Hilarious One Liners Post your own here

[deadmad7 4]

This is a thread where people share their favorite clean one liners(doesn't have to be). They gotta be short and humorous.

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

 

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

I keep reading 'The Lord of the Rings' over and over. I guess it's just force of hobbit.

 

The raisin wined about how he couldn't achieve grapeness.

 

My boyfriend and I started to date after he backed his car into mine. We met by accident.

 

I've made up my mind to re-lay my lawn. It was a turf decision.

 

 

Heres one for the way out:

 

Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?

He was charged with battery.

 

 

[evilsmiley25 0]

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. If you take a shower in the morning be sure to bring it back,someone else might need it!!When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why isn't it #1?Help Wanted - Psychic - you know where to apply.Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.You can't have everything - where would you put it?If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.The things that come to those that waitmay be the things left by those who got there first.Just a few I found online, that I thought were pretty amusing.

[deadmad7 4]

Old topic but whatever

 

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

 

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

 

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

 

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

 

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

 

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.