May December Relationship

[muskrat 0]

She is sixteen, he is in his thirties. They started going out one dates some four or five months ago. She's now pregnant and the guy turns out to be married and with kids. But she doesn't care whether he is married or not. Her parents learned about her condition and now are thinking of putting an end to the relationship.If you are the girl's parents how would you confront the man?If you are the girl, how would you explain your desire to continue with the relationship inspite of the other guy's marriage.What do you think of the relationship? Is it worth keeping? Would you side with the girl?

[heavensounds 0]

huuh this is a hard one...it could almost be in a JErry Springer show or something:) I hope it is not real because this type of relationshship is very hardly goin to work! Usually it is the best that man and women are about 2 years apart with a man 2 years older, because girls mature faster and a 2 years older man is just about her mental age. Other than that, there is our lovely society who is judging you all the time that this sort of relationship is not OK, not normal (normal btw. means the way most people do it or the sociological definiton - just 30% of people is NORMAL!!?). So if something is not normal in a certain society it is hard to work. BUT we should also ask ourselves why is something normal in our society...it is not just something that poped out in ones head and than he put it on a paper and people started acting that way. NO it is something that is natural...and a 35 years old guy and 16 years old girl...hm that is not natural nor normal!So if i was her parent, i'd try to explain that to her in a way that wouldn't hurt her too much. I'd try to find her a guy of her age and make it as impossible as possible for her to meet that 35years old pervert, who is cheating his wife and kids.Even if he is 35 years old, he should not be so irresponsible that he went cheating on his wife with a kid and espacialy not because he has his own children for gods sake!I dunno...stupid situation..stupid people..but the world as it is the best version of it in the present moment!

[stephanie 0]

that's a real novel! i think the girl is still too young to know what's best for her and of course that having a relationship with a guy much older and married and with kids is obviosly a bad bad choice. first of all because i doubt that this man will leave his family to be and take care of this girl and second because she is too young to compromised with a man,she has to date more,meet new guys,how does she know that he is the best one for her if she doesn't met nothing else? if i where her mother i would never let that relationship continue. and the baby,it shuold be her choice if she wants it or not but i really think she should forget that man and find a boy like her to discover what a relationship is made of. and tell her to be more careful the next time,there are condoms and pills and lots of stuff in these days so i don't understeand why she didn't use something. she has 16,she is young yet but not a baby,ok? she should know already how to protect herself.

[inspirate 0]

Sounds like something for season 44 of 7th Heaven.While I'd like to be blindly idealistic about the prospect that romantic love breaks all barriers, and that there is only one perfect match for you in the infinite universe, whoever it may be, I find the aforementioned relationship impractical and, likely, doomed for failure. The man has children who are likely shocked that their father has impregnanted a young girl, and the man's evident lack of concern for family values will haunt his new relationship and limit his capacity to start another healthy family with his new love interest. The girl should understand that there are more (likely wiser, more attractive, and more convenient) fish in the sea.

[Jimmy 0]

That guy is clearly taking advantage of her, if this is real and to-the-moment I think it would be sensible for the girl to not be able to see him again, heck, he has a wife and kids! what posessed him to give her a child? There is most certainly something wrong, its not just abnormal, its very very abnormal. Just going on the fact that this person is cheating on his wife and kids, and that hed be affecting her and changing the way she may grow up, I agree with the parents that they should be trying to break it up and keep him away.What image does he think his kids will get from that...

Edited July 21, 2006 by Jimmy (see edit history)

[brandice 0]

There's this weird thing that girls go through when they are that age, maybe boys too. They think they are as grown up and mature as they are going to get. It's really a shame that she's gotten into this situation. It's easy at that time when you think that you know everything to get involved with these creepy and sick older men because they say things like how mature you are and you fall for it. The real reason that a guy will go after an underage girl is that they will put up with more. Women their own age won't put up with those guys' crap. Seriously, that's the only reason. This goes for men who are 22 and men who are really old (not really old compared to me, but compared to the poor girl) like the one in this sad story. Yes, I have strong opinions on the subject. If I were the girl's parents, not only would I "put an end" to the relationship, I would prosecute the man- probably after beating the daylights out of him.

[Jimmy 0]

If I were the girl's parents, not only would I "put an end" to the relationship, I would prosecute the man- probably after beating the daylights out of him.

And rightly so...

What would be the weapon of choice to "End the suffering"!?
Good Old Fists, or just simple but effective, rocks in a stocking!!!?

The Outstanding question I have is.. is this actually happening right at the moment or is it a tragic story from the past?
Edited July 21, 2006 by Jimmy (see edit history)

[Thorned Rose 0]

There's this weird thing that girls go through when they are that age, maybe boys too. They think they are as grown up and mature as they are going to get. It's really a shame that she's gotten into this situation. It's easy at that time when you think that you know everything to get involved with these creepy and sick older men because they say things like how mature you are and you fall for it.

 

The real reason that a guy will go after an underage girl is that they will put up with more. Women their own age won't put up with those guys' crap. Seriously, that's the only reason. This goes for men who are 22 and men who are really old (not really old compared to me, but compared to the poor girl) like the one in this sad story.

 

Yes, I have strong opinions on the subject. If I were the girl's parents, not only would I "put an end" to the relationship, I would prosecute the man- probably after beating the daylights out of him.

 

brandice, you have got it so right. I look back on being that age now and I think "My God, I was immature". I feel like such a moron for thinking I was sooo mature at the time. I realise that I was more mature than most girls my age but by gollie it doesn't compare to the maturity you have at 27.

My sister's partner is significantly older than her and she suffers abandonment issues from her father. She is quite obviously looking for a father figure in her life. In my experience, girls who go out with men significantly older than themselves are usually looking for male love normally provided by their fathers. It may be that in this situation the girl's father is a decent father but she subconsciously feels unloved by him.

And yes I agree that men often go out with young girls because they are 'easy'. I have been with my husband since we were 17 and I remember being wheedled into things I didn't want to do because I wanted him to love me. Lucky for me that we were devoted to eachother and are still together. I could easily have ended up pregnant and alone. Girls unfortunately, have something built into them when they are young that make them do just about anything to get a guy to love them.

As for the affair - relationships based on affairs virtually never work out.

As for the girl's parents, they need to find a way to get her to end the relationship. If they do it themselves, she will just hate and resent them and try to find a way to see him anyway. Better yet, they should get him to end it. It might be awful to break her heart, but it would be a lesson well learned. I would also think that she should adopt the baby out. A 15 year old cannot look after a baby with the necessary maturity. My sister had her first when she was 18 and she is not a fit mother. Of course some people are more mature than others and just because you are 18,19,20... doesn't mean you aren't adept at being a parent (i've known plenty who are excellent parents) just that most do not have the necessary maturity. And 16s and unders definitely don't! I would only ever recommend it if she had a strong maternal instinct and her parents are there 24/7 to help and watch.

I also think the man's family has a right to know what he's been up to but perhaps via anonymous letter