Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up How do I deal with this?

[iGuest 3]

Replying to iGuestI am currently going through a break up after a 3 1/2 year relationship. And I can totally understand what you are going through. We have been off and on for the last year and a half abnd I really don't think that either of us have been happy over that time. The first year together was great but after that things started to head south in a big way. During this period of time it is good to understand that this is a time to embrace your self, and to love yourself by realizing that the relationship ended because of unresloved issues, and by taking a step back you are giving yourself time to see the dynamics of the relationship more clearly. And id there is a way of working through those issues then maybe there is a chance for reconciliation. If not then just take things one day at a time, you will become stronger with each passing day.-reply by Dexter Johnson

[iGuest 3]

4 year relationship! With the same sex! Drama... Drama... Drama! From the day we met, there were problems. Lying, cheating, and abuse. My son was 4 months old when we met and now he is 5 years old. He only knows her, and I only know her. Ive never been in a relationship this long, and Iv'e never hurt this much. I cry everyday and things are always blamed on me, even though its always her! I cant bare parting with her because I beleive that one day she'll get better, but it never happens that way. I am a single mother technically, and she is my only help. She always been my only help, but is that worth all the pain I endure? I am so confused. I do know that I love her though, But like Tina Turner said, "Whats love got do with it"? Someone help me understand where I even stand.-reply by Butt Hurt!admin reply-------Please check this link.http://forums.xisto.com/topic/59714-relationship-between-men-and-women-its-stages-growth-personal-opinion-about-relationship-between-a-couple-boy-girl/

[iGuest 3]

Movin on...

Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

 

I been with a girl for over 5 years now, we were together since high school, we had a place of our own and we were both in college.. Life was GREAT!! Till I found out she was cheating.. After that my whole world came crashing down.. I lost EVERYTHING! We even have a son together, But thats not the worst part.. I found out that she was cheating on me with her cousin, and she keep doing it no matter what I said, no matter with anybody said.. I keep givin her chances after chances, everytime I tryed to leave her she would cry and tell me to stay. I hate seeing her cry, I do anything to see that smile on her face.. So I stay. But she just couldent stop seeing him.. Then one day she came home with red dots all over her neck.. That HURT! like she took a butchers knife and ran it stright through my heart.. Now I'm living out of my car, our son is with my parents, (he is staying with me by the way)I still love her.. She was my whole world.. Even tho she put me through hell I still love her and care about her like the day we met.I got nobody to talk to about my problems, was only her.. Need somebody to talk to.. Somebody who knows what it feels like when the one person you really loved turns around and stabs you in the heart.. Over and over again..

 

-question by Nelson Wilson

[SoulEraser 0]

so did i experience one 2 months ago.it was a 4 year relationship with my girl but apparently when i'm in army, the whole ship just sank.i was depressed, listened to a few songs and here am i again living my life.cheerios people

[iGuest 3]

Betrayal

Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

 

My boyfriend of 6 years just left me 2months ago and I can't seem to stop crying. He had been working abroad for a few months and when he came home he told me that he'd been having an affair for over a month, it broke me as I trusted him more than anything on this earth. He said it was over and that she didn't live where we were moving to for his work. So, after a few days he had to go back to work abroad and I decided to follow a few weeks after to see and discuss what would happen next. Little did I know that he had been lying when he was 'telling the truth', she was in fact living there and even worked with him. It ended and I flew home,didn't speak for a 2months and when I finally called him to get some answers that I need to move on, I find that he is very happy with his new life and that he had never stopped seeing this person even though he had said so. I can't deal with the fact that he started a whole relationship within ours,it is so hurtful I don't know what to do or how to move on from this?

 

I can't bear that he is so happy with the person he caused me so much pain with,it is unimaginable. It is so disrespectful and I feel like such a fool. I honestly don't think I can get up from this. He does not want to answer any more questions or talk about anything,he is very cold and matter of fact its scary.

 

I never saw this coming,a few months ago I thought I was everything to him, now I seem to be less than a stranger. I would have entrusted him with my very life.

 

What can I do?

[iGuest 3]

I've been in a relationship for 3 and a half years also. We dated through highschool, and in our three years we rarely had fights. She decided we needed more time to grow up, so we separated. Then we got back together and after about another month, she decided to do that again. It hurts, my heart is broken. We're still together, we just decided to take more time away from eachother, but I know deep down that she'll just break up with me after awhile. All I can say to anybody that's getting out of a long term relationship is that time heals all wounds. The best thing to do is go out and keep your mind occupied until time has healed those wounds.

[iGuest 3]

How to move on or not

Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

 

I have been with a girl for 2 years and absolutly love her to bits she has had a few problems which she couldnt share with me. We lived with each other for over a year I have always had a commitment problem but things were different with her and I wanted to take that step and we moved in together so from that point I knew she was the person I wanted to be with forever, when things got got bad I told her didnt want things to stay as the way they were and asked her to leave I'm regreting this ever since I ever done it I want her but not the way things were but she cant change to make things better again. I have constantly been out with friends to keep busy so I don't have to think about her but I cant carry on like this anymore something needs to be done it would be nice to know if anyone else has experienced anything like this before and nice to know how they handled it?

 

-reply by Kaine

[iGuest 3]

I jusDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

Just about a year ago my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years broke up with me, and still to this day I miss him more than ever.

 

We starting dating right before my 16th birthday, at first I was uncertain about dating him, but he persued me until I finally gave in. For the longest time it was evident that he liked me more than I liked him, but eventually that changed and our love for each other was the same. After making our relationship work all through high school I felt like he was def. The one, as he would tell me the same thing. We had our ups and downs like all relationships, but they never lasted long because in the end we knew our love was strong enough, at least that's what I thought. After graduation we knew things would be some what difficult since we were attending colleges that were about 3 hours away. For the first year things were great, we made countless trips back and forth visiting one another. Starting my second year things we're still going good, but around the new year, spring semester, he started acting weird and I felt us drifting apart on his half. I knew I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him so after talking about us we made the decision that the long distance was hurting us and so one of us would move to where the other one was. Since he was the one who stayed home for college it only made sense that I would be the one to move back home and attend a local college so I could be closer to him. So at the end of my sophmore year I left my college, my friends and everything else to move back just for him because he promised me that it would be the best thing for us, after all, around this time we were talking about marriage. He had bought me a promise ring the prior christmas and was in the process of saving money for my engagement ring. We talked about marriage a lot since we both couldn't wait, we even set a date. He used to tell me all the time how he couldn't wait to see me walking down the aisle towards him, and how he knew I would be the perfect wife for him.

 

That summer I moved home was amazing, we spent all our time together. Our love continued to grow and we even started picking out our future kids names. Our junior year of college was starting in August and I was getting used to my new school. Then things started turning, out of no where his calls starting becoming less and less, he stopped texting me back, his visit stopped b/c he always had some lame excuse that he was too busy. I found it very weird and started to worry. This went on for about 3-4 weeks when I was finally told by a mutal friend that he was in a relationship with another girl. My heart was shattered. I have never experienced such pain in my life.

 

I later learned that this girl who he was now dating he had met 2 summers prior at a camp that he used to be a counselor at. They had apparently kept in contact, without me knowing, and it was during those 3-4 weeks when he started acting weird, that she come down to visit him. And the best part about that is, she doesn't even live here, (Florida), she lives in Kansas! 

 

Talk about long distance, right? He made me move b/c of 3 hours, yet he was now dating a girl who lived thousands of miles away? It just didn't make sense.

 

Then one day in december I saw him out. (Please keep in mind that we do live about 30 minutes away, so for about 2 months (Oct-Nov) we managed to stay clear of each other and not communicate or see each other). So he saw me and literally was standing right next to me, but never once said one word to me. He acted like I was a complete stranger. I was in shock knowing that the guy I was going to marry and had spent the last 5 years with was now treating me this way. Later that night he texted me asking me what I was doing at that particular place. After making small talk for a little bit, he accused me of stalking him. I was very upset with him so I called him instead of texting. He then proceed to tell me that he never loved me and that the past 5 1/2 years was a waste. He told me that he is now madly in love with this new girl (who at the time they had only been dating for 2 months) and he knows she is the one and that I just need to forget about him and lose all contact with him as he was doing the same with me. Again I was crushed and in shock. But then stupid me decided that wasnt good enough, so I went over to his place that night. He proceed to tell me the same thing yet the whole time he looked down. I asked him why he couldnt even look at me and he admitted that whenever he sees me he really wants to be with me and that he still loves me, but he can't ruin things with the new girl. After talking for hours it was really late so he let me stay with him, bad idea because he cheated on her with me. Of course I didn't feel bad because whoever this girl was she had stolen my boyfriend and future husband. He apparently felt horrible and had me leave. From then on I never heard from him again.

 

One of the worst parts for me was never having a proper closure. You would think after 5 1/2 years the guy who apparently loved you with all his heart and who you were about to marry would at least have the decency to talk about things and why he was ending it, but instead he had to be a coward. It breaks my heart every time I think about it because I am still in love with him.

 

I am trying my hardest to forget about him and move on because I know I need to, but there is something about him and makes it so hard. I know hes never coming back, but my heart won't let go. I need help, serious help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I've lost the guy I thought I was going to spend forever with and it scares me to think that he could move on so quickly, while I'm still stuck in the past. Everytime I try to move on and find another guy my heart brings me back to him and makes me miss him more and more. I'm hurting to much and it doesn't seem fair. When will it all go away? Why can't I move on like he did? How could he just throw everything we had away and forget all about me when I still think about him everything day and night?

 

Meanwhile, him and that girl from Kansas are still together after a year. He actually made her move down here for him too, and she did!

 

-reply by Whitney

[iGuest 3]

I thought...Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

Umm, my boyfriend and I just broke up last year. We were together for three and a half years. All that I've been doing is crying. I need some advice on what to do. Although I am only seventeen years old, I thought that he was the one for me. I also know that I have my whole life ahead of me, it's just hard. I'm scared that I might not find anyone else like him. 

-reply by Chris

[iGuest 3]

I finished with my husband after 20 years  it was a hard relationship and I felt he needed a mother figure not a wife I was always there for him but felt neglected ,after ending it I felt great that I could breathe a gain but its been 9 months since the break up and I have started to feel lonely and that I miss my old life which seems better than what I have , I start to question whether it was really that bad could I have tried harder ,I have 4 daughters that don't have anything to do with him as he can be hard work , he comes to my door crying and begging saying he will change but I have heard it before , I seem to only remember the good not the bad ,I don't know if I have made a mistake finishing it or its just that I'm lonely  

-reply by karen

[iGuest 3]

HOW CAN I GET OVER W/ MY 3 1/2 RELATIONSHIP AND NOW THAT WE ARE BESTFRIENDSDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

Hi guys needs some help here ;-(... I just end up with my almost 4years relationship to be exact 3yrs. And 7 months now...But we end upas a bestfriends...Meaning we're going to see each other still andcommunicate to each other...

I broke his trust to me...But it doesn't mean that I cheated him of course I did not...

Myproblem is on how can I handle this king od set up that I really dostill love him not only as a bestfriend..But for him we wants to us tobe like that...I no choice but to agree because I don't to lose mycommunication with him and I still want to be with him...But I'mthinking when the time comes that he will have his another girl..AndI'm still his bestfriend.. I know will feel so much when that timecome...I don't know oif this is a right thing to do...

And he told me that he wants to find his self...I know he cares for me a lot...

I'ma real martir for him...Before our first anniversary came..We have thisdeal that he will do all the things that he wants and I have no rightto disagree...If I want to stay it depends on me...

Then I prefer tostay...And I told him that I'm willing to wait for him until he willhave his new girl and that's the time that I will let go of him andgive up on him and to our relationship...Now this is for real ..Thatwere bestfriend no committment at all...But the nice thing here is hedon't still his new girl...-reply by Lonelycat

[iGuest 3]

Breakup after 5.5 years togetherDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

hey

 

I am writing to you from South Africa. I thought I am the only person who has experienced such a thing, until I read your story. I was dating a guy for about the same period, we had also set a wedding date, picked out name for our kids, his family loved me and I was convinced that I would like to grow old with him. I was conviced that he is the one in this lifetime and the next.

 

One day we had a fight, he was in the wrong, he did not apologise and let me leave at 3am in the morning, driving about 250 km to where I lived (we were in a long distance relationship). To say I was shocked is an understatement. We have never spoken since then. I even went to hospital for some health issues recently and I thought he would come to visit me in hospital. He did not even come. Can you believe that.

 

Anyhow I still cry about the relationship sometimes. But I read somewhere that it will take almost 2 years before you can move on from the relationship.

So give yourself time and stop being so hard on yourself.

-reply by mpho

[iGuest 3]

THE WORLD JES WONT WAIT!!!Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

hmmmm your pain is not lost on me...I understand exactly where you are. My relationship lasted 5 years as well and after months of going round and round,I discovered,by acident that he had been cheating on me...Actually his new girl friend sought me out on facebook and pretended to befriend me ,all the while trying to find out if him and I were still together. Long story short, I lost the love of my life jes like that! he went crazy on me ,has insulted me and said all sorts of nasty things to me...The shock of having someone who once loved you say the things and do the things he has done...Is beyond heart breaking.The pain is real...The hurt unimaginable, the struggle to get thru each day is even worse...However such is life...Try thinking of it this way...Married pipo,who have blended their lives and have had children have gone their separate ways-closure or no closure-the pain is the same.

Life has to go on...Imagine this...He has no remorse over what happened,hes pobably happy with his life and doesnt even think nor care about you...In short he has moved on. You deserve to be happy,you never wronged him nor can you blame him for falling in love...It sucks that he decided to behave the way he did but that was not your fault. If he is an honest and truthful man...With human feelings-then his concious will be his best judge! for now I tell myself its important that I focus on me(my breakup is only 3 months old)...Move on-its not that easy I know but what else is there to do...Accept you're no longer part of each others lives,his now your history...Look foward to what else is out there in store for you! you deserve to smile and be happy

pipo advise us to surround ourselves with the pipo we love and be active...Thats very mportant and crucial...However,other stuff like taling about it when you feel the need-unfortunately this can ge old so you need to surround yourself with pipo who really care and wont tire of your "whinning",apart from that quality time by yourself jes to take time out wit all the pretending you're fine and je sallow what you feel to be,cry if you must  I find it makes me calm,affirm yourself to you...Love yourself appreciate things about you taht you know make youi special and different from any other woman...The most important thoing however ...PRAYER. Do not underestimate what God can do...He created you ,he know how he wired you when it comes to love and so he knows you better than anyone so talk to him.

 

someone once told me...SOMETIMES, REJECTION IS GODS PROTECTION! you might not get it now but one day!

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-reply by BEAUTIFUL

 

[iGuest 3]

i really agree with youDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I think what you said was really sweet, sweet.. Reading all these posts makes me feel better

my boyfriend of 6 years and 4months broke up with me just the day before..He went to a school thats far from here, we were still doing good last time he was home, 4 weeks went by and he was being uncommunicative..Knowing him well I can feel somethings not right..Till I heard from a friend that he has a new gf, his classmate now. When I knew this, he was home.So we talked and he told me he still love me but he changed and that we should just be bestfriends..He said its not about the girl coz she isnt even pretty, but I don't believe him..He couldnt have just dropped our 6year relationship for some ugly girl!!his friends told me how gourgeous the rich girls were from his school..

now I don't know what to do, where to go, and how to start my life all over again..Weve been through alot and I havent thought 4 weeks away from each other is whats only needed to break this relationship. I gave up everything for him, gave up my family, my rich fiance, I lived-in with him together with his family, which I tell you is something thats really hard to deal with, living with the bfs family..I was happy to do all this thinking at last now he has a goal in life, for us for our future, but it ended up all to be for him and all my sacrifices for nothing..Still I cant give him up, I'm going to the city were he is, find a job and be near him, in case there is still another chance for us..I don't know why I'm being so stupid..But as long as he keeps the communication open ill still keep on trying..Help me.

-reply by tears

 

[iGuest 3]

will I'm in this 6 year relationship it goes bad and it goes good but to me its more bad then good he says really mean things to me that hurts me over and over I keep forgiving him because I been with him so long deep down in my heart I wanna walk away forever but me seeing him move on with another girl will hurt me deeply so thats why I keep holding on I don't wanna be with him at all thats the only thing that holds me back from leaving him we have a son together and if I wish to leave him I still have to see him because of our 1 yr old son I really need some strong advice I'm not a strong person I'm very weak when it comes to him I cant leave him and when I do leave him I come right back thats not what I want I wany to leave him for good I just have to get the strenght to move on with my life someone help me please