What Causes Long-term Relationship To End?

[Tenshi 0]

There are so many reasons why couples break up, the main reason being immaturity or too many differences. When we fall for a person at first we are ready to approve/accept everything that the person does but as time flies, so does patience resulting in rejection of everything the partner does. Sometimes the thought of being with only one person scares the other which results in panic, break up or cheating. I have seen couples break up because they were too "fast" or too "slow. In my cousin's case, she broke up with her guy of 3 years because of his mother, she "felt" that my cousin's family was not right therefore the girl too would be wrong for her son. She ended their relationship even though she knew how nice the girl was & never meant bad for her son. Well in a way it was good that it ended because the guy was a complete momma's boy who simply abandoned my sis just because he wanted to make his mom happy, my sis was pretty devastated because she had compromised everything she ever had for this guy.But there are many cases where the guy/girl is simply there for the ride while the other partner does everything required to keep the ship floating. After some time out of unhappiness or realization that it's a permanent "slavery" the partner chooses to leave. I have seen couples date each other for the sake of looking good in front of other people but once they are out of school/college/job they ditch each other and get back to life o.O Abuse can be a reason for long term relationships to end, you can never tell if a person is in an abusive relationship and they stick to the relationship because they feel they are to blame. There are many girls who stick to a guy without any choice but one day just get out of it...

[jullaby 0]

There are many many reasons but I believe the most common cause will be complacency. After awhile, you take each other for granted and you just don't do things u do when u first started out. He does't give her surprises and she doesn't cook him a meal somethings like that you usually do to keep the relationship romantic. Yea, and people change, and complacency impedes you from keeping up with the changes.

[iGuest 3]

in need of some relationship adviceWhat Causes Long-term Relationship To End?

I've been with my boyfriend for about 1.5 years I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 23, we've both been in relationships before but I think I could say, for the both of us, love never swept either of us off our feet like it has this time... It was the kind of relationship that just happened when neither of us we're looking for one, we fell in love and things have been awesome...Lately I think I've been feeling bored, which is ok because thats normal right? hes an accountant and I'm on my way to being a teacher but I still think I'm finding out who I am, we fantasize about the future, moving in, marriage, and a life together. I feels good to have thoughts like that I get really excited and can't wait, but sometimes it scares me. I get scared that it won't happen the way we want it to. I think these thoughts come from the abandonment issues I have that stem from when I was younger and my father disconnected himself from my sister I after my parents divorced.Sometimes my negative thoughts get to the core of me and I feel myself trying to withdraw. People I talk to about this say its normal but you just gotta be positive and if worse comes to worse and bad things happen with me and my guy, we'll both be able to work through them or let them go and move...I don't wanna picture myself with anyone else...But is it a mistake to put all my eggs in one basket?... I know we're still kinda young, but they say when you know you know. And I think I know. I just get confused I guess. I dunno, grrr. Any adivce/comments would be great! thanks so much

[Polipop 0]

I'm totally agree with jullaby. Some people starts to think there's no need to keep the love alive, because they think they'll never lose each other. I think that the worst someone can do. It may cause infidelity and things like that... And lost a relationship that with proper care, would last forever

[Gazeekoo 0]

Hehe. You just answered all your questions and then asked them again. :)I guess you should either put all your eggs in one basket or keep them safe with you. No point in distributing an egg or two to lots of baskets.Er, that was a rather horrible analogy.Anyway, um, advice... try and do new things together. Discover stuff together. But at the same time, don't suffocate each other. Plan surprises for him. All the things people normally tell couples to do, but which are so very hard to do on a regular basis.All the best!

[iGuest 3]

Sometimes, even with all the truth and trust in the world, sometimes it takes a while, especially if they are good people, to realize that you just aren't meant for each other. The issues you thought you could resolve if you could just be strong and try become more and more obvious that it just might not be enough. 

In a relationship, the last thing you want to do is to force your partner to change. The priority is on making each other happy. If this is not possible, you want to end the relationship, before you get married, before you have children, or before you end up hating and resenting someone who is truly good and has done nothing wrong.

Love doesn't solve it all and doesn't always last forever. Sometimes loving someone really does mean admitting that you can't do it anymore. And just because you break up doesn't mean it wasn't really love. 

My 6-year relationship just ended. I'm almost 30 and it's terrifying. He's all I've known since I graduated college. We both tried so hard. And we both loved each other sincerely and with all of our hearts. We communicated. We compromised. We gave everything. Sometimes, it just has to end. 

And that is okay. It's okay to fail at relationships. And sometimes you don't know that it won't work until the day that it's over. That's okay, too.

[iGuest 3]

6 yearsWhat Causes Long-term Relationship To End?

I have been with my boyfriend for six and a half years now. We've been together since we were.. Oh wow, 12 and 13 actually ha. So I have an interesting perspective to bring up here. Long- term relationships span a.. Long amount of time. People can change a lot throughout long term relatioships, so it's not neccesarily that they love you any less, but that as time goes on there are other things to consider, talk about, prioritize. 

 So at 3 years, your friends may have realized things working differently, at 4 maybe trying to push through hard times, 5 not wanting to loose them and at 6 finally coming to terms that they aren't in the same place that they were when they first got together. I'm not saying I know these friends of yours, just that its a possibilty.

 Another option is that perhaps they're in long distance relationships, and that takes a toll on the two of them as well, there are lots of factors - not just that in two years you'll wake up and hate your girlfriend all of a sudden. It will work out if its meant to.

 

also I apologize for realizing you posted this question in february - lol

-feedback by michelle

 

[iGuest 3]

All three seem to be the leading cause to me!What Causes Long-term Relationship To End?

Can't agree more. Both people have to want to make the relationshipWork and if one doesn't, resentment and anger will build to the pointOf no return. Unfortunately, I was at the loosing end of a seven yearRelationship where I was emotionally abused and used. It is a hardConcept to understand until one goes through it but you become addictedTo the idea that you can make the person love you, or eventually theyWill see the love you give and appreciate you, but the truth is: ifThey don't treat you and your relationship with the respect deservedThen they never will. Also, throughout a relationship people see whatIs acceptable or not, if you have one party that is continually wantingTo push the limits, even if they never cheat, it can be even moreHurtful because they make you feel that they loved you when they reallyDidn't; They just want you around when they need the support and do notGive any to you. This is just immaturity which leads to anger and because they didn't want to make it work there was resentment.

[iGuest 3]

long term relationship breakups...What Causes Long-term Relationship To End?Replying to SentressThere can be many reasons for this. I myself have had three long-term relationships, one lasting nine years. First let me say that I applaude your interest in addressing this issue and your concern for an answer. You will go through many stages of your life and this is one of them, just don't wait until you go through three relationship to learn.I believe the main reason long-term relationships fail is because there no real commitment. The relationship goes through all the same stages of a marriage; however, there is no "legal" bond. All relationships go through stages and no relationship is perfect, there will always be something to deal with, but its how you handle these stages, as a couple, that make the difference.Some relationship couples become bored, some become comfortable, some just change as they grow older. They may deal the problems within the relationship for awhile, but then become confused in thought and emotions because now they really know this person. They then start to question is this "the one," do I really want to spend the rest of my life with these problems? Realationships without communication and commitment are doomed to fail. Every relationship has problems, every person has something unique about them, no one person is perfect, and no relationship is either. So without the "bond" there no reason to work it out, and there's nothing to lose (for the one who wants out of the relationship).If there is one thing that I would want for you to remember it would be this, "the grass isn't greener on the other side, it's just a different type of grass."I hope this helps.

[missy2205 0]

Sometimes relationships tend to get rusty over time. There are millions of reasons why people break up with those they love and care about even after 10 years. I have always been one of those people who want a relationship that lasts but then life doesnt always present us with everything the way we want it.When you start dating someone its exciting and theres a rush that we get from being with that person. Its that feeling of excitment that has you checking your face in the mirror evey 5 minutes because you dont want them to see any blemish on you. The same thing that makes you have butterflies when you are together. Its the excitment o getting to know each other and finding out more about each other what makes you tick, what makes them tick. Their history, their dreams, what they want in life and all that. People are different just like a game of cards oyu may have the exact same combination of cards with another player but that dont mean they will play them the same way. One is a mini series version with only a year worth of reading material assuming that reading a person is getting to know them. Another person is an encyclopedia and takes 3 years to get to know. For some the book starts of as a romanntic thriller which drives you will with desire and passion and keeps you wanting more but three quarters of the way it slowly changes to a thriller which keeps you hooked but has no real passion or storyline then finally yu get into the last quarter and the story just looses the plot. Its as if the writter has run out of things to tell and is just a boring lump of fairy tales which dont make any sense of just becomes a book that is so predictabl and wierd that we cant wait to take it back to the library or book exchane to get another better book. If that dont make sense relationships can also be equated to drugs. They start of nice and you can see yourself having this long good relationship with the drug as it makes you feel so good but after a while deepending on the get hooked on the drug ability of the drug you start to see the side effects. the bad bits and at first you think i can handle them but they get worse and worse till you just dont care about the drug. so you get rid of the drug from your system. Its hard at times ad takes a lot from you but at times its an easy walk away. So after 6 years you can find that the boyfriend who used to make you that jittery and excited is just a boring old hag and has no drive in life thay are still in the same boat they were 5 years back and to be frank they dont seem like they care if they are stuck in a boyou or not. all that matters if that they are alive. They dont even care to do a good thing for you and take you for granted just because you been around for so long you are now a fixed asset.So with time comes that greater test of any relationship. but NEVER assume that becuase its survived the last 7 years, it a signed and sealed relationshipp that wont ever sink. Cause once you stop trying to cultivate and keep that relationship growing then you are headed for one thing only...... your demise.

[fermin25 3]

I think the monotony is the cause. The monotony is made the same things all the days like go to the movies in Tuesday or lunch together in the weekends. So one of the partners will start to get bored and will be easier to find interesting things in another person. So the monotony conducts to the infedelity and when this relationship?s enemy present the history is almost secured and the breakup will be the end of the long-term relationship. So we have a lot of problems everyday and maybe with a long-term relationship we start to put more attention to our problems than the partner and this totally conducts to the breakup and when this happen is difficult to re-join the relationship and continue.Of course there are exceptions like the masoquist relations where one person is totally dependent of the other like women who suffer violence but they deep like it. The women specially try to leave to the agressor but once they do this they start in a nostalgical state of mind and miss to the agressor who come back and continue the abuse and the problems but for a strange reason they breakup and suddenly are together again. Maybe this have nothing related with the long-term relationship but is part of the long-term relationship because the masoquist partners will last a lot of years, at least something extraordinary happens like arrest or the jail. So maybe this are some of the most common causes of a long-term relationship to end. Bye.

[chini13 11]

Relationship if end up were not strong and were a burden on people.Its like not being you with the partner.So it will fade after time.Space, understanding, respect and love all together make things stronger between too people.Its like thinking as US and not as ME and I ...Then there is mutual give and take and things go well.Taking the one you have as granted takes away the charm from the relation..If these are not present it will broke and some other subjects will appear more tempting like a new partner in life..

[Harlot 2]

I agree, monotony surely does play a big role in the end of long term relationships and even short term relationships. I have found myself tired of a particular girl many times. Its like...its a fun ride at first but now the ride is getting kind of old if you know what I mean. I know that sounds cruel, but its reality. If I had to give advice to a female on keeping a guy and only use one word, that word would be "change". Don't do the same old thing. I can't speak from a female point of view because I am not a female, so don't take my comments as blaming the female. I am not a female so I don't know what causes them to end relationships. However, for males, we definitely get bored (or at least I do). It may not even be that he is bored of activities or events, but rather bored of you. Sorry, but it happens. This is especially true when it comes to sex (I am not speaking from experience, just the obvious ). Men have fantasies, and some of us will go to other women for our sexual fantasy to be lived out. That's why most women are given advice to get more creative with sex. Like acting like you're the teacher and hes the student, or like you're the girl next door (lol). Its more about thought than the physical aspect, at least as far as I can tell. A guy could be having sex with a girl and acting like you are someone else in his head (I know, sounds sick right lol).

[iGuest 3]

Recently, someone I know broke up with their boyfriend of six years. The first thing that came to my mind was "what makes you realise that the relationship is no good after six years, that you couldn't have known at, say, 3, 4 or 5 years?"
Apologies if this is too dumb and open-ended a question, but at my age (19) and lack of life experience, I just can't get my head around it. I'm currently in a year-long relationship, and it's bizarre to think that in 2 years it's possible that we'll hate each other. Excluding the obvious betrayals such as infidelity, what the hell would cause that?

I understand that the responses will be varied, and it's the range of experiences that I'm interested in hearing. The issue(s) that ended the relationship -- did they arise unexpectedly? Or did you always sort of know? I have this morbid curiosity to know what can make something really really good evaporate into nothing.

My friends are too young to help me with this, and I'm too impatient to wait three heartbreaks and a restraining order to find out myself.

[iGuest 3]

My fiance and I just broke up after 7 years. We were in a long distance relationship for 5 years where we lived 7 hours apart. Every time the topic was brought up for who would move for - he would freak out. I knew deep down that he wouldn't move for me, but I had fallen in love and finally stopped waiting for him to move to me. I gave up everything I knew - family, friend, job, apartment, everything I had always known, and moved for him. I then realized why he would not move - he is a mama's boy and had to do all of her household chores: moving boxes, putting up decorations for every holiday, taking them down at the end, bringing paper to be recycled, doing the grass cutting, weeding, mulching, going over there every time it snowed to shovel, calling the plumber when they had plumbing issues and going over there to meet the plumber and cleaning up after they left, taking her dog to the vet and to be groomed, and on and on and on. He is also her emotional support and she calls and complains about every little thing she needs to do (which is weird because she also has a maid) and dumps all of her emotional issues on him, and discusses every dr appt she has with him. Both his parents are full time teachers by the way...I guess I always knew he woulnd't move for me. And it was weird when I went to visit him once a month that he was at his parents house doing chores. And now after 2 years of living with him, and him never putting me first, and the wedding plans finalized, I finally realized that he was never going to choose me and know that I will be unhappy forever if I stay. So I asked him to choose me - point blank - and he said no.So the answer to your question is that I always knew, there were always signs, but I wanted it to work so bad that I ignored them.