Turn Off The Light 0 Report post Posted February 13, 2006 Here are a few sonnets that I wrote for a project in my British Literature Class in school.Please comment on them, and let me know what you think! I would really appreciate feedback through PM(Personal Message) or by replies on the post.Well here they are...01.The morning breeze sends ripples over the lake,with them arrives the cherished thought of you.I take a tranquil stoll in pure love's wake;whence it comes, where it goes, one finds no clue.So silently, what in my heart I rear!a lot I'd bear but why such desolationshould creep upon well meaning words I hearfrom you, oh dear, why such strange apparitionsShould plunge into the whirlpool of our dreams,When past and present interwined resolveAmidst a sea of mortal laughs and screams,Old passions seethe our souls, new ones evolve.I think of you - don't take my thoughts amiss -,If words lack truth, I'll prove it with a kiss.02.My absence from you renders absence wrong,As if an April day of frozen rain,Whose sun in such a scene does much belong,That sun and season reunite again.What strident force of nature drives me here,Like brazen buds surviving through the snow,Still striving up that nourishment be near,To seek above, so what's beneath may grow.Is nature's way confounded that I'm soPerverse to feel the warmth behind the cloudThat bids me on to seek what does not show,Admitting rays of hope through hopeless shroud.The sun obscured is nonetheless as true,And so am I, though far away from you.03.In the dark and cold of my despair,Like a tree in barren latency,With no loving sun or hopeful air,Love remained alive in want of theeThrough the snow and rain of distancingEver closse my passion did remainLoving you with praise of you to singSilent yearning, missing to reclaimBut as surely as the winter turns,Trees to shed their wan and grey disguise,Loving sun of you has now returnedI to bloom with flowers in your eyesThough the season changes, each anew,Changless is my heart in loving you.Please comment on them, I could really use the feedback!Thanks alot,~Turn Off The Light~ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FLaKes 0 Report post Posted February 13, 2006 My favorite one was the third, I think it was because it was easier to read and understand for me. I really liked how you talk about love through nature. Though the first one was also really really good, what threw me off was the second paragraph, I didnt like how desolation, and apparitions came together, maybe you could save those Ideas for another paragraph and find something that rhymes better, but I dont know, I havent studied poetry in over 4 or 5 years. Overall they are really good, keep it up! Cheers! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites