Some Of My Poetry.....

[keri-j 0]

This is one of many pieces of poetry, and seeing as they are on my site, I have been informed that I should put them in quote marks.

A poem of Love and Hate

 

"I took a walk to meet him,

he was my friend.

And now I lie here still and dead,

his cold metal bullet in my head.

 

All it took was a simple sentence,

and he shot in anger.

And now I lie here still and dead,

his cold metal bullet in my head.

 

For I loved his sister,

I loved her very much.

And now I lie here still and dead,

his cold metal bullet in my head.

 

See, he had no problem in me loving his sister,

his problem lay with with me loving her all through the night.

And now I lie here still and dead,

his cold metal bullet in my head.

 

The screams that night,

had horribly twisted his dreams that night,

and the next morning he found the truth.

 

now I lay dead,

still and waiting,

for her to meet me."

? Keiron Davies 2005-2006

 

You can find more of my poetry on the poetry section of my site here

Edited October 29, 2006 by keri-j (see edit history)

[husker 0]

That's pretty good, but I find it weird that you repeat "And now I lie here still and dead, his cold metal bullet in my head" throughtout the end of most stanzas, so I was expecting you to in with it too (but your ending was good). I found it weird that you started out with you dieing, then you go on to talk about his sister. I found it just kind of weird, I don't know how to describe it. Overall, this poem is good(could be better I think) and the other poems I looked at on your site are also pretty good.

[40esp 0]

wow. you are very poetic =D That can almost be made into a song, of course songs are poetry in a way. Your poem is a very good one =D

[Albus Dumbledore 0]

like i told you in MSN Messenger, i am absolutely in love with this poem dont ask me why, but it's probably because of the fact that you use "And now I lie here still and dead,his cold metal bullet in my head." and i think that's brilliant! lolgood work

[keri-j 0]

Thank you all for your praises and comments. If you actually liked my poetry you should visit my poetry page on my site here. If you only commented to get credits, who can blame you. And to Husker, who found my poem "weird".... May I remind you that not all poetry makes literal sense. Think of it being told from beyond the grave... I can't be bothered to explain further. And if you don't like the structure of my work Husker, don't read it. Although not all my work is like this And I'm only 13, what do you expect? And to 40esp: I've often tried to put my poems in to song format, even dragging out my keyboard and really trying.... but to no avail it seems Some advice on how to do so would be nice. Edited November 20, 2006 by keri-j (see edit history)

[bterzian 0]

Original and very creative. Interesting write !