My Life being a loser

[iGuest 3]

hi everyone, in a sense im writing this becouse i want to see if other peaple have the same probloms as me and why life makes me down so much,at the age of 10 i was put into foster care as a result of my mum running away from her problums (drinking mainly and not paying her bills) i could of gone with her but i was stupid enought to say no i want to stay with my brothers one younger - one older,in a wierd kind of way i enjoyed being in foster care rather than being with my mum,life was easier for awhile. the only regret i had was i could take my best friend with me (shep)he was a wonderfull dog and i missed him very much.il never forget the first day i stepped into a foster home the lights where gleaming the place was tidy loads of toys to play with and a foster brother who i got on with from the start "a dream start" .I was a reck basicaly becouse i few weeks earlier i had been guy forking with my younger brother and he got knocked down by a car (broke four of his toes )and it was me who got the blame as i was looking after him.(mind you i did shout him across the road he he )he didnt even make it of the kerb before the car hit him.probloms started to arise when my mother wanted to see me and my father would want the same only they would sometimes forget to turn up that affected me at school as i felt low and depressed ,i in my own eyes new that my parents loved me they just found it impossible to show it,somehow i managed to make friends at school threw being a joker in class ,there was one thing that kept me at school and she was yep you got it a a girl,i wont emmbarras her as she never knew how i felt but if she even spoke to me i would just faint with love for her.i relise now why i never told her how i felt it was becouse i was to low in myself esteem to say what i thought,enought about her now anyhow,so i left school with 7 g.c.s.e's non actualy high grades but considering how i was im amazed i made all seven, i left school and went streight to being a bum with nothing to do but doss,at the age of 16 i left my foster home over some indifferance with my foster perants(who may i say where only trying there best to help me in life but i didnt see it like that),it was over a bike of mine that got stolen while we (me and my brother where in bed)they didnt break in we left the gate unlocked so we made it easier for them,i was gutted becouse cycling was my escape route id go on my bike for mile's around farnworth (bolton lancs) and when my bike went i went with it i went down hill from then on .i left my foster perants who i loved dearly and moved in with a new set of perants .they worked totally differant to my last ones they trusted me and traeted me as an adult i even found work on the yts as an apprentice in retail and warehouse life started to look up, then they said we are going to work with you so you can live on your own ,that i did do not very succesfully and to this day i cant get over being rejected from them it hurts so bad to think they let a seventeen year old lose by himself when all i needed was more time to come to terms with life and things,i understand that they where contracted but i loved being there it was ace being with my fosterdad we got on so well he was like a pal we would go for rides in his xr3i ford which was well ace ,we would take his dog out and play golf on the back of my old school .even talk about subjects that he disliked .i i never did drugs or solvents or anything like that as i was a clean cut from the rest.i think the most i did was get drunk at a wedding at that was only becouse i got spiked in cola ,but they where so understanding about it (foster parents),you see when youve lived in a home (foster) and got grounded virtualy every week for certain things not even bad things its a fresh row of roses when you dont get grounded for somthing thats not your fault (althought i would say that) so why tell you all this when im 29 now,well im still suffering from things that affected me back then ,ive been to couselling and i feel i didnt realy want it to work cos it didnt ,ive not worked in four years as i look after my girlfriend she suffers from m.s .well try. ,and my two year old son who is great but i find him a handfull.at the moment me and my partner are going threw a ruff time and i want to change my fortune's i want to be happy i want to be liked for who i am i want so much but can i make it throught this difficult time, i spend so much time on my xbox and p,c i know i dont give my partner the time she needs from me or to my son,im lucky i have such a wonderfull partner who tells me how she feels .i love her very much.im such a gaming addict i have a very active mind and it needs entertaining but shouldnt my partner and son be enought to entertain me.

[organicbmx 0]

i vaugely know where you are coming fomr about feeling down but its been a while for me since i last felt rubbish. here a few of my ideas1- do more outside stuff, be active and try to sleep well.2- be creative, take photographs, paint, make things, anything.this is gonna sound really wierd but here goes:do some gardening or something like that, being connected to nature is really important. try to get in a routine, even if it is a bit boring. i would say get a job but your girlfriend needs you.and the last thing to add - probably get off the computer a bit hope it helps