Feeling Alone No one is here

[hineshgudka 0]

You lay there crying yourself to sleep, with no one there next to you.Why do you wait and hope? What is it that keeps you here?Talking to an empty bed, an empty room, an empty house.Not understanding where we've gone wrong.Drifting so far apart, it's hard to see.Too close to eech other some might say, loosing the way I perceive.Pain, hurt and love all mixed into one.This lonely heart is aching.

[BordaForx 0]

Nice

[lordofthesabbath 0]

*tear trails down eye* sad, but very good. that should be a song.

[BordaForx 0]

Should be longer if it is a song.

[mama_soap 0]

hineshgudka,Nice work. There is a lot of feeling in those lines, and it's well put. If this is a personal poem, then excellent work, and keep writing. If, on the other hand, you're looking at sending this off to a lit zine or any other form of publication, a little tinkering might be in place (just my opinion, of course). Let me know if you want a more elaborate feedback I'll try to hang around and dissect the poem, even though I hate doing it with poems that as emotional as this one :DKeep Writing!Cheers...

[lordofthesabbath 0]

*sighs* whats wrong wit peeps these days? The length of a song does not define it one bit, this would make a perfect song considering some of mama soaps advice .

[BordaForx 0]

Hey! I never said it was bad! :PI think it's great! But how can you make a tune for such a short poem/song.

[lordofthesabbath 0]

i know, but in a Hardcore song this would definately work real good. Go to Google and look up As I Lay Dying's lyrics, they are short but they are a great band and every rocker at my school loves them becuase of the content of their songs and the beats of course. I wish i could write something like this.

[hulunes 0]

that's not bad!but a little short as a good song,which imply a lot feeling.

[iGuest 3]

""You lay there crying yourself to sleep, with no one there next to you.Why do you wait and hope? What is it that keeps you here?Talking to an empty bed, an empty room, an empty house.Not understanding where we've gone wrong.Drifting so far apart, it's hard to see.Too close to eech other some might say, loosing the way I perceive.Pain, hurt and love all mixed into one.This lonely heart is aching.""That was really nice one......friend

[ashiezai 0]

this is a good one ... but very sad ..