Getting Used In Love. People using others on the name of Love

[odomike 0]

it all started in october 2004. when I stupidly (I would call it stupid now though I never felt it that way then) fell in love with this half cast (Indian-Nigerian) and she also fell in love with me (I was daft enough to have believed that back then). Everything was moving very fine for us untill I started noticing that she is kinda too hard a person for me. Ok..I am a soft person so to say. When I say that I am soft, I mean emotionally such that even my friends generally tease me with these words "I THINK GOD MADE A BIG MISTAKE IN CREATING YOU TO BE A MAN. yOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN A WOMAN INSTEAD."So, you could imagine how I felt at realizing taht I have landed myself with someone who is way too hard for my liking. She also didnt like the fact that I am very soft. Ok we continued that way and things kept on deteriorating between us to the extent that we started raising tempers against each other.Everytime this happens, I will always be the person to apologise, whether I was at fault or not. My friends, when I confide in then, will always tell me that that is quite wrong of me. that I should allow her to apologise whenever she is wrong, but I was so much in love with her that I didnt want to loose her for any reason. I guess this fact got into her head and also the very fact that I dont wanna loose her made her feel as if I am gonna die if she leavse me (and so I actually felt at that moment).It got to the extent of quarels (and I mean, insessant quarells) that will always leave me feeeling that I have messed up my relationship and she will in most of the cases, go home without bothering herself about me.She is already a University graduate and wanted to get married. As stupid as I was back then, I was thinking that I would be able to make her wait for me until I am ready to marry her. And one thing that kinda made this seem very certain (the fact that she is gonna wait for me) was that she once told me about a dream she had in which we were married and she had a child for me in that dream and some other things that she said. Well, I continued to persevere believing that everything will turn out fine at last.Finally, she had to go for a program we call national Youth Service Corps in my country (a program which every university graduate must undergo before going into the labour market to seek for job) and guess what happened? I got my greatest shock the day I called her and she told me that she has fallen in love with a guy I have seen on the occasions I went to visit her in her service area. I nearly went outa my mind but I decided to keep it kool. I completely lost me appetite and everything called food tasted like dust in my mouth at taht time. Anyways, i still continued visitting her and even became friends with this guy.The guy made me believe that he has nothing to do with her (I still dont know whether that is the truth or not) and we actually became friends. when he heard that I was having difficulties with my girl, he tried to unite both of. all to no avail. she even quarelled with him because of that.Finally, I was really pised off tyhe day i went to visit her and she refused to see me and switched off her phone so I wont be able to call her. I felt so bad because I have travelled a very long journey to see her as she is in another part of the country coupled with the fact that I got badly beaten by a very heavy rain on my way to see her. Only to be treated the way she did.Well, I was only able to meet the guy who tried to help me locate her. we were still outside as at 11:00pm while we were trying to locate her. Finally I had to go back to my lounge and really had the worst sleep ever.The next day, i still tried again to locate her but every effort was in vain. I left that place feeeling like a sunken tree trunk. She later came back to my state only to tell me that she is through with the relationship.Actually, all these things are not the major thing that really bothered me but the fact that her mom, while I was discussing with her a few weeks later, told me that her daughter used me to gain her freedom from her dad. OMG, I just couldnt take that. that I have been used for a whole 2 years +. Ohhh.....Well, such is my sad story and the final result of this is that I am finding it difficult to trust any girl that comes my way.Actually, I have another girl now who has also passed through some kinda ordeal in the hands of some other guy. Well, i am believing that since she has understood what it means to be REALLY HEART BROKEN that she is not gonna try and play any stunt on me like the previous one did (but you just can never tell women and their ways).

[husker 0]

Honestly, she was a jerk. Don't take it too hard to yourself though, people like to hind who they really are on the inside. If I was you, I would actually be very angry at her parents, who knew this was happening yet didn't tell you anything. Next time you date someone, really get to know them before you start to get serious with them. Hopefully the relationship you have know will work out better than that one did. Really sad story to read, sorry man and best of luck. :XD:

[habbopixelz 0]

aww im sorry that happened to you but ive been used too so i know how it felt :XD:

[csp4.0 1]

sorry about what happened. But if you think your partner isn't the best person, break up early so it wouldn't be so hard a couple of months later, and when you do break up that person will always be in your heart (unless of course you have a grudge on that person or something like that).Take it one step at a time and you should get through fine.

[odomike 0]

Honestly, she was a jerk. Don't take it too hard to yourself though, people like to hind who they really are on the inside. If I was you, I would actually be very angry at her parents, who knew this was happening yet didn't tell you anything. Next time you date someone, really get to know them before you start to get serious with them. Hopefully the relationship you have know will work out better than that one did. Really sad story to read, sorry man and best of luck.

Well, I wouldnt know whether to say that she was hiding behind what she really is. You know, she was really good and honest in the beginning. I just cannot say exactly what went wrong. She suddennly changed and everything I say, all my pleas all fell on her deaf ears.

Actually, I disliked her mom from the very day that she mentioned to me that she knew all the while about everything. You know, she is one kind of person that is quite close to her mom and they share a lota things: ideas, thought and stuffs like that. So, you cant tell me that her mom never knew all these were hapening.

Well, It has hapened and quite unfortunately, I cant rewind time. It was just a real pity that things went wrong between us. I really loved her with every damn iota in my heart, mind, body, sould and spirit. I just praying to God t please give me that loving spirit so that I can love my new girl more.

[kuuldot 0]

I have to be a bit upfront with you, u've seen thru it all and realised your mistakes namely;- it is almost impossible for a girl to wait for a guy whilst he is still in school - for what? In Nigeria (I am a nigerian, I know)- go easy on the girl, dont dump all them feelings on her, even if you date for a while, try and maintain control of yourself cos once you loose control, guy, u are at someone else's mercy.- always try and tell yourself the truth and act fast. the longer it drags, the worse its going to behope that helps...

[odomike 0]

I have to be a bit upfront with you, u've seen thru it all and realised your mistakes namely;
- it is almost impossible for a girl to wait for a guy whilst he is still in school - for what? In Nigeria (I am a nigerian, I know)
- go easy on the girl, dont dump all them feelings on her, even if you date for a while, try and maintain control of yourself cos once you loose control, guy, u are at someone else's mercy.
- always try and tell yourself the truth and act fast. the longer it drags, the worse its going to be

hope that helps...

That sure does help man. Thanks so much for that advice. BTW, it is so nice to know that there is another Nigerian in here. Been thinking that I have always been the only Nigerian in Xisto since I registered in 2005. You are welcome to the T17 community bro.

Thanks once again.

[sarahscope 0]

Women my dear friend, suck. I should know, I am one! At the end of the day you know the truth now, and although hurt you can move on.

[rayzoredge 2]

Stories like this make me feel like everyone's got a hidden agenda.I've just recently been used also, but not to the extent that you've experienced. I'm swearing off of girls for a while because of it... I'm glad that you were able to bounce back.Good luck to you and your current relationship.

[eka_ys 0]

Brother, don't be too soft on a girl just because you like her - That's a fatal mistake for guys. Woman like a man who can stand for himself and doesn't "kiss her butt" (tell her you love her, apologize, etc) in the wrong time. If she's the one who make a mistake then she's the one that should say "I'm sorry", not you. If you act like a man then you'll be treated like a man, then you can find your real woman and separate the *BLEEP*es from your life.You should read askmen.com and read articles by "Doclove" and "David deAngelo" on "Dating and Love" section, I learn a lot from them and now I find a great woman who stick to me like a glue :XD:

[kuuldot 0]

Thanks Mike...nice to know guys like u are here too...

[odomike 0]

You are welcome Kuuldot.

Women my dear friend, suck. I should know, I am one! At the end of the day you know the truth now, and although hurt you can move on.

 

Why do you have to say that sarahscope? hmm.....isn't it surprising that a woman would say something like this. I would swear any lady/woman would try to defend themselves. Anyways, the reason why you said that is best known to you sarah.

 

I've just recently been used also, but not to the extent that you've experienced. I'm swearing off of girls for a while because of it... I'm glad that you were able to bounce back.

 

Good luck to you and your current relationship.

You know what rayzoredge? girls/ladies/women are more or less like your shadow. run after them and they run away in the opposite direction. Run away and they come after you. Actualy, this current girl isn't just serious with me and I aint liking that at all. She is too young 18 yrs to be exact. I didnt even go for her. After the previous encounter with the half-cast, I decided to stay off women. Out of no where, she just came and started pestering me with calls.

 

At first, I never wanted to have anything to do with her, but when she persisted, I softened a bit and decided to give her a try, thinking that she might be genuine. Then what happens? All of a sudden, she comes up with this idea that she just wants me to be her best friend. oooohh!! I just couldnt digest that. Ok, I was finally able to convince her against that, but I still noticed that she was becoming more and more unserious about the whole thing.

 

I wouldnt know whether to attribute the slack to her immaturity (or so I think, you never can tell whether a woman is imature or just pretending towards you) or that she aint just liking the whoe saga. Anyways, I havent called her for more than one week now and she hasnt bothered to call either.

 

I am just gonna give her another day or two and then invite her for a chat. I will try to talk some sense into her or maybe we could just separate amicably in order that no one starts feeling cheated or lied to. I do like her though, but like the previous one, I cant force her.

 

Brother, don't be too soft on a girl just because you like her - That's a fatal mistake for guys. Woman like a man who can stand for himself and doesn't "kiss her butt" (tell her you love her, apologize, etc) in the wrong time. If she's the one who make a mistake then she's the one that should say "I'm sorry", not you. If you act like a man then you'll be treated like a man, then you can find your real woman and separate the *BLEEP*es from your life.

 

You should read askmen.com and read articles by "Doclove" and "David deAngelo" on "Dating and Love" section, I learn a lot from them and now I find a great woman who stick to me like a glue

I now understand where my mistakes are coming from. It would be too bad if, after experiencing everything that happened to me, I am not able to make some changes to myself. I guess my new girl is getting pissed off 'cos I am not being that soft on her (OMG! I hope I aint being too hard either.)

 

BTW, I noticed that the topic of this my thread has been changed for some reason which I am yet to understand. I would appreciate it if it could be changed to the original topic I used. I do not see anything wrong with that. In case you have forgotten the topic, it is...Oh my God! I have been used. I am not liking this