Trial Seperation we were on a break

[brandice 0]

Things had been going a little rocky for my (ex!)boyfriend Matt and I for a few weeks, he seemed to be picking fights over the tiniest things and he was getting on my nerves as well. Looking back, I can see that it was probably his cheap way of trying to get me to break up with him, since he was too chicken.About three weeks ago he comes to me with the idea of a "trial seperation" Now, I believe that "trial seperation" actually means, "I've been thinking of going out with some other girl but I know I'll go to hell or something if I cheat on you. so let's break up for a while and if it doesn't work out with her I'll come back to you."I agreed, it seemed less messy than that whole breaking up and crying in a room with the guy for hours thing. After the initial shock for a day or two I realized something. Every person has a meter, it has to do with your self esteem and self respect, everyone has this meter inside that tells you how much crap you can take from another person. A lot of people ignore this meter because they think it's better to be in a relationship than to not be. It's better to not be in a relationship than it is to be in one where all you do is try to ignore all the reasons why you shouldn't be together. So if at the end of this "trial" he comes back to me (I don't care if he stays away forever... I feel so free!) I'm just going to tell him to get lost. :)Has anyone ever actually got back together with someone after a break?

[Saint_Michael 3]

i have several several times with my current girlfriend and we have be together for a year now , and its practically the same way for us as well,but yeah thats a cowardly way to break up. hopefully he makes up his mind and the right desicion as well.good luck.

[brandice 0]

whatever his desicion is, it's going to be overridden by mine.It's sad, all of my friends we're like, "oh, he'll come back to you" They don't understand that I really feel okay about him leaving. I will admit though, that the few times he's called in the last few days I have kind of brushed him off. I need to make it "final" and break up with him for good.It's sad that girls have to base their feelings on themselves on whether or not they have a boyfriend or how boys feel about them. after the first few days of shock, I actually feel relieved to be rid of him.

[simply-me 0]

Yep thats soO sad using a "break" to try some other girl and if it didnt work come back to you. i dont want to be somebodies *backup- plan*

[apurva 0]

well i don't like this kinda trial break up!

[Alex_W 0]

ya that is really sad. If you like somebody else more then you like the person you are going out with then sure its alright to break up but going back to the same person just because the last relationship didnt work. that just makes me mad.

[brandice 0]

Well, I don't think i gave him any real hope that he would be able to come back whenever he wanted. I totally cut him off and stopped talking to him. I finally let him come over last weekend. He was pretty heartbroken over me not wanting him back, I couldn't feel guilty though. It was a situation that he got himself into. One of the toughest things about breaking up is when the other person wants to have a long talk and go over everything that was ever wrong or right. So now that that's finally over with, I feel totally free! Woohoo!

[msdeeva 0]

You probably already resolved this issue, since it's been over a month, but here goes anyway. Yeah, I got back with my boyfriend (who is now my husband) after a break up. We came together after finally admitting to each other our fears, etc. etc. I already knew why things happened leading up to the break up and it just took him longer. The funny thing is, that the break was his decision, and it broke my heart. After I got over the whole "calling him everyday" phase, I just decided one day that enough was enough, and I stopped calling. Two weeks passed and I was planning on moving and leaving no forwarding address/contact info (the sweetest revenge a girl can get on a guy ), when he called on my birthday. After that we took things really slow, and now we've been together for going on 6 years. Moral of the story: not every guy is an a$$hole, even if he exhibited a$$hole behavior before. Just tread cautiously and use your instincts.

[seanooi 0]

I never actually believed in trial breakups. I tried it once tho. My ex girlfriend and I were having a "not so good" time together due to studies because this major goverment exam was coming up. So she suggested that we take a break from all this relationship thing.After everything had ended, I tried asking her back but unfortunately it didn't go well. She was already with another guy.I guess that "take a break from this relatinoship" is just another way of saying "let's just break up"

[saga 0]

you just don't fall out of love that simply... so i gues between the two of you, its really finnished. He might come back to you if he failed to find a girl which is much better than you are but in the coming future history will repeat itself and he will again said trial separation.. B)my advice.. move on.. hes not the only guy in this misearable world which is worth your time and love... after all love is not a devine thing.. it is the product of the process of having a relationship with someone...kick him out the door if he comes back knocking and begging hehehe

[Nani Cheri 0]

That is a good question where Id like to know the answer to. My boyfriend and I had a ' break '. We heard from everyone that breaks don't work. I believed that our love for eachother, however, was strong enough to be ok after the break and to move on. We have had a break for a couple of weeks, but kept seeing each other and everything became very confusing. EBut a break doesnt work at all. Not for us. I doesnt matter how much you love your partner, a break... I do not think it'll repair the relationship. I wouldn't give anybody an advise to heave a break if they asked me too in any case.

[Peaktao 0]

Hmmm....This topic is interesting.I think it all depends on the situations.Some do work....just as the saying goes 'adsence makes the heart grow fonder.'Some of my friends have experienced one kind of this 'trial' thing...because she was going to go and study abroad...so she and her ex-boyfriend just agreed that they are free to fall for anyone else and they don't have to wait for each other.I don't know...it has been over a year...and both of them are still in touch and neither has been with anyone else. So this 'trial break-up' is just not like a break up at all because effectively they are still like a couple.My boyfriend and I (we have been together for 4 years) have never had this experience....welll....once or twice we argued badly and one of us would suggest a separation, but then not more than an hour later we were back together+happy again. (actually, its not healthy for a relationship that when you argue you just say 'breakup' for the sake of anger and self-esteem...And, on the contrary, cooling-off period is suggested). So, when that happened like twice, we just sat down and talked through and agreed we would not use this 'break-up' word too rigorously or when we haven't actually thought about it (and it merely arises from anger or argument).Anyway, everybody and every situation is unique.....it's best for the person, who is in the best position to see things, to make the decision.

[phx777 0]

Things had been going a little rocky for my (ex!)boyfriend Matt and I for a few weeks, he seemed to be picking fights over the tiniest things and he was getting on my nerves as well. Looking back, I can see that it was probably his cheap way of trying to get me to break up with him, since he was too chicken.

 

About three weeks ago he comes to me with the idea of a "trial seperation" Now, I believe that "trial seperation" actually means, "I've been thinking of going out with some other girl but I know I'll go to hell or something if I cheat on you. so let's break up for a while and if it doesn't work out with her I'll come back to you."

 

I agreed, it seemed less messy than that whole breaking up and crying in a room with the guy for hours thing. After the initial shock for a day or two I realized something. Every person has a meter, it has to do with your self esteem and self respect, everyone has this meter inside that tells you how much crap you can take from another person. A lot of people ignore this meter because they think it's better to be in a relationship than to not be.

 

It's better to not be in a relationship than it is to be in one where all you do is try to ignore all the reasons why you shouldn't be together.

 

So if at the end of this "trial" he comes back to me (I don't care if he stays away forever... I feel so free!) I'm just going to tell him to get lost.

 

Has anyone ever actually got back together with someone after a break?

181543[/snapback]

yeah i agree, trial seperations are really the end of a relationship really... but when you havent accepted it yet... when it starts its over and theres no point of continuing really... i dont know anyone that would keep a relationship long after breaks started..... it just went down, down, down,... heh

[sexymama1723 0]

I think Seperation is stupid.Especially marital seperation.Say you seperate from an abusive spouse,here in my state you have to be seperated for 6 months before you can get a divorce.But anyways pretty much what I am trying to say is that its kinds sad that you have to wait that long because if you left from an abusive there is chance they could harm you or even kill you.Its happened too many time so I think the laws should be changed.

[Togi 0]

Hmm.. congrats!I wish one of my friends would try something like that with her boyfriend.. the dude is scum, and she seems to be the only one who doesn't see it. And really, that is more sad than.. whatever else half the other people in this thread are finding. Enjoy your freedom, and good luck with your next relationship.. whenever you get around to it~ XD No hurry, eh?