The Worst Year Of My Life! I Truly Married A Monster Sorry so long and probably not for some readers it will make you sick

[krazygoddess 0]

Sorry everyone again that this post is so long but it needed to be done I needed to get it all out and why not if I need to write it or type it to get it off my mind there is no better place then Xisto.


Well where to begin I have debated about even posting this but I have alot I need to let out and I feel it is easier on here instead of face to face with someone, And yes I feel this post should be here and not in the vent, although it is a little of both. For those of you that have been here a while you may or may not remember some of my posts thery also were kinda long. But anyway I wills start from the begining on how this last year has gone for me. I feel like I have been to hell and back.

My name is Alison I am 37yrs old and A mother of 4 beautiful children that I would die for. 18,17,6, and 5. Two marriages. I thought life was pretty good I was in my new marriage for a little over 5 years at this time last year. And then about this time last year the day before Thanksgiving to be exact my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and not given but a few months to live, Life got pretty upsetting and pretty hard after that I was juggling taking care of my family and spending as much time with my mother as I could and trying to take care of her when her husband was working. As the doctors predicted her time was short sadly and god bless her she died march 20th and her service was one week later. As of that is not hard enough for a person to go through that was probably one of the easiest times of the year. The day after my mothers service I was at home with my now 17 yr old husband was away at work and I was on the computer, (desktop) my husband had a laptop that he didnt like to let the kids on, well you know how persistant kids can be and she jsut kept bugging me mom please I just wanted to check my messages he will never know I will get right back off it. Ok I gave in its not that big of a deal. Well to my surprise it was a huge deal. When my daughter opened his laptop he was signed into myspace and his email section was open well I didnt know this yet and for any of you that have kids you know they can be snoopy. something caught her eye in the tittle of one of the messages so she opened it and this is where my hell truley began. My daughter was afraid to tell me but she did and what she told me I was shocked. I know it was probably an invasion of his privacy but its something that probably saved our lives. (My husband was a truckdriver family owned business it was he and his dad.) What I found in his myspace emails was that he had many girlfriends in a couple different states, one of the worst things I read was to a girl he was seeing in Montana. He wrote her and I quote

I'm sorry im not there yet I had to stay home and watch my brats while my ex's mother dies slowly

OMG EX?? The first thing going threw my head was how did I not suspect or see any signs of this? Well believe it or not this is still not the worst it gets tons worse, I wont get into the details of all the letters and all the girlfriends but there were a few even one in our town that was a bartender right around the corner from where we lived. Any way as I sit there shocked and bawling my daughter comes to me and says mom I am so sorry but there is something else I need to tell you. She says remember a couple weeks ago when my friend nicole was here staying the night, we were in the bathroom doing our hair and makeup on so we could go to the mall and Chris (hubby) had left his cell phone in the bathroom. So we decided we were gonna text our friends and let them know we would be to the mall in about an hour and then erase or texts so he didnt know. She says (again nosey teens) She saw a message tittle that caught her eye and she read it and it was very explicit I cannot say here what it said but I can say it was the two of them saying what they wanted to do to eachother again sexually when they met back up. Bye this time I was in hysterics I called him on his cell I said nothing about the myspace letters at this time but confronted him about the messages on his phone, of course he denied it. So then things got heated up and I told him about his computer and that I let my daughter get on it and what we found, He of curse tried to deny it. I said well if you can come home and show me that I am wrong and didnt read the things I saw in there then you are welcome home, IF YOU CANT DO THAT YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HOME! Well of course he did not come home. And once again things progressed to get worse. when I was done on the phone with him a hour or so went by and my now 17yr old came to me and said mom there is more I need to tell you. Now this is where it gets real bad. Now its just not me bawling my daughter is like in a complete meltdown crying her eyes out, She says mom I need to tell you something. A few months ago chris and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie you were already in bed and he had, had a few beers he started tickiling me and then he kinda touched my boob with his arm she said I thought nothing of it thought it was an accident we continued watching the movie then after a while he started tickling me again and grabbing my boobs, she said I was in shock and told him to stop and I came and got in bed with you, and it never happened again. I dont even know how to explain what happened next it was a mess I didnt think my brain could handle all the thoughts and things going though it at that moment. All these bells and whistles just started going off in my head and I jsut knew that there was somthing there between him and my oldest daughter. My now 17 yr old left for a few hours to go down to her dads house. My oldest came home a couple hours later and I was unsure how to approach her I had been thinking on it for a while and I finally just told her what I learned about her sister and if anything like that had happened to her. She told me no. But I could tell bye the way she said it and was acting that there was something there, I asked her again I begged her I told her it would be alright and that it wasnt her fault, but that I needed to know. She stood by her story and said there was nothing there. I didnt know what to do next or what to believe. anyway for the while until I decided what to do next I let it go. A couple hours later my other daughter the one who told me everything called from her dads and asked me for a ride home. I of course went to pick her up and on the way home I pulled over and started crying and said Jessie I need your help, I cant do this alone I think something has been going on between your older sister and Chris, She turned to me and said mom she is gonna be upset about me telling you this but yes there has been something he has been molesting her I didnt know until a few months ago when he tried with me I went to her and told her about it and asked her if anything like that had happened to her, And long story short she told her yes and that he has been molesting her for a while now and was threatening her and she was scared to death to tell and made Jessica promise she wouldnt say anything to me. I was completely and 100% hysterical and mortified I had no where to turn I had jsut lost my mother. Anyway I continued home and thought about how I was gonna confront her on this and I was a little sneaky the way I went about it but it needed to be done. I was calm when we got there sat down for a minute and said ashley I need to talk to you a minute can you please come in my bedroom with me, I lied I sat her down on the bed and said ashley I was talking on the phone to chris when I went to pick up your sister and he screwed up he slipped up reall bad and let it out that something has happened between you and him and I need to know sissy I know its gonna be hard but I need to know when where how many times and all of that. Well of course my daughter broke down and was crying nonstop and spilled her guts it had happened about 6 times and started when she was 16. I didnt know what to do bye the time we calmed down and I could get my witts about me at all I knew I had to call the police, bye this time it was about 2 am but I called anyway When he arrived I told him what was going on and he talked to each of my daughters one by one outside and told me we needed to get down to the courthouse immediately first thing in the morning. I couldnt sleep well out all I bawled my eyes out until abouot 630 that morning then I finally fell asleep. It was about 1130 AM when I awoke I got ready had my daughter get ready and as we were getting ready to go to the courthouse there was a knock on the door and it was a sexual assault detective so we had to go through the same thing we did the night before he talked to us all seperately, I told him about all the emails in his myspace also and he asked me for them (which by the way I was smart enough to forward them all to my email address I dont knwo what made me do it but glad I did) So I took his card and sent him all the myspace emails from him and his girlfriends. Anyway this part is kinda drawn out and boring so I wont go into detail but we spent 3 days in a row down at the courts and didnt get anything accomplished. The only thing they would do for me was give my oldest a protection order that would keep him outta the house while she was there, well to me that was not good enough what about me what about my little ones that are his kids also, He did not need to be around any of us. I told the judge well then I am not takeing my young ones to school to find out when I go to pick them up that he had already been there and taken them, and that judge looked at me and said

Then you will have to deal with the consiquences of your children not being in school.

Omg I couldnt believe this was happening and that we were given so little help and protection bye the law. But I looked at that judge and said thats fine they are in headstart and it is not required for kids to take headstart. And we left and went home again I was just moritfied and what little protection we got I did not feel safe in the house was worried he could come back at anytime. At this point I have not confronted him about molesting my daughters. He doesnt call anymore and we jsut sit around and wait scared to death a couple weeks go bye and Its sunday April 6th my birthday. My mother in law called (who I just adore and love to death) and I didnt know what to do or say to her and I thought the best was just to tell the truth so I told her I really need to talk to you and you may hate me after this phone call. I spilled my guts to her cried the whole time. After the conversation she said in a calm voice for one I love you dearly and that will not change, but there is one thing that bothers me and that is that you tell me you confronted my son about his girlfriends and about the texts on the phone, what I dont like I feel he has a right to know what he is being accused of now. I was still not completely in the right state of mind For one I didnt even have time to grieve for my mother and went straight into all of this. Anyway I sorta agreed with her he had a right to know, but I couldnt stand the thought of even hearing his voice. So knowing it was sunday and they were sitting in a motel and not working I knew he would be online. So I signed my messenger on and to my surprise he was there. I said I need to talk to you and he said ok call me, I said no I need to do it here, And I let it all out I told him I knew what he had been doing, And to my surprise he admitted it all on my messenger told me he was sorry and what a piece of sh*t he was. I could not stand talking to him anymore so I got offline with him, and I copy and pasted the whole conversation him admitting it all to the sexual assault detective at his email. Anyway another week went bye didnt hear anything from anyone him or the police and I just decided the best thing for me to do was get out. I had no money I had nothing I was a stay at home mom, he had all the money I had a few dollars left literally a few dollars I think I had 16.00 to my name He brought the money home weekly and it had been a few weeks since he had been home. I had some very very good friends online that I have known for a couple years we had met before and we talked on the phone alot, anyway they told me I need out of there right now and that they would help me anyway they could. I started selling stuff and pawning stuff we had in the house. We were on the process of buying a minivan after two days I had enough gas money (mind you gas was still prety expensive it had been going up already) to make it from Spokane, Wa. To Butte, Montana where my aunt lived. And then my friends I was talking about put money together the best people in the world my saviors. A family in PA. Married couple with kids. Anyway they are bye no means wealthy or well off. But they saved for two weeks and the wife drove accross country with her 10 yr old daughter from PA to Montana In a mini van and picked me and my 4 kids and dog up and drove us here to PA where we have lived ever since. (myself and 4 kids left with 5 suitcases nothing like starting yoru life over at 37 huh) Anyway we have been here in PA since late april and we love it here. The story does not end here though sorry for writing you all a book. Anyway since we have been living here in PA things have been getting a little better slowly but surely. I have a decent job kids are all in school and doing well except my oldest she is out of school almost 19. We have all been pretty happy been having some troubles on and off. Of course the little ones knew nothing of what happened and what was going on and why we left there were 4 and 5 (at least thats what I thought) Anyway over the last few months things have slowly been coming out. When we first got here the little kids would ask to call there dad and I would let them (I blocked the number of course because he has no idea where we are at) After about 2 weeks or so they never asked to call him again I thought it a little weird but went with it I wasnt gonna force them to call him. Things just started getting better and better then next few months were great again we are all happy and love living here. But these last few weeks have been a mess, My daughter oldest 18 now has started opening up and telling me things, her room used to be in the basement in Wa. and she is scared to death of basements here and someome closed the door on her while she was downstairs doing laundry she came up bawling and it took a bit to get it out of her but she told me that it started right before she was 16 and he would wait for me to go to sleep and he would go downstairs and prop something against the door so if I woke up I couldnt get in and he would molest her. And now she is scared to death of basements being in them alone or haveing the door closed while she is down there. My son who is 6 now has been waking up the last few weeks crying saying he is having nightmares of his dad killing me, And after that my youngest who is now 5 has been coming to me saying mom can we talk and makes me go to her room with her and sit down so she can ask questions about her dad. I answered them the best I could and told her that her dad had girlfriends and that he was not supposed to because we are married and he didnt want to live with me anymore and that his head was sick. I think that was probably wrong of me but I tried to do the best I could without lying to her. And then after this last week in a half I decided it was time for me to get into counseling before I have a serious breakdown because I dont think I can take much more and I need to be strong for my kids. about a week in a half ago I broke my ankel. that night I was trying to get in the bath and my youngest came in and said mom can I talk to you and I said of course turned the water off and sat on the side of the tub and we talked shes 5 mind you and she started asking questions again, I answered again the best way I know how and then she asked if she could talk to ashley alone I said of course, So I called ashley up and her and nikki went in ashleys room to talk. I got in the bath bye the time I got out ashley was bawling. I said whats wrong ashley? Ashley called me aside and said nikki told me she saw her daddy laying on top of me on the couch and I was crying. I said ashley she had to have been about 3 she didnt know anybetter she couldnt have told, And ashley said I know mom thats not why I'm upset I'm upset that she even had to see that. So it makes me wonder what my son has seen. About an hour later I called my aunt in California just to check in and say hi. And was told some very bad news that an uncle of mine had died I was upset but he was a distant uncle who I hadnt seen since I was a child so it wasnt to devastating, But then about 20 minutes after I got off the phone with my Aunt my brother called and told me he had to tell me something and that it was good. My uncle whom I was close with my Mom's brother had commited suicide he stole a gun from one of my other Aunts friends and used it and there was a note in his wallet saying I'm sorry. Now all this I mind you has happened in the last week in a half two weeks, My ankle mydaughter and both of my uncles dying. I know things cant get much worse(knock on wood) But I decided the time has come I do need counsiling and I have an appnt. I wish I could get my oldest to go but she is to stubborn and wont do it, but I am definately gonna talk to the shrink about putting the little ones in for counsiling also, If anything jsut for peace of mind for myself and to find out what they have seen. I guess I am done here now this is my story of my last year which I call a trip to hell and back!


EDIT. Sorry I feel I need to say that children truley are miracles and if it werent for them I would have lost it long ago and who knows what I would have done or where I would be right now. I have had to keep myself strong for them and because of them, I do believe if it wasnt for them I woldnt be here right now typing away.
Edited November 23, 2008 by krazygoddess (see edit history)

[jlhaslip 4]

Amazing story, and it shows an amazing level of strength of character on your behalf.I know many women who would be in pieces by now if they had to go through the ordeal you describe. None of these events should happen to you or any other woman. I am appalled that the legal/justice system could not do any better than they did for you. My current "partner" spent a number of years working in a Women's Centre and I wish you could know her. Her experience dealing with these situations is quite extensive. She was the "battered woman's" advocate for years and used to walk the clients through a series of changes such as your recent move in order to escape the perpetrators of these heinous crimes. (yes, that is the right word. Crime.)Counselling would be an excellent start for yourself and the kids. By all means, do what is neccessary to get all the kids at least discussing the series of events with a trained counsellor and also amongst themselves. They will need lots of support, which it sounds like you and your friends are willing to provide. Continue to prod the eldest, resistant girl to attend counselling, even if it needs to be arranged in support of your own program. She has no idea how damaging those experiences can be. Unless dealt with at the earliest opportunity (now), they will be carrying this baggage around for the rest of their lives and it won't be a good thing.And pursue criminal charges if at all possible against the 'dear old Dad'. Otherwise, the pattern will erupt in another place at another time. Even if it is too late to stop the actions of Dad against your kids, the criminal action might just save another child somewhere else. Pedophiles and Rapists are included in a Sex Crime Database, at least here in Canada they are. Their behaviours are sickening. I am disgusted by their actions. All of them. Of course this is a persona lprejudice of mine. I find nothing more appalling than this activity.Shoot the Bastard, I say...(yes, I know, the word censor will stop that expression, and it is not a good example from a Moderator, but Meh!)

[Saint_Michael 3]

Man I wanted to get into my car and like participate in that guys beating and burying in a shallow grave in the middle of no where. I would saying that counseling for everyone is needed especially for your daughters since a lot of evil, horrible things happen to them. Like haslip I would go to a Pennsylvanian and get that dude thrown in jail and take everything he own because people like that don't need to be loose on the street because you and your family need the closure and that is him rotting in jail. I would bring that up to the therapist as well and see what can be done because it is obvious nothing was done in Washington to let a sex offender free to do as he pleases, heck the guy even admitted to it and that is proof enough to get him thrown in jail, but that is the judicial system for you though, I feel sorry for the next family that deals with him. I will say this and it seems your children have been doing it and that is seeing a therapist because the sooner they can talk to someone about all this, the better the healing process because all the trust they have towards men is gone and so relationships are going to be very hard for them to cope with it especially if they start taking drugs and drinking alcohol to dull that pain they are feeling. I know it hard to keep tabs like that but just make sure to tell them to stay away from that stuff as best as they can. For your oldest the only way she will break that fear of basements is to confront it and what I suggest and most likely the therapist as well is at first be together with her in a basement to help reassure her and do this for weeks or months until she begins breaking that. Then over time increase the amount of time she is alone in a basement making sure to be near the door or entrance and it should be able to help her, I know breaking that fear won't happen in a month it could take her many years but it is a start though.I know you still have a very long road ahead of you once you begin the counseling because its going to break all that bad stuff up again and once you begin to heal you can guide your children into the right direction of the healing process as well. Of course, I am glad you have family and friends that help you get away from that scum and I hope that you iwll never have to see that evil twisted human being again and odds are that everyone will pray for his quick demise as well. **BIG GIANT HUGS**Good luck and let us know how the healing process is doing.

[anwiii 17]

wow. you are one of few people that has ever had me for a loss of words here. i know you had to be one heck of a strong woman in those situations that happened right after eachother....even though you couldn't really be that strong inside.i guess counseling would be a good start. i wouldn't force the kids to go. they should go willingly and with an open mind. things about counseling though is that i am somewhat against it in ways. this was an extreme circumstance and counseling is definately important, but if you start it, finish it. some people go and they don't get their issues resolved right away and quit counseling. this could be worse than going at all because the bag of worms had been opened and the constant reminders are there. alot of people like to be closed up and keep the past to themselves. it's hard to open up about certain things because it makes them fee less of a person and ashamed.so if you get counseling for you and your kids, make sure you finish counseling. by finishing counseling, i mean go until all issues are resolved and everyone has returned to a healthy mental mind set. also, with counseling, it's important to find the right one. just because you find one that you can connect to doesn't mean your kids will. there could be a better one for the kids that they can connect to and trust better. so be open to search for the right counseling and pychologist/psychiatrist.any children who have been molested may need a psychiatrist because they may suffer from ptsd and need medication to help them through the counseling when they start opening up. also under these circumstances, it could cause anxiety disorders and hidden depression.anyway, i am so sooooooooooo sorry you had to experience this past year. i don't think it can get much worse. what the judge said was dispicable! to only offer 1 protetion order was ridiculous. usually if you file for an ex parte, the judge will automaically grant it unless the person being accused fights it.in my opinion, there is no reason to work out this marriage so i would seperate yourself from your husband as soon as you can legally wether a legal seperation or divorce. kids are #1. i agree with you. they are also very innocent in life and it's a shame they had to experience things at such an early age....and you at any age.you did the right thing to move. i know it had to be sooooo hard, but you did it. you're safe, and you are beginning a new life so keep your head up and know you will always be supported 100%.i think the child who found out all these things that were found out already knew things and just needed an excuse/reason to tell you finally. *sigh* again, i am sooooo sorry. that WAS a horrible year but at least you know more of the truth NOW to move on in a more positive way for you and your children.good luck with it all! and....it's ok not to be strong sometimes too

[krazygoddess 0]

Anwii, Sm, And Jlhaslip. Thank you for your very kind words and especially SM he has helped me out greatly the last couple days with info and credits, you really are a saint. And yes I want this mane behind bars and marked as a child predator more than anything, I would jsut die if I found out 10 years or so down the road that he has done this to another family. And Jlhaslip tyvm for the credits also. I wasnt trying to make anyone feel sorry for me or anything like that it was just alot I have been holding in all this time and it needed out. I swear I just seem to have the worst luck.. lol Have always felt that way, but hey after this last year I think i can make it through anything. Even to me reading my own story here a couple of minutes ago it just seems unreal I wished for a long time it was and that I was gonna wake up from a very bad dream. But in a way I guess I have myself and kids are safe and we are happy for the most part. And we are still living with my friends, we dont plan on going anywhere in the near future Malissa needs me as much as I need her, She has alot of health problems and her husband works away during the week, So I am here for her and she has helped me soo much I could never in a lifetime repay them for what they did for me and my children. Anyway it has been a very long day. Thank you guys again for your kind posts and I will keep all updated. Oh and bye the way the divorce is already underway. it will take a year if they cant find him then it will be granted to me. and He will have no access to the kids, I know he is running scared he knows hes in trouble thats why he hasnt tried coming after his two little ones, because his family has money and if he wanted to fight he would have been here bye now.

[anwiii 17]

well does he at least have a warrant out for him? if not, then if he tries to see his two kids, there wouldn't be anything you could do i wouldn't think since it's in another state. also, a protection order can be transfered from state to state. you would just have to notify local law enforcement that you have a protection order so they at least know about this guy and the protection order. but i believe you would have to get it transfered to your current state.in the meantime, it wouldn't hurt to go to court and try to get your other protection orders. your in another state and country so you can try again.i think possibly you didn't get the others because he didn't hurt the others directly. there would have to be abuse OR stalking. use your imagination to protect yourself. there are ways which will not be condoned by the court, but i feel the moral issues and values outweigh any law issues. i can't say what it is since i wont condone it publically but remember, a protection order is for direct abuse OR stalking. are you sure he didn't abuse you or the others? think long and hard on that one.

[krazygoddess 0]

Well Anwii We are in a dfferent state but still in the same country just the other side of the country and I am way ahead of you we got here in the middle of the night on a tuesday and I was at the courts here on wednesday morning got my daughters protection transfered to this state that very same day. And got started on mine and the kids and guess what we were granted everything. But then again I am in PA and it is one of the states here that are for women and children I am not sure how to word that to what i mean. And I have aloready started a divorce and yes I believe he has a warrant he is running scared I have friends and he has not been back to the house since we left. And since that was the last known address for him thats where the divorce papers will be sent to and if he doesnt respond I will get all that I ask for. And I am not a materialistic person at all, I could care less about money, yes we all need it to survive but if everyone in the house is happy and has what they need so am I. But I am gonna go for everything Spousal support and the max that I can on child support. I know he will not pay so one way or another he will go to jail. Thats my theory and thats what keeps me going.

[krazygoddess 0]

Just a little update for you all that have read my story, I put myself in couseling I had my first session the day after Thanksgiving, It went great I am going to continue on with it, I was a little worried at first thinking I would get someone that jsut wanted to drug me up. But he is not like that. He told me I need to give myself alot more credit than what I do, And that Its an amazing story and I have been very strong for my children and have done everything right and that I will not have a breakdown im to strong, But if I keep stressing about it and thinking I will than it may happen. Anyway I am gonna do my best to get my older daughter to go, And I am definately gonna put the young ones there, I figured bye the time we are all down the Doc will be the one needing drugs.. lmao. Thanks again everyone for being so wonderful here and all the kind words. Big Hugsssss To all!

[sheepdog 10]

Shoot the Bastard, I say...

I must heartily agree.
Especially in his case. With all the women in all the states and all their children at risk, this one in particular does not need to be allowed to continue to waste the valuable resorces that this earth has. He is not worth the oxegen he is breathing. He obvioulsly has no feelings towards his children with the hateful comments about have to watch his brats or any feelings about any one other than himself. He is a danger to any woman out there. He must have some talents since he has so many girlfriends, which makes him even more dangerous.

I am sorry for all the pain I know you must feel. I hope you are able to get some help, and can turn your life around and the lives of your children. Hopefully you will find the strength to not only heal, but to help you to keep it together to get this scum removed from the gene pool.

[gummybear 0]

could he be a sociopath. maybe.although i am very sorry that you had to go through this, you have my best wishes, the only way to go is up now, you have only good things to look forward to, as bleak as the current situation may be. leave the toxic things in the wastebin and move on with your life. Healing may be difficult, or take longer than it seems like its supposed to, but remember.. you're always healing. Love is healing. Be patient with yourself, and don't blame yourself for things you're not responsible for. It's done, it's over. Relief will come