My Immature Brother Why I get pushed to be more understanding while he pushes me around

[Renaissance 0]

I'm doing this while it's still fresh. A few hours ago I got into a fight with my brother and I'm still pissed. Before I get at it I should give you some background info.

 

Even though I am 23 years old and my brother is 27 we still get asked if we're twins, which is weird since we don't look the same. I have qualities of my maternal grandfather and my brother has qualities of my paternal grandfather. We share interests in sports and movies but our similarities end there. I am outgoing and caring and can talk up a storm in the right situation. My brother is selfish, stubborn and introverted. I swear he tries to live vicariously through me, which I could probably live with, but he's also very controlling. My brother is the kind of person who likes to plan his day without other people in mind. and when he sets his mind on something he has to get it; it's his way or it's wrong. One time he got on an argument with my mom about which car door was broken, when he was proven wrong he not only refused to admit he was wrong but he insisted the door (magically) started working and the other one broke. I'm not like that, my mom raised me (us) to be caring and considerate, and I find I'm always working around him. Now as you can guess, when things go bad they go bad. Well today they went bad.

 

I'm an admin for a website that is going through a bad server move, I'm working hard to save our work. My brother consistantly states that if I'm not getting paid there is no reason to make it a priority. I explain to him that I am still obligated but his selfish head doesn't get it. So when I pushed forward he persisted to get in my way. I ignored him and powered on my laptop, I was about to power on my USB HDD when he turned off the power bar! Now, the laptop has a battery so even though that bothers me I'd let it slide, however power loss to the USB HDD can cause loss of data. I was upset but not pissed (yet). I simply turned it back on. as childish as it was we preceeded to turn it off and on, until I held my finger on the button. He grabbed the powerbar and things got physical. At one point he had his nails dug into my arm so after a few attempts at getting free I shoved his USB keyboard off the table and he let go. Little did I suspect he was about to do something competely mental; he grabbeed the laptop power adapter (the AC wire with the black box) and whacked it against my laptop screen breaking it. Despite what came to mind I just said "you're in soo much trouble" and left the house (The laptop cost me $3k for uni and our finances are tight).

 

Now the thing that really gets me mad is what happened after. Not only is he refusing to apologize but he told my mom that I started it, I guess I technically did but only after his passive aggressive interference, and he told my mom that I broke the screen when I grabbed the powerbar from him!

 

I am so mad I can't describe it. If it helps any I'll tell you that swearing doesn't even come to mind. I told my mom that enough is enough and unless she straightens him out I'm moving out.

[t3jem 0]

Um, honestly, i'm 17, my brother is 16, and even though sometimes we get mad at each other, we haven't had a physical fight in 2 years. Now, I don't mean to be rude, but you guys sound like 2 little kids that are no older than 12. Yes, he should not have gotten in your way while you were working; however, if he was starting to turn off your stuff you can either calmly try talking to him, or you can just take your stuff and leave. You could have even pressed charges; however, now i'm not sure as you retaliated, but next time you should keep your head cool, ignore him until he starts to impede your progress rather than just tell you to stop working. When he gets in your way, leave, if he tries to stop you, or breaks something you can press charges.

[Saint_Michael 3]

Well if you got a warranty it might get covered, just make sure you don't mention the fact it was intentionally broken in a fight. Although it is a long shot you can bring him to court for damaging property worth more then $1000 or something like that. I would get back at him in someway just to make it sweet, maybe let loose a bunch of animals in his room or something. I would take it he is not a computer person then if he has no idea why you have to do the work that you need to for the website.

[Tetraca 0]

I've seen many computer illiterate people in my day but your brother just seems to be...well...no invented word can really describe it other than a typical stingy computer illiterate businessman type. I've dealed with several of those people but they usually just sit there and let me take care of whatever situation it is.My family has people who are computer illiterate. They've gotten ticked at me before but that whole freak out session of his was simply not right. It was downright poor and childish. He needs to be talked to about his behavior in this situation because pompousness should never be that bad.

[benzkids 0]

dude i feel soooooooooooo sorry for you. i i had a brother like that i would of shot him 5 years ago.lol rather then get a new laptop, you should send it away to get fix it would be cheaper and you won't lose data.

[dre 0]

This is the time when you just sock him in the face. No seriously, I don't care what he says, I don't care what your parents say, I don't care what the law says, I don't care what you say, just sock him in the face. That will do 100x more than talking will. Try talking to a cat. Tried it? Tell me how much good it has done. Not so much, eh? Maybe it just doesn't understand. Now smack the cat a little. Lo and behold, you have gotten the attention of the cat.

Edited September 7, 2007 by dre (see edit history)

[rayzoredge 2]

I'm doing this while it's still fresh. A few hours ago I got into a fight with my brother and I'm still pissed. Before I get at it I should give you some background info.

 

Even though I am 23 years old and my brother is 27 we still get asked if we're twins, which is weird since we don't look the same. I have qualities of my maternal grandfather and my brother has qualities of my paternal grandfather. We share interests in sports and movies but our similarities end there. I am outgoing and caring and can talk up a storm in the right situation. My brother is selfish, stubborn and introverted. I swear he tries to live vicariously through me, which I could probably live with, but he's also very controlling. My brother is the kind of person who likes to plan his day without other people in mind. and when he sets his mind on something he has to get it; it's his way or it's wrong. One time he got on an argument with my mom about which car door was broken, when he was proven wrong he not only refused to admit he was wrong but he insisted the door (magically) started working and the other one broke. I'm not like that, my mom raised me (us) to be caring and considerate, and I find I'm always working around him. Now as you can guess, when things go bad they go bad. Well today they went bad.

 

I'm an admin for a website that is going through a bad server move, I'm working hard to save our work. My brother consistantly states that if I'm not getting paid there is no reason to make it a priority. I explain to him that I am still obligated but his selfish head doesn't get it. So when I pushed forward he persisted to get in my way. I ignored him and powered on my laptop, I was about to power on my USB HDD when he turned off the power bar! Now, the laptop has a battery so even though that bothers me I'd let it slide, however power loss to the USB HDD can cause loss of data. I was upset but not pissed (yet). I simply turned it back on. as childish as it was we preceeded to turn it off and on, until I held my finger on the button. He grabbed the powerbar and things got physical. At one point he had his nails dug into my arm so after a few attempts at getting free I shoved his USB keyboard off the table and he let go. Little did I suspect he was about to do something competely mental; he grabbeed the laptop power adapter (the AC wire with the black box) and whacked it against my laptop screen breaking it. Despite what came to mind I just said "you're in soo much trouble" and left the house (The laptop cost me $3k for uni and our finances are tight).

 

Now the thing that really gets me mad is what happened after. Not only is he refusing to apologize but he told my mom that I started it, I guess I technically did but only after his passive aggressive interference, and he told my mom that I broke the screen when I grabbed the powerbar from him!

 

I am so mad I can't describe it. If it helps any I'll tell you that swearing doesn't even come to mind. I told my mom that enough is enough and unless she straightens him out I'm moving out.

There is no way that I would let that kid live. Figuratively-speaking, of course.

 

I like Saint Michael's way of dealing with it legally, and then I like Dre's way of literally smacking the crap out of him to physically tell him that you're not some friggin' pushover that exists to cater to what he likes to see. (You can't do that now though... since the moment's gone. Or maybe you can... )

 

Your mum needs to get control over your childish excuse of a brother too. That is just inexcusable behavior, especially at 27! Dubya tee eff, Batman?

 

Sorry, but reading that and seeing how seemingly helpless of a situation you're in pisses me off. Your brother needs to be taught how to be HUMANE and MATURE.

[cangor 0]

This is the time when you just sock him in the face. No seriously, I don't care what he says, I don't care what your parents say, I don't care what the law says, I don't care what you say, just sock him in the face. That will do 100x more than talking will. Try talking to a cat. Tried it? Tell me how much good it has done. Not so much, eh? Maybe it just doesn't understand. Now smack the cat a little. Lo and behold, you have gotten the attention of the cat.

man, you know, when I read the title I thought it was going to be about two teenage kids or something, but it isn't and I gotta agree with dre here, man. Look, buddy, your brother is downright mental. And trust me, I know a lot about being mental, but I've never seen anything that bad.

[Renaissance 0]

Let me reply in general succession:Yes, what happened was somewhat childish, I admit that, but I have the feeling you've never been in a situation with a person like that. Let me give you another example, when we were younger he had to have the remote, we had to watch what he wanted, whenever I would go watch what I wanted on another TV he would follow me and try to maintain control. He's been like that since we were kids and lately I've had enough. He needs to get a life, and it needs to be his not mine! So yeah, I snapped, but it was a long time coming with due reason.As for legal action, not going to happen. As much as a moronic pain in the butt he is I'm not going to press charges. Suing him is the same. My dad insists he should buy me a new computer but our families finances are tight; mine, my parents, and my parents finances are effectively pooled.Let me state that he is indeed computer literate; he is a final year Computer Science major. Yeah, figure that one out, I'm his brother and I don't understand him. The way I see it he knows about the work and frankly can't care less, which is why everything in his schedule takes precedence; why my duties are trivial to him.Yeah, I socked him good during the fight (knocked his glasses clean to the floor) but I still have a burgundy burise from his nails. I told my mom that she either sets him straight or I'm moving out, but my mom wants me to stay home; the near mention of me moving out makes her upset. I think she got the message though; problem is I doubt my brother will.And yes, mental is a fitting word. I forgot to mention that the warranty is past gone.

Edited September 19, 2007 by Renaissance (see edit history)

[thejestergl 0]

Hey, I'm sorry about the whole brother thing. I know what its like to have an older, immature brother, but I don't know what its like to have a brother that is that physical. Sorry that he broke your laptop he seems to have some anger issues. I don't understand why he has to be so stubborn. So what if you don't get a profit? It is for your own enjoyment. That counts as a profit in some ways right? He sounds like he got a little extreme when he broke your monitor, espcially since it cost 3,000 dollars. That is a huge fee, and anything that costs that much should be cared to. I wish I could help more, but I know what its like to be the understanding type against the stubbon type. It gets a little complex, and almost never ends well for the understanding one. I hope everything works out for you, who knows maybe later on in life he will apologize for everything he has done and admit he was wrong. Hope for the best, at least I'm hoping for you.Jester

[garbage 0]

Well sometimes it suck becuase you have to stand up and get physical.Yeah it sucks because thats your bro, but just like when you guys where kids, sometimes getting into a fist fight was the best way to resolve it.I say nexxt time just knock him out.Naa just kidding.These types of situations suck, What can you really do. Either stand up to him, or just sit there and take it. Me personally I wouldnt sit there and take it.I would stand up to him , talk shtt to him, and If i had too , I would knock him out. Now I dont have older or younger brothers, but my best friends whoa re like my brothers are the same way. And I learned this lesson a long time ago, once you get punked and get taken for a push over its over. for you.You either have to standup and fight. But what if you get beat, well even better. cause you may get beat once or more, but you keep fighting, Ive been there before, but now it all good, cause they know bwetter to get in my face.

[Renaissance 0]

You guys get it, it's not as simple as "ignore him".I can't really assert myself though because as mentioned, I "have to be the understanding one".

[street 0]

Ok if you have to be the "understanding one" you can go out of your boundaries for 2 hrs are so to put him in his place.

[Renaissance 0]

That's the thing. Whenever I put my foot down he quickly elevates the situation; he has no problem starting a big fight. One time we got in an argument because I caught him reading my email over my shoulder (our computers are on a 90 degree angle). I called him on it but he basically belittled my right for privacy, unfortunately it was a bad time to start a fight so I just left the room. Somehow it becomes me trying to avoid having too many confrontations for my mom's sake, he doesn't really care that much about how it affects her.I know it sounds bad but when I was in my early teens, when my social life was suffering and I was struggling to assert myself, I used to think "one push down the stairs and I can breathe". Of course I never did it but I feel bad for even thinking about it. Thing is it's true; remove him from my life and I can accomplish at least twice as much without this unnecessary weight on me.

[Atthack 0]

In my family I'm the oldest brother, It's not as easy as it seems.He's (they're; i got 2 littlebrother's) always nagging me, asking stupid questions and demanding help for something, and the MOMENT I ask for a hand he's mad at me and refuses to help!I just hate being the 'good guy' all the time - I help family, friends and others all day long but whenever I need to borrow something for 10 seconds it's "f*ck you!" ._.Bah...