Why Reveal Feelings my reasons not to

[tigen28 0]

I am not sure if everyone feels like this or experiences similarly to I, but...I have seen many pretty people of the opposite gender, very attractive. Even though I create an imbreakable barrier and barely communicate with the person or not communicate at all, a few manage to severely make a dent in my heart. It may seem impossible, but if you have feelings for someone and see them day after day at school, your love for them can steadily grow to a dangerous level. It may get so uncomfortable that each time you see them, no matter what your emotional well-being is at the time, you will have a sick-feeling inside, depressed almost. Yeah, that happened to me at high school, but luckily she was 1 grade below I. I now at college; she still remain in high school. Therefore, I have escape this torture that I brought on myself.Ok, the sufferings I brought upon my self is all my choices. You may wonder, WHY? If I at least tell her you like her, there is at least a chance. But no, even if I were to go back, I will do the same; except maybe this time, I will try harder to blind my eyes from her beauty and not even look in her direction.Here are my reasons why feelings should not be shown, especially when one is in school:1. The focus requires for school should not be distracted.2. How serious the other person may get about the relationship is unpredictable. Unless one is committed to marry the other person if consent is availabe, the "let's just try my chance" attitude should not be experimented. So far, I am almost confident that I will not marry anyone that I have seen; that's why I never show my feelings to anyone.3. You might say, "I just wanted to have some fun; having a girlfriend/boyfriend should be enjoyable." But do you realize that one day, especially if you were not serious in the first place, a breakup is inevitable. The person that you hurt may be totally devatstated and never recover.That's only 3 reasons. I am not sure if I was able to justify my actions, but my thinking is that a little fun can be sacrifice if the chance of hurting someone is avoided.Feel free to voice your opinion.Thanks for reading.P.S. I hope you will share your thoughts, and I hope to be able to discuss what points you have and what points and I can be redeemed for.

Notice from snlildude87:

Moved to Advice

Edited September 23, 2005 by snlildude87 (see edit history)

[[i]_R_Crazy_Idiot 0]

Fear of the reaction, that's what really gets to me.

[Dawid 0]

The focus requires for school should not be distracted.

I can promise you that school does not require that much focus that you can be distracted by feelings. I'm busy doing my second degree at University at the moment and one of the first things the University administration tells you is that statistics have shown a student with an active social life is more likely to do well than one's who just dedicate or "focus" everything on studying.

3. You might say, "I just wanted to have some fun; having a girlfriend/boyfriend should be enjoyable." But do you realize that one day, especially if you were not serious in the first place, a breakup is inevitable. The person that you hurt may be totally devatstated and never recover.

If you go into everything in life looking at everything with a point of view that if it does not work the outcome is going to be disasterous then your life's experiences will be very limited.

At University, most of your relationships arn't serious, then once in a while you get a little more serious for a while, until you find the one that works. It's the "dating game", most of it is a game, a game to be enjoyed and played for many years.

[apurva 0]

well what i feel is, you should always express your feelings.. Never we should run away from whom we like,and yes people who're socially active take more interest in studies,I don't say that we should only study or take interest in other activites but only studies will make us real dumb.

[Danieluchis 0]

, but my thinking is that a little fun can be sacrifice if the chance of hurting someone is avoided

Even though you're the one who is hurting himself? the one who is sacrifricing his happiness, i agree of most of the things you say, except this part...

[Galahad 0]

1.  The focus requires for school should not be distracted.

I agree with Dawid on this one... School, no matter how hard, doesn't require that much focus, that you schould sacrifice your love life over it...

2.  How serious the other person may get about the relationship is unpredictable.  Unless one is committed to marry the other person if consent is availabe, the "let's just try my chance" attitude should not be experimented.  So far, I am almost confident that I will not marry anyone that I have seen; that's why I never show my feelings to anyone.

Okay, you don't need to marry first person you like. I know, I rarely fall in love, but when I do, I will do anything for her... Thoughts of marriage also cross my mind. But the reality is, you don't marry the first person you like, and she likes you. It takes time to find the right person for youself.

3.  You might say, "I just wanted to have some fun; having a girlfriend/boyfriend should be enjoyable." But do you realize that one day, especially if you were not serious in the first place, a breakup is inevitable.  The person that you hurt may be totally devatstated and never recover.

And what if she breaks up with you? Did you think of that? Yes, we are all devastated when our love leaves us. But we recover. It's human nature. We recover, sooner or later. And it hurst, more or less, depending on type of relationship you had. But going in with that attitude "everything will fall apart, and disaster will follow" is very wrong. I used to be like that, thinking if things won't last, there is no point in trying. But a very special person tought me not to be like that... Occasionaly, I still get like that, but less, and less...

You should try and look on the bright side... Maybe she is the one! You don't see a person for the first time, and have the feeling "I'm gonna marry her". No. It would be nice if that were the case, but it's not. That feeling slowly creeps in, and grabs your heart when you least expect it... Believe me, I know...

Just drop your negative attitude, and look things on a bright side... There is no plain black and white... There is gray also... It's like Yin-Yang... There is white in black, and black in white... All is not lost Be positive!

[Unregistered 015 0]

Being positive is crucial! I can see where you are comming from when you say things like those in your post (feelings, dont want to hurt her or yourself, being afraid of rejection etc.) and I think you need to work on this area of your life a bit (ok, maybe not a bit, but a lot). Anyway, dating and relationship games require some skill. It all comes down to SKILLS. I can see that you either dont have skills or balls To not get to far and off topic (expressing feelings right?) I want to add that a MAN should not express his feeling to a woman, UNLESS they are engaged, in a comited relationship, marriage, or something like that. If you are "just frineds" and you want to take it one step higher, dont tell her that "you like her" or "love her" The last one is even worse, since she then see's you as weak man who is giving her his POWER. In that situation she controls YOU, not the other way around. That is bad for the relationship, and she wants to marry you Seriously, if you just want advanture, sex or "hanging out" with her, then dont tell her you love her (EVEN if that is true) since she'll run away.

[tigen28 0]

Thanks, everyone, for your comments. You all seem so caring, even though I am just a stranger; I really appreciate that.Well, my replies to all these seeming contradicting comments (though caring):1. I am not sure if I sounded like someone who is social but cannot have a social interaction. You know, those kinds of people who always complain, "Where is the love of my life?" or "I am lonely, no friends, no lover!". But it is not the case for me, I am antisocial and like being antisocial.2. In other words I seem to accept the fact that I am antisocial. It is just that sometimes, someone is just so attractive that my uncontrollable heart ran away from me and freely presented itself to the special someone. Though, of course, I will not show my feeling and will wait for time to separate us appart: first, distance; then, emotionally.So I guess I will not be able to follow anyone's advice. It's just the way I am, different I guess. REALLY DIFFERENT! from the general population.I do not know why. Maybe it's just pure personality, taste. Or maybe some ex-factors partially serve as the cause: For example, not charming enough, or dull (can't make people laugh). I mean, so many girls like guys who make them laugh, right? Well, I'm too dull for that. In one way, I guess I can be considered "BORING."Oh well, I'm good with that. I have grown to prefer my laptop as my BEST FRIEND. Not that I hate people. Actually, if anyone asks for my help, I likely answer positively. Though I don't help many people these days, one of my goals in life is actually helping people. I will be very content when I'm able to work in a career toward better humanity and use some of my salary to donate to charity.Summary: I guess on my "life goal" is making a difference and helping people. But unless someone needs me, I would rather be with my laptop. In other words, I like people, just that people can't find a common ground with me to start social interaction.Yeah, I guess it's pretty confusing; but two of my points are anti-social doesn't mean "hating people", and being anti-social doesn't mean "wanting to be more SOCIAL"Well, I am welcoming comments to this post also.Thanks for reading and in advance, your future comments.

[Unregistered 015 0]

I guess I can be considered "BORING." I am antisocial and like being antisocial.

Those are some very negative toughts and feelings inside of you. You should avoid that, in my opinion its unhealthy! But you have choosen to be negative to your self, so why do you ask for advice, since you already made your choice?
p.s. I think most (probably all) humans HATE boring!

[tigen28 0]

Sorry, I didn't mean to ask for advice; I was only posting to share my points with others and see what points other view these things as.I guess your mission is to go around and help people by giving advice, eh?Well, sorry i wasted your time. I will try next time to type somewhere in my post that I'm not seeking advice and is only bringing up a topic to discuss about: mano-to-mano, lol.Anyways, initially, I did not post in the "advice" section; a moderator moved it; not sure why.Well, hope you are not holding a grudge against me, chill, man.

[Unregistered 015 0]

I'm discussing it. I'm not giving you anything. Just my opinion of it. After all, we are all here for hosting credits :)p.s. If you like what I say and suggest feel free to use it

[Cool_Freaker 0]

1.  I am not sure if I sounded like someone who is social but cannot have a social interaction.  You know, those kinds of people who always complain, "Where is the love of my life?" or "I am lonely, no friends, no lover!".  But it is not the case for me, I am antisocial and like being antisocial.

You know, I believe I have a similar view as you. I like my personal space and time, and whilst not a total loner, I still often enjoy doing things as an individual.

 

Actually, were it not for societal pressures/media influences, I don't know whether, at this stage, I (personally) would really care if I had a girlfriend or not. Among the friends that I have, the majority of them are in relationships, and it is a pain when going out in a group and they've coupled off.

 

I do not know why.  Maybe it's just pure personality, taste.  Or maybe some ex-factors partially serve as the cause:  For example, not charming enough, or dull (can't make people laugh).  I mean, so many girls like guys who make them laugh, right?  Well, I'm too dull for that.  In one way, I guess I can be considered "BORING."

Same here, actually. Even my parents say I'm boring (isn't it usually the other way around?).

 

Summary:  I guess on my "life goal" is making a difference and helping people.  But unless someone needs me, I would rather be with my laptop.  In other words, I like people, just that people can't find a common ground with me to start social interaction.

Once again, I agree totally. I've often thought, that to me, suicide would not be something I would consider (as naive as I might be), as it would simply be a waste of life - If I had no purpose I'd be better off dedicating myself to a worthwhile cause/charity).

 

Yeah, I guess it's pretty confusing; but two of my points are anti-social doesn't mean "hating people", and being anti-social doesn't mean "wanting to be more SOCIAL"

191369[/snapback]

An important aspect to point out. In that case, what does it mean to you?

[serenity 0]

The thing is that i like it when a guy says his feelings. I think its sexy

[tigen28 0]

True that, ciroxyz, as a matter of fact, I only have a little over one hosting credit left, lol. Sorry I took you too seriously. Cool_Freaker, it's nice to hear that you have some similar thoughts about the subjects that I mentioned.Yeah, parents are usally the boring ones, but hey, there's always an exception.And to me, antisocial means "just another way of life" that doesn't seek bothersome commitments. I don't know if anyone agrees with me here, but I think that there are commitments to even plain friendships, and I'm too lazy to be obligated to do more than what my lazy self have to do. Serentity, I almost never share my feelings outside this forum, so oh well. To tell you the truth, I sometimes wonder if those who always complain, etc. should look more within themselves for a solution.For every downfall that one experiences, it only strengthen them internally.To, me, anyways; though I understand that sometimes people does need help with their problems and must share their feelings.And I admit I fall into that category sometimes, but I try to do it minimally.Every help that I get, I feel like I owe lots to the helper, and I wholeheartedly hate that "oweing" feeling.