Questions About Life. Im just starting out, care to help me begin on a good note?

[musicianly 0]

Alright everyone, whoever might read this, I'm just past the age where I can move out and am doing so, and I'd be very grateful for some pointers regarding how to do so without having to worry too much about things I might not know I'll have to deal with. Starting out, I'm working two jobs and going to college part time. I've got full time and a part time job. I make roughly 2200 a month, and I'm ready to do one of a couple of things with this income. My ideas are as follows (this will be step 1 for me):A. Save up to buy a new car that will last me a while. *I have a car already, but it's a '96 with 170k miles. While the miles go up, I've noticed I've had to put more work into it, so with that in mind should I buy a new car or rough it for as long as I can?B. Save up so I can afford a security deposit for an apartment and begin living on my own. *I live at home still, and I've been here for longer than I'd like. I'm getting kind of antsy and feel I need a new environment in which I could focus on school more effectively. I've been failing classes like crazy but I do just fine when I'm not living at home. (I've tried it before)I guess I'll start with that. With regard to moving out, I've taken into consideration a number of things:1. Rent2. Cell phone bill3. Car insurance/registration, etc.4. Monthly cost of food (as projected by by USDA website)5. Internet (I won't be needing cable tv or a landline since I have a cell)6. Utilities and water7. Average monthly gas usage8. Luxury expenses (I've kept this to a minimum so that I have enough for everything else)Is there anything I might be missing? Again, please don't think I'm stupid, I'm just starting off and haven't ever been on my own before, so any advice would help. Staying at my parents much longer isn't going to be an option...Thanks all!!Musicianly

[anwiii 17]

about the car- if it was me, i would keep it until i felt the engine was gonna go and then see how much i could get for it. i would buy a used car rather than a new car. you can buy used for the same price as a down payment for a new car. this will help you cut down on your bills and allow you to save more money faster and leverage your money.as far as your list of monthly expenses, it's a good basic list, but there are other things. when you move out, you will have to furnish your place and you will have to buy dishes, pots/pans and utensils and stuff. there are little things that can add up too like toilet paper, paper towels, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, dish soap, laundry detergent, and a bunch of other stuff you might use up that you need to buy. it's actually all those little things that add up that a lot of people don't think about when living on their own for the first time. there is also the issues of putting away for emergency purposes if your car breaks down or needs fixing etc....as far as not needing a phone, i believe if you get internet, you will need a basic phone plan. i figure both the phone and internet should be around $40-$60 depending on where you live. but to get a cheaper rate on a phone, you might qualify for some lifeline assistance. it can cut about 10-15 off your bill for low income. i really don't know if you would qualify for that since you seem to be working your butt off while going to school.i know how confining things can be living at home with your parents. once you move out, you will have to be prepared for all the responsibilities that come with living on your own. make sure your really ready before making this decision. it's a big step.i am also not quite sure if you're ready only because of your other thread you posted about. you need people around you right now no matter how irritating they are or confining it can make you feel. ultimately, you will know what is best for you though. you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and you are doing well in trying to think of the things you need for your future. if you DO decide to move out, you might also want to consider a dog or a cat as a companion. living alone is great and you can get a lot done, but it can be lonely.whatever you decide though, i am sure you'll be ok. maybe you should talk all this over with your parents too and see what they think. i am sure they know you a lot better to give advice for your future than complete strangers :)edit:btw- i am curious what you are studying in school. are you parents being supportive?

Edited May 19, 2011 by anwiii (see edit history)

[musicianly 0]

Oh wow, I can't believe I had left out such small things! Plus, I use them every day, I guess I really do take some things for granted living at home...Thanks for the car advice, do you think once it goes I'll still be able to find someone to sell it to for parts? It would be nice to get as much out of it as I can, given I don't have a huge amount of money to work with. The biggest thing I have to deal with right now is where I live, as it is both a challenge to live here, but also quite filled with job opportunities. Southern California, from my observations, is a pretty high cost area in some parts and I certainly live in one of those parts. The average rent in my area is about $2000 so I'm lucky I found someplace as cheap as I did (about $1000 a month plus utilities).I definitely feel it's good for me to have decided to move out prior to actually doing so, at least because I'll be able to more adequately prepare rather than get to the point where I have enough money saved up and spontaneously decide I need to. As for a pet, I definitely couldn't take responsibility for a dog or cat, perhaps an animal that would take less attention, especially since I'm gone for most of the day. It would be wonderful to have a small dog, though. My parents have one, and he's such a wonderful boy.I still need to speak with the service providers in the area to see what their policies are. Their websites advertise the purchase of one service without another, so once I speak to them I'll be able to find out what I have to get...albeit a home phone is much cheaper than what my cell phone costs per month. For basic internet, I'm looking at about about $50 per month. I definitely need to see if I can lower my $80 cell phone bill. I've got the cheapest plan that has unlimited texting at least, but I'm not sure if I can pick out what parts of the plan I use most and make some cuts.On needing people: I don't really have anyone around to begin with. My father and mother are the only two people that I have much interaction with and I have no idea how to engage people at work simply because they can be hit-and-miss. I'll ask some of them if they want to hang out or do something throughout the week and even the ones that get back to me (that say yes) end up blowing me off. With the breakup I just went through, the people I thought were closest to me actually stopped talking to me, leaving me so they might be able to support her a little more. I've got a best friend but he's in the army so I rarely see him, and don't get to talk to him much. Back to my father and mother, I have an inhibited relationship with each because of a number of things. When it comes to my father, I'm quite opposite to him in terms of personality. He's been in the military for close to 30 years now, so he can be strict sometimes and tends to focus more on being 100% capable of whatever one needs to be 100% of the time. I'm a musician, and am quite free spirited and creative at heart, although that's not my major (I tried to establish that as my first major but he told me I couldn't live at home if that's what I wanted to do). My mother is the one I relate to the most, yet my father demands so much attention from her I don't have a reasonable place in either of their lives at the moment. Take, for example, mother's day. I wasn't even able to take her out to have lunch because he was angry at her for not waking up early enough to go to church, therefore she told me she felt obligated to stay home and make it up to him (not sexually, of course). Overall, my life has placed me in conditions which some people might find to be bleak (relationship-wise) but I find my strength in the connections I'm able to make (whenever I can make them) and keep (my friend in the army). I also take refuge in my hobbies, which are quite active and, in a sense, social. I enjoy getting out of the house and being out in society.Regarding my major, I'm actually still in General Education and I'm majoring in Psychology. My goal is to become a relationship therapist and help people to better establish and maintain relationships, and during the process, learn how to better do so for myself. I have been trying as hard as I can to work diligently in school while I'm at home, but some dynamics in my relationships with each parent make it difficult for me to fully apply myself. I ended up failing one class my first semester and dropping out of the rest (withdrawing). The next semester, I received a C in one class and, again, withdrew from the rest. This semester, I have attended the classes, for the most part, and ended up failing almost all of them. I know this isn't who I am, my history in high school says otherwise (I was a straight A and B student with one or two C grades). Now, during each semester, there comes a time when my father feels the need to micro-manage my schoolwork, so he begins demanding that he be allowed to check it, check my grades, and keep track of things like attendance and application-degree (how I put effort into learning and how much I actually learn). Every single time he begins doing this, I lose my own motivation and find school to be more than unpleasant. I'm unable to focus because I don't know if I'm focusing as well as HE'D like me to. In effect, he's very good at getting into my head and convincing me I'm not as good of a person as I can be, and I value his opinions and advice, so I take it into consideration...and I'm able to see many different ways of reaching the same goal, so I can never find a problem with what he says, the thing is, he frequently tells me there's a "HIS house,HIS rules" policy so I find if I try to do things my own way, he finds fault in those methods and tries to "fix" them with his own.I'm simply not able to be my own person at home, and that's my goal for moving out and going to school while I'm alone. I don't have friends to split a room with (or a girlfriend to do so with anymore) so it has to be me, by myself.Those are my main reasons for moving out, in addition to building a foundation upon which I can establish my independence. I know, it might seem as though my motivations are rash and emotional, but please believe me when I say I've been attempting schooling at home for a year and a half, and while I've failed thus far, I believe that once I'm accountable to myself and only myself, I can rise above my previous challenges and become what I'm truly meant to become.

[anwiii 17]

yea, there are a lot of misc. expensive people don't think about :)i would sell your car BEFORE it breaks down or if you find that you ever have to spend more than the car is worth. that way, you get the most out of it and can use that money for another car.....but i would definately go used in your case. new is great, but after your driving around in it your first day, it loses 5% if it's value straight away. a new car is a luxury. you want to keep your luxuries to a minimum until you know what you are able to afford.do you have a credit card? if not, i suggest you apply for one or two. use both of them every month and be sure to pay off the entire bill every month. you need to start to establish a credit rating and get your creditors to trust you. on of the cards should come from your bank where you have your checking account. you do have a checking account, right? when your bank starts trusting you, your interest rate on a car will be less which will make a purchase of a new car more affordable and it will offset the depreciation value when you drive the car off the lot. you want to start building your credit now though so when you do graduate or have the job you want, you will be able to purchase a house.southern cali can be tough. i was raised in the sfv all my life. i never made it past jr. college nor did i want to (pierce/valley college) but i was just the opposite. i was barely graduating in jr. high and high school but once i made it to college, i was getting a high b average. but then i was taking classes i enjoyed like bus/comp sci/photo/psych/soc/etc....thanks for sharing your situation with me. i think i understand a lot better. let me ask you though. are your parents paying for your schooling or are you? if they are paying for it, some of the same rules your dad is setting can overflow to wherever you move to. especially if he never liked your first choice as a major. if this is the case, you will have to try to take that control away from your parents too. moving out wont be enoughnow it seems to me you have too much on your plate. maybe it's wise to drop your part time job, keep a full time job, and go to school part time for now. it seems like you are just way to busy to do much right now and life is more than just working and studying. you need tim to enjoy yourself and relax. you also need time to think about YOU and your future. what YOU want to do with your life without other people being an influence. that way, you can start preparing yourself the RIGHT way before you move out. also, if you keep dropping your classes, you will eventually get suspended from school for a year so knowing what you are already going through, you need to lighten your load.now as i said before, i sense that you have a good head on your shoulders. have you talked to your dad about things? are you able? tell him you want to talk to him man to man. see what he says. you should be allowed to speak freely without insulting him or disrespecting him. try to explain to him how you don't work well when someone is always looking over your shoulder to succeed or fail. try to tell him you're not built that way and maybe suggest something to him that he can try to back off for a semester and just see if there is a difference. also, if music is your passion, you should be able to go to school for that or if you are being limited, it can just bring you down. part of college is supposed to be fun because it's the time when YOU decide what classes YOU want to take to prepare for your future. it's no fun if you're limited. it becomes a job. you really need to find a way to talk to your dad and find some common ground. you're an adult now. you still have to respect your parents, but you have more leeway as an adult even though they will always see you as their child(especially your mom). another alternative is to talk to your mom about things and maybe hope she can get your dad to budge a little bit in what you need to succeed while you're still living thereone option for you when you move out is to find a complete stranger to share the rent with you. look in the recycler or your local paper like the daily news. check your bulletin boards at school and even the school newspaper for ads.now if my math is correct, your 20 which means you have been attending college for 2 years now. the 3rd & 4th year is more towards your major after your first two years when your taking a lot of the stuff you learned in highschool + some electives(just your basic general ed stuff). since you have been dropping out of some of your classes those, you don't exactly have those two years under your belt yet.now let me ask you something. if you were to be a music major, what would you do with the degree? if you stay with psychology, what would you do with THAT degree? i know you mentioned relationship counseling, but would you be a psychologist? or a counselor/therapist? what exactly. what can you envision yourself doing? what can you picture for yourself when you take the time to know who you are to envision your future without guessing. you only have one shot at college unless you want to take classes longer than you had planned because you switched majors in your 3rd year. or even fully graduating only to realize a void because you strayed from your dream. as much as parents have a right to guide because they ARE your parents, only YOU will know what's best for YOU without any outside influence. basically there has to come a time when you ask your dad a simple question. that question is "do you want me to be happy"? it a question that will set him up for a man to man talk with him because ofcourse his answer will be that he wants you happy.as you know....since you want to help people in relationships, part of a son/parent relationship is letting go and knowing when to let go so the child can find his own way after being guided 18 years of his life. he takes with him the morals and values he was brought up with along with the love from a mother and the responsible mind set of the father. they have to learn to let go and sometimes it's the hardest thing a parent can do. as someone who might be studying psychology and socialogy, you know that there has to be an answer in how to deal with different types of people. practice on your parents. try to get through to them. you are not a child anymore. you may have to follow the rules while living under their house, but it doesn't mean they should be allowed to be unreasonable. you sound responsible enough to me. if your dad plans on controlling you all the time while you are living under his roof, how does he ever expect you to make it on your own without him? ask him this. he has to loosen the boot straps gradually now to prepare you and your free thinking for the real world. society lessons the boot straps. you aren't forced to go to school every day anymore, and if you do, they trust your old enough to choose your classes and prepare for your future. your dad has to understand this concept if he's thinking clearly.anyway, i really think you need to find a way to talk to your dad and even your mom if she can hold some influence and be supportive. you need to think about if moving out is even the right answer for you right now even if it does seem confining. you need to think long and hard in who you are and what you were born to be. find your natural talents and don't let anyone get in the way of pursuing your dreams which will incorporate your natural talents. sometimes moving out can hold more negative consequences than positive ones. along the way, you will make mistakes....but that's ok. you seem to be someone that can easily learn from them. when your parents allow you to do this and make some mistakes from your own choices you make for yourself, it will allow you to become a man and more well rounded in life's experiences and be stronger for it. after all, quoting one of my mentors, "if you aren't making mistakes, you aren't doing anything". i'm 43. i can tell you that that quote holds true on a very deep level because if you can't make mistakes and learn from them, you haven't even lived. when your dad is being controlling, he isn't allowing you to make mistakes....thus, not even allowing you to live. at the very most, all your doing is allowing him to live FOR you. that's not living.....

[musicianly 0]

I've been thinking about the exact same thing for a while now. It's been a goal of mine to find a way to connect with my dad and overcome our differences so we can establish a positive, supportive relationship with one another, yet sometimes that goal strays and the dynamics tend to justify the result: see, my dad who, at times, is very strict and regulated, has a history of minor violent behavior. He's still struggling with himself to overcome a tendency towards anger and aggression that arises each time he feels threatened. On occasions where I've respectfully brought up the idea of him backing off, he's become defensive, contemptuous, and controlling, since he truly feels he knows what's best. He already has "control" of the household since my mother follows in his wake in many regards. They, together, tend to be very conservative and stoutly religious. Insomuch, there have been times during which mom has tried to vouch for me and his response is this: "The Bible teaches that a father is the head of the household...if you don't support me right now, you're taking away my right to lead this family." Avoiding whether or not this holds any validity, I feel it's a little bit controlling, and my mother (who is a natural caregiver) consistently responds to these things in a way that he expects her to.Before you ask, yes I've been through the phase in his life where he could not control his anger and, in effect, acted abusively towards my mother and I. It's already been dealt with, so her and I won't have to worry about things ever getting that bad again, (we've had family counseling/therapy for most of my recollected life) but he's still very difficult to talk to at times.I graduated from high school early, and I started college right after, but following the first two semesters I took a year off to work and learn how to incorporate that mentality into my life. This last semester has been my third, but again, they've all been separated so despite the time in school, I've been able to observe my father's tendencies outside of school and determine well enough that I truly to have to (as I think I've mentioned) do as he says and "move out of the house if I want to do what I desire in college." That's why I'm working so much and that's the appeal of having two jobs (a full and part time). The average cost of a studio apartment here is about $900, not including utilities, water, et cetera. If I dropped the part time job, my monthly pay would fall from 2500 (prior to taxes) to about $1900 (prior to taxes). With everything I will be needing to make use of for school and pay for simply to stay alive and attend my engagements, my estimated cost of living is about $2000, so I'm already walking a thin, thin line. Because of where I live in the city, it wouldn't be ideal to move to the locations where the apartments are actually $900; I would be spending more gas to go where I need to. Thus, my compromise is a $1000 apartment and that's the cheapest I've found so far. If you are familiar with the cost of gas here, it's leveling out at around $4.00 per gallon so I spend about $200 a month on gas alone (with everywhere I am required to be, not including leisurely travelling). Regarding school, my father has been paying for my attendance, but if I move out I will, of course, be paying for it myself (with student loans, or after a year of being legally independent, grants and financial aid). Now comes the strike out: My gpa isn't high enough for me to qualify for financial aid to begin with; with how much my father makes at his job, I've never qualified for it at home; this leaves me with student loans. I believe the trouble is, I have to pay them off after having been out of "full time" schooling for 6 months. My short term goal then, must be to organize a schedule that will allow me to attend a 9 month trade school, after which I will have access (risky, I know) to opening positions in whatever field I choose. After I can begin that job, I'm positive I can find a steady schedule, and with increased pay from having a license and a job that matches it, I'll soon be able to find a way to integrate that into my new schedule, working that and perhaps whichever other job can allow for the flexibility I need to begin going to college again.Of course, this is all a lot of work, and I'm willing to do it. Although I've not given up on my relationship with my parents, individually and together, I understand that sometimes parents relate with their children (and respect their decisions) more when they see them succeeding without any guidance. That being said, I can have a much kinder relationship with him after I move out, rest assured. When it comes to living conditions, I've already been perusing Craigslist to find maybe just a room I could rent in someone else's house, but to no avail. There are also postings at my school site and none have been very ideal for me either. The best option for me (after much assessment) is to go ahead with the apartment plan.Here's another reason why it works so well: I was able to get my own credit card before the law was passed that disallowed anyone under 18 to have one. I've been using it each month, making the payments, and in addition to this I've taken out a loan or two at the bank (fully paid off now) and have fully paid off a financed laptop for school. With my knowledge of credit, I'm not sure of whether or not paying my cell phone bill counts as well, but that's another thing I have to maintain with regard to financial integrity. My credit is actually pretty decent now (they say no credit is worse than bad credit), and I could rent just about any apartment I want, provided I have the money to do so.This is another way in which the breakup was so difficult, since her and I were planning on splitting the cost of the apartment (that would have helped a LOT), but I'm fine doing things by myself too, I just have to work with what I have. Now my degree choice! Being a music major would allow me to do what I love, and do it with even more passion than I've been allowed to at home. I'm confident that once I fix the grades at my college, I could generate enough attention that I'd eventually be able to attend Juilliard. With or without Juilliard, I would have the option of becoming a composer for the recording industry (TV, movies, etc) as I would also have been able to take the classes that teach me audio engineering skills. Conversely, if I go the psychology route, I can look forward to much more job security (in more than one aspect). There is a demand for therapists in a lot of places I'd be looking to go, and even therapist assistants (while starting out). I would be able to monopolize upon my degree in psychology and, in the future, go back to school for some music to learn to incorporate music therapy into my practice. I may even, by that time, have the knowledge and skills to crossover job areas and become a communications scientist. Overall, the psychology degree will be more reliable, I'll still be doing something I'm very, very interested in (and passionate about), and I'll have even more opportunity to safely add to that degree later. Not to mention, I want a family, and I want to give them security and peace of mind.And about sharing a place with a stranger, I would be alright doing so, but at the cost of privacy and some security/comfort. Not to mention my father has greatly opposed this idea...he's had more than a little to say about it.In the midst of all of this, my primary objective for this very moment is to learn financial responsibility. I want to be able to make a living, properly follow a budget, and live comfortably (not paycheck to paycheck). Once I have that down, I'll be able to successfully move out (especially given by then my knowledge of what it takes to make a living will allow me to modify my job condition to meet whatever standards I have). I'm confident in my abilities, simply unsure of the means meeting their desired ends at the moment.

[Indego_Media 1]

Hello Muscianly,Interesting move considering your recent personal situation, I think your independance is important but not at the expence of your well being, may i suggest an alternative, is there room at your family's property to perhapse purchase a caravan and locate it in the back yard? if so this may be the best option for you, that way your expenese will not be as high, and you will still have the support system in place should you need it for now as well as the physical separation that you may need to clear your head and focus on your studies.Working on the fact that this is an option and your family are happy to allow this, I would think that instead of spending the $1000 per month on rent + utilities and other expenses, you should then create a saving account and have the same amount placed into a term deposit for 6mth periods, adding each week to this, you should also set up another account and have 10% of your income taken immeadiately from your pay each week and have this placed into the new "Forced Savings" Account, you should never touch this account, it should always just be there collecting 10% of everything that you earn. Over a short period of time this 10% will grow but you will not even notice 10% missing from your income after a few weeks. this account may then be used as a stabilising factor when applying for a loan on either a very good quality used car or perhapse a new small car that is around the same price. (I had the same delema last year, my company car that I had been driving for the past 5years was no longer available to me as I changed jobs, so I looked at the cost of purchasing a new car and the option of a good second hand car, the only concern i have with a second hand car is that you are not sure why someone would sell it and if they did why? what issues may it have, So I looked at the Kia Rio here in australia its a great little Car, Seats 4-5 comfortably and travels and handles well and has all the features of many of the more expensive cars i looked at, I paid just over 12K for it, which was nearly as much a some of the used cars i had been looking at. but it is up to you.) Given that you will be saving the money from rent etc by living in the caravan in the back yard, you should also be able to move that money towards paying for your new car sooner thus reducing your debt and also increasing your credit rating, which will help when you go to approach a bank for the money to buy an appartment / small house.The Next thing that you need to do is work on your studies, you can not afford to be failing your classes, I know there are reasons behind your current state of mind and lack of focus, but it is time to cleanse your mind and refocus on you and your future, from the security of your caravan, you should be able to apply yourself more completely at your studies and still get the personal space and rest you will need to succeed.I'm hoping that your family will be supportive of the caravan idea, it will empower you in many ways, but most of all give you the chance to save large amounts on money which you can put to good use in the future to assist with your path in life.Anwiii also pointed out that there are many more issues that you need to address when completing your budget, and planning for the future, I would suggest that you take the time to assist at home with some of the financially draining task, such as the weekly shopping, so that you get a feel for the items that you will actually need to buy as well as ways inwhich to acheive better value from your weekly grocery shopping, i'm sure you mother or whom ever it is that does this task would appreciate the company as well as respect you for wanting to learn this valuable life skill, While you are on this area of family finances, ask polietly to see if you can be included when your family pay thier monthly utility and associated bills, so that you will get a feel for how to deal with regular bills and managing family budgets. The other pointer that you will need to learn is that every time you go to the shops it costs you more then you expect, so when you are doing you shopping draw up a list of items that you need to cover you till your next shopping trip, and stick to the list do not add any extra's as you walk around, then do not go back again till the following week, Also if you are cooking for yourself to help in the shopping list create a menu planner, this way you can check your pantry and fridge to see what ingredience you will need for your shopping list. The more organised you are the more money you will save. There are some really good websites here in australia on budgeting and how to make your money go further, I would imagine that there are simmilar in the USA however ours would work just as well. many base their efforts on cutting down on purchasing and becoming more resourcefull.Other things to consider when shopping and buying are to buy in bulk only when it is something that will not perish, there is no use buying 3ltrs of milk if you are only going to use 1/2ltr of milk and the rest will be thrown out. They are just a few things to keep in mind, let me know what you think about the caravan idea, It worked for my friend and its how he saved enough to buy his first house. Take care you know where I am if you need me.Jase

[musicianly 0]

Hmmm, I hadn't previously considered something like that. Unfortunately because of my father's demeanor, it has to be a "black or white" scenario. Either I stay home and abide by his rules (which I respect) and agree to his terms (which, at times, I question) or I move out. I can't be coming back home for anything, much less living in the back yard. The ideas about going to the store with my mom and taking part in the bills with my dad are really good ideas though, I'll definitely get started on those so I can learn more about that. Considering my recent personal decision, I really like the prospect of moving out simply because I experience very limited interaction with my parents even though they're always around the house. It's only if dad's around, though. My mother talks and interacts with me, she's very giving and enjoys relationships, but my father favors the "bold idle male" figure...He only talks to me when I've done something he can "fix" or shown a character trait that he wants to "better." Otherwise, he and I don't speak. In moving out, I can focus, both practically and therapeutically, on becoming who I want to be. I can avert my attention to things that matter and learn to be even more productive with my time, especially during times like this.Oh how I wish the caravan idea would work, though, I do find it financially beneficial and a good safety mechanism for unexpected future happenstances. All I can reasonably focus on at the moment is a way to move on and forward, especially since there's no way around the things that are going on. Educationally, I do need to take small steps, so part time is absolutely perfect for me. The fewer classes I have, the more effort I can put into each class. I can see myself getting straight A grades throughout general education and with the time it will take me to do that I'll be able to wipe these no-good F grades clean off of my transcript (there's an option to remove up to 4 grades/classes off of your transcript at once after so many semesters since you started attending the college).I really am happy there are people out there that care, thank you! I'm definitely getting a more well rounded idea of the magnitude of moving out, but even in the face of such a big even, I hold no fear and worry not. Where I fail, I will learn, and where I succeed, I will grow. That being said, I certainly know the consequences of failing after moving out are much harsher than if I were at home, but that's a responsibility I'm willing to take.Any other things I can keep in mind as I prepare to move out? Perhaps there are things I could watch out for, simple mistakes someone like myself might make during the process?

[Indego_Media 1]

Hmmm, I hadn't previously considered something like that. Unfortunately because of my father's demeanor, it has to be a "black or white" scenario. Either I stay home and abide by his rules (which I respect) and agree to his terms (which, at times, I question) or I move out. I can't be coming back home for anything, much less living in the back yard. The ideas about going to the store with my mom and taking part in the bills with my dad are really good ideas though, I'll definitely get started on those so I can learn more about that.

I don't quite know the situation at home with you and your father, however given his expectation and such that I'm sure if you approached this as an option for your to build character and gain independance while still under his watchful eye, i'm sure that with a little discussion from your mother, He may be given to allowing the caravan concept as it will actually put you in a much stronger place financially than moving out all together and in his mind he may feel that he will still be able to protect and guide you when you need. I'm also sure once you have requested time with him to learn how better to manage your money and work toward responsible financial stability that he will see this is a very sensible solution, much more so than you moving out completely or staying under his roof feeling as you do.

Give it a go, asking him may supprise you with the response you require. if you feel he is open to such learning opportunities...

Let me know how you go.

Jase

[anwiii 17]

personally i think you should buy reliable car before you move out and work on your relationship with your dad. but if you insist on moving out, one option is to move out of state. to research the opportunities in the mid west where everything is 2 1/2 times cheaper than where you live now. you can get yourself settled in somewhere, find yourself at least a full time job and enroll in some classes.this will give you a chance to REALLY get away from your home, see part of the would and the culture outside of where you were raised. it would also be very affordable.like i said, there ARE drawbacks to moving out and sometimes it can have a more negative consequence than you've thought of. i can't in my right mind suggest for anyone to run away from their problems until they have exhausted most all other opportunitiesto solve their problems. it is true, distance sometimes makes a relationship grow stronger. it seems your dad is hellbent on being controlling which means when you move out, it will still be hard for him to be a "friend" and to transition in to one even after you move out rather than a "parent" who he has been your whole life. since you are already moved out, it will be a lot easier to shut him out and create even more distance. i hope you are aware of this consequence. i also hope you are aware that i don't think your mom will like this idea, and when she gets depressed after you move out, she may blame your dad. with his anger and attitude problem, you could be leaving your mom in an unhealthy environment over time indirectly. you see, your choices in this life will not just affect you, but those closest to you. this is why i feel it's best to take this time to try and work through things with your dad first. i know you don't see it now, but those things that irritate us and trouble us the most when we are young, are the things we start to appreciate more when we grow older. sometimes we are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for too.one other thing i have learned about life is that we can plan all we want, but it doesn't mean our life will turn out the way we planned. there are a lot of crossroads and detours along the way. life would be easy if we could just plan it out and make a budget......but life isn't about that at all. think about what i've said. you are talking about a decision that will be one of the more important decisions you make in your life. make sure you have weighed all the pros and cons, and make sure you can live with what you will need to give up your own self whenever you make an important decision like this......because believe me....you WILL be giving up A LOT. you just may not know how much yet......

[musicianly 0]

It's much more difficult to describe the matter with my father than you think. This has been an ongoing process for the last 4 years and to keep myself healthy, I need to remove myself from this environment. Because of the amount of time I have to make this decision, moving out will be absolutely necessary. Working things out with my father is a completely different situation in itself. I know for a fact that my presence here is one of the major causes of stress between them. When they fight, they do so because they disagree on topics involving me. My father bases his values on a merit system. Due to my difficulty in school, he has said, word for word, "you don't deserve to do things your way; you've failed and now I have to do it for you." Please believe that I might understand my situation/relationship with my father a little more intimately than most other people might. Even counselors, psychiatrists, pastors and priests have told our family that he is resolute in his ways. I brought up the caravan idea to him and he shook his head, more insulted that I would want the luxury of independence without the responsibility than he was concerned with solving the dilemma that I face.

 

This is an example of why I am moving out, to learn to be self sufficient and further develop my own integrity. I'm sorry if all of this comes across as me being upset, I'm not (don't worry). My father really won't work with me at all, he isn't going to do anything to support me in the ways I could support myself while I'm getting through school. The obvious first choices in the situation would be to try and work things out with my father, because going to school at home is more ideal than going to school while living on one's own. The problem lies within my father, it's part of his personality/character. It's nothing I can chance and no attitude or will that I can convince otherwise. While things may be unhealthy for my mother, I can't stay home until she passes, I have my own life to live and need to get my life started. Please don't get me wrong though, I love her deeply and would do anything to help her that's within my ability. But it's not within my ability to convince her she's in an unhealthy environment. I've brought it up to her multiple times and she's a very loyal and committed wife to my father. Not to mention she's already chronically depressed and because of that, she is considered handicapped (thus she can't work).

 

I digress, the goal in my mind is to prepare to move out. I have no other options if I want to be successful in my own life. This is why I'm so diligent in working to make my goal a reality and move out as soon as I can. While doing so relieves my father of his responsibility over me, it will benefit me far greater and teach me to truly take care of myself in times of need.

 

So anything (suggestions, personal experiences, etc.) that might help me be better prepared to move out would be more than appreciated. I've already started including the things I didn't previously know into my plan (my budget, my knowledge of utility costs, etc.) and they've really helped me. Perhaps there's anything else I might not know or understand?

 

How about things like health care and life insurance, etc.? I'm still under my father's military health care and know nothing about how it works (if it works any differently) in the civilian lifestyle. How much it might cost, or where I can find that cost, what types companies offer, and so on.

 

Thank you again for trying to help me so much, everything here is giving me more to work with and better preparing me for what's to come. Additionally, this is a lot of effort for you two to put into a discussion forum, much less a thread by me, and I'd like you to know I really appreciate it!