Why Be Shy Advise for people tha are shy

[Chatz 0]

Theres this girl I like and want to ask her out but Im just to shy and theres anther guy whos better dan me in this also tring to get this girl.Pls could you give me some advise.THIS WAS EMAILED TO ME A COUPLE OF MOUNTHS AGO.IM USING THIS QUESTION AS AN EXAMPLE FOR PEOPLE IN Xisto THAT HAVE THE SAME PROMBLEM

If you're too shy, then just lie down, do nothing, and be alone the rest of your life.

I fully understand how it feels, but you aren't going to use the "shy guy" crap anymore. I know how much anxiety this can give all of us, but you're just going to have to get over it as it's going to affect you the rest of your life negatively if you don't.

The good news is that you CAN get over it! You're don't have to be shy the rest of your life and just suffer with whatever life gives you. You can actually take what you want, (and leave the rest to the other "shy guys" out there!)

You do this by getting yourself educated. I suggest that you post questions here for me to answer as a very good start. In addition, decide right now that you're not going to use being shy as an excuse any more. Just stop it. It's time to grow up and be a man. If you're not sure how to do this, that's ok - that's what this post will show you.

Find a "role model" whose person you can adopt. I like James Bond or Tom Cruise's character in "Top Gun". These are great models to follow. Then, fake it until you make it!

Like in the question I got in the email, just because this guy has already taken the first step doesn't mean that you're out. After all, it's HER decision - not his! Just go up to her and say, "You know, we need to spend some time together and get to know each other. Let's have coffee this week. How's either Thursday or Saturday?"

Believe me my brothers - it really IS that simple! Take a few small steps, get a few successes and watch your confidence level soar.

Post questions here if you wish.I will answer them.

Advise posted by me (chatz)

[Radioactive 0]

Good topic. It also disturbs me 'being shy' as an excuse not to do something.I liked the idea of following some particular role model. It's another perspective. If someone believes their model is cool enough to behave like them (sort of), they have a good starting point, although that model should be a positive encouragement, rather than a negative one, like my friend is following some rapper, and now he thinks he's a 'gangsta' (at least he isn't the same shy guy anymore), oh well..By the way, maybe shy people are too shy to even post a question here?People, don't be shy! If you're very shy then at least give it a shot here to see if you can get a starting point to something. Un-shy yourselves!Good luck with the questions.

[Chatz 0]

I saw your recent post on Xisto about being shy, and I figured I would email you for advice on my situation.First, I'm in high school. I'm a pretty damn shy guy even though I'm damn smart and a good athlete.Most of the girls consider me a nice guy, but none of them ever talk to me. I'd be perfectly happy to have some female companionship once in a while if I could find my way farther once in a while, but I can't.the reason for this is that I am too shy to ever talk to any of them. If they ever come over to talk to me, things go better (though still not as well as I'd like), or if I get the opportunity to talk with them over the phone or through the 'net, I'm good to go. I'm funny and charming, but put a girl in front of me and it's a case of "so close, and yet so far."Any advice you have got for me; bearing in mind my age, would be much appreciated Chatz .THIS GUY EMAILED ME ABOUT HIS SITUATION NOTE;IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER YOU CAN EMAIL ME INSTEAD OF POSTING HERE YOUR PROMBLEMS

Ok considering your age, I think you're right on the mark about getting all of this solved now! Many of the "shy" guys that email me are often in their 20's, 30's, 40's and even much older. Why go through that much life without getting what you want? Being "shy" is going to prevent you from getting what you want if you don't get it straightened out.

 

First, let's get past this myth about shyness - it's not a real problem, it's only an excuse. Everyone has some issue with shyness at some point in their lives - you, your buddies, and everyone else. The difference between you and them - or anyone else that is "shy" is that you use it as an excuse to not do what you have to do. Don't forget that point. Being shy is not an affliction, it's a choice.

 

Second, you're not going to get many women to approach you, and you're going to have to learn to approach women yourself, in person. That is the way the "game" is played and it's not going to change just for you - trust me on this one. Thus, I want you to realize that from this very moment onward, you are going to be working to change the way you think. Stop choosing shyness as your excuse for not having what you want in your life.

 

Third, as soon as you start learning basic skills about dealing with people in person, you're going to find that the shyness just goes away on it's own! Sure, you might feel occasional shyness, but you'll find that it is so minor that it doesn't really even bother you. What was a huge impact in your life at one time will soon become just a minor irritation that you can completely control any time you want to.

 

he key to all of this is:

 

1) Education - get yourself educated about how to approach women, how to hold conversations, how to be funny (on the Internet), and especially, how to "close" to get what you want. Know that women are just as interested in meeting you as you are in meeting them!

 

)2) Practice

 

Why is this all that's required? Because when you know what to do and how to do it, you'll find that you are confident and believe in yourself. Further as you practice these skills your internal dialog (how you talk to yourself) will change. You'll start thinking, "Wow, I can go meet that little cutie over there in the corner and get her number right now" instead of "Man, I can't talk to her - what if I blow it?"

 

The last point is also a simple one: get started right now! Don't waste another day on bad choices like being shy! If you don't do something today, tomorrow will be exactly the same. If you don't do something this week, next week will be the very same. If you don't change this year... I think you get the point.

 

How do you get started? First, I strongly urge you to get educated about women and this entire dating game by posting or "emailing" me more questions. These answers that i will give you to your questions are going to give you the tools you need for the rest of your life. Second, I suggest that you start working on your skills. Start learning to make eye contact with everyone. Learn to say "hello" to people (especially beautiful women!) and do it very single time you get the opportunity. No excuses here - it's time to stop choosing shyness as your excuse.

 

Again I say post or email me your questions

 

Advise posted by me (chatz)

[Joshua 0]

And why exactly is shyness being looked at as a charachter flaw here? That's what I don't get. If you let it keep you from reaching out to someone you care about, that is a problem then. A moment of awkwardness isn't as bad as a lifetime of regret. But shyness, meekness, humility; whatever you want to call it, can be an admirable trait. In a girl for example, I find it something highly attractive, and I'm not talking about today's pretense of it by girls, but the genuine article.

[Chatz 0]

You'd be surprised at how many famous men were "shy" too - Winston Churchill for one comes to mind, but there are thousands of other examples. Buying into the idea that you're shy is simply an excuse. You're using that excuse to explain why you're not having better luck with women, when in fact; it's based solely on your unwillingness to get educated and to take small risks.Consider also, that magazines like Psychology Today are a pure representation of our feminized world - one where nobody is responsible for their own actions and everyone is a victim. I operate by (and teach) a different ideal: there are no "victims", only volunteers!Believe me, when people first enter the dating world, every one of them are "shy". That's because we are normally wired to not want to get shot down and suffer the pain of embarrassment. This doesn't happen anywhere near as often as "shy" people would like to believe, and in fact, everyone that wants to can learn to be successful with women, and guess what? As soon as you start experiencing that success, the shyness magically goes away!Many guys spend years - and even decades before they learn this simple fact. I have guys that email me even from Xisto constantly in their 40's, 50's and even 60's that have been "shy" all their lives only to finally discover this fact and turn their own lives around. You (all) can do this too if you decide you want to, but don't try to pull the shy excuse on any one.Others may tolerate it and even pat you on the back saying, "Oh, you poor, shy thing." Not me. My job is to kick you in the **bottom** and tell you to get moving! After all, what are relationship shrinks for?

[Ao)K-General 0]

I have that problem and I am tryin' to get over it. I've started to. I just can't ask a girl out face to face. I can do it from either over the phone or on the computer but never in person. But I've always been rejected =/ .

[darknight08 0]

True Story.

 

Okay Guys. I used to be shy. To be exact I used a shy guy who was really smart and pretty handsome if u ask me . I just talked when i needed to. I just talked to answer questions. People knew i was smart, but that was just that. At home, I used to be normal, hyper, talkative, troublesome. But at school, i used to be a statue. I liked lots of chicks, but they didnt notice me because i didnt talk much. It took me a while to finally show my true self to the other people, just mainly to my good friends. But, still i couldnt/didnt talk to chicks. Then i started using AIM I wasnt face to face with people or chicks so i just aacted like myself w/o being nervoous or shy. I started to break down the shy wall. I started to talk to chicks, i started becoming popular...i got so popular that i won President in Stuco..then the worst thing happened...

 

 

 

I moved to a whole new school. I had to restart. It sucked..alot. And my shy wall was coming back. But then i was like screw it...i dont care anymore, and now i have the reputation as the class clown/genius.

 

 

so here is what you need to do...screw it and go for it...use aim if that helps and if u dont go forward to make friends not many people will

[Chez 0]

shyness is in the eyes of the beholder. really. think about it. Only you think you're shy. noone else knows it until you impose your skyness on others. If you like someone, tell em about it. You don't have to ask them out, just let them know. You know, take an interest in them. You don't even have to blatantly say "I LIKE YOU!!!!", just listen to their stories, tell them some of your own. Etc etc.You'll also notice it's much easier to talk to someone you're not interested. Like a fugly girl, or someone's mom... well, some people have fetishes like that... but i'm ignoring the exceptions. *ahem* So what I do is just imagine the girl i'm interested in is either taken or ugly. Someone I can usually talk to without a problem atol. This negates that feeling you get when they take a simple interest in you(or your story) and you take it as them coming on to you. It creates a buffer, if you will. Try that if all else fails.I dunno. I'm shy but it rarely affects me. All the good ones are taken aldready so I get to practice my come-ons on the fugly ones anyways.

[Blue-Guy 0]

I used to be a shy guy but i got over it eventually and got a cute chick by my side now

[iwuvcookies 0]

Only until my senior of high school have really begun to actually not be shy about everything. I use to be shy about these girls touching my booty lol. Sometimes silly as that my face would get pink or red and flush with embarassment. But I've grown to accept my booty loll and its really nice to know people appreciate it. Just basically conversing with girls and stuff makes me build up my self esteem. its really not bad. YOu just say Hi and that's it. If you feel like it just talk alittle more. Usually you can feel if the conversation is going no where. As that's applies to me. I just started to feel better about myself that I am a person that is worthy of someone liking me. I think it also depends on how you look and the way you carry yourself. I know it maybe be not reall ymasculine and kiddish but I'm the cuddly kind of guy. Every girl i see i give them a hug. lol. Its nice. I just think looks and personality do with much of how you approach others. Of course that deals with self esteem and all that. All i'm just saying is I think real working on youserlf to be happy and then you should work on others and break down that shyness.

[lawmatchmaker 0]

If you're too shy, then just lie down, do nothing, and be alone the rest of your life.
I fully understand how it feels, but you aren't going to use the "shy guy" crap anymore. I know how much anxiety this can give all of us, but you're just going to have to get over it as it's going to affect you the rest of your life negatively if you don't.

The good news is that you CAN get over it! You're don't have to be shy the rest of your life and just suffer with whatever life gives you. You can actually take what you want, (and leave the rest to the other "shy guys" out there!)

You do this by getting yourself educated. I suggest that you post questions here for me to answer as a very good start. In addition, decide right now that you're not going to use being shy as an excuse any more. Just stop it. It's time to grow up and be a man. If you're not sure how to do this, that's ok - that's what this post will show you.

Find a "role model" whose person you can adopt. I like James Bond or Tom Cruise's character in "Top Gun". These are great models to follow. Then, fake it until you make it!

Like in the question I got in the email, just because this guy has already taken the first step doesn't mean that you're out. After all, it's HER decision - not his! Just go up to her and say, "You know, we need to spend some time together and get to know each other. Let's have coffee this week. How's either Thursday or Saturday?"

Believe me my brothers - it really IS that simple! Take a few small steps, get a few successes and watch your confidence level soar.

Post questions here if you wish.I will answer them.

I would like to say that being shy in itself is not a flaw, some girls including myself even find it cute. However, if your shyness gets in the way of what you want, or what you are able to achieve, than it becomes a character flaw and you must do somethihng to overcome it. I think the role model apparach is very good. Because some people instinctively don't know how to overcome their shyness, they can take their cue from famous cool dudes. That way you have a road map to follow, just do like they do, you don't have to come up with anything original, but a word of caution coming from a gal, girls like genuine guys, don't over do the cool dude thing or it could very well backfire. Be confident, but let your genuine nice guy personality shine through

[Pleex 0]

Hi, I think my shyness is slowly fading away , this summer, I too the first step and decided to ask a girl out that I had talked to on msn, like the 20 minutes before i was going to meet her my mind was blasting wh thoughs, "what shall I say", "what if it will be quit for like 5 minutes", "how am I supposed to act", and such, then when she finally came, we talked and talked, and ended up by had being walked and talked in the town for over 8 hours!, then i felt, "hey, this wasnt so hard, why havnt i dont this before?". So now on this summer ive met 3 girls (more then ever in my life, tho im only 15). 2 of them are just friends but im glad anyway, and 1 of them, the first one i met, well, we're working on it. , so guys, just go there and make the first move, then it will feel better and better, practice is great! Thx for letting me speak out xD

[trace-uk 0]

I agree with the eduction part. I used to be quite shy until i learned in my teens how to chat up and flirt with girls. the best thing to over come shyness is to take babay steps, always advance ... just slowly. start now. it may take 6 months, but if you started 6 months ago you'd be done already!

[berakd 0]

I do not know what to say. I am shy, but don't know why!!! But, I don't know, it is not a problem for me to find a girl, somehow they always find me!!! I realy can't say, am I shy... Because, when I want to do something I do net feel I am shy, it is more that I matter what someone third think about that what I do... I do not know am I shy...

[Danny 0]

True Story.

 

Okay Guys. I used to be shy. To be exact I used a shy guy who was really smart and pretty handsome if u ask me . I just talked when i needed to. I just talked to answer questions. People knew i was smart, but that was just that. At home, I used to be normal, hyper, talkative, troublesome. But at school, i used to be a statue. I liked lots of chicks, but they didnt notice me because i didnt talk much. It took me a while to finally show my true self to the other people, just mainly to my good friends. But, still i couldnt/didnt talk to chicks. Then i started using AIM I wasnt face to face with people or chicks so i just aacted like myself w/o being nervoous or shy. I started to break down the shy wall. I started to talk to chicks, i started becoming popular...i got so popular that i won President in Stuco..then the worst thing happened...

I moved to a whole new school. I had to restart. It sucked..alot. And my shy wall was coming back. But then i was like screw it...i dont care anymore, and now i have the reputation as the class clown/genius.

 

 

so here is what you need to do...screw it and go for it...use aim if that helps and if u dont go forward to make friends not many people will

 

same here most of it.. i dint move to school o president ect though