-ramblings- A poem I wrote today

[AbstracT 0]

-Ramblings-I speak without sound like the hands of mimesbuild castles out of the sands of timeF* That I never plan to dieSo I detached the hands from timeself-destructive, i poke my own mind's eyeI programmed the signsTo weave the truth out of strands of liesI'm beyond what others analyzedtransfiguring human body cells into white liesCan u understand a mindthat produce images that blurs the cameras' eyesA thought, split the Earth and stand inside99.9 mirrored temperature I'm hell definedMy mind's perfection, perfected, wiseSo i end human life by erasing my own life line Lines I edited out:I'm BaCc touching every human spineUse veins as friendship bracelets to form blood tiesDrop some feed if you don't mind.

[Xedos 0]

I don't likke it, sorry. Its not my style. It doesn't rhyme very well in my eyes. I'm aware that a poem doesn't need to rhyme. I just don't like it. Sorry. :D.

[AbstracT 0]

Thanks 4 the reply anyway. It wasn't meant to rhyme. I just played around with some metas and similes.-1-

[gotspooned 0]

Lol, i didn't get it. not one a bit. i guess im not good at comprehending poems. but nt.

[ThoughtVoid 0]

At first, I thought the end word was following a repetition pattern, something like a sestina. However, I can't pick up one if it is. To be honest, the idea and the wording leaves something to be desired (if you arn't purposely doing an end word pattern, then mix it up). Just an opinion though.

[AbstracT 0]

^^true. I was just writing what first came to mind..It was a coincidence it looks like it rhymes but it dont.. I think it's called 'sight rhyme'. Thanks for the feedback. What do you think about the content?

[Furor 0]

This was the line that I liked the most:

"To weave the truth out of strands of lies"

Wonderfully written!

 

And I'd like to add by saying that I think rhyming is not all that important when you write stuff. I'd always like to think that rhyming adds artificiality to songs and poems! It might just be me but that's what I think.

[AbstracT 0]

Thanks for your response. I tried to use some figurative language in this piece. I have written in a very long time because of my jammed pack college load...So more comments are welcome.

[SuburbanalCuts 0]

you know, when I was reading it reminded me of freestyle rap. I have a friend who does freestyling with acid music beats and it's pretty funny. I thought it was alright.