Trying To Understand Him My gut is telling me one thing, he does something else

[blondebmwdriver 0]

I have been talking to this guy on the phone a few months. We never went out and are taking things slow. This set up is okay for both of us now. When we talk it's for 2-3 hours most of the time but we don't talk everyday. I try to let him call me but if I do contact him it's a text or voicemail here and there.He is a busy guy, he owns a landscaping business and keeps long hours. When the season ends, he takes time off for hobbies and relaxing. All of this was explained to me before we started talking, I met him through a mutual friend we have.He has been forthright about that fact that he expects honesty from anyone and to be upfront. I have done this with him and I thought he did the same. We have tried to set up 3 times to get together, but there always seems to be a glitch with his schedule....he is traveling here, hunting etc. This man never promised me anything but insisted he'd "love to take me out." I have been easy going about his schedule but now it's getting old.A few "hot topics" have arose between us and I am now questioning this guy's intentions & my own intentions. I will give as specific details as I can, sorry but this will be a little long....1) Prior to going on a vacation, he spoke to someone who knows me through my friend. Well, this person knows nothing about me personally or my life. He never bothered to call me to ask me directly about these allegations. He decided to cut me off and never call me again. My friend told me about this and I called him a few times and told him we needed to clear the air. He blew me off. Finally, I left him a rather mean voicemail telling him I was hurt that he never called me, he was an a------ for judging me, & a coward for avoiding my calls. Well, as soon as he heard the message he called me and we had a big fight. I apologized for leaving a nasty message and he acknowledged that he should have called me to ask clarifications on his concerns. Bear in mind, he never apologized for his actions in cutting me off. We temporarily ironed things out.2) My friend was furious over how he treated me and gave me some info. on his past. She claims she never told me before because she didn't want to interfere and she knew how much I liked him. She claimed that he was arrested for driving without a license, resisting arrest, he has done drugs and still does, has slept with escorts and owes money in taxes on his business. Needless to say, I was flabbergasted and depressed over my lack of judgement. I was also shocked and mad at her that she didn't tell me prior to this whole escapade. She swore me to secrecy and not to tell him that she told me. I kept my promise but I performed internet searches and found out he had an arrest. a) I called him and left a message telling him he was a great actor and that he wasn't the person I thought. I told him that he didn't have to bother calling me ever again. He did call and wanted to know what the message was about. I confronted him about what I could prove..the arrests. At first he denied it then I started giving specific dates, his name, DOB etc. He became defensive and rattled off what happened, that he was young and it didn't happen again, BLAH, BLAH. Then, he was asked why I was out to hurt him! I stood my ground and told him that he lied to me! I never lied to him, he judged me, I didn't judge him, he elected to never contact me again and I felt I deserved answers. He stated that he "never promised me anything." c) Once we had almost everything out in the air, he kept asking me what I thought.....if I wanted to talk to him anymore..I was silent and I told him that I really didn't want to talk to him. I said I was unsure and felt let down. I also told him that I felt like he led me on on things (postponing get togethers, calling whenever he felt like it...3 week w/out a call...), lying...) d) This is what he said, "Well, after this conversation, I'd say screw you if it was somebody else but I'm not going to do that. I think you're a nice girl, we have good conversations and fun on the phone. I'd love to take you out. I am just slow with some things. This whole setup is new to me (meaning meeting me through a mutual friend)" I said to him, after ALL of this, you still "like me" and feel like this...and he said "yes."3) Okay, I know he is a bonafide loser, liar, trouble maker and some other things. This is my problem...I want to understand why this guy feels the need to hold onto me. He obviously doesn't care about me, my feelings, passing judgement on me. He never apologized for his actions. I know that it shouldn't matter to me what he is thinking but it does. a) This idiot has really let me down. He is toxic and not worth giving the time of day.Is there a guy out there who can give me some input on this douche?Thank you.

[Echo_of_thunder 1]

I have been talking to this guy on the phone a few months. We never went out and are taking things slow. This set up is okay for both of us now. When we talk it's for 2-3 hours most of the time but we don't talk everyday. I try to let him call me but if I do contact him it's a text or voicemail here and there.
He is a busy guy, he owns a landscaping business and keeps long hours. When the season ends, he takes time off for hobbies and relaxing. All of this was explained to me before we started talking, I met him through a mutual friend we have.

He has been forthright about that fact that he expects honesty from anyone and to be upfront. I have done this with him and I thought he did the same. We have tried to set up 3 times to get together, but there always seems to be a glitch with his schedule....he is traveling here, hunting etc. This man never promised me anything but insisted he'd "love to take me out." I have been easy going about his schedule but now it's getting old.

A few "hot topics" have arose between us and I am now questioning this guy's intentions & my own intentions. I will give as specific details as I can, sorry but this will be a little long....
1) Prior to going on a vacation, he spoke to someone who knows me through my friend. Well, this person knows nothing about me personally or my life. He never bothered to call me to ask me directly about these allegations. He decided to cut me off and never call me again. My friend told me about this and I called him a few times and told him we needed to clear the air. He blew me off. Finally, I left him a rather mean voicemail telling him I was hurt that he never called me, he was an a------ for judging me, & a coward for avoiding my calls. Well, as soon as he heard the message he called me and we had a big fight. I apologized for leaving a nasty message and he acknowledged that he should have called me to ask clarifications on his concerns. Bear in mind, he never apologized for his actions in cutting me off. We temporarily ironed things out.
2) My friend was furious over how he treated me and gave me some info. on his past. She claims she never told me before because she didn't want to interfere and she knew how much I liked him. She claimed that he was arrested for driving without a license, resisting arrest, he has done drugs and still does, has slept with escorts and owes money in taxes on his business. Needless to say, I was flabbergasted and depressed over my lack of judgement. I was also shocked and mad at her that she didn't tell me prior to this whole escapade. She swore me to secrecy and not to tell him that she told me. I kept my promise but I performed internet searches and found out he had an arrest.
a) I called him and left a message telling him he was a great actor and that he wasn't the person I thought. I told him that he didn't have to bother calling me ever again.
He did call and wanted to know what the message was about. I confronted him about what I could prove..the arrests. At first he denied it then I started giving specific dates, his name, DOB etc. He became defensive and rattled off what happened, that he was young and it didn't happen again, BLAH, BLAH. Then, he was asked why I was out to hurt him! I stood my ground and told him that he lied to me! I never lied to him, he judged me, I didn't judge him, he elected to never contact me again and I felt I deserved answers. He stated that he "never promised me anything."
c) Once we had almost everything out in the air, he kept asking me what I thought.....if I wanted to talk to him anymore..I was silent and I told him that I really didn't want to talk to him. I said I was unsure and felt let down. I also told him that I felt like he led me on on things (postponing get togethers, calling whenever he felt like it...3 week w/out a call...), lying...)
d) This is what he said, "Well, after this conversation, I'd say screw you if it was somebody else but I'm not going to do that. I think you're a nice girl, we have good conversations and fun on the phone. I'd love to take you out. I am just slow with some things. This whole setup is new to me (meaning meeting me through a mutual friend)" I said to him, after ALL of this, you still "like me" and feel like this...and he said "yes."
3) Okay, I know he is a bonafide loser, liar, trouble maker and some other things. This is my problem...I want to understand why this guy feels the need to hold onto me. He obviously doesn't care about me, my feelings, passing judgement on me. He never apologized for his actions. I know that it shouldn't matter to me what he is thinking but it does.
a) This idiot has really let me down. He is toxic and not worth giving the time of day.

Is there a guy out there who can give me some input on this douche?

Thank you.

in only 5 words? Drop him. He'is married. or at least with how you have talked about this. that is how he comes across to me. I know myself when I ham in a realationship I like the same from her and I would give to her. Trust and honesty. Sound's to me as he has not lived up to that with you.

[moogie 0]

This is my problem...I want to understand why this guy feels the need to hold onto me. He obviously doesn't care about me, my feelings, passing judgement on me. He never apologized for his actions. I know that it shouldn't matter to me what he is thinking but it does.

I think he wants to hang on to you because you DO seem to care about what he thinks and wants. You're feeding his ego and he likes it and has no intention of giving anything back to you in return.

This idiot has really let me down. He is toxic and not worth giving the time of day.

Exactly. So drop him. Why are you still hanging on?

[princeofvegas 0]

I am going to have to agree with Thunder. Sounds to me like this guy is married. I am in a relationship now where in the beginning I lied about a lot of things, just to make myself look better. And eventually it all caught up to me and she was ready to break it off. However, my reasoning behind it was because she truely loves me and deep down I felt that if she thought less of me I would lose her. That is something I didnt want. But we had been dating for 7 months and we are truely in love. I dont think that ever having met this guy in person is helping. He could be anyone to you. And if he keeps blowing you off then he is not worth the time of day. All men lie, it is in our nature. However, it is us real men that own up to our lies and hope that we can be forgiven and never do it again. You should just give him an ultimatum. Tell him it is going to be over for good unless he takes you out and that if there are any excuses this time around that he will never hear from you again.