own friends when their friends are not around and to who? To people who they've just met! I think this is plain cruel. If I felt negative or bad towards someone or if i am upset with one of my friends for any reason, I would rather confront them with it and if they are truly my friends they would understand that I am doing this to ease all negativity out of the way and own up to what i say or feel and mostly because I am not a HYPOCRITE! Don't people care about hypocrisy anymore or whether or not they act hypocritical towards others?

I believe many people would rather make coward statements about many others thinking they can get away with it but when push comes to shove and the people they have talked about confront them, they feel anxious and try to get away from the unpleasant situation by making up excuses and lying about their true feelings or what they had truly said behind the other people's backs. So why did they something bad about them in the first place if they don't even have the guts to own up to what they say?

I don't know i just felt like starting this thread because I went through a very weird experience today with a dishonest group of people and what is worse is even when I confronted them, they claimed that they are the most honest group of people I could ever meet! I mean if this is honest, what is dishonesty in their eyes? I would like to hear what others think of this issue as well. I found it interesting. Perhaps someone has an explanation of such situations which I yet cannot understand.

Any thoughts on this?

[web_designer 7]

unfortunately, there are a lot of people who act like that. and you shouldn't be so upset hurt4love because now "masks off" and you knew who exactly these people ?are. even this can make you angry and disappointed but in the same time you should be happy because you find out the truth about them.about finding an explanation, well, in my opinion there is none, no excuse of being a liar or a hypocrite. if you have trouble or a bad opinion about somebody, face him face to face, not in an rude way but say what do you think of him directly to him. not behind his back and deny everything latter. that is unfair and extremely ?coward behavior. hope you won't meet more of this kind any more, and if you going to meet more, be sure to stay away from them.

[anwiii 17]

i hear ya. personally, i think when people say one thing in one situation and then the complete opposite when in another situation is just wrong in my opinion. i have met people like this before and i can only stand so much of it before i put in my two cents about the words of hypocrits. also there is a big difference between a private conversation among two friends and a group of people. sometimes it ok to tell a good friend what you don't like about another person without it getting back to the other person to protect the feelings of that person, but when something is discussed among more than one person, to me, it gets labeled as gossip and you really have to wonder why they would say something different if the one they were talking about was in their presence. i mean, why would they go out of their way to gossip bad things about people and then turn around to try and protect their friendship by hiding how they really feel? doesn't make sense to me. people are cowards and insecure. sometimes they even think they are better than other people. to go out of their way to convince others that they are honest when doing something as dishonest as lying to another friend or hiding the truth is not a friend at all.personally, i can't stand these types of people and i choose for my own self not to associate with these types of people. it can only lead to trouble in the long run. i wouldn't want anyone else trying to associate me with this type of group either as it just gives a bad name all around when the truth finally comes out.....and the truth always finds a way to show itself eventually. the thing about "true" friends is that trust has been built where one can always give constructive critisisms and talk about the negative openly. when friends can't do that, then i would suspect it really isn't a "true" friend relationship.i have personally called people on their lies before about others they say are their friends. they don't like it so they limit what they say when they are around me it's funny actually. it's fine. i was never one to feed in to the gossip people spread about others. some people thrive on it. ofcourse, i have kept secrets at my own discretion when talking one on one with people. i feel that is different than something discussed among a group were privacy isn't an issue.

[Hurt4love 2]

Well I know not everyone is nice in this world but it is always better when you can trust people because you know they are not hypocrites. In this example, each one says something different to the other friend, so you end up with 4 different versions of the same story. It's tiresome to put up with those things when you are way past Middle School and you feel that some people behave like kids. Maybe I am just getting old I become less tolerant to those things because the daily life is already full of stressful events and no one needs to put up with such issues. Especially when the whole group of friends is made up of supposedly mature and responsible friends. So where does the maturity disappear to in such cases? But yeah well this is by no means friendship if trust is no longer there am I right? I feel that trust is the basis of everything. For example if there is no trust in a love relationship then there is no relationship at all. So if the trust disappeared from the friendship then where did the friendship go? I don't know I am just in a philosophical mood today. But thank you WD and anwiii for contributing to this post and making it a whole lot more interesting!

Edited June 12, 2010 by Hurt4love (see edit history)

[web_designer 7]

Maybe I am just getting old I become less tolerant to those things because the daily life is already full of stressful events and no one needs to put up with such issues.

well, i know you are kidding here, but i want to make a point about that, because nowadays i saw many who thinks that it is fashionable to do such stupid behavior. i really think that being old or young never change anything about your beliefs in life. this is something related to morals, values in life, about what you want from others and what you expect from them. if they are your friends , they should be honest with you and you should do that for them. as you said before TRUST is a very important factor in friendship, if you can't trust them then how are you going to share them your thoughts or dreams?

unfortunately, this happens a lot these days, you trust someone and assume him/her as a friend and after that you found out he is not trustful. i really hope not to meet any of this type again in my life and hope you will too hurt4love, good luck honey.

[Hurt4love 2]

You're absolutely right WD!!!!!! And yes i was kidding

[web_designer 7]

You're absolutely right WD!!!!!!

i know   and i know you know that too, but sometimes people need support to keep their faith inside strong and alive.

i really hope your life turn to best from now and on. recently you experienced a lot of bad actions in your life, and you've been strong enough to face them all, proud of you. keep on going you are doing a great job.

[chini13 11]

People are scared of rejection when they are truthful.Fear to loose make them dishonest and they hide the truth.It take a lot of courage to he honest and accept what you are and what you have done.may be anything.

[web_designer 7]

People are scared of rejection when they are truthful.Fear to loose make them dishonest and they hide the truth.It take a lot of courage to he honest and accept what you are and what you have done.may be anything.

well, if  they are scared of being hurt then they should be careful, and watching their steps until they make sure to trust others. but being untruthful and not honest is no excuse to what they are doing.

in fact, being untruthful and honest with others will send them away as soon as they find out the truth, and they will loose a true chance of having friends but they ruin it because of their untruthfully behavior.

[chini13 11]

well, if they are scared of being hurt then they should be careful, and watching their steps until they make sure to trust others. but being untruthful and not honest is no excuse to what they are doing.
in fact, being untruthful and honest with others will send them away as soon as they find out the truth, and they will loose a true chance of having friends but they ruin it because of their untruthfully behavior.

This is true webby , this is what is to be learned and understood that relationships are not momentary they are made to be kept forever.It is necessary to be honest and present your actual self to maintain the relationship in long term and keep the faith.If you are truthful at present it will strengthen the relationship in longterm.Nothing can then come and spoil this relationship

[Baniboy 3]

I mean seriously wouldn't people rather hear the plain painful truth right in their face than being lied to by someone who put on a face of sweetness and acts all nice in front of them but speaks about them in a very ill manner from behind their backs?

Sadly enough, no. Actually, in many cases, people actually choose lies (to get lied to and to lie) as a way out of truth. People lie and accept lies all the time. To be able to not accept BS and not talk BS requires being extremely realist. And I've found that because most are nothing near realists, one cannot be either without ruining his/her relationships. So I keep my criticism about people and their lies to myself. I've actually thought about writing about the general BS that is fed to people nowadays, or start a blog about it.
I have a few 'friends' that talk behind people's backs. Mostly not about people inside the friend circle, but sometimes yes, that too. I usually don't want to get involved and often try to change the subject. I do think that they talk behind my back, too, as my personality is too much of a realist and easy to mock when I'm not around (I'd answer back if I was present, I know this because I have, and they didn't like it that much haha).

Anyways, my point, lies keep people happy and in line. When we go into individual ones like in H4L's friend circle for example, they may be a disaster. I think everyone of your friends should tell each other how they feel, even if it did end up breaking your friendships. Often when telling the truth, respect is lost. And you view of the person's thoughts and 'friendliness' changes.