Hey guys. I am new to the forum and my name is Tom. Just wondering if you guys could help me out and my situation over here.My friend introduced me to this girl (Stephanie) 5 months ago and eventually I got her number like a couple of days after I met her. It wasn't until like a month ago me and her started to text each other almost everyday. We would talk about random topics and would hang out on the weekends with a group of friends. She would come over to my house with friends to pre-game etc. When she got to drunk, I would be the one usually taking care of her along with this other guy. Aside from going out together, we usually work out together with me, her and one of my other girlfriends. After a couple of sessions with just us three, me and Stephanie ended up working out together alone like 3 or 4 times. Also I remember this one time she was pretty drunk and started to kiss me on the cheek, but being that I wanted more from her, I didn't kiss her back and I simply told her that she was just to drunk and we needed to go home. After our workouts we went to go eat afterwards by ourselves and just talk about each other. I usually initiate the texts but she will text me if I don't text her back. But we usually text each other everyday. Now here is where *BLEEP* gets tricky. I heard from my friends that she likes someone else and not me. I heard that she also has been texting someone else every day. I don't know what to do. Am I getting played here or do I have a chance with this girl? Why would she spend so much time on me if she liked someone else? I am just very confused. Feel free to put any input and questions to help clarify things. English is not my first language so I am sorry for any errors.
Hi Tom and welcome to Xisto. This can be a pretty fun and interesting place at times. As to this girl, well, I think it sounds like she likes you, but not sure how much or as what. Maybe just as a friend? Since you spend time together when she is drinking, it's hard to say, since that sort of activities really screws up a persons judgement and actions under such circumstances cannot be considered very realiable. Nor would I put too much stock into what "friends" tell you. I'd take any comments from them with a grain of salt, depending on how good the friend was too of course. You mention the time you spend doing workouts and a third person is always present at this time, another girl. Did you ever consider she(the one you like) isn't sure of your relationship with this other girl and is hesitant to take the next step in your relationship? I don't feel you are being "played" obviously you spend a lot of time together and enjoy each others company. Even if it isn't a romantic relationship, everybody needs friends, so at least you can enjoy that part of your realationship.Just go with the flow, try to talk to her, without being pushy, and see where it leads.
sounds to me like this girl is troubled. how old are you guys? early 20's? sounds to me that you need to have a few heart to heart talks to see what her troubles are. she definately likes you, but i wouldn't want to start something with a kiss when the other person is drunk either. the thing you need to realize is that we are all different and have different ways of showing other people that we like them. maybe she has been showing you the only way she knows how and maybe she wants more too. so when you reject her kiss, ask yourself how it will make HER feel. it sounds to me like she's insecure and has been hurt in the past and doesn't really know how to show her true self to you. or if it DOES come out even when she's been drinking, you're unwilling to accept it. like i said, get to know her more as long as she is able to open up with some heart to heart talks. i think she's interested, but i also think she may feel rejected by you and that may be the reason she is looking elsewhere. also, if you don't have a sensitive heart, don't even try to have a heart to heart talk it will only make things worse an i would just say let her go and wait for someone less insecure to come in to your life.sounds like you both hit it off though when you can talk about anything and everything without uncomfortable silences. there is a connection there worth digging deeper in my opinion.
Yea we are in our 20's. Yea she has been hurt in the past and she has had a couple of relationships before we met. We have had a few heart to heart talks here and there about the past. I am not a severely sensitive guy but I am sensitive enough where I can connect to girls and bond with them. What should I talk about when you say "heart to heart"? Should I bring out the subject of us? Do I talk about her past? She knows that nothing is going on between the third girl and I. The third girl is a lesbian and has a girlfriend. I don't know if she feels rejected because I haven't done anything to show that. If anything I am pushing and pursuing her. Do you guys have any tips to help me get her to be interested? Thank you guys for helping me. It means a lot.p.s she also on my facebook likes random things I post. just a side note. don't know if it means anything. would a girl that likes a guy make those kind of actions or would she try to stay away and be shy on facebook.
Wow, you sure shot my theory out of the water if the third girl is a lesbian! Well, it was just a thought. So I've come up with another idea for you. Had to make a long drive today, so I actually had lots of time to think about everything you said. It seems to me that nearly all of your time together is with groups of friends. Why don't you just ask her out on a date? Yes, a real date, just the 2 of you, and let her know right off the bat that you mean it is supposed to be just the 2 of you. Make it real obvious, even say something to the effect of, "hey, there's that new restuarant in town that just opened up, would you have dinner with me friday night, just the 2 of us?" Doesn't have to be a restuarant, it can be a new movie coming out, a concert, or be creative and do something different, a picnic in the park,(if your weather is better than ours is right now of course) Only thing I would advise against in your choise of places to go would be to avoid any place that serves booze. I think you should spend some straight time together. You aren't in a position to get to know a person better if they are drunk. Drunks are seldom the same person they are when they are sober. Another thing you want to maybe check out is why and how she got hurt in her previous relationships, and try your best to avoid doing anything that would cause her to think you might be simular to her past boyfriend. Even an idea of what the former boyfriend was like could help. You don't have to ask her directly, it seems that you both have friends in common so maybe they would have some ideas, but do remember to take anything they say with that old grain of salt. It might even just work to talk to her about it. Anwiii's heart to heart talk sugestions might be a good place to work in why her last relationship didn't work out. Main thing is to be honest and be yourself. If you like her, let her know it. Good luck!
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