Coping With My Anger Caused By A Friend's Boyfriend

[shadowx 0]

To cut a long story short one of my friends who i have feelings for has a boyfriend who in my opnion and others veiws is abusing her. Ive psoted something similar beore so some people might get de ja vu but this is a bit different.i just cant take all the anger and intense hate he is causing me to feel. HE has told my friend that no-one else will ever love her, that any other boy would dump her within a day and generally degrades her. Now to me thats a classic abusive relationship starting. In every film or anything on TV ive seen with an abusive relationship it all starts mentally with that. And ive read it on the net too, all of which i know isnt concrete evidence but hewy its a pretty good sign right? Well as i have feelings for her and im not afraid to express them or my hate towards him he doesnt like me very much which doesnt bother me, infact the more people that dont like me the easier my life will be, but the problem is what he does about it. He has dumped my friend about 4 times now eac htime going into some wild raving rant and endin up with him going home and leaving her standing in the cold to go home on her own. or sometimes storming out of her house. Well one time he dumped her and as always she was very upset and he got back with her, as always. But this time one of the conditions of them getting back together was that me and her would no longer be friends. I only just found this out for sure but i had suspicions for a while. And although we are still friends, she just lies to him about it, it really P***** me off because i hate lying and liars and i hate people trying to exart control over others which is exactly what hes doing! He ordered her not to drink at a party, low and behold she "didnt feel like drinking" that night (alcohol!) Ordered her not t take her PJ's off at a sleepover and she didnt, strange that" oh and she is extremely reluctant to have any photos done with me and on one day out asked another of my female mates to be between me and her so that she could be "between the girls" so basically incase he saw this photo. i mean i cant take this! what can i do? i actually feel like killing him, literally, i think of him gargling on his blood as he chokes on it and dies, before this happened i used to go for bike rides in the forest, sit and watch the sunrise/set, write poems, stories and would do anything for anyone now i hate the world. I hate everything, and its because i cant express this anger towards him. Last time i did that he dumped her!! and i got the god-damned blame for it! i cant even text her when they are together, damnit she doesnt reply if i do anyway, she replies to his texts when shes with us though (us being me and friends) i really cant take this!!! its driving me mad, i need to control my anger and somehow get rid of it but how?! im arguing with teachers at college, annoying one ofmy other friends for the fun of watching her getting annoyed (in my defence she is pretty annoyin) I dont want to take tablets because they dont solve the cause of the problem. As it goes this whol situation has made my friend take stress releif pills. its really affecting us! what can i do?!Thanks and sorry for the long rantified post. But the problem is nothing without the background.

[special 0]

Well my girlfrend had some problems with her ex for 2 years, Some things hapend wish I cant say you people understand that ofcourse. But I simply told him 2 leave him alone or I woud kick his **bottom** in the hospitall.Well I have my posture with me so he chickend out took me couple months tho. But I think the girl has to see for herself whats right and whats not. You may advise her but never make it ofius that your interrested in her. Or she woud think your only doing it to get her.Keep telling her whats rong and whats right, but i mean really dont ever let her know your interrested. If they even brake up dont do it. Yust be there for her and if she really likes you or wants you she will come 2 you.All I can say good luck took me much effort and fights with my girl over her ex boy. To the moment I yust had it with her but I dident let her down. Yust be there for her and help her dump her and let her see is wrong.

[shadowx 0]

Yeh ill always be there for her. She knows im interested but she has done for the last few years and at the moment we both know our relatioship is just friends. and ive explained to her that i dont actually want them to split up i just want him to get his **bottom** into gear. And i would love to beat him to a pulp if he carries on like this but then she would hate me and i cant let that happen! ITs so frustrating not bein able to do anything.

[JasperIk 0]

I think [after reading this thread, and your other one] you need to just stay out of her life. You 'love' her right? then you need to be happy with the choice she has made, even if the choice wasn't you. You say she is being abused (i am guessing mentally, and not physically) maybe she needs to realize this on her own, since whatever you have tried to say to her, has not worked. I would suggest, drop out of her life. She cant obviously have you both, and if you get angry all the time about her love life with this guy its probably better you leave out of her life, and try to cool down before you do something stupid. Maybe if you walk out, she will realize she has lost a great friend and the boyfriend she has, isnt that great of a guy. So my only suggestion, is walk away.

[Tailson 0]

Ack, this sounds like a situation up my end. I mean, I'm not directly involved in it but my best friend (let's call him Guy A) started going out with someone called Girl A, and Guy A is a bit of a control freak. He told her to stop talking to her best friend, Guy B, who's help her out for 5 years (She was very insecure when Guy B met her).Anyway, over time she realised what was going on after Guy B just walked away and didn't get involved. She and Guy A on the verge of breaking up now. So close. He's my best friend and all but, I feel it's best if they split up.So, the moral of the story is JasperIK's idea. Just leave it.

[JasperIk 0]

oh and she is extremely reluctant to have any photos done with me and on one day out asked another of my female mates to be between me and her so that she could be "between the girls" so basically incase he saw this photo.

I know this may be concidered spam, but i have to ask. Are you male or female. I thought you were a guy, but what do you mean 'between the girls' and what guy has sleep overs with girls??

[Teri Luketic 0]

I don't think I agree with the person who said you need to stay out of her life. You may need to back off some, and try to move on if she's not going to get away from it, but not necessarily back out completely. She may be crushed if you stop talking to her completely, and I know that you don't want that. If she's meant to be with someone else, she'll realize that eventually. It might not happen in the time frame you want it to happen. . .like forever ago. . .but it'll happen sometime. You need to try and move on though, you don't need to be angery all the time, and if she's not going to let him go, then you don't want to be hanging on like a child does her mother's leg forever.

[asdftheking 1]

One simple suggestion:The guy is not causing your anger. Now i know that sounds wrong at first glance, but you're really blaming him for your anger. I know that he is contributing to it, but no person is so powerful as to have control of you to make you feel one thing or another unless YOU give them that control - hence, it's really in your hands. The anger is something in you first and foremost. You can't change others but you can change yourself (to an extent). As long as you think the problem is in others (sure they have problems, but the problem you're facinf is ultimately in you) you will feel frustrated because you are not in control of them. Hope that makes sense

[DeathStreet 0]

For one thing, you must learn to control your anger.. You dont exactly know what he is doing right? He might actually be helping her to keep her hopes up.. or maybe he is doing that BECAUSE he loves her.. For for one thing, the starting words of the relationship was abusive.. I agree with that.. Its kinda like the relationship I used to have with my ex.. She was treating me like i was a punching bag or something... like i was useless.. I never realised that because she did like that i grew stronger ( not physically, but mentally) He might b doing the same