In Love With A Best Friend i need help really badly

[iGuest 3]

in love with my best friendIn Love With A Best Friend

ok 5 months ago I left my husband. A month after I left I met this guy 14 years younger than me. He is amazing and everything I ever wanted in a guy. We became good friends and about two months later he moved in with me..The problem is we don't have sex we don't kiss but he lives with me and sleeps next to me everynight. We are together all the time. People think we are in a relationship.When anyone asks if we are he says we are just friends. So the other night I texted him and told him how I felt and that I loved him. He never replied to that text and was still texting me. He was gone for 4 days and finally came back around last night. He has never mentioned what I said to him and its like nothing has changed between us. Does he love me back or is this even going anywhere...What do I do cuz I'm going crazy. 

-question by blueeyes6

[iGuest 3]

IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIENDIn Love With A Best Friend

I decided I really am completely and madly in love with my best friend .. Weve known each other for years & he has this PSYCHO.. I mean psycho girlfriend. She is very insecure & they fight all the time. Me & Him were close to having sex :X. I stopped though I felt like even though I didn't like her I felt guilty... My feelings are so strong I'm thinking about moving.. He knows I love him & he tells me he loves me..I don't know what do I do? I really love him more than anything in life.. I have a career, I just graduated. But, I can't stand them two together.. The pictures of them together are literally eating me up inside. My best friend & I get along so well.. We can play madden all day long, watch football, play sims 3.. She has nothing in common.. I don't get it..

I am looking at getting transfered and moving by December. I just can't take my feelings. Yes, I know its running..But I would rather run than ruin him being happy.. He tells me hes half happy with her, that hes optimistic that she will change and that breaks my heart every time. Why change a person..When you could be happy with somebody else.-reply by Kiley

 

[legend112 0]

Oh dear, you are quite in a predicament, aren't you? My heart reaches out to you; I seriously feel sorry for you.

 

Oh yeah, not that I'm insinuating anything or being extremely judgmental but are you a guy or a girl? You have a forum name that is not indicative of any gender, your profile gender is not set and, well, you don't have any pics either so I really have no idea...

 

In any case, I really feel sorry for you because I do think your best friend is a bit of a jerk. At the very least, you have an insensitive guy on your plate. I mean, what kind of sensible guy would just say that to a girl and not do anything about it? In other words, why should he tell you how he feels if he has no intention, or at least, no courage of his conviction to follow through and ask you out?

 

It is perfectly normal for best friends to feel attached to one another and when it really comes down to it, I really think he loves you (No, I'm not psychic; I'm just saying that if the two of you were really close friends, there is a high chance he has a place for you in his heart) If I might be audacious enough, it is easy to imagine that he loves you even more than that girl of his. However, it does seem that your best friend is being extra-cautious. Sorta like testing the waters; maybe if you said yes, he'd jump ship (ditch his girl and ask you out) I'm assuming you haven't told him how you feel. I know it looks greedy, and even rude, but, practically speaking, it is a wise decision on his part (only that it's beneficial to him alone) The heart, after all, is a very precious investment; you'd be better off knowing first what you're getting into.

 

It may look like he's keeping you as a reserve, or a safety net, just in case things don't work out with his girlfriend but have you ever considered that he might be keeping her as the backup and that he's really after you?

 

Again, I'm not saying anything is real; I'm just saying that there are some things worth considering.

 

Okay, I know I'm also bing insensitive, thinking aloud when what you asked for is an advice, right? So on to the advice...

 

I strongly suggest you tell him how you feel. Tell him, with all honesty, that you are in love with him. Now, I know this looks like a very selfish move on your part for it will put him into hot water, appearing to make him choose between his girl and you but, if you look at it carefully, he started it. He most probably won't tell you he loves you out of pure honesty, hell, he's probably telling you that because he is hoping you feel the same way too!

 

Now, ideally, you can tell him that, even though you love him, you're not seeking to ruin his current relationship and that you wish for his happiness even though it does not include you. However, I would not want to ask you to do that if you don't really feel that way; it will come off as cheap trick and a quite too histrionic one too if you pull i off without meaning it.

 

Humanly speaking, the moment his girl find out about your confession, she'd be pissed off and there'd be a confrontation. Whatever you do, don't antagonize her or tell your best friend to ditch that slutty 3!+(# he's dating, despite any urge you may or may not feel.

 

Of course, things may or may not go as I have said but, whatever happens, stick to the truth. It was well that you didn't answer his question, rather than lie and say, "No, I'm not in love with you." Don't try any offhand techniques, cheap trick or dirty magic; it won't help the least bit and will most probably complicate the situation. If he asks for the truth, tell him the truth; don't lie. Tell him how you feel, that you are in love with him and that you feel like he's being selfish and that you think he's keeping you as a reserve broad.

 

From here on, you'll probably get a lot of other advices. (Well, duh, you asked for it ) Anyway, just to show that I'm not pulling this stuff from thin air, let me tell you a story...

 

I have gone through your... situation. Twice.

 

The first one was my best friend in high school. In our first few years in college, we grew closer together despite the fact that we're in different universities. Anyway, to cut the long cheese short, I admitted what I felt for him. Three months after, things went awry between us; we were expecting more from each other since we're already together and there was friction because, when it comes down to it, we were trying to change each other to suit our tastes perfectly.

 

We broke up and lost contact with each other for four years. When we finally met again, we were, at first, awkward but we rekindled our friendship gradually. We were, initially, just civil with each other, then warm, then we shared an open friendship. I know we can never be romantically involved with each other ever again but I'm glad I took that leap. More than ever, I think we gained a deeper understanding of each other. Now we know what we can ask/request and what we'd be better off keeping mum about. We lead different lives now and we rarely meet offline but we share an intimate camaraderie and a better degree of respect for each other than when we were just best friends.

 

The second guy was my senpai in my college days. It was quite an accident that I fell in love with him. Anyway, we were academically busy with school requirements that I vowed to myself never to say a word about it until after graduation; I don't want any possible friction between us to affect some projects we're working on together.

 

Well, things didn't go quite well on my part so he graduated and I, on the other hand, had to stay for another year. (As a side note, I didn't tell him that and put him off track with white lies, just so he won't worry about me) I confessed how I felt and, quite unfortunately, he didn't like me that way, at least, not as a romantic partner. He does respect my... preferences, just that he's not one of "us".

 

Things were awkward for the months that followed; we suddenly ran out of topics to IM to each other. I seriously thought that he feels uneasy around me so I started online conversations with him less frequently than before.

 

He got himself a girlfriend during that time, though he didn't tell me; I found it out from another person. Still, I know that trust is not something so easily given, especially after I have hidden some things from him all that time.

 

After some time, however, we soon fell back to the easy talk and light banter we often exchanged in our college days. Soon, we have regained mutual trust in each other. I trust him not to "out" me to our other (homophobic) friends and he trusts me not to, well, rape him or stuff.

 

Falling in love with your best friend is always tricky stuff but, as someone once told me before, it is better to say it and take the chance rather than keep silent and let it poison your friendship v

 

Oh yeah, and about what BuffaloHELP-san said, I'd like to point out that you (bluefrostii, not BuffaloHELP) yourself didn't recognize it as well until he told you

 

Again, don't jump to conclusions and say he's keeping you as a spare tire. It could very well be the other way around

I strongly agree with this guys thoughts.

 

the best thing might be to ask him but it has to be done cleverly too.

 

You guys are always hanging around and all which means he really has feelings for you. It might be something he has bottled for so long too but the fact that you have such a relationship and you haven't opened up has probably made him reluctant to pursue the issue.

 

you do not have to ask him point blank if he like you or not. i used to have girl who liked me and i knew it...i just didn't want us to go out because of some personal issues but she just had this quality og making me feel like flying when I was with her that i couldn't bear it and we started dating...and nothing was said between the two of us....we just ended going out and we both knew it.

 

i suggest you do the same...make him feel the special connection that you have....if you come too open, you can scare him away. and don't tell his gf and you like him or anything nasty....she said she won't be surprised if you like him...that was just a way of trying to get you to say yes....don't buy it, even though deep down she kinda might have meant it

 

I wish you luck..im sure with time you guys are going to date properly and be happy

[iGuest 3]

i fell in love then he left with my heart In Love With A Best Friend

okay theres this guy he moved here from ridgeland and we got really close you know he was my best friend we always hung out but then I realized that I liked him alot then all my friends knew they said it was obvious they started messing with me then they told him that I liked him but he didnt believe well the end of the year came and it was our last day thats when he decided to tell my best friend that he liked me why would he wait till the end of the year ??( but he didnt tell me he told my bestfriend) well the next school year came and I seen him his hair got longer and he looked so cute .. Well I knew he liked me but did he know I liked him?? ,we got closer he even told me he would never leave me but  then that day that day he came to schol and told me I'm moving back home ...It hurt me I tryed to look happy for him because he is getting what he wants you know he is happy but it made me sad he noticed he would do these things to keep me happy like poke me in my cheek and tell em these stories ... I loved  it because he cared but then that friday  he left and so after school I decide to txt him we talked alot!! and thats whn he told me his self he liked me alot but he said we couldnt date because he just got out of a bad relationship so I was like okay ill wait then he started saying I love you to me yes I said it back because I do then he stoped talking to me I don't know if he sick or he just don't wanna talk to me then last night I had a dream that I was going to his moms work to talk to her and to see if he was okay well when I walked in she asked if I was me and I saud yess!! and she told me I have bad news she said michael has been sick and the doctors said they couldnt get heal him  but his body wold have to heal on his own then she said but right now he is really sick and he might even die then I just started crying and I couldnt stop then I woke up.. I miss him alot I wonder if he things of me.. Thats my story!!

-reply by brittany

[iGuest 3]

Okay. This is what happen to me. There's this guy that's been my best friend for 4 years. He moved away my Junior year. But I wasn't in love with him then. I actually fell in love with someone, but he screwed me over. But my best friend came down from Indiana to visit. I never thought in a million years it would be him. He told me how he felt about me the last day he was here and he kissed me and that kiss made me realize a lot. I'm in love with my best friend and it sucks because he has a girlfriend in Indiana. And I want nothing more then to be with him.

[iGuest 3]

I agree...In Love With A Best Friend

I think he is not making you a spare tire. Trust me, I felt the same as you once. And honestly, get him while he's there hun. I had my chance, but never told him of the decade of our friendship and five years outta that I fell in love with him. I'm happy now with my current bf/ fiance. Anyways, tell him how you feel. Trust me. Tell him, before he's gone for good. 

-reply by Tina

 

[iGuest 3]

having a choice between my crush and my friendsIn Love With A Best Friend

I am a 16 yr old girl.. And I have a crush on my friend and I guess he also likes me. But the problem is that, that my friends don't like him at all and they always tell negative about him. But I know he is not like that.

And whenever my friends find me talking to him they just show attitude and walk away:(...This really hurts me...

And they don't talk to me properly...

I don't understand either to choice my friends or my crush...

Please help!

[iGuest 3]

response to "having a choice between my crush and my friends"In Love With A Best Friend

if your friends were your true friends they would support you in anything you do. It sounds to me like you need to confront them and tell them that they should support you no matter what, even if that means being with someone that they don't like. Trust me it was the same thing with my ex friend she kept dating her now ex boyfriend even though he was mean to her and a huge *******. But she was in love so my friends and I supported her even though we knew she was making a mistake. If you think your going to be happy with this guy than go for it. Your friends will support you and if they don't you need to get new friends.

Miss.Dizz

[iGuest 3]

Same SituationIn Love With A Best FriendHaving been in that situation.. More like I am in that situation I have been in love with my best friend for 4 years now but I have slowly been letting go of that emotion. I love my best friend to death and never want to lose him but I need closure and I do not think I will ever get that since I do not know if he feels the same. You on the other hand know that he is in love with you, and you in love with him but he has a girlfriend. It has to come down to him choosing his best friend of 5 years who he always been in love with or his girlfriend now who is convinient and close whenever he has needs, because that all she is to him it sounds like. However, the big choice is yours, I understand that no one knows you as he does, he knows your likes and dislikes, he accepts you for who you are, and even on your worst day he is still there. But is it worth it to you to have to keep wondering for the rest of your life and regret not getting the courage to say " its me or her" you have to do whatever makes you happy, even if that means getting hurt in the end, or maybe a happy ending. You never know until you try, it might be worth it in the end.Miss. Dizz-reply by Miss. Dizz

[iGuest 3]

In "love" with a friendIn Love With A Best Friend

This is probably the most strange situation ever. It seems that I have always known her. Her family was always around when I was young. She was nice, but not really a friend. Then I met her. We were in our teens, she just excelled at anything she tried. Music, Sports, Socially. I also did very well in sports and began to love music after watching her amazing performances. We have so much in common. Being in her company is just the joy of my life. Both play same instrument, sports, and just share general interests. She seems like a real person in this world filled with wax masks covering the highschool experience. Then I realized that I loved her. But I have a reputation with girls. No not what you think. I am that cute little kid and I think here I always will be. It is so terrible to never be taken seriously. I accidently built this wall up around myself. It seems to **** the courage out of me. I know I should just tell her how I feel, but the truth is, I value our friendship too much to gamble with the color she brings in to my gray scale life. I Don't know what to do. If you were ever in a similar or even vaguely related situation please,what should I do.

[iGuest 3]

My BestfriendIn Love With A Best Friend

MY STORY: I have a guy bestfriend. I've known him forever,since we were kids and now that we're 30. My family and his family are very close.  8 years ago, I broke up with my 6 year relationship realizing that I was inlove with my bestfriend.  We talked about it, we have the same feelings but we're both not willing to risk the friendship.  Until now, I am suffering, I am still inlove with him...I want to let go but I cant coz I've never had someone I could share everything with the same way I do with him.  I don't want to talk about it all over again, what we share and where we are in each other's lives but I cant also be the spare tire.

"I wish that without me your heart would break,I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.I wish that without me you couldn't eat,I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep."

-reply by candylou

[iGuest 3]

My BestfriendIn Love With A Best Friend<p>MY STORY: I have a guy bestfriend. I've known him forever,since we were kids and now that we're 30. My family and his family are very close.  8 years ago, I broke up with my 6 year relationship realizing that I was inlove with my bestfriend.  We talked about it, we have the same feelings but we're both not willing to risk the friendship.  Until now, I am suffering, I am still inlove with him...I want to let go but I cant coz I've never had someone I could share everything with the same way I do with him.  I don't want to talk about it all over again, what we share and where we are in each other's lives but I cant also be the spare tire.</p><p>"I wish that without me your heart would break,I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.I wish that without me you couldn't eat,I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep."</p>-reply by candylou

 

You have feelings for each other! Screw logic, if you love him and want to be with him then you need to tell him. It's not fair on you, him or his girlfriend if you can't be honest about the way you feel. Its wasting time of you being together and wasting his gfs time of moving on. You're lucky he can admit to you how he feels. I'm stuck in another situation with my guy best friend too

I don't know if this will even be red lol but I always find it difficult to express my hurt to a guy that has influenced me to feel that way. He shuts down and becomes distant when he feels blame and I understand why he does it, I just don't know how to express myself without him pushing me away because he can't handle the emotion. He's not even my boyfriend. Intact he is my best friend, but I've been in love with him since I was 13 and it's been 7 years now. We went through a lot of deep stuff that bonded us through the years to the point where people try and tear us apart but we are unbreakable (even though we are just friends and have never hooked up or even kissed!) weird I know.. It's even weirder that we talk like a married couple and argue like a married cuddle. We cuddle, snuggle in the same bed, we hold hands all the time and he's constantly kissing me on the forehead. He knows I love him and he has told me so many times that he doesn't feel the same way towards me. It's confusing and I'm constantly getting hurt. I would never cut him out of my life he's the only person I trust in this world so I don't know how I'm meant to push aside how I feel when deep down when we are together and do romantic stuff, it honestly feels like he is in love with me, he just doesn't know it or admit to it or maybe I'm just in denial. I have no idea. He's 21 now and he has NEVER been with anyone and I'm the closest thing he has ever had to a relationship. Is there something going on or am I just crazy