Amby 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2005 This first one is about self-injury. I wrote it when I was still struggling to stop.. Most of you probably wont understand, but maybe someone here will (and by that i mean.. maybe a self-injurer will run across it).. if so PM me. I'd like to talk to you. lol.A Cutters MindMy hands are shaking.In my left hand I hold a cigarette, and in my right I hold a razor.I lower the razor to the flesh of my leg with my trembling hand as I inhale a puff of smoke to calm my nerves.Blood flows down my leg hitting the white tiled floor below.My red blood against the white of the tiles would seem almost surreal to any other person, but to me it brings a sense of comfort.Beauty in my eyes.No one understands the mind of a cutter unless they themselves are a cutter. It brings a sense of relief to ones soul and to their mind. No it doesn?t last, but we do it again.It?s a deadly addiction if taken too far. For the time being it is my only escape from a world where no one cares.An attachment, an addiction.I?ve grown to love it, and will continue to love it until I?m handed another option worth grasping. This one was one I had to write for class. We were given an assignment to take a childhood photo of ourselves, and write a poem about it.. I'll have to edit this later and put the picture in it that I wrote it from..Is this me?Can this be me?This innocent child I see.Full of hopes, and dreams.Are you sure that?s me?So happy and cheery.So silly and free.That cant be me!Those big brown eyes.Such small hands and small feet.You have to agree that could never be me.A mind full of fairy tails of how great life will be.But little does she know what lifes true meaning will be.I know now that this child before me, and all her hopes and dreams, would soon create something.That something is me.Tell me what you think, even if you think they truely suck. LOL.hugs,Amby Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ThoughtVoid 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2005 Other then some wordiness/repetitive nature in a few spots, I like them. For example, instead of wrting "Blood flows down my leg hitting the white tiled floorbelow.My red blood against the white of the tiles would seem "try something like:"Blood flows down my leg hitting the white tiled floorbelow.My blood against the pallid porcelain would seem ..."That just sounds better to me. Maybe others will disagree. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amby 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2005 Oh wow! That really does sound a lot better.Im not the best writer in the world. I actually havent written in a long time. Both of those poems are probably over a year old.. I used to write quite a bit, all very crappy. Those two are just okay for me. I really enjoy reading the Is This Me poem because I think I managed to describe myself perfectly. Or describe my feelings rather. How I thought as a child, and looking back how silly those same thoughts seem now. The fact that life was care free etc.It was hard because I had to make the poem rhyme (it was one of the requirements when writing). And I absolutely hate having to make poems rhyme. It was terrible, but I think I managed. I remember getting a bad grade though, so it must not be that great of a poem. I enjoy it just because it is so personal I guess.The other one was written in a state of panic! I wont get into details but sitting down and taking the time to write it practically saved my life! I was losing it LOL.Anywho. Thanks bunchies for your replies. I do appreciate the comments, and the fact that you managed to be honest yet nice about it!Hugs,Amby Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dooga 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2005 Actually, the poems don't sound bad at all! I like the rhymes because they all have simple syllables. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
talbotda13 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2005 The poems seem good. at least thats what i think. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Furor 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2005 I like "A Cutters Mind".The one thing I like about the poem is that you've painted a basic picture which many people could relate to. Like for example the fact that many people remain misunderstood and resort to things they know isn't right and isn't going to prove a point but still boil down to doing that having a sense in mind that they're gonna acheive something by it. And as expected they move into that "phase" where they get used to this darkness and start living it even though they aspire to smell the colour of sunlight again.Pretty good work there! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Music 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2005 Dont be too repetitive...Good work though..I cannot say much..but What experience I have that I can give you is from me writing and publishing books. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
katif 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2005 The first one is a bit scary at the beginning all this blood and that kind of stuff, the second one is somehow very simple, i mean the construction of the poem...and that makes it so nice..But about the first poem..I don't like these blood related topics so much that's why i like the second one a bit better but the first one is also written nicely..i'm not a poem writer/reader so I can't say how good yours are but they are easyto read and understand and that's why i quite like them...but ofcourse you can always write better poems, so keep on trying Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amby 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2005 Thanks y'all. I really do repeat myself too much in my poetry. When I'm writing its hard for me to think. I think I concentrate too much and too hard and that makes it difficult for me to make it sound like it should. Anywho..As for the blood related topic.. Theres really no way to avoid it when talking about cutting and self-injury. LOL. Blood is sometimes what it all revolves around (for some.. its different depending on each person).. The sight of blood etc. I realize how it could freak someone out or make you think I'm a freak, but *shrugs* I cant control the way you or anyone else thinks.. lol. I can only tell you that I am not a freak.. Thanks for all your kind replies. I hope to read some of y'alls writing sometime (if you write that is).Hugs,Amby Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CodeName_88 0 Report post Posted February 16, 2005 i liked the "is this me" one, but not the "a cutters mind" one as much, it's just a little to emo-ish for me. But the is this me one reminds me of dylan thomas, and it all rymes perfectly. i wouldnt say it was crappy at all... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AbstracT 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2005 The poem titled 'Is this me?' was really good. You words were filled with emotion. My fav lines were:You have to agree that could never be me.A mind full of fairy tails of how great life will be.But little does she know what lifes true meaning will be.Hope to see more from you.-1- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amby 0 Report post Posted February 22, 2005 Wow thanks y'all I really appreciate the positive/contructive feedback. I havent written in so long, Is This Me is from *thinks* 3 years ago, and is this me is from 2 years ago I believe.. But they are my favorite poems that I've written, actually not really favorites.. More like the only ones I think are readable. LOL. All my others are extremely crappy. Ive explored many other avenues of art though. Pottery, painting, digital.. All for fun, nothing serious. Anywho, thats off topic.Thanks again for your kind words and such. I'll keep all your comments in mind next time I decide to write.Hugs,Amby Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
