When Does Flirting Cross The Line?

[TikiPrincess 0]

OK, I'm probably the last person who needs to be starting this topic, but it's one of the conversations that got brought up during my friends' Labor Day party.So what constitutes as "cheating"?One of my friends, a guy, says that it's not cheating unless you get caught. Then you have to suffer the repercussions of your actions and how far you took it. If you get caught kissing and your partner thinks that's as far as you've gone, then that's the only thing you have to atone for.Another friend, a girl, believes that intention is all that's needed to be considered cheating. Her example was that if she were dating one guy, and she goes to a club and flirted with someone else and tries to make someone else want her by flirting with him, etc. even if nothing physical passes between them, then that's cheating in her book.Obviously there are as many definitions of cheating as there are relationships. Each person has their own barometer of the behavior they expect from their partner, and it may change from partner to partner. In my opinion, neither of the two definitions given is satisfactory to me. The guy's is far too lax and the girl's is far too strict for me. I'm a flirt, and I like dancing and innuendo while my husband doesn't really enjoy dancing and doesn't mind that I dance with other guys. But I still consider something like kissing another guy on the lips as cheating.So I pose the question to you all, where does flirting end and cheating begin?

[truefusion 3]

In my "book", i suppose my belief is near your "strict" friend's belief. It may appear strict to you, but like you said, you're a flirt, so it's expected to appear strict to you. The reason why i believe that intended flirting crosses line is because, to me, it's crossing the line of faithfulness—keep the flirting limited to the one you love, not the one you're having a good time with. I'll admit, i can be a pretty strict person, but that doesn't bother me so long as i see a good outcome from it. Now, if the other mistakes simple or regular talk with flirting, then that's a different story and i don't consider that breaking faith, for misunderstandings can happen. It doesn't matter to me how long the flirting lasted or if it'll happen again, if you did it willingly, then that's breaking faith, for you've chosen to allow your heart to turn away from your loved one for however long it may have been. Relationships aren't started for the sake of ending it, and if you want to increase the chances of keeping the relationship stable, then don't break faith.

[tuddy 0]

It simply dependent on each person I believe. My best friend is quite happy to sit there while his Girlfriend is sitting on my hugging and kissing my forehead. However, when she was with her ex, He was not so happy and to be blunt he spent many nights walking down the street in an angry mood. To me thats a good friendship between me and this girl, I love her to death, and yes i'd like to go out with her, but she has made advances to kiss m more passionate an with that I have had to gracefully say NO. However, between her and her current boyfriend also my good friend I found out that even thought they "officially" stated that she has broken up with her ex, they were secrectly going behind his back anyway, and for that they both lost a piece of my respect and made me have a hard think about ever wanting to go out with her. Even though I didn't like her exboyfriend it isn't something I'd expect happen to anyone. You don't like the person you're with, you must end the relationship before starting another.However, how far is too far with flirting? My view is flirting is harmless, if there is no intention behind it. I'd get just as upset with my girlfriend if I knew she was flirting with some guy to actually fully intentionally cheat on me and fail as if she tried and suceeded. Woul it ruin the relationship I have with her? No. However she'd lose some trust and she would have to be careful from there in. Which is why I am already second guessing a relationship with this girl im interested in.I also have forgot to mention the fact that whilst it is based on each persons own beliefs. Just remember that your partners isn't the same as your own and therefore the topic should be talked about and a comprise meet if either likes to go out and party. If I fully trust my partner, which I do most cases then I'm willing to allow more leeway but as soon as the boundry is crossed then it gets tougher. Relationship isn't about you only.

[Rosaline 0]

I agree that it probably depends on the person. There is some harmless flirting that occurs between people of the opposite sex, and I don't really think you can avoid that. It's just the nature of things. However, if your intention is harmless, as in you're just doing it because it is your friend and it's entertaining and makes you happy, then that's different then if your intention was that you wanted them to want you or you wanted them yourself. If your intention has anything to do with sexual intentions or intentions of love or wanting to be love, I don't think it's fair to your mate at all.Of course, there are some limitations to this theory. Obviously, if you are a guy and just kiss random girls because it makes you feel good even though there is no sexual or love intention, it's still cheating simply because there are lines you shouldn't cross regardless of what your intentions are. I think the most important thing is to define "cheating" with your partner. That way you are both clear. And if your partner has a problem with your definition of cheating, then they need to reconsider their intentions in the relationship. Personally, I want a guy that would sacrifice letting women sit in his lap if I told him that such behavior was offensive to me. And if they don't want to, then maybe they're not ready to commit fully to you.Relationships are all about sacrifice and compromise.

[rayzoredge 2]

What I figure...Cheating beings right off the back as soon as you develop feelings for another person other than your significant other. It IS the first step towards infidelity, no? Flirting back and forth is okay... just because it really can be fun, but as soon as you start falling for the other person, I would think that it would be cheating in my book.Of course, it's much harder to tell if someone was cheating by that definition. I am unfortunately a jealous dude and very overprotective thanks to experiences with previous girlfriends in the past, so even casual flirting will make me suspicious at the very least. I've been better, though.

[Unknown_99 0]

Cheating begins when you both start to come by physical contact and you start to have second thoughts about actually having a relationship with another which isn't your "Main". Really when you cheat it ain't worth it you probably start to feel very agitated and start to think your lover may also be cheating on you which would end that relationship as quick as you can say "yahoo!"

[thejestergl 0]

I am a big flirt and I do have this question in the back of my head when I am in a relationship, not that I have many, but the ones I do this question does come up. I would say that flirting actually isn't an act of cheating if you are true to the one that you said you would be true to. If youflirt with someone that doesn't mean you are going to sleep with them, or kiss them, or anything like that. Flirting to me is good wholesome fun. However, when you starting bring in other feelings, and start to second guess yourself on who you want to be with as rayzoredge said, then that is starting to cross the line.Bottom line for my opinion has to be that flirting is ok as long as if you know who you are true to.

[tuddy 0]

Jester you have a valid point, but in addition to my post above I don't see what flirting achieves when you are with someone. If you're flirting then your not really being yourself, you become friends and you don't always flirt with friends i'm sure. Flirting is like asking someone out for a date, your saying "i'm teasing you or I like you" and If your teasing them well, you deserve what comes. If you go out and party then have fun and party and dance I don't see why you need to flirt with someone for them to buy you a drink. If I lik a girl and she is my friend i'll buy her a drink and she doesn't have to flirt with me to get it. So whilst flirting isn't a bad thing, I also don't see what purpose it could serve while you are in a relationship.

[TikiPrincess 0]

Obviously, the lines are going to be different based on the individuals involved. What one person considers cheating, another considers flirting. My husband has gone to a bachelor party almost every year for the past 5 years, and they go to the strip club every time. I don't mind because that's what guys do at bachelor parties, but I think I would mind if he went to one just because. On the other hand, he expects me to flirt with guys at the bachelorette parties. One of the things on the bride's scavenger hunt list was to get a guy to give us his underwear, and my husband fully expected me to have a hand in procuring them. Not that he wanted me to physically take them off, just that I'd be convincing enough to talk a guy into giving them up. (By the way, no, I didn't even try.) He's okay with me flirting amongst our friends, and I can go out dancing with the girls without him because he trusts me to come home and he trusts his friends to watch over me. Of course, I'm usually the sober one watching over our friends, but that's partly the reason he's comfortable staying home. He knows that my overprotective streak overrules everything else, so I'll be more concerned watching my friends flirting and trying to forestall any problems than listen to the guy next to me. Even if I'm not the designated driver, I'm less likely to get drunk if he's not there to watch my back.

Jester you have a valid point, but in addition to my post above I don't see what flirting achieves when you are with someone. If you're flirting then your not really being yourself, you become friends and you don't always flirt with friends i'm sure. Flirting is like asking someone out for a date, your saying "i'm teasing you or I like you" and If your teasing them well, you deserve what comes.

Actually, I flirt more with my friends than I do with strangers. With friends, I'm comfortable to know where the line is and how far to take it. I know which friends I can freak on the dance floor or ones that I can only have flirty innuendo with along with the occasional hug. And, for the most part, my husband is usually sitting right next to me or somewhere nearby. I'm not really doing it for a free drink or to get them to want me, although it's nice to think I'm desirable. Sometimes the girls in my group of friends act like something straight out of a playboy fantasy, smacking each other on the butt and using another girl's chest as a pillow. Of course, the guys sometimes flirt with each other almost as much as they flirt with the girls just to be ridiculous. None of us are swingers and, despite the teasing and flirting, none of us have had any extra-marital affairs. At least as far as I know. Perhaps being part of the initial MTV generation has made us a much more highly sexualized group of adults who are comfortable with sexuality.
I'm much less likely to go as far with a stranger as I would with a friend because I don't know where the line is with a stranger, or whether he's a psychopath who'll go crazy if I reject him at the end of the night. The only time I really get flirty with strangers is when I'm with a bunch of other girls, and even then it's questionable. I'm more likely to dance with a guy and then turn and leave without talking to him at all. I won't sit on a strange guys lap because that's just asking for trouble. I've rejected drinks from guys, especially if I didn't watch the bartender make the drink. It's become a dangerous world out there for women, and I'm not about to make it easy for a guy to turn me into his next rape victim.

So whilst flirting isn't a bad thing, I also don't see what purpose it could serve while you are in a relationship.

Sometimes, it's just a personality thing. It's not trying to get anything out of anyone else, it's just a way to communicate. Yes, there are other ways of communicating, but sometimes they just aren't as fun.

[Galahad 0]

Let me give you my 2 cents on this matter... Those who know me, mainly my family and close friends, know I'm kind of a jealous guy... Some would even say I'm very jealous... But, here's how it goes... I see flirting as a natural, um, let's say condition... People flirt with each other constantly, whether it's in a store, a bus, train station, night club, wherever... Ofcourse, flirting happens between persons of the opposite sex... I\m politicaly very active, and it's kind of my 2nd job, and in that line, at least here, in Serbia, there is a lot of flirting... It's all harmless ofcourse, because we all know where the line is, and what's tastefull and what's not, and we never cross it... But flirting makes people feel good, and I see nothing wrong with people feeling good... Flirting is ok by my book, and I don't have anything against it, as long as all parties know where to draw the line... I'm currently in a very serious relationship, we're planing to move in together, and I must say, for the first time in my life, I'm not jealous at all (well, I do admit I did have some jealous episodes, but only in private, and in the form of very mild discussions )... I figure, it has something with the trust... I completely trust her, and truth be told, she never lied to me, not once, not on a single matter... I must admit I was pleasantly surprised because of that...Anyways, flirting is OK, and I believe kissing is crossing the line... Kiss, I could forgive, but anything else - end of discussion...

[Reekun 0]

I don't think flirting is ok if you're in a relationship with someone.

 

It breaks all trust and boundaries between the two of you, and could cause unneeded tension/friction leading to a breakup.

 

What my lady friends tell me is "What he won't know won't hurt him..."

 

But when a guy does it he's automatically labeled as an evil little man void of any trust applicable to him...

[Darknesscyshadow 0]

OK, I'm probably the last person who needs to be starting this topic, but it's one of the conversations that got brought up during my friends' Labor Day party.
So what constitutes as "cheating"?

One of my friends, a guy, says that it's not cheating unless you get caught. Then you have to suffer the repercussions of your actions and how far you took it. If you get caught kissing and your partner thinks that's as far as you've gone, then that's the only thing you have to atone for.
Another friend, a girl, believes that intention is all that's needed to be considered cheating. Her example was that if she were dating one guy, and she goes to a club and flirted with someone else and tries to make someone else want her by flirting with him, etc. even if nothing physical passes between them, then that's cheating in her book.

Obviously there are as many definitions of cheating as there are relationships. Each person has their own barometer of the behavior they expect from their partner, and it may change from partner to partner. In my opinion, neither of the two definitions given is satisfactory to me. The guy's is far too lax and the girl's is far too strict for me. I'm a flirt, and I like dancing and innuendo while my husband doesn't really enjoy dancing and doesn't mind that I dance with other guys. But I still consider something like kissing another guy on the lips as cheating.

So I pose the question to you all, where does flirting end and cheating begin?

I prefer to view it not as cheating, but betrayal of love:

They can want, but they can't touch. It's not bad that you want people to want you- that is normal, but I think I'm with your view of it. Kissing, touching (suggestively of course) is all too far. Wanting someone else enough to actively strive after them is betrayal. and extremely suggestive flirting cyber-wise is betrayal too in my book. You have to be loyal to the person you love-

So you smile when you know someone is looking at you- it's all fine. As long as you're loyal and don't make a move, you're not betraying the trust of your lover.

You have to be loyal to the person you love.

[iGuest 3]

My view is this... Guys/gals always say " I AM JUST BEING NICE", while really you are flirting. Try being nice and notice how you feel on the inside than flirt with someone that catches your eye and notice your inner feelings. I know that while you flirt your blood pressure raises a bit and you have a higher tension of emotions roaring inside of you. While being nice your body stays calmer. Why is that??? Flirting makes your insides burst with beautiful feelings. The kind of feelings when you first met your significant other. So why would you give a big part of you to someone you claim you do not love?? BECAUSE YOU ARE A CHEATER! You cannot have those high tension wonderful feelings with 2 people at the same moment. I guarantee you this, while you are flirting with someone spectacular in your eyes, you will not be feeling the same emotions at the same time for your partner. So you actually gave your special emotion/feeling to another. Yes, this is called AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR !! No physical sex involved but non the less you cheated. I am sure all of you will agree that it starts with a notice, than progresses to I want to know you, than flirting alot, down to wanting to be closer and getting to know you more, finally the crossing of the line...Physical touch!So why even start at the start line because I am sure you do not want to cross the finish line and risk losing your partner! Think twice because it is soooo difficult to win back the one you really love when you cross that line.Trust me, I know what I am talking about...My husband crossed the line. Hope this helps that someone if he/she is contemplating on crossing that line. DON'T it is not worth all the stress !

-reply by Mona Lisa