I Have A Really Big Problem! advice urgently needed - cannot think straight

[bthaxor 0]

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Edited November 28, 2010 by bthaxor (see edit history)

[rayzoredge 2]

It seems like a lot of time has passed and things change, possibly including her feelings for you.That's the worst-case scenario, anyway.I think that if you really want to pursue it, think about actually being friends again and then later if it bothers you still to sit down and talk to her about it. Don't sound desperate or needy... I know how it might be very compelling to drop down a maturity level and almost whine and beg, but if you are mature about it and if you respect her choices and answers, I think that you will find your answers and learn to move on, with or without her. If there's something about what happened in the past that bothers her, maybe you guys can just remain friends or even work something out.Remember to be mature. If she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, the world hasn't ended. Try to be understanding and supportive of her decisions even if it does hurt... and move on. Don't let it kill your performance in life; you're at one of the most presitigious schools in Australia for a reason. Don't let this ruin everything.Then again, if you guys get back together, that would be awesome too. Keep us posted on what's up.

Edited November 15, 2007 by rayzoredge (see edit history)

[heavensounds 0]

Yep I completely understand you and it is very interesting that all of guys have this same pattern. Eventhough people say that men are pigs and they just fool around and all that, but if we do have passion or love for a woman, the time that passes doesn't matter to us! Girls however do care about time and if you wait too long, she'll go away from you, find another person or another person will find her...OK, your situation is bad! Let's be honest - you two had some sort of crush 2 years ago if I understood correctly and you still have feelings towards her, but she doesn't. In other words the flame between you two dissappeared! My suggestion to you is to just let it go. The one thing you should not have in your head right now is that she is the only great woman that you will ever meet! It is not true, great girls are all around you, you just have to open your eyes for someone else than this girl and stop thinking about her...go out - it helps!That is the best thing and maybe, I say maybe...you becoming uninterested will make her interested again...

[bthaxor 0]

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Edited November 28, 2010 by bthaxor (see edit history)

[Mailoreothoriel 0]

so, my new questions:-how do i talk to her with our friends who will harrass us if i get near her and try to talk privately
-how can i reignite that flame heavensounds mentioned

thank you so much for your help!

Well, what you need to do, is to rebuild a cool friendship with her. And stop thinking in private relationships by now. Please be calm and patient. Show her that you are worthy of her, be there when she needs someone, be yourself (NEVER DO THINGS YOU DON'T USUALLY DO JUST TO IMPRESS HER), and trear her like a real friend.
Be honest with her, don't lie to her just to make her feel better or something. Honesty is IMPORTANT here, and will always be.
Then, by the time, if you are a real nice and sweet guy with her. She will surely look up to you when she has some problems.

When with your friends, talk with her with your friends! If you want to talk all the time privately with her, she will start to suspect something. The best thing that you can do, is to befriend her friends and to let her meet your friends. But never ACT, just do your best effort.

Hope you get my point.

[bthaxor 0]

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Edited November 28, 2010 by bthaxor (see edit history)

[Mailoreothoriel 0]

The time will come =DBe patient and show her full support in everything she does. But if you think she's doing something that's not cool. Make her see it.And if she asks something like "why do you tell me that's not good?" or something. Tell her the truth: Because I care about you and if you do that, this will happen, or this will go wrong. etc etc etc etc. I don't anything wrong happening to you.Some things like that xDBut be very patient, don't rush anything. And don't act dramatic when some problems show up! Just care for her the way you care.The time will come and the opportunities will show :3

[bthaxor 0]

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Edited November 28, 2010 by bthaxor (see edit history)

[Mailoreothoriel 0]

hmm... the problem is, the social do-or-die laws of australian high schools say that if you show you so much as care about a person of the opposite gender, you will mercilessly be mown down by insults and teases.

Then do it so that only she will notice.
BTW, If Australian High Schools are like that. Do normal Australian High Schoolers Have Girlfriends? I don't get that

[bthaxor 0]

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Edited November 28, 2010 by bthaxor (see edit history)

[tuddy 0]

Harden the F&^K UP ... Sorry, but Australian High Schools are soo full of sh!t that you can see it buldging out of the window seals. People will wake up and relise that if they really like someone then they won't care whoever'/whatever/if anything about what is said about thier feelings for someone else. Just be friends with her as everyone above has said, do something with her, go to the movies, what ever. People will get over this bullcr%p about relationships being a standing groudn to tease someone or make fun of them, seriously if you like her still, then tell her, and don't ask "do you like me?", what does it achieve, nothing. Go and tell her, msn or phone is ok, I'd go down the letter path as you can do it over long period of time and get it right and its a romantic way.

[loedsabre 0]

if she still says no, i think you should do what mailor said. Prove to her that you are worthy. If she still says no, you should just live with it. Be yourself around her - you seem like a nice person. She'll probably say yes, whether it's now or later on.If you need help you should give us some more detail. Perhaps with that we would be able to give you more about what you should do. Has this girl loved before or after you asked her? Is she in love now? Have you ever been to her house? When's the last time you've been there? How did she act around you when you last saw her alone?This will tell us how much she has rejected you, and whether she still treats you as a friend. Good luck!

[anwiii 17]

first of all, i disagree HIGHLY in proving anything to her. you don't need to prove ANYTHING. all that's important is knowing who YOU are and being happy about it. be yourself, always and don't accept anything less from your own self and the choices and decisions you make in the future.now on to your answer in what to do. you need some closer to the questions you have. that can be a killer in your own thoughts of "why" does she feel different. you need to hear it from her directly. since you two are talking and friendly with eachother, i'm sure the answer isn't as personal as you think. it probably still steps from the humiliation she went through before when you were the one who spread the rumor to your so-called friend.some things, bud, needs to be sacred or you will not be trusted. i think this is a trust issue and i don't think she wants to be embarrassed again by you. now, you went through the same thing. time shouldn't have passed this long talking to her to find the answers. you need to ask her if she can spare 30 minutes at lunchtime or after school where you two can talk and get things out in the open.be open with her FIRST. tell her how you feel and how it felt to you. did you feel betrayed by your friend? did you feel hurt, ashamed, embarrased? did you feel guilty? was it hard to talk to her feeling guilty? whatever you felt back then, open up to her and be honest. she'll appreciate it, believe me. then, after you opened up FIRST, it makes it easier for HER to open up to YOU. when she does, you will get the answers to your questions that were floating in your head for way too long.now, you may hear some good news. she may finally open up truthfully that she IS still liking you more than a friend in which case GREAT and GOOD NEWS. or, she may feel differently. if that's the case, all things aren't lost. you two still talk and are still friends considering. so give it some time, be yourself, don't be fake just to try to iimpress her, and let time take care of what is meant to be. if it's not meant to be, you will still be friends. you win either way bud. just take my advice and be patientnow as far as your schooling system.....i had never heard about that system before. it SUCKS!!! boy oh boy. is there a high suicide rate in your country? if yes, then i can see why. kids shouldn't have to have so much pressure. they need to be allowed to be kids! schooling isn't the say all in life as you will learn later on. you learn more from every day experiences(just like you're learning with this girl) than you ever will in school. for some kids, school isn't even them and some of the smartest kids never even graduate from high school and have succeeded to be VERY succesfull in whatever they were interested in doing. they even reserve the better teachers for the smarter kids??? hahaha so the not so smart kids really don't have that chance to excel huh? i am pro education up until high school which at that level you get a very well rounded education. and i think the better teachers need to be with the students that are struggling and the students that need more attention. that whole system shocks me to say the least! when i was in fourth grade, i was concerned more on improving my skills in kickball rather than preparing for a test that could change my life forever! then, because the system is this way, it probably promotes parents bragging about their children or shying away talking about their children. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE! i say this about your school system because in the united states, even though we don't have that pressure, there is still pressure and that is bad enough. i wasn't a school guy myself and ditched, never studied, barely graduated high school, but was a b+ student in college when i attended for 60+ units. i did better when there wasn't any pressure from parents and society than i ever did when i was forced to study and attend school. i SERIOUSLY probably would have commited suicide....lbeing honest....literally killed myself if i had to live in that system of control and pressure. there is just too much more in life that is more important at that age. granted, here we have the SAT'S for four year college admissions, but as a semi adult(17-18) we can handle that pressure more easily and we also have more of a direction for ourselve in where we want to go in life(more of an idea).well, i had to state my opinion on that terrible school system. good luck with the girl. let us know what happens

[verdant 0]

you know reading the op, i would say that you really do need to just forget about women, you have far to bright of a future ahead of you... what you got to do is prioritize. if the girl is that important go full force into it, if you can live with out it, then continue with your schooling. now, guessing the girl is that important then you need to do this, go talk to her-once, only once. other wise you'll seem wierd and annoying. while talking to her you need to listen, ask questions, and do more listening. if your head is spinning from this whole ordeal then most likely theres some complication in her heart also, she may be very confused, maybe even in deep emotional pain. all the while you should be prepared for and able to accept the worst. she may have been deeply scared by what happend in the past, it may have compleatly changed her paragdims on life and the way she views relationships, and with this shift a foundation for something very different from what expect may have formed. and atop that may have been experiences you have no clue about. in short it may have been much harder than you know. at worst she may hate your guts.but the best you can do is take a chance. do be a wuss, and just go talk to her. now i dont know how old you are but, what i see happening is something like this. you see her, perhaps at lunch, and you think "this is my chance, i must do it now!" so you go for it, and you know what you forgot. her friends... perhaps the same friends that she had back then that made fun of you back in the day. they'll stop you with something, it may just be silence. just their presence could change the way they interact with you. you could try aranging a meeting with her, maybe buy her coffee or something she likes to have regularly.if you're observant you could try to just watch her for a day and try to find the best time to try talking to her, just dont be creepy.so talk to her, dont bring up the past too much. unless she does, and im guessing by this point she probably doesnt care. in essence you're dealing with a whole new person, one who is carrying the baggage of her childhood. in essence you need to find a way to let her put those bags down and relax. if you can pull that off you've paracticaly completed your mission. ... but once you reach this point all my advice goes out the window and its all up to you. good luck.

[hookerman 0]

I have had experience with computers and girls. I believe you can handle this situation. Three steps:1. Talk to your friends about it. You need to relieve stress by explaining it to your friends. Be more outgoing.2. Don't be depressed about it. Get a hooker at http:\\http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3154310/ and relax man. Chill out.3. Don't go around your house with your stupid wheelie computer chair.P.S. Ask her out^^ she'll enjoy it. Take her to McDonalds and play horsey with her. Have Fun xD^^!