Attention Seeking, Or Serious Issues? my friends dilemma

[Thing 0]

Is my friend attention seeking, or does she just have some serious issues?

 

She used to be a really close friend of mine. We'd only hang out at school and sometimes afterwards, but still quite close.

 

Only it seems like she can think of some great big lies.

 

Such as once, she claimed her mother had hit her for no apparent reason, and this was why she ran away from home one evening, in Spring this year. After hearing this story and talking to my friend about it for a few days afterwards, it turned out to be that my friend was giving "her mother cheek", so her mother threw a scrunchy bobble (hair bobbles made out of light material, non metal) at her just before she decided to "run away".

 

After a week or so, she "ran away" again, probably because in her mind, her mother wasn't treating her very well. She keeps "running away" until the police find her wandering the streets of our town late one evening, and warn her that if she runs away again she'd get sent to some juvenile detention centre.

 

I write run away in quotation marks, simply because she only walks around the streets or hangs out at friends' houses for four or five hours and then returns home again. Not actually leaving home and living elsewhere.

 

My once friend also likes to storm out of class after small arguments, slamming the classroom doors and screaming before rushing away.

 

All the things I have mentioned above were from some months ago, now she differs her tactics to more extreme ones.

Just last week, she was bent on suicide by starving herself. She resided to starvation after five or six claims of attempted suicide via a bottle of pills only to be caught by the unsuspecting mother or younger brother. Somehow she doesn't realize that starvation would take quite a while.

Every day she would ask how pale she looked, and when I or one of my friends would say that she was starting to look pale, her face would brighten up for a moment, then the happiness simply disappears.

 

Just today, she was sat behind me in my French class, scratching the underside of her arms. When asked my one of my friends why she was doing that, she replied "making another scratch". I commented on this, telling her to stop it and stop being stupid, only to be snapped back at straight away. At least she stopped the scratching.

Is that self harm, even if she doesn't even make a proper mark on herself?

 

I stopped being friends with her after her rude behaviour (snapping, constantly insulting, sarcastic tones), even though she could probably do with a few friends.

 

She blames all these antics on her mother. Her mother doesn't treat her nicely (not letting her on the computer, is what she says). Her mother won't let her have everything she wants.

 

Maybe this is all very bias of me, and she really needs some real help. I don't know.

Edited October 8, 2007 by Thing (see edit history)

[shadowx 0]

Well it sounds like attention seeking but to this degree it is still a serious issue. If she really wanted to run away she wouldnt be living at home still, if she wanted to kill herself she would have by now and the fact she constantly asks how pale she is etc... makes me think she wants the attention rather than to actually starve herself. If you are still good friends i would suggest you tell her to stop all this right now and make her promise to stop it, if youre not so close to her then ignore her antics, it might make her stop doing/saying these things as she wont receive the attention but of course it could backfire and make things worse

[TikiPrincess 0]

Is this something that started happening recently or has she always been a little dramatic? If she just started acting like this, then there might be something triggering her actions. A personality change is one of the things to look for in a person who has been abused or begins abusing herself. However, the fact that she's expressing her suffering means that she's probably just trying to get attention. People who cut or make serious suicide attempts try to hide it because they don't want people to stop them. I mean, they do, but they don't. And anorexic/bulimic girls do their absolute best to hide their eating disorders.

In actuality, your friend sounds like she watched Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen or Thirteen one too many times. She's testing to see who will give in to her and who she can control. If you humor her antics, then she'll continue to do something more extravagant to see just how far she can go with it. I would say that you should sit her down and have a private chat, one-to-one. Tell her that you miss having fun with her and you miss the happy person that she used to be. Ask her what happened to make her so unhappy that she would hurt herself the way she's doing now. Then sit back and listen. Really listen. Don't make comments or interrupt her. If she asks for your opinion, say something noncommital like, "I'm not sure, why don't you tell me more about it." Eventually, you'll either get to the root of the problem or she'll realize that she's not pulling the wool over your eyes anymore. If there is a specific problem, divorce, molestation, etc., you can then deal with the real issue. If she's just trying to get attention, then she sees that you're not going to fall for it and she might stop acting like a drama queen or she might stop being your friend because she can't control you anymore. Either way you win because it's not friendship if someone's trying to control you.

Edited October 8, 2007 by TikiPrincess (see edit history)

[tuddy 0]

I'd be very careful, this kind of issue could develop into a serious case either way. I suggest you don't try and tackle this by yourself and get some advice from a counsellor who could give you techiques and ideas about dealing with her, and possibly even getting her to go see a counsellor. They have the power to make decisions you and I never could and could tell you if it's attention seeking or serious.Problem being though, that is it is attention seeking, why is she doing it? If your happy and have a group of friends why do you suddenly turn into someone who is hated and then wonder why you have to attention seek. Personally, I think she has had one bad turn in her life and the is on the highway to hell, can't find the right turn, maybe someone like a counsellor may be able to help with that.

[TikiPrincess 0]

Girls have a flair for the dramatics. I blame the media that shows us very bad examples of how a girl is supposed to behave. And then they show us even worse examples of how a woman behaves.I remember having a discussion in my freshmen year about what would be the best way to commit suicide. We also talked incessantly about weight and how one girl is too fat and another is too skinny. There was very little about how so and so does community service or spends weekends visiting her grandma in the nursing home. We need better role models.

[Thing 0]

However, the fact that she's expressing her suffering means that she's probably just trying to get attention. People who cut or make serious suicide attempts try to hide it because they don't want people to stop them. I mean, they do, but they don't. And anorexic/bulimic girls do their absolute best to hide their eating disorders.

Yes, I agree. If she had really been cutting herself, she wouldn't go around bragging about it. I know of this, as another friend of mine had cuts on her arms, that I saw accidentally. When asked about it, she hid her arms and didn't say a word. Rather than the friend i mentioned in my first post who practically brags at every chance she can get.

If you are still good friends i would suggest you tell her to stop all this right now and make her promise to stop it, if youre not so close to her then ignore her antics, it might make her stop doing/saying these things as she wont receive the attention but of course it could backfire and make things worse

Ignoring her has actually made her cool down with her antics. She is almost back to normal, just sometimes starts with a bit of overreacting, but that dies down pretty easily.

I haven't spoke to her for a few days, but it seems like (from seeing her talk to other people) she has stopped it. I'm worried though, if she would just start it again soon, maybe when I start talking to her again?
She's not going to do the show if she has no audience, so to speak.