Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up How do I deal with this?

[iGuest 3]

how do I get over the 4 yr relationshi[Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break UpI was with this guy for 4yrs. I recently broke up with him and I regret it even though I had my suspicion of him being unfaithful. I loved him very much and he still wants to be friends but I cant it is so diffucult for me and I want to take it all back. His friends stoped him from asking me to marry me. He always say how much he wanted to marry me and he also say that his friends would tell him all the time to not get married. Its hard for me because we were together 4yrs and I don't understand why he never officially asked me to marry him. With a ring and so on, if he would tell he was in love with me. I am confused and yet heartbroken. My family hated him and his family loved me. It put so much stress on our relationship it was crazy. My family hated him because when I use to work the night shift my family swears they saw him going to a girls apt at the time I was working at 1-2 am. I confronted him and my family about it but they all swear they are saying the truth and I am caught in the middle. He wanted to get back togehter again when I broke up with him but he says he is afraid of getting back together. I do and I don't want to get back with him. Being his friend for me is to hard for me.-reply by raquel cowans

[iGuest 3]

I want to be left alone and need my spaceDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break UpI am going through the same thing, but I have been with him for 4 years. He has been saying this to me since May, but I kept hoping it would pass. The day before xmas even he tells me that he wants to be left alone and wants his space. Then I called him on Saturday and he answered and then he put a girl on the phone. She said that she has been seeing him for months, which I know for a fact that is not true. He told me on Christmas day that he is going to start going out and doing things and not staying home anymore with me filling his head, he said he is tired of me in his head. I said what did you meet someone, he said yes I did, I said oh really, when was this, he said last week. I almost threw up. He was not home Friday night and Saturday morning, after Saturday, I never called him or went to his house. I feel that I need to cut all my contact from him and maybe he will start wondering why I am not doing the things that he is so use to doing. If he is with someone, she is simply a rebound. Why do men jump right into another relationship right when they are ending the first relationship. Can anyone give me any info on this. Replying to RockinTheCasbah-reply by Mary

[iGuest 3]

Ahhh.......men men men Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I recently broke up with my bf of 4 yrs , well it was on and off,  I did see a guy during our break up last year in aug, but I found out it wasnt anything, we fought alot, over stupid things, we got back together. Bought  a house a few months ago, then bam, I got a cell phone for my bday and he flipped out and said we were done. And he has treated me like garbage every since then, and we talked about our relationship ending, and we agreed to stay friends since I pay for the house... Well he hasnt been much of a friend to me in 2 weeks, its all about this new girl in his life... That I found out today he has been talking to for 2 yrs and was going to  go on a date with  her when him and I were  together still. Just sickens me that a man has that much carelessness in the world... And I'm sol of leaving cus I drained my savings to get this house

** it sucks! and its so hard**

anyone got any advice

[iGuest 3]

Emergency Decision- Long Term Relationship Risking it All?Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

Hi I am really confused and I don't know what to do. I have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for 8 years, although we have never lived together. I was really in love with him in the beginning, and I would do anything for him. He was my first love, my first everything. Over the years he started being mean to me and wouldnt pay as much attention to me as I wanted. I started seeing other guys looking for what I was missing, but I was always with my boyfriend. In the latest couple of years I have realized that things have switched around and I am the one that is becoming cold towards him, I don't put as much effort anymore because I feel he dosent appreciate it. I might have fallen out of love last year, because I would find myself not wanting to be with him, or preferring being alone. We would still see each other, once or twice a week. Things just kept coming back to me about how he was in the beginning, and how boring our relationship had turned. I was scared of leaving, because I would be losing eight years of my life, my youth. I am 26 now and sometimes I feel I am too old to find someone else, or I am scared to take a risk and leave him and not find anyone better. I know thats selfish, but I stood by him loving the times we were together, but being alone and with my friends alot more. I had been talking to other guys through our relationship, but it was never anything serious. A couple of months ago I found some texts messages to a girl about how they might have met over lunch, and I just didnt confront him. I let it go. Well recentlly I found more texts of another girl, and how he told her he missed her. He had known her for a long time, and they worked together for a while. I was very hurt so I confronted him. He first got mad for checking his phone, and then he never admitted to doing anything wrong. Supposedly they were just friends. Friends don't text each other "I am thinking about you". "Call me" I felt hurt and betrayed that I put up with so much and was willing to give him my life because I thought he was so innocent and perfect, and little did I know he wasnt that innocent. He might have been inattentive in the relationship but he always stayed home and was never a wild person never talked to girls, so I thought he would never. I was very hurt, and I told him I needed time away from him. We are on a break, and I thought I would be more hurt than I am but I am really not. I do think of our past and how hard it is to leave it behind. Its been so many things together, but I also think about how I might have fallen out of love with him, how he might be having a relationship with someone else, how he dosent give me enough attention, and how he hasnt proposed after eight years. I know we don't have as much money as we would wish, but I think that when you really love someone you will do whatever it takes to get married. I always held resentment for that, and then I realized I didnt want to marry him. I was scared. So know I met another guy that I have been talking to for a while as a friend. This new guy seems to be nice, I am just so scared of letting go of the past and taking a chance. I am scared of staying alone, or loosing the best thing that will happen to me with my long term relationship. What if I leave my boyfriend and I stay single and he finds someone else? I am scared, and I don't know if to forgive him for talking to another girll and go back to where we were, or drop it and move on. I havent been happy with my long term relationship for long, I might have been too demanding butI really want true love, love that you can't live without each other, fairytale love. He said thats not true life, that it dosent exsist, and I don't know if it does or not I just want to be a happy. Should I forgive my long term boyfriend knowing that I also talked to guys during out relationship? Or should I give myself an opportunity with my new friend. Please give me advice, I have been a week apart from my long term relationship no call no text no nothing. I told him to give me time, but I expected him to at least try and get in contact with me or told me he missed me anything. He might have wanted a break too, but I honestly feel like he loves me. He said he didnt know what to do without me, that he was sorry and that something like that would never happen again. If he apologized, if because he is guilty. I don't know, I havent been a saint but I don't feel that I cheated emotionally like he did. Pleeeease help me I would reallly appreciate your advice.

[iGuest 3]

 ..Actually were in the same situation.. I thought my ex bf truly loves me.. I expect so much from him.. Were almost 4 years together but then he cheated me.. I started to look forward right now because I need to help myself.. No one can help me.. Only "I".. Life must go on even without him.. I can live before I met him so I can also live even without him.. Just learn to let go and accept things rent meant to last...

[iGuest 3]

Hang in thereDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I did go through a similar situation as yours like 2 years ago.  He started acting up and being mean and nasty. I couldn't understand why he was treating me this way.  He left me for someone else and I just about lost it.  I actually found out about the other woman on myspace.  Then when I confronted him about it he finally admitted to me that he was actually living with her.  Mind you I was with him for 5 years. So I stopped calling him but he kept calling me to apologize and claim that he still cared for me and didn't want to break that bond.  A part of me secretly wanted him back but I couldn't keep running back to someone whose heart was all over the place. Whenever things got bad between him and the other woman he would call me and complain about her.  Say nasty things about her and that he was sorry he left me. All she wanna do is fight and just too much drama.  I realised that if he could do that to her after he claimed he loved her and he did the same while he was with me, why would I want to be with such a loser of a man?  That woke me up and I decided to love someone who will love me back the same.  So I had a male friend whom I got close to shortly after all of that and he had become my best friend.  Then he started sharing everything with me and I realized he was falling for me and I was for him as well.  One thing we had in common was that we had just had bad breakups from a long term relationship.  He is still my best friend today and we are engaged to be married. Life couldn't be sweeter.  And I thought that I would never find anyone that would love me after my ex.  At least that's what he told me. Lol.  Now he's not happy in his relationship and the girl always argue and snaps at him.  He can't deal with the fact that I'm getting married either. All I have to say is Karma is a *****.

-reply by Prudence

[iGuest 3]

We are on the same situation my friend... Been with him for almost 8 yrs but he just gave up and told me that he wants to date someone else... It hurts, but what can I do... I only have three strong swords and those are prayers, believe and faith in God... God will never take you to a place where he can't cover you by his grace... Time will heal the wound if you really have to let go, so be it... Offer it all to God and happiness will find you

-reply by king kong

 

[iGuest 3]

Believe in yourself....Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break UpReplying to RockinTheCasbahIf he's treating you bad, then leave him you deserve better, there are more men where you found that one. I'm sure your a beautiful young lady and deserve someone to love you for you. Move on as you again deserve better, I can't say that enough... Men are a dime a dozen...And a good one will come your way when your not looking...Pray, God is good...-reply by Concerned

[iGuest 3]

Long term breakup and mixed signals?Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

My ex and I recently broke up back in October. We would have been dating for 6 years next month. So we were together a really really long time. He was my best friend and I grew to love him more than anything. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and still do. Right before we broke up, he told me that I was the one, the one he wanted to seond the rest of his life with, and how he knew he was making a mistake and that if he was smart, he would come back. We haven't talked or seen each other since the breakup. Yesterday, I found out about a lot of things going on in my family, and ended up contacting him. We met up last night and today. Last night was one of the hardest nights in my life. I kept my composure more or less for the most part but that began to fade. Sooner or later I found myself crying and him crying as well holding me tight. He was telling me how much he loved and missed me, and knows how stupid he was, and how he hoped we could be together again someday just not right now. We both agreed that we feel like we want to spend the rest of our lives together but both want to be single and do some growing up before we can try again. He told me I was the best girlfriend he ever had and how he never loved anyone like me or had high hopes for me to succeed. He told me he wants me to go places in life because he was dragging me down, and never wanted that for anyone as much as he did me. When I saw him crying for the first time, I really felt like he cared, and that I mattered, and that maybe he was realizing what he had done. I felt like both of us crying showed how much we love and cared for each other, and how much we want this, just not right now. I just don't know what to do. I was handeling the breakup well, and now I seem to have lost focus. I do not want to wait for him forever and I am not even sure if I should believe what he says, and give myself that false hope. I will not put my life on hold fore him. I doubt we will talk for awhile again, he is leaving for tour. I just don't know how to handle this or what to think. Please help?-reply by Rel Belle

[iGuest 3]

confused and donDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

Hi I'm looking for some help please. I don't know what to do, I've been with my boyfriend for2 years and he's just gone to uni this year, and he's been off with me for last few months, because we don't get to see each other much, so recently we've been on a break and didn't talk at all for about 2 weeks, and now wer back talking again and he keeps saying, 'I don't know' wether he wants to be with me or not, I think I should probably break up with him but I really don't want to. I've given him plently of opportunities to end it but he hasn't so I still think part of him wants to be with me. Am I just being stupid trying to hold on?

[iGuest 3]

Help?Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I was dating this guy for the last four years. Well, we just broke up, a month back. It's still hurting me up and I shut myself in the cupboard for hours. He cheated on me twice, He pleaded for another chance, I gave in and gave him chances twice. And now a month back, I figured out he was double dating. He was my best friend. We guys had a lovely relation. I am unable to get over the same. He was my first guy? First love? And now, he is dating that girl. And while in a relation, how he told me that he would never date anyone? I abide that he din't. I know I still love him. It's really very hard getting over. As if the time is not just passing through.

-reply by Sunshine

 

[iGuest 3]

Please help me understandDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I was with my boyfriend for 7 years.  We were so happy together and even when I wanted to move overseas and travel, he came with me because we were in love and didn't want to separate.  He moved overseas based on my citizenship in that country and we were very happy travelling and setting up our new lives.  He had a job that was very demanding and required long hours, so I took care of everything else like the flat, the cooking, and so on.  Two years after we moved, he got permanent residency in this country. At the same time, he got fired from his job and I helped him through the legal mess and supported him finding a new one.  He got a better job - better job title, better money, better hours, better perks.  And he left me.  He said after 7 years he felt we had grown apart, although ironically I thought after everything we'd been through, we'd actually grown closer.  Is it possible to be completely blindsided by someone?  He hates this city and the weather and says he doesn't care about residency, but I feel used and I feel so lost.  He moved out of our flat immediately and I had to give notice and find a new place to live.  I moved last week and I've managed to keep myself busy and distracted, but it's been 5 weeks and it's so hard.  We were best friends and knew each other so well, we travelled everywhere together and had so many beautiful memories, and now I'm left just sitting here wondering what he's doing and whether he misses me or if it was all just a calculated act.  Can someone please help me understand how you can just leave someone after 7 years?  How do you give up your life and all that shared history?

 

[iGuest 3]

I just broke up with my long term boyfriend of 3 years and 3 months I loved him I still wish him all the happiness in the world. I want him to be happy..Reasons we broke up were that I couldnt take all the lies anymore.. He was cheating on me ...Talking to women on facebook behind my back esp those types who looked like sluts, theres also a women who lives locally who use to txt him all the time but whn I asked him he said she was a friend.When I asked for this friends number he gave me it but he asked one of his colleagues to pose as this supposedly friend of his, but I knew it was him beacuse I could hear the machinery in the background in the place that he works.When I confronted him he blatently lied to my face and wanted me to forget it he told me he could not live without me and wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. I belivevd him. I feel I was taken advantage of because I am a down to earth person I always wear my heart on my sleeve the type of person as in what you see is what you get. I did everything for him , when he needed help/advice I was there. When he talked about what was bothering him I was always there to listen to him I always wanted him to be happyand keep smiling. I feel so angry..I told him he could do whatever he wanted it was his life and I told him to leave me alone. I tried to understand him so many times but I couldnt he was always confusing me to the point where I thought to my self what the hell am I doing?? the hard part was when I said "thats it its finished" its been a week now ive changed my number and I hope to God I don't bump into him in town we both bank with the same bank!! He sold his car the week we broke up, I don't know which car hes bought now- I'm actually glad I don't know..Right now I'm still hurting I keep listening to all the sad songs and actually cried watching the friends episode where Ross and Rachel break up, it was on tv last night. I cry when I go to sleep thinking about the times we spent together.. I am depressed but I know ill get over it...I'm keeping myself busy I'm going to the gym 5 days a week now and surrounding my self with the people who love me. I'm trying to think positively I will get over him I know I'm a strong person. I deserve someone better.-reply by guest

[iGuest 3]

Do you love him? Does he love you? why has he changed? ask these questions.I'm going to try and help you I think that maybe he just needs space because hes started uni-maybe hes just confused (ive been through the confusion bit myself) my post is the one above yours, so the best thing to do is just get him sat down and ask him, give him an ultimatum because he cant play with your feelings like that he needs to decide if he wants to be with you or not because 2 years is a long time to be with someone. Both of you need to think about it and decide. However a break is good too like they say absence makes the heart grow fonder- and your not stupid for holding on your actually brave for doing that holding onto your reltionship like that not knowing whats going to happen next - just make sure your not taken advantage off. Thats all I can say ...Hope everything goes well. X

[mandla 0]

Its been nearly 5 years now. And back then your situation probably seemed daunting and evil if I can say. Im hoping by now you have managed to move on and start a new relationship or have you given up on men and turned to the more trusted race the females. it seems the fad nowadys to turn and become homosexual or bi sexual whatever you wanna call it. Any I hope your situation has improved since and you are now over him. If you are still on the forums please can you update us on what has happened since.It would be nice to see whether its easy to move on or does time heal or does the dmage last forever. It would make it easier to go through stuff like this if we know how the predecessors fared in a similar situation. The easiest thing in life is to simulate and assume based on logic. FOr example for someone who has never had a heart break to say just move on find a club or join a society club to keep ypur mind busy and occupied yet there are people who have been in those exact shoes and found it isnt enough to just keep your mind off things. SO please when you get a chance relate to us your healing or moving on process so that when we hit the same ditch we can be in a more informed or much better prepared to handle the situation like this.it would also be very nice to hear what eventually happened to his seriouys relationship. If you have no info on him please dont go looking for it lest it only opens up old wounds.I wish you all the best