Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up How do I deal with this?

[iGuest 3]

I'm so sorry..

I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened to me two days ago and I had been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. People have told me all kinds of things to do but none of it helps. I really don't think there is a certain way to handle something like this. I think everyone has to deal with it there own way. I'd like to say it will get better soon but most likely it won't. I'm sure if you really and truly love(d) him like I love my ex, then a part of you will always hurt. You just have to push it aside and get on with life. Again, I'm really and truly sorry. I know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep every night and to wonder what he sees in her or what she has that you don't have. The truth is it's nothing. All guys are just pigs.Sure, some may be able to hide it better than others, but deep down they are all disgusting. Girls are just as bad. They know the guy has a girlfreind and they don't care because its not them that's getting hurt.

-reply by Brande

[iGuest 3]

Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break UpDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break UpReplying to iGuestTo queeny..That was so sweet! I agree with everything you said I'm going through a tough break up as well.. I pray as much as I can but sometimes it just seems so hard. I'll keep you both in my prayers... Blessings! and keep trusting in Elohim! He KNOWS whats best for you and although you can't see it now you will eventually.. Thank HIM and praise HIM for not letting you be in a relationship with someone who would keep you miserable and never be truly happy and always worrying.. You may not see what a blessing it is because you miss the person but in time God will show you what He saved you from. If you have to force something it wasn't meant for you. When God has something for you there's no question... Every door will open.. There's no forcing it or trying to make it work.. It just does. Sometimes I have to remind myself of these things and I do have my days where I'm just completely and totally depressed.. Thats normal.. It will happen.. But that's because the enemy puts these thoughts in your mind to think about the person and miss them so you could run back to them and ruin what God has saved you from because the enemy wants you to be miserable.. The enemy doesn't want you to do the will of God because it keeps you from HIM.. Its all tactics...So when those thoughts come into your mind remember that its the enemy and pray! pray! pray!.. I hope you all find peace and are able to move on.. Its not easy but we'll get through this <3 and remember if the person is meant for you God will most definitely bring them back to you.. Just let go..

[iGuest 3]

Replying to Trap FeedBackerThat is horrible advice.. Forget about him honey.. He cheated on you and left you for someone else... Have some dignity.. Trust me! real love doesn't hurt you like that.. Honestly do your best to get over him.. The best revenge is a HOT BODY!! go running, go to the gym, and get your life together and be a successful woman without him... Build yourself up.. Keep busy!! trust me I'm gong through a very tough breakup and yes it hurts deeply at times but it will get better.. And remember this, if your busy doing something your not thinking about him.. Occupy your mind.. If you have to cry, cry... Its ok to cry.. Sometimes a good cry helps you throughout the day.. BUT don't'T DWELL! cry and keep moving... Trust me once it doesn't work with her he'll see what he totally lost with you because now you are this hot successful woman that doesn't even seem to be phased about the break up.. You know why it wont work with her??? let me put it to you like this.. How many times have you seen somebody cheat on their husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend and actually stay with the other person and is happy?? how long do you think they'll stay together?? they wont.. If they do they'll cheat on each other.. Thats what cheaters do.. They're never satisfied because they're insecure and not happy with themselves.. Don't look for him or try to make him jealous.. He'll be jealous on his own once he sees that your life doesnt revolve around him anymore.. And the best advice I can give you is PRAY! pray for strength and the will to keep moving.. There's no love greater than Gods love and theres no strength greater than HIS!! The day he comes back to you you'll be ready to tell him no ive moved on.. And you most probably will have moved on.. Even if you still love him and miss him don't go back.. A cheater will always cheat.. Don't buy into his manipulations and broken promises.. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them.. Ultimately its up to you but know your worth!! Good luck and blessings to you my sister ill keep you in my prayers <3

[iGuest 3]

DOES LOVE REALLY HURT THIS MUCHDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

hello every1, I was in a relationship wit my ex for about nine month when he startes seeing another girl, this girl happens  to be the sister of his best friend, we broke up for a while and after a month he came back and told me how sorry he was, I accepted him back, ever since then he's being going back and forth between me and the girl its been 4yrs 6months now since I've been wit him, over this time he's beating me up several times, he even brings the girl to the same place he knows I'll be. I know I don't love him the way I used to, but I don't know how to stay away, he's the only guy I've ever loved. Please help, I know I can do this but I need help. Thank u very much

funmi.

-reply by NOMORELOVE

[iGuest 3]

You will meet someone new and who is more compatible than your ex. First and foremost you need to heal and grow. Learn the lessons from the relationship and cherish the memories. Being angry and upset will hinder your growth and you don't need that.

-reply by Erie

[iGuest 3]

Response to "dealing with being on a break/time away from each other..Please Help! read it is very interesting"Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

Hello everyone. I just wanted to update you guys on my situation and hopefully help someone who is going through the same thing I went through. My original post was on May 5 2009, 07:32 AM. I am so happy to say that I am no longer sad. It has been months since I shed a tear and I have been concentrating on school, family and friends. I thought I was not going to survive my breakup. It was a five year relationship, my first boyfriend and he was also my best friend...But life doesn't end. In fact, my life is better than ever now. Yeah I still miss what we had and he will always have a special place in my heart but not necessarily in my life. I am so much stronger than I gave myself credit for. It feels good to be single, I haven't been single since I was 16y.O., so this is all new to me but it is a lot of fun. I have meet some very cool people, done things I have never done and best of all, learned that you don't need another person in order to be happy. If you are happy, then everything falls into place. I know saying "everything happens for a reason" sounds corny but I believe this more than ever. I hope this helps someone realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and who knows, it might be a brighter light than the one that went out.

[iGuest 3]

how do i let go of himDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

hi everyone.

On December 2007 I started the relationship with this guy, we are working together and we normally close on December. We started dating on our last week before we close for Dec. He went home to another province and the relationship was so good. We were talking to each other time and again but before we reopen at work I found that he was married. He never told me that he was married and it was difficult for me to break up with him bcoz I luv him and I did not want to loose him.

We continued seeing each other but know the relationship is not fun at all, we do not have time together and I suggested that we stop bcoz he does not have time for me anymore, he cud not allow me to but I found out that there is a problem back home and now he suggested that we take a break.

It is so hard coz I luv him so much and I do not know what the word break means in a relationship.

[iGuest 3]

How do I break off a long term relationship...for good?

I'm 30 and should know better when it comes to co-dependency, but it is very obvious that I still have much to learn. I'm breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years for the fourth time, hoping it will be the last, and any advice it much appreciated.  See, I'm one of those fixer-upper girlfriends.  I was with one of my closest friends when I met him.  We went to party at some hotel with a guy we knew and he happened to be his friend.  I honestly didn't even pay attention to him for the first 2 hours, and I couldn't tell you who initiated the conversation or what we even talked about.  I'm pretty sure I found him repulsive at first glance but 1 month later, he's living with me and I'm footin the bill emotionally and monetarily. He had no job, no education, no manners, no respect for women and no identity.  He lied compulsively about everything, including the amount of porn he watched behind my back, (while blaming me for not having sex properly.) 

BUT...After 8 months of emotional breakdowns and arguments something changed.  It was a little bit at a time; He got a job, part time.  He became more affectionate.  He bought me cute sentimental gifts.  He divulged personal experiences.  Unfortunately these are the things he should have done since the beginning.  It just isn't enough.  Isn't there a point where you realize that it will never be enough. The damage is done and I will never be satisfied.  I go irate over trivial issues because I still resent him.  He has come a long way but I still make up the difference and I will always hold that over his head. It isn't fair to either one of us.  So I'm asking for help on how to keep this break up a nice, clean break up.  I already did an immature thing by telling him how I hooked up with someone else while we were broken up the last time which was unnecessary.  It was a last resort but it's all I've got to motivate my decision.

-reply by strabery555

[iGuest 3]

By staying with this man, you are putting him in the perfect situation. He can go back and forth between you and the other girl, with no consequences. You should cut all ties, even if it hurts you deep down inside. It will hurt you more if you stay and continue to deal with his behavior. He obviously does not have any respect for you, and once a man loses respect for you, it is almost impossible to get it back. So even if  you wind up alone, it is better than being this man's emotional and physical doormat! And you will realize that once you are out of the picture, the other woman may also lose interest in this loser! And even if there is another love out there for you, you are blocking that from happening because you are putting all your focus on this terrible man. He does not deserve your love or even your time. Do yourself a favor and please, cut all ties at whatever the cost. And remember if he hits you once, he will do it again. Is that what you really want??? 

-reply by Bojiggybo

[iGuest 3]

Please Help!!Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I have been in a on again off again relationship for the past year and a half. 3 months into the relationship I caught him cheating on me. This broke my heart! I felt like this was the guy for me and that he would never do this again. We continued to date non-exclusively. However, I was always commited to him. He would never admit to being with other girls but I knew he was. When I finally moved on and began dating someone else it drove him crazy. This is when he finally decided he wanted to be exclusive with me again. We stopped hanging out with alot of our friends and spent most of our time together. I was so in love and happy that I finally got what I've always wanted. He one day out of the blue decided he needed space. I know he wanted to go out with his friends and have fun again. I'm making a fool of myself. I call him and beg for him to get over this and get back together with me.

He also will call me every once in awhile. I think he misses me but I also think maybe he misses the comfort. I have always put him on a pedestal and I know that he has no respect for me. He wants me to date and I am sure this is so he has the freedom to do the same. This is a man I am obsessed with and I either need advise to get him back or help moving on. I am 33 and have never had heartbreak. I have no idea how to emotionaly move on even though I know this is the right thing to do. Please help!

-reply by stella

[iGuest 3]

Believe it or not this is exactly what happened to me, I was on his end. My boyfriend of 2 years, my first love & I, had a long distance relationship for a majority of the time. He told me about his "best friend" who happened to be a girl, and I was completely trusting. I found out a year later that when we were having problems (a year before) it had been because he was wanting to get with her. Come to find out that WHEN I found out, it was happening again. He now moved up here to go to school, and basically to be near me--but the damage is done. I really want things to work out with him, he's the only one for me I feel like. But at the same time, there's been so much trouble with our relationship that it's for the best I think. All I can say is, if you want to show him that you care--do the little things. Never let your frustrations get the best of you--he's going to be mad, hurt, sad, and very very emotional. He feels betrayed, and he's allowed to be crazy for a little bit. Just be patient, I honestly think he will come around if you do no more wrong to him. Tell him  every day that you're sorry, that you regret it, and reassure him that he's the only man that you want. I hope yall can work it out!!

-reply by OppositeEnd

 

[iGuest 3]

How do I let go of my first love after 10 years?Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I never imagined myself seeking online help, but I don't know what else to do. I have no family here and my husband was one of only a couple friends. I hope to hear from someone who has been in a simular situation as I am going through now. 

My husband and I have been together for ten years now. I love him more then anything in this world. He had always loved me so much until recently - He suddenly became distant. Yes, over the years we have had our spats, but this time its different. He has left home and is staying elsewhere. He has told others that we are having problems, however we only had one disaggreement - definatly nothing to seperate over. I can only fear the worst, that maybe he is interested in someone else. I don't know what else to think. I trust him, but I can't get the thought out of my head. He had always in the past been so loving to me. He always told me how much he loved me and how he couldnt live without me - then nothing. He has been friendly to me the past few days, but I feel like he is only doing so because it is Christmas and his family has asked him to because of our daughters. I have told him how much I loved him and that I wanted us forever. I held onto him and cried, I poured my heart out to him and nothing. I have never seen a face so unconcerned - I feel sick to my stomach! I realize that it must be over. I could never hurt his heart the way he has mine, even if I'm mad at him. I know that if he still had love for me then he would miss me to.I don't want to try to push him to be with me if he will only be unhappy. I don't want to live in worry that he doesnt love me. The only problem is that I don't know how I'm going to do this. He is my first and only love. I'm so torn up inside that I can hardly function. The sight of him tears me apart, I get so sick to my stomach when he comes around. I'm dying inside, I cant beleive this is happening, I cant beleive he doesnt care, I'm shaking and I cant sleep at night, my nerves are shot, I just cant seem to do anything but cry and sleep( with the help of nyquil and tylenol pm) I cant focus, I cant clean (my house is a wreck) I'm just sooo crushed that I don't feel like living. I don't know how to totally explain what I am going through, but I can tell you that I don't wish it upon my worst enemy. My body is numb, yet I feel pins and needles in my arms and legs. I really don't know what to do. I'm just so lost! I feel worthless. And to make matters worse, my girls are starting to ask questions. My 3 year old woke up crying the other day saying she missed her daddy. I havnt told them anything yet because I don't know what to say. And how do I get over him when Ill have to see him if he picks them up? I'm in my darkest hour, someone please help! tell me how you make it through this! Thanks.

-reply by KayDee

[iGuest 3]

this is the best way to cope.Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break UpReplying to RockinTheCasbahI've been in your situation before, guys will always be guys, & believe it or not everybody goes through this kinda situation, eventually in life. Everybody knows you truly love him, & I know if you ever had a chance back with him you'll take it in a hearbeat, because if this guy goes back crawling for you, he'll make every moment as true as possible to make you take him back, but look at it this way, when you keep thinking of those positive days of you and him, and how happy you two were, your going to feel more depressed & useless, BUT if you start looking at it this way and think negative about him, it will help you dramatically; start asking yourself this: 'why like someone if they don't like me back?' 'why should I be in pain, when all he gave me was pain and sorrow in return?' -BE HAPPY, don't show him whose weak, stay srong, by the way, try looking at the cup half full, not empty, because tahere's still more to learn in life, "time heals all wounds, you'll live and learn" -ml =]-reply by Melinda

[iGuest 3]

Mirror ImageDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

KayDee

 I read your post and it is nearly a mirror in timeframe and events -- my exact position except I have someone for 8 years not 10.  Same circumstance ... But I came back from being overseas for 2 weeks for work and came home to a blank canvass ... Exactly the same . The more I cried and tried.. The more 'blank' and 'cold' the response.I am gobbsmacked over how a loving 8 year relationship with a child can go from something to nothing in the space of moments ... Sure all people their own set of life arguments - but again nothing out of the 'ordinary' ..

 What I found ... Take time for you .. Just find the courage to stop talking to him, tell him that he has put this forward to you and now YOU need the time for YOU to work thru things .. And that he needs to now respect your space ... And if there is to be a future reconciliation . Then it needs to happen after being away for weeks and it needs to reflect your wants

I read books, and then I wrote .. I just let myself write and write and write .. Not just about the relationship . But about me . And what I gave up over the years for the partnership ... That perhaps in all of this ... I lost a bit of myself on the way too ... So it is time to stop thinking about what he is doing .. Stop guessing that he might be with someone else ... 

 start thinking about you .. Start thinking about what you want in a relationship.. Start considering your kids .. And then take the step forward .. Small steps daily .. Jsut take30 mins or 1 hour to write ...

 it will help ... Keep strong and above all . .Keep honest to yourself about what you really feel and thing and find the time to write and reflect.

[iGuest 3]

In the same boatDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

My poor girl. I know exactly how you are feeling. My partner for the last ten years suddenly turned around and told me that she didn't love me anymore. This was without any warning and, before this, I thought we had a rock solid relationship based on love and trust. We had worked so hard to get where we were and were on the brink of achieving everything we ever wanted. I loved her with all my heart and really wanted to grow old with her.But then. In a matter of one sentence, it was over.

I begged her for reasons why and it turns out that she had been holding onto resentment over my eldest daughter from a previous relationship and things that I had done over the years. Such as, when we found out she was pregnant, I had to think really hard. Was it the best idea to have a child afterall, I'd already got one from a broken marriage and I'd only know Kathryn for a few months. However, we had our daughter, who is loved as much as any child can be, but she holds my initial uncertainty against me.

She stayed for another eight weeks to give me a chance to turn things around, but all she did was better plan her exit. I was devastated to find ourselves in this. I didn't know what to do, what to say, where to go, and she sat there and watched while I fell apart, and then held that against me as well. It all came to an end two weeks before Christmas when I came home to find that she had gone, completely erased herself from the house, completely! Every stitch of clothing, every single toiletry, every scrap of paper with her name on it and every photograph of her and my daughter and she didn't even leave me a note. 

To be honest, after the previous eight weeks, it was a relief! All the tension went. But after a couple of days, the devastation came back. All my dreams have gone, the one person I loved without question had torn me apart and didn't even seem to care. My daughter has been taken away from me and I'm left in a house with all the life gone out of it.

I now re-live the past constantly in my head looking for answers I'll never get. I trust no-one. I can't sleep. I can't eat. People tell me that I'll get to the other side of this 'a much better person because of it', I hope they're right. I can't even look at her when I pick my daughter up because it makes me feel sick to the stomach that she's there and I can't hold her.

There are no 'fix its' for people in our position. There are no answers. No one can make it better except us. Never lose faith that you are a good person and that you did not deserve this.

The only hope I have is that, one day, they will wake up and realise what a huge mistake they have made. But, by then, it will be too late and we will have moved on to the other side and will have realised that they aren't the people we thought they were and that our lives are much better without them.

Take care of yourself, I'll be thinking of you.

Scott

-reply by scott