Horses Of The Apocalypse (Also Known As My Parents) My parents are becoming unbearable and I have to vent.

[Memphis 0]

So before I launch into an angry tirade, let me clear this up. I am a 16 year old girl, and not a chattering idiot you'd find on some random forum complaining about my parents who "wont lemme go to the justin beiber concert fmlllllll ~~&&" or anything like that. I think I am mature (or on SOME level of maturity), thus entitled to vent a little bit about my insufferable parents. Second thing to clear up: I get that some people have serious issues with parents regarding abuse or anything like that. My parents are nothing like that, but I believe that you don't have to have an angry house of drug abusing parents to qualify for the "Child With the Worst Family" award. Third, I am Asian. I know it may not seem relevant, but believe me. It freakin' is.

 

I am a single child, so I think the pressures of having a perfect kid are weighed upon me by my parents. Starting with my parents collectively. The two of are completely oblivious to pop culture. They immigrated here from Asia a long time ago (Almost 17 years ago), yet they still have no knowledge of Western etiquette or sensible knowledge of how to function in an American society. It's ok, I guess, but it just frustrates me to no end sometimes. (I.e, my mother asking me why all my friends had a lavish 16th birthday party while I stayed home on mine.) They are slightly racist, which is UNBEARABLE because I have many racially diverse friends. My bedtime is 9 o'clock (AS A HIGH SCHOOL JUNIOR) and they think I am incapable of the most menial tasks. For example, they don't think I am capable of entering a building of my high school without getting kidnapped or something, so they follow me all the way into the classroom. They talk to me like I've lived my entire life in a bubble, unable to understand any basic life concept. Picture the word "overbearing" and multiply it by 314819.

 

Ok, now my parents individually...

 

My father. Is the epitome of the Crazy Asian. He is fanatically OBSESSED with my schooling. I remember one instance where he made me cry while trying to shove long division down my throat. I was six at the time. I'm a junior now, so I have to prepare for the SAT and ACT. Now, I am pretty chill about these things, but he completely blew me away with his study plan for me. It was crazy. I was preparing for the SAT MONTHS before the test itself, and he wanted me to take the very first one in October. (Luckily, I escaped this insanity by convincing him to ease up on the test date. So I took it in November, which in hindsight, wasn't much better...) At one point, I was doing literally 4 hours of SAT prep a day (Taking a practice 4-hour SAT test each day). He promised that I would only have to take 10 of these tests. But as I finished each test, he moved the limit to 20. And then to 30 tests. When I tried to complain, he was indignant and told me with amnesia-laced sadism that he made "no such promise to allow only 10 tests." He is a genius in math, so any opportunity he gets, he shoves math down my throat. (I.e, deciding randomly that I needed a 20 minute math lesson a day from the genius himself... despite the fact that I had learned all the material and was too busy trying not to die in my accelerated high school program.) Aside from school, he is crazily oblivious to me and my interests. He has this uncanny ability to say all the wrong things at the wrong times. Sometimes, the things he says are so cruel or ill-timed, that I've locked myself in my room and cried. I sound like a wimp, but he can really shoot down any hopes and dreams a person has.

 

My mother. She's not crazy about my schooling like my dad is, which I appreciate greatly. But the woman is a dominatrix. She rules the house with an iron-grip, and I am not allowed to question her authority. Her mood swings are borderline manic-depressive. Sometimes I would get mad and say things to her that I later regret, but she would act all nice and jovial and forget it all. But sometimes, I would say one semi-sarcastic comment about one dinky little thing and she would give me the cold shoulder for the rest of the week. Her moods leave me exhausted, and I find myself waking up in the morning, trying to remember if this was a mom's-made-at-me day, or a mom's-okay-with-me day. However, her biggest problem is probably her stinginess with money. Charles Dickins didn't meet my mother when he created Scrooge. She is so finicky with money despite the fact that we are pretty well off. For example, she keeps the thermostat at an average of 55 degrees in the winter so I am forced to wear gloves and scarves at home. But according to her, AT LEAST WE SAVE SOME MONEY. This also means never-ever eating out, never going on vacation, and never giving gifts over $20. I understand the mentality that saving some money a day makes a difference, but she is about to drive me into a chasm of eternal despair with her crazy money-saving schemes each day. My mother is also incredibly overbearing. Embarrassingly so. She believes I am incapable of making my own decisions, therefore everything must be run by her first. Her OCD-ness means that my room must be spic and span or else I will be banned from having fun that day. It also means that we will never stay in a hotel because she is afraid of the "filth" of the beds and bathrooms. I tried telling her that the maids change the sheets after each resident, but she doesn't believe me. Lastly, I feel disconnected from the woman. She barely speaks English, and my Chinese is at best adequate. I find it hard to talk to her, to convey anything to her. One time, I was joking around and called her "Master" (Because of her iron grip on the household) and she got so furious with me because she didn't know what "master" meant, that she gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the week. Each time I explain something to her, like what club I'm joining at school, I find myself explaining the same thing over and over again every day. It's gotten to the point where I don't bother telling her what's going on in my life anymore, simply because she won't linguistically or conceptually understand it. I feel like scum when she talks about me to her friends. My friend's mom once told my mom, "Oh, your daughter is really good at art. I've seen her work." And my mother scoffed with laughing and said, "Her work will never be real art." Overall, she does not accept what I do, the things I like, or my friends. I am not some freaky teenager who likes tattoos and dyes my hair blue. I am a normal person, with very average likes and dislikes, so I am surprised at the level of distaste she expresses for me.

 

So I have one big question. So I really need parents in my life? I mean, it's okay that I remain grateful and respectful to them in my later life, but do I have to have ANY sort of affectionate relationship with them at all? I am contemplating my choices of graduating college and then slowly just channeling them out. I am not being emotional, I am just very seriously considering the options I have. I don't believe it is absolutely ESSENTIAL to have that sort of parent-child relationship, so is it possible? My family is incredibly flawed, but they are not abusive (factoring out the emotional abuse), but it's just been 16 years of resentment growing inside of me. I feel trapped and stifled by them. I don't know if it's possible to have that kind of relationship with them anymore. Please help me with any of your thoughts.

[rob86 2]

So before I launch into an angry tirade, let me clear this up. I am a 16 year old girl, and not a chattering idiot you'd find on some random forum complaining about my parents who "wont lemme go to the justin beiber concert fmlllllll ~~&&" or anything like that. I think I am mature (or on SOME level of maturity), thus entitled to vent a little bit about my insufferable parents. Second thing to clear up: I get that some people have serious issues with parents regarding abuse or anything like that. My parents are nothing like that, but I believe that you don't have to have an angry house of drug abusing parents to qualify for the "Child With the Worst Family" award. Third, I am Asian. I know it may not seem relevant, but believe me. It freakin' is.

 

I am a single child, so I think the pressures of having a perfect kid are weighed upon me by my parents. Starting with my parents collectively. The two of are completely oblivious to pop culture. They immigrated here from Asia a long time ago (Almost 17 years ago), yet they still have no knowledge of Western etiquette or sensible knowledge of how to function in an American society. It's ok, I guess, but it just frustrates me to no end sometimes. (I.e, my mother asking me why all my friends had a lavish 16th birthday party while I stayed home on mine.) They are slightly racist, which is UNBEARABLE because I have many racially diverse friends. My bedtime is 9 o'clock (AS A HIGH SCHOOL JUNIOR) and they think I am incapable of the most menial tasks. For example, they don't think I am capable of entering a building of my high school without getting kidnapped or something, so they follow me all the way into the classroom. They talk to me like I've lived my entire life in a bubble, unable to understand any basic life concept. Picture the word "overbearing" and multiply it by 314819.

 

Ok, now my parents individually...

 

My father. Is the epitome of the Crazy Asian. He is fanatically OBSESSED with my schooling. I remember one instance where he made me cry while trying to shove long division down my throat. I was six at the time. I'm a junior now, so I have to prepare for the SAT and ACT. Now, I am pretty chill about these things, but he completely blew me away with his study plan for me. It was crazy. I was preparing for the SAT MONTHS before the test itself, and he wanted me to take the very first one in October. (Luckily, I escaped this insanity by convincing him to ease up on the test date. So I took it in November, which in hindsight, wasn't much better...) At one point, I was doing literally 4 hours of SAT prep a day (Taking a practice 4-hour SAT test each day). He promised that I would only have to take 10 of these tests. But as I finished each test, he moved the limit to 20. And then to 30 tests. When I tried to complain, he was indignant and told me with amnesia-laced sadism that he made "no such promise to allow only 10 tests." He is a genius in math, so any opportunity he gets, he shoves math down my throat. (I.e, deciding randomly that I needed a 20 minute math lesson a day from the genius himself... despite the fact that I had learned all the material and was too busy trying not to die in my accelerated high school program.) Aside from school, he is crazily oblivious to me and my interests. He has this uncanny ability to say all the wrong things at the wrong times. Sometimes, the things he says are so cruel or ill-timed, that I've locked myself in my room and cried. I sound like a wimp, but he can really shoot down any hopes and dreams a person has.

 

My mother. She's not crazy about my schooling like my dad is, which I appreciate greatly. But the woman is a dominatrix. She rules the house with an iron-grip, and I am not allowed to question her authority. Her mood swings are borderline manic-depressive. Sometimes I would get mad and say things to her that I later regret, but she would act all nice and jovial and forget it all. But sometimes, I would say one semi-sarcastic comment about one dinky little thing and she would give me the cold shoulder for the rest of the week. Her moods leave me exhausted, and I find myself waking up in the morning, trying to remember if this was a mom's-made-at-me day, or a mom's-okay-with-me day. However, her biggest problem is probably her stinginess with money. Charles Dickins didn't meet my mother when he created Scrooge. She is so finicky with money despite the fact that we are pretty well off. For example, she keeps the thermostat at an average of 55 degrees in the winter so I am forced to wear gloves and scarves at home. But according to her, AT LEAST WE SAVE SOME MONEY. This also means never-ever eating out, never going on vacation, and never giving gifts over $20. I understand the mentality that saving some money a day makes a difference, but she is about to drive me into a chasm of eternal despair with her crazy money-saving schemes each day. My mother is also incredibly overbearing. Embarrassingly so. She believes I am incapable of making my own decisions, therefore everything must be run by her first. Her OCD-ness means that my room must be spic and span or else I will be banned from having fun that day. It also means that we will never stay in a hotel because she is afraid of the "filth" of the beds and bathrooms. I tried telling her that the maids change the sheets after each resident, but she doesn't believe me. Lastly, I feel disconnected from the woman. She barely speaks English, and my Chinese is at best adequate. I find it hard to talk to her, to convey anything to her. One time, I was joking around and called her "Master" (Because of her iron grip on the household) and she got so furious with me because she didn't know what "master" meant, that she gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the week. Each time I explain something to her, like what club I'm joining at school, I find myself explaining the same thing over and over again every day. It's gotten to the point where I don't bother telling her what's going on in my life anymore, simply because she won't linguistically or conceptually understand it. I feel like scum when she talks about me to her friends. My friend's mom once told my mom, "Oh, your daughter is really good at art. I've seen her work." And my mother scoffed with laughing and said, "Her work will never be real art." Overall, she does not accept what I do, the things I like, or my friends. I am not some freaky teenager who likes tattoos and dyes my hair blue. I am a normal person, with very average likes and dislikes, so I am surprised at the level of distaste she expresses for me.

 

So I have one big question. So I really need parents in my life? I mean, it's okay that I remain grateful and respectful to them in my later life, but do I have to have ANY sort of affectionate relationship with them at all? I am contemplating my choices of graduating college and then slowly just channeling them out. I am not being emotional, I am just very seriously considering the options I have. I don't believe it is absolutely ESSENTIAL to have that sort of parent-child relationship, so is it possible? My family is incredibly flawed, but they are not abusive (factoring out the emotional abuse), but it's just been 16 years of resentment growing inside of me. I feel trapped and stifled by them. I don't know if it's possible to have that kind of relationship with them anymore. Please help me with any of your thoughts.

 

O_O

 

You might be surprised how normal your parents are. Parents are always crazy. I hope you feel better now!

[sheepdog 10]

Ok, maybe, just maybe, your parents are a little over the top. But we have to take into account the whole picture here. You are 16. That just about tells the whole story. I have never heard of any 16 year old that didn't at that point in their life that did get along with their parents. Most time 16 year olds are completely certain that they are smarter than there parents. Yes, every single 16 year old does this, I'm quite certain. Your parents were brought up in a completly different world than you were. Your mothers being frugal is not all that uncommon, it's a frequently observed obsession. I think I may have a touch of it myself, after all, I am posting here to maintain my web site for free, when I could just cough up a few extra dollars a month like a lot of people do. Personally, I think it's a lot smarter to be frugal than to waste money on a lot of stupid stuff that we don't really need. Admittedly, I do prefer it a bit warmer than 55 though.It is the most natural thing in the world for parents to push their children. After all, deep down they really want only what is best for their child. They just may not know how to obtain that goal. They can only do what they have been taught to do and what they think will work the best. There isn't a Dummy's Guide for child rearing. What ever you do, don't cut off your family ties when you get out on your own. You will regret it if you do. It may seem fine for a few years, but as you get older you will start to realize that your parents where actually right at least about some things. You may never agree completely with them, but they are after all, the only parents you have.