In Need Of Unbiased Opinions

[missy2205 0]

If your spouse did the following would it make you feel unsecure in your marriage? :-registered on an internet dating site and said - after being found out - that they did it just because they were bored one night-created a profile on a popular social networking site but neglected to list their relationship status as married - didn't put "single" either, just didn't put anything-has more than 20 opposite sex "friends" that you have never met or heard of on social networking site-does not receive a cell phone bill at home, employer pays the bill-does not bring a check stub home any longer because the employer has gone "paperless"-does all web-surfing in inprivate or incognito mode - ever since being confronted about the registration on dating site-takes cell phone everywhere - even into the backyard-gets really defensive when their spouse (me) gets upset when they call home from work in the afternoon to say they are going out for drinks that nightThese things put together make me feel insecure in my marriage. My spouse thinks I am paranoid. What do you think? Thanks - I'll appreciate your candor.

[anwiii 17]

in one thread you talk about being in a relationship. in this thread you are talking about being in a marriage. well which is it? sounds to me that you aren't so forth coming either.listen though. it's not about what he is doing. it's about how it's making you feel. if he is unwilling to change and you don't want to feel the way you are anymore, then you need to leave the marriage. you also have to wonder if it was even a marriage to begin with. there is more to a marriage than just loving someone. these things your husband is doing is making you more insecure than you already were and it's only gonna get worse. eventually you will start spying on him behind his back just to see what he is doing. you're going to want to find any little thing that proves your feelings right....but then you are going to start blaming him for every little thing too. funny thing about trust.i agree with your husband. i think you are paranoid. BUT! that isn't really the question is it. the real question is if you have a right to feel paranoid. is he doing anything that is making you trust less. you have already answered that question yet you are still searching aren't you...what are you searching for? you already know how he is making you feel. most likely it's just some verification from outside sources to allow you to blame him for what he is doing. blaming wont help this situation though and doing what you have been doing because you are insecure isn't going to help the situation either.if you have the means to do so, i think you need to take a break and really think about things. think about why you married this person in the first place and ask yourself if things were really good to begin with when you and he took your vows. you both probably found eachothers great qualities and you both probably still have them. but now all these great qualities are getting lost by uglinessyou are being way too one sided for me to give a real objective opinion here. except to say i WOULD take a break from this marriage to try and sort through things in your head. if he continues to make you feel like this, don't blame him. just leave the marriage entirely because the more he is going to make you feel like this, the more uglier YOU will become inside. you ever heard the expression "hurt me once, YOUR fault. hurt me twice, MY fault"?so think on things. maybe there are things you did to where he is reacting to in ways. maybe there are things about you that aren't perfect and needs some work. who knows. you just can't be feeling the way you are anymore. it's not just him doing things that are making you feel a certain way. it's you allowing yourself to feel a certain way too. so take a break. maybe you both rushed in to a marriage that was never meant to be in the first place. who knows. you really didn't give much information to go on here.i do think you are getting overly paranoid though. insecure and untrusting. we don't really know why he's doing the things he's doing or why it's making you feel this way. maybe you think he's cheating? bottom line missy.....you either trust him or you don't. if you don't, then there is absolutely NO marriage here.i cannot really comment on that list because to comment on it, i would have to have some understanding on why he's doing those things. all those things don't seem too bad to me but some of them probably do need to be questioned which i am sure you already have. so you aren't accepting his answer. you are just going to continue finding every little thing wrong with him no matter what right now. walking outside with his cell phone? does he have anything to hide from you other than you being a snoop, untrusting, suspicious, and investigating his every little move knowing you are just waiting to add to your list of wrong things he does?i can make a list about people too. a list of things that can only make a person look bad. what would be the point of it though? there are underlying issues you aren't talking about missy. i am not saying what he is doing is ok. but what i am saying is how you're going about it isn't going to make things better. it will make things worse. i know it's probably very complicated. i wish i understood more to give some better comments here...