Never Ending Arguments

[cracks_of_my_tears 0]

Hello der one and all. Well my problem is that me and my wife are always arguing about the same stuff over and over again. It mostly has something to do with her not paying attention to me. I am not trying to sound perfect or needy mind you, but even if I'm feeling down in the dumps or really excited about something, I always try my best to listen to her and converse with her even if it's all about the stuff she's interested in and NEVER about what I'm interested in, or even if I'm really in a hurry, or even if I'm feeling sick or whatever, I ALWAYS try my BEST to be attentive to her and be the best company that I can be. But lately, she's getting worse to communicate with. I often find myself asking her if she's falling out of love with me (she always says never and why do I even ask) , but somehow it doesn't feel comforting even if that's her answer. On the average, 8 out of 10 times we speak, she never bothers to listen to me and always says she has a migraine (which I let her off the hook for), or she's very tired, her foot hurts, and whatever ridiculous reason one can think of. That is the part that frustrates me because I can't fathom why she would do that to me. I wasn't the most popular guy in high school, but I wasn't an outcast neither. I had and still have lots of friends whom don't treat me that way and in fact treat me with respect and listen to me as I listen to them. The sad part is that I wouldn't mind half as much IF they did treat me that way (that would suck though) , just as long as my wife wouldn't treat me that way. It feels as though my chest is caving in every time she does that to me. I have thought of separation many times but I fear of losing custody of my kids and her telling them lies and bad things about me just to make them hate me. I love my kids very much and that's probably the biggest reason why I'm still in this predicament but I would never even think of making them the reason of my problems. It was all me who made the decisions and it is still me making the current decisions why I am still in this relationship. I also still love my wife very much but sometimes, I feel that I just can't take this treatment anymore. Anybody have any thoughts on this?

[day_armstrong 0]

I haven't been married yet but I want to try to suggest something. When you say you love your wife, you will accept whatever comes from her, right? My father and mother also argued each other sometime. Usually my mother "win" in the end. My father is more soft spoken than my mother. But the good thing is my father is patient. You see, to beat fire you need water after all. After quarrel they become happily together again . I think a quarrel is the sign that they care for each other.

 

I seriously think that your wife still loves you as well. She still ask you company and ask your attention, right? One question though. Perhaps you can think about yourself. Did you do something hurt her, intentionally or unintentionally? My suggestion is try to apologize with a sweet words, even if there is no reason for it. Lower yourself a bit to get her back.

 

Wohoo, i always get so energetic for this kind of topic, as if i am married . Anyway, don't ever think about separation. It will hurt you and of course, your kids.

[zerogravity 0]

u'll just have to have a open, frank chat with her... If she dosent seem to be telling you the truth, tell her so... I know about fights like that, when one person isnt listening chances are she never will... separation doesn't sound bad...

[cracks_of_my_tears 0]

Thanks for your advices day_armstrong and zerogravity. To administrators or moderators, could you kindly delete this thread asap.? Thanks.

[Striker9 0]

Hello der one and all. Well my problem is that me and my wife are always arguing about the same stuff over and over again. It mostly has something to do with her not paying attention to me. I am not trying to sound perfect or needy mind you, but even if I'm feeling down in the dumps or really excited about something, I always try my best to listen to her and converse with her even if it's all about the stuff she's interested in and NEVER about what I'm interested in, or even if I'm really in a hurry, or even if I'm feeling sick or whatever, I ALWAYS try my BEST to be attentive to her and be the best company that I can be. But lately, she's getting worse to communicate with. I often find myself asking her if she's falling out of love with me (she always says never and why do I even ask) , but somehow it doesn't feel comforting even if that's her answer. On the average, 8 out of 10 times we speak, she never bothers to listen to me and always says she has a migraine (which I let her off the hook for), or she's very tired, her foot hurts, and whatever ridiculous reason one can think of. That is the part that frustrates me because I can't fathom why she would do that to me. I wasn't the most popular guy in high school, but I wasn't an outcast neither. I had and still have lots of friends whom don't treat me that way and in fact treat me with respect and listen to me as I listen to them. The sad part is that I wouldn't mind half as much IF they did treat me that way (that would suck though) , just as long as my wife wouldn't treat me that way. It feels as though my chest is caving in every time she does that to me. I have thought of separation many times but I fear of losing custody of my kids and her telling them lies and bad things about me just to make them hate me. I love my kids very much and that's probably the biggest reason why I'm still in this predicament but I would never even think of making them the reason of my problems. It was all me who made the decisions and it is still me making the current decisions why I am still in this relationship. I also still love my wife very much but sometimes, I feel that I just can't take this treatment anymore.
Anybody have any thoughts on this?

I am not married neither but I still have a word on this one. I think it's best to take her out on a romantic dinner or anywhere nice and show her some love and affection. Show her that you care for her and she has to feel comfortable with you to tell you everything that's on her mind, maybe there's something that's bothering her or maybe you did something which she didn't like and made her grow further from you a little bit. Also, it's good to go out with her and your kids on a trip on the weekend and enjoy your time all together, this should soften the atmosphere between you and make you get closer to eachother. And the most important thing is that you guys have to sit down and talk it over! You have to be frank and open with eachother and you need to make her realize that she's hurting you with her actions. Also, you shouldn't let her away with those silly excuses she gives cuz that way you'll be encouraging her to do this to you over and over again. But at the same time, you need to keep the conversation calm and mature, and she has to feel your affection through the conversation and the way you treat her. Good luck buddy, wish you all the best with your wife

[Saint_Michael 3]

I would suggest marriage counseling and not bashing anyone here in the forums, but I highly doubt any of us can fix your problems. The best suggestion that was mention is having a serious discussion with her, but I would do in front of a therapist and see what is going with her. It is obvious that she has lost interest in you, but how and why well you have to find that out for yourself as we can't guess what she is thinking about.

[Echo_of_thunder 1]

I would suggest marriage counseling and not bashing anyone here in the forums, but I highly doubt any of us can fix your problems. The best suggestion that was mention is having a serious discussion with her, but I would do in front of a therapist and see what is going with her. It is obvious that she has lost interest in you, but how and why well you have to find that out for yourself as we can't guess what she is thinking about.

I have to agree 100% with the above statement

[Acidify 0]

I would suggest marriage counseling and not bashing anyone here in the forums, but I highly doubt any of us can fix your problems. The best suggestion that was mention is having a serious discussion with her, but I would do in front of a therapist and see what is going with her. It is obvious that she has lost interest in you, but how and why well you have to find that out for yourself as we can't guess what she is thinking about.

Blasphemy! The best thing you can do is ignore her and stop giving her sex until she learns to obey and honor her husband. She should have no say in you guys marriage and you should be the supreme law of your home. If you have an extra room, protest by locking yourself in the room for hours and leaving only for work and food. Also, do things like come in at 3am in the morning and instead of getting in the bed with her, go lock yourself in the room and turn the tv up load.

 

Arguing with her makes her win, ignoring her makes her lose. It tells her that what she say means nothing to you. Also, say stuff like "yea yea" or "right" when she tells you something important. Remember...give her no sex and masturbate your way through the months and months of protest. If she ask for sex, tell her "nah, don't feel like it" or "hmm...my d__k says otherwise". Also, say stuff like "opps...masturbated already".

 

If you want personal 1 on 1 counseling, my price is $1200/per hour. But, since you are a fellow Xisto member I will give you an $500 discount, bring my price to $700/hour.

Edited July 17, 2008 by Acidify (see edit history)

[WindyDreams 0]

Arguments stem from being repeating issues ,yes there is a problem between you both here ,Arguments that are non_ stop in marriage ,get to root of the arguments ,try solve and talk through those areas without someone having finial word or powering over the other in working out solutions ,that will never work out and important thing for both to understand is allowing each other to be open and honest and say what is on your mind that is stemming from repeating arguments without always interrupting the other or using what they shared with you as a tool to become overly sensitive to what you are hearing by allowing them to be open with there own feelings that creates arguments by doing this getting hurt by what you heard only creates more arguments and solves nothing and stops! anyone from sharing themselves with the other in honest way of communication and once that is limited then arguments are created once again and one or both partners sit back wondering with blaming the other ,why is this happening .you have your answer in the why's.You both will not allow the other to be themselves and openly be honest with problems that may or may not hurt ,when you hear them for first time and only become a issue once you hear them ,feeling of guilt of being blamed ,that to me is so childish in ones own self .You hear each other and not get hurt by what you hear but try come together and find some workable solution to fixing the problem slowly ,little by little till are areas are ironed out and heck marriage arguments are always happening, if can not allow each other to be honest and say what there feeling ,then will always hold repeating arguments .To me a man or Woman ,does not hold power over the other in Life and should never lay down that type of path in a marriage .Locking yourself away in another room and hiding ,solves nothing ! at all between working solutions in a marriage ,unless take space for self at reasonable time ,then coming to the other ,trying work through problems .Turning the TV up loud or any other area of annoyance is only prolonging the arguments between each other or trying have that control over your own life .When partners start using areas against each other to gain selfish control ,leads only into more arguments it is never solving nothing .it is using hurt upon hurt and where the heck does Love fit into all that Hurt .The truth that lies between you two in relationship, your Love ,it s not repeat hurt each other without solving issues ,you love each other so why not respect each other with that Love and come together and allow each other be open and communicate freely without the other getting hurt by what one may hear and work through those arguments .is not Love worth saving These days without always allowing that hurt to grow bigger and bigger till that Love is loss underneath .There are reasons in arguments .ONLY if people just take time out to hear those reasons with Respect of the one they Love .

[africa 0]

Let me tell you something folks. Most often arguments cement a relationship. You get to know the beauty of your partner and what she thinks regarding many things plus they are healthy in a realtionship lol!You wouldnt want a dull realationship would you where everyone just soaks up whatever nonsense hey!