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Terko

Religion And Nationality - Does It Matters?

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I have one very nice fren of mine, we met last summer in OC, MD. She was working in DD, so we met there and I found that she's student from Russia and came here for summer. So I liked her a lot, we realy were frens...So I decide to acquaint her with ma fren (he also was from Russia but for that time he was already citizen of USA) ...So, great romance started)))) And everything were fine...but in September she had to go back to Russia, but they decide that she will come back next summer and will stay with him. Forever. I was very glad that two my frens find each other and they are going to get married...But month ago I received an email from her where she was crying and telling me that she met someone, in I-net...She met a guy from her work (I mean from DD) who was in love with her during all summer, but he never dare to tell her about his feelings...So, they start chatting...And with every day she realizing that her feelings to this person are developing with every single day...And that she is not sure whether she want to spend all her life with ma fren (russian guy). She said she dont love him and dont want to hurt him pretending her real feelings. So, I said, ok...what's the problem?? And than she told me that guy is from Nepal, and he probably has different religion (but he told that he dont have any religion) and she is –°hristian and because of it she's lil bit confused, but she love him very much. And now she's going to go back to USA, but she want to stay separately and develop relationship with nepali guy. So, my question is: what is better - to stay with the guy of the same origin and religion but without love feelings? To try to love him at list by her "brains" or to try to go ahead against all social barriers and to try to be happy with person with whom she's realy in love? Is it better to be sorry about thing u did rather about thing u have never try? I just want ma fren to be happy, coz she deserve it, I know it for sure, and I cant stand looking at her while she torturing herself. What should I advice her?

Edited by Terko (see edit history)

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my best advice is for her to play the field and not be committed to anyone right now. also, i wouldn't suggest jumping in to any marriage either. she's still young and going to school. she seems confused when she can say she wants to marry someone one minute and second guess herself the next minute after she met some other guy. decisions shouldn't be based on confusion and marriage shouldn't be taken lightly. it's for the rest of ones life.also, i have to be a little suspicious of someone who comes for a summer and makes plans to marry. that is WAY to soon to know about a lifetime commitment. some foreiners will try to trap others just to marry. once they are a citizen, they will divorce. so all this confusion with your friend and false commitments and cheating on someone she said she would marry leaves me VERY suspicious of that.all in all though, she should follow her heart and see where that takes her. decisions should be based on location or religion if two people love eachother. love doesn't create happiness though. if you just want her happiness, then you should tell her to look around and be gratefull and happy for what she has NOW and not compare happiness to love or finding a guy. she is hurting this other guy and that isn't fair to him. he deserves to be happy tooso she should just play the field. at the same time, follow her heart until she is sure of what she wants. once she is sure, she should stop talking to other guys and commit herself to one.

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why marry so fast? that is my question you just said that it is just new and not have a year since you only mention the time"SUMMER" so it's new. however if they really love each other they will do give more time to each other,and she is still studying so she must focused on studying first.If he really love the person even if they have different nationalities and religion that's fine and it doesn't matter butbe sure that they are ready to accept once differences because if they don't I am afraid that there is something badthat is going to happen.If she really give matter to the religion or nationalities, tell her that "There's a lot of man".

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Thanks Anwii for ur reply. But what is very weird to me that first I also thought that she just looking for possibility to stay in USA, and after that she found a great chanse - russian who already is citizen (and he love her!), so that she can make a fake marriage or smth else in that way...But lil bit later I realized: she's not that kind of girls...she's really nice and sweet. And now she refused from everything - citizenship, own house, better job, ect. Now she want to do everything by herself and , by the way, she is not going to get marry with that nepali guy in near future, as she said, for the beginning just daiting...She just feel guilt to her "fiance" and fear before great changes...I adviced her not to talk neither to her russian, nor to nepali during some time...and to try to listen to her heart. I hope she will make a right decision, I mean accoring to her heart's voice. P.S. One more thing. Once she said "I think its better to be sorry about things u did rather to feel sorry about things u even didnt try to do, am not gonna feel sorry about anything i did, i will just try to learn ma life lessons and never to do the same mistake again"...is it strong life position or whim of youth?? I think that people who has such "life theory" accept life and things much easier. And they are very courage if they dare to do any great changes...Should we cheer such people or try to inculcate rules and types of behavior of our society? Im afraid she is an bright example of such people.

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yea, that's good advice. sometimes it's good to take a break from everything when one is confused.

and she seems pretty insightfull. life IS a learning experience. we all make mistakes and it's important to learn from them. with that outlook, one wont have to look in their past to regret their choices. there is a moral line though that should be drawn with that thinking because people can use that excuse to cover up their own errors quite easily where in fact their choices hurt others when they DON'T learn from their mistakes. such as her fiance. if i were him, i would dump her. she wouldn't be worth my time after she made a commitment and broke it. people should have to wait their whole life for someone to get unconfused....even when they love them.

that's just me though. that's why it is REALLY important for this girl to not be confused and not make choices when she is confused. taking a break is good because she should really start figuring out what SHE wants out of life that doesn't have anything to do with a man....unless she just wants to stay barefoot and pregnant and raise kids the rest of her life. once she can figure out what SHE wants out of life, she can find a guy that will be supportive and complimentary to her and find someone they she as well can be supportive towards and complimentary to his life. a true couple that has much more to the definaition than just love or a crush.

I adviced her not to talk neither to her russian, nor to nepali during some time...and to try to listen to her heart. I hope she will make a right decision, I mean accoring to her heart's voice.
P.S. One more thing. Once she said "I think its better to be sorry about things u did rather to feel sorry about things u even didnt try to do, am not gonna feel sorry about anything i did, i will just try to learn ma life lessons and never to do the same mistake again"...is it strong life position or whim of youth?? I think that people who has such "life theory" accept life and things much easier. And they are very courage if they dare to do any great changes...Should we cheer such people or try to inculcate rules and types of behavior of our society? Im afraid she is an bright example of such people.


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