"100 Reasons You'll Be Speechless" -microsoft The most hilarious things Ive ever read.

[dre 0]

I stumbled upon this today, not sure how many of you actually read this before, so here it is:
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/products/windows

I think that this list is freaking hilarious. I know I'd be speechless because I'd be laughing so bad I wouldn't have time to respond.

[Ridwan sameer 0]

I know I'd be speechless because I'd be laughing so bad I wouldn't have time to respond.

Almost the same here. Vista needs more resources than XP. HAH spend a lot of money for it, too. and for the resources. HAHA. But i might buy it.

[Atthack 0]

Honestly these 100 reasons are all TRUE , But... As true as they are - I'm not really getting that "oh I need to get Vista right away!" feeling.But yeah my Desktop computer runs Windows XP Professional and my Laptop came with Windows Vista. I can't say it's that bad. Goes smoothly with 2GB's of RAM.

[dre 0]

Honestly these 100 reasons are all TRUE

Let's choose a couple, I have not the time to go through 100

#1. It makes using your PC a breeze

Sure, after you shell out an extra $150 on upgrades.

#9. Unchain your mobile PC.
Network and Sharing Center lets you set up a wireless network at home so you can experience the freedom of working from your living room, backyard, or anywhere in your home.

Really? I have NEVER EVER BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT BEFORE? WOW I'm getting Vista this instant. (not)

#15. Because your PC remembers to back up for you.
Windows Backup and Restore Center offers improved backup and restore functions, with automatically scheduled backups to preserve priceless digital photos, music, movies, and documents.

Yes, please fill my hard drive up with useless clutter every single day.

3. It's the safest version of Windows ever
Windows Vista provides better protection for your PC, your personal information, and your family than any previous version of Windows—with new security tools like Windows Defender, anti-spam and phishing filters, and Parental Controls. Automatic backups, Performance Self-Tuning, and built-in diagnostics help you keep your data protected and your PC running smoothly.

Hehe, oh wow. I'd like a guarantee on that. What's that? Oh, of course you can't do that, what was I thinking...

8. Your PC can take care of itself
Performance Self Tuning, Self-Healing technologies, Built-in Diagnostics, and repair tools keep your computer running at its best and provide automatic fixes, so you can spend less time dealing with problems and enjoy a more reliable PC experience.

If it didn't have problems, it wouldn't have to "take care of itself" in the first place.

21. Put more playtime in family time
Bring the whole family together to enjoy Chess Titans, Mahjong Titans, an exciting new kids learning game, Purble Place,G and other third-party games using Windows Media CenterM to play and watch on your TV screen.

Chess Titans? That ain't no joke. Must be worth $59.99 straight from the manufacturer.

24. Because you don't want to worry about spyware

LMAO! I'm pretty sure I do!

25. It works with the software, hardware, and services you want
Windows Vista is compatible with a wide array of software applications, hardware devices, and services to meet your computing needs. Just look for the Certified for Windows Vista logo to ensure you'll get a superior Windows Vista experience.

Contrary to what I've heard/experienced.

57. Because you don't need a PC to watch your home movies
Windows DVD MakerU lets you create professional-looking DVDs of your photos and home movies—complete with transitions and chapters—that you can watch on your home DVD player. That makes it easier to share digital photos and videos of your family events with all of the relatives—even if they don't have a PC of their own.

And to think, why would I ever want to get any other products that offer more features than this? This alone must make Vista worth it! (not)


Well, I can't take much more of this. Perhaps if I want a laugh I should turn to MS instead of Comedy Central. Half of their reasons have nothing to do with Vista, and the other 45% are blatant lies. There are 5% that are true I'd say, but nothing to make me "wow".
Edited November 12, 2007 by dre (see edit history)

[mahirharoon 0]

my comments

91. Take your fun with you

Sync Center gives you one easy place to sync up your pictures, music, recorded TV, and other digital entertainment with other PCs, server shares, shared documents, digital media devices, Smartphones, Pocket PCs, and other devices.

so syncing viruses

92. Showing is more powerful than telling

With a Tablet PC and a digital penA, you can easily capture a snip or screenshot of any object on your screen—whether it's part of a website, document, or program. Paste your snippet into e-mails, documents, IM, or other digital conversations to illustrate your point exactly.

oh showing off

93. Work your own way

Tablet and Touch TechnologyA gives you new options for interacting with your PC—if touch input is available on your computer, you can use your finger to do many of the things you do with a mouse or a tablet pen.

it means microsoft will never provide support

 

94. Because you want your wireless connection to be more secure

Windows Vista offers enhanced support for new Wireless Security Protocols, including WPA2, to help give you the confidence that your wireless connection will be safer.

confidence that viruses will be transfered

 

 

95. Take network files and folders with you

Be more productive when working offline. Corporate Roaming and Offline Files and FoldersD allow you to take network files and folders with you on your PC and automatically synchronize with the server more efficiently when you reconnect with the corporate network

do they have common sense ,we couldn't take the file (or data) in our hands or pockets

96. Access your desktop wherever you go

Remote DesktopD helps make it easier to more securely access documents and programs on your computer remotely from across your home network or across the Internet from another computer, enabling you to get work done wherever you have an Internet connection.N,I

oh even in graves

 

97. Because your business doesn't need more than one scanner

With Windows Fax and ScanD, just one click lets you scan documents and images from scanners and multifunction devices connected directly to your PC or elsewhere on your network. Adjust your image settings, get a live preview, and share scanned documents via a routing list

then how much 200,500.50.700.100000000000,0 , could we afford it

 

98. Make your presentations more professional

Network ProjectionA lets you share presentations, photos, and slide shows by making it easy to connect to wired or wireless networked projectors.N Connect wirelessly so you don't have to share cables or move equipment, and choose the appearance of your on-screen desktop display to leave a polished impression.

project passwords

100. Because your network is the backbone of your business

Network Diagnostics and Troubleshooting provides built-in diagnostics designed to help you identify and quickly solve network connectivity problems.

and vista will break it
Edited November 29, 2007 by mahirharoon (see edit history)

[dre 0]

QUOTE(microsoft @ Nov 12 2007, 10:27 AM) *100. Because your network is the backbone of your business
Network Diagnostics and Troubleshooting provides built-in diagnostics designed to help you identify and quickly solve network connectivity problems.

and vista will break it

Haha exactly what I was thinking. Interesting to note that a majority of the sold Vista operating systems, not counting the ones that come with your pc if you're the kind that buys from stores, are usually bought for business and because the new Office was sooooo much better than the last.

[mahirharoon 0]

86. Archive your media library Scheduled and network backupA features help you to automatically back up your recorded TV shows, songs, albums, and playlists to another PC or hard drive on your home networkNso you'll never worry about losing your favorite entertainment. Burn your digital media to DVD with Windows DVD Maker and create a media archive you can enjoy anytime on a PC or on a DVD player.U

my hands are burning

99. Because you get more out of information when you share it Improved File and Folder Sharing allows you to more effectively share folders and files with others on your networkN by making it easier to find and configure sharing features, like specifying who you want to share a file with and the level of access you want to enable.

sharing viruses

[reith 0]

This list while maybe a select few are true, most are completely laughable and just downright sad in my opinion. Many of them are hilarious for even suggesting they're as useful and as good as they, I honestly want to know who thought this up, compiled it, and truly acted and thought it was supposed to be some sort of serious "omg this is so speechless/cool" kind of list. It's just utterly retarded, they should be spending time working out bugs, FIXING the 8800gtx & Vista bugs that plague one of the best dx10 gfx cards instead of doing this silly list that nobody really cares about, and most people will be found posting it and laughing at it.

[itcom 0]

I have used Window 2000, Window Me and Window XP before. I feed up with Microsoft Window XP Professional. After I read this, I do not want to buy Windows Vista. It is very expensive. As for me, no point to buy although it is better. That is my opinion. I have never use Linus and Mac OS. I want to use Linux and Mac OS because one of my friends said it is extremely faster than Window OS. But I have to buy Apple to use Mac OS. It will cost me more.

[dre 0]

I want to use Linux and Mac OS because one of my friends said it is extremely faster than Window OS. But I have to buy Apple to use Mac OS. It will cost me more.

I'm pretty sure you can install Linux on a Mac. What kind of system do you have anyways?

[Amiel 0]

Oh, I'm now thinking to totally upgrade and update my computer into Windows Vista and I should see the real features right away. Because before, I had the chance to try and test Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate and I'm just catching it's new user inerface, it's Glass effect... aero?, and it's shiny taskbar. But now, when I saw Microsoft's 100 reasons, I'm now really thinking if should upgrade and update or what. Woo, Microsoft is really desperate now because they want to have more sales and more sales to have more income of course! And also because there are now some bad news about their new operating system which is Microsoft Windows Vista. And the reports are the Operating system is too buggy, full of errors, etc. Should I believe them or should I believe thhe reports that I've seen?If it is buggy, it's really part of any OS and other programs. It's a big impression if it doesnt have bugs. I dont think Microsoft will not realease and will not sell Microsoft Windows Vista if it has full of errors, Mr. Bill Gates and Microsoft will be on shame if it has full of errors.

[dre 0]

It's way too early to use Vista yet, I'm pretty sure you can get everything you need on XP right now and for many years to come (I'm guessing you run XP though). It's a complete resource hog, and in my opinion, is part of a scam involving DirectX 10.

I dont think Microsoft will not realease and will not sell Microsoft Windows Vista if it has full of errors, Mr. Bill Gates and Microsoft will be on shame if it has full of errors.

Ever try things like Windows 98 or Windows ME? Those wonderful products used to only crashed about 4 times a day on my older pc, which definitely met the recommendations set by the OS.

[tricky77puzzle 0]

I'll try to review them 1 by 1. If the post is too long, I apologize.

 

While I review them, I'll keep a record of how many reasons are valid or plausible. If a reason is valid but nothing to really be speechless about, I'll count it as "plausible", or "half a reason".

 

1. It makes using the PC a breeze.

 

Define "breeze". You get about 40 interruptions a minute from UAC. (I know the problem exists on Linux too, but at least you only need to do it once!)

 

2. Because all of your music is just a remote control click away.

 

I never knew remote controls could be used on computers. Also, notice how they say "compatible" in the reason. I don't think 99% of non-universal remotes are compatible.

 

3. It's the safest version of Windows ever.

 

Define "safe". If "safe" means that Windows bugs you for every security risk 0.1% and higher that you take, then yes, it is very safe.

 

4. See your world in a whole new light.

 

Windows Aero is not "a whole new light". Why would we need to see behind our application window's titlebar?

 

5. It can find your stuff.

 

So can Google Desktop search. Sorry, Microsoft, you fail there.

 

6. Because you're always on the run.

 

From what? The police? The Sync center was present in Windows XP as well, and I think Linux and Mac have them too.

 

7. Because you can freeze time.

 

This is an overexaggerated claim. (Okay, how is "overexaggerate" not a word? Firefox's spell-check returns it as one.) Sure, the Photo gallery is useful, but nothing Adobe Photoshop Album Starter Edition couldn't handle.

 

8. Your PC can take care of itself

 

The diagnosing one is just a polished-up version of Dr. Watson. The self-tuning stuff, I've never experienced with my Vista. I'll have to check later on this. (+0.5 reason, because it's plausible)

 

9. Unchain your mobile PC

 

I thought the Network and Sharing center existed in Windows 98 as well. Microsoft must really be good at recycling.

 

10. Surf more Safely.

 

Internet Explorer 7 includes anti-phishing and malware checks. Although these might be useful, they're not as useful as professional security systems like Norton or CA. But, it might be useful for some people, so I'll count it as plausible. (+0.5 reason)

 

11. Help protect your kids online.

 

The parental controls pretty much control everything that they could want, as well as giving the parent access to what the child really has been doing. It's kind of like Big Brother, so I'd say the controls are pretty efficient. However, software could do this already, so it's no reason go get off your seats. (+0.5 reason)

 

12. Schedule showtime on your time

 

You know, I think Joost does this better. But since Windows has it anyway, I'll give something to them. (+0.5 reason)

 

13. Because you need to know who the bad guys are.

 

This is the anti-phishing feature in IE7. I thought Windows XP already supported this. Sorry Microsoft, no half-cookies here.

 

14. Make any room a Media room

 

This feature needs and Xbox 360, which costs about $1 for every degree it advertises (roughly $360). So you need to spend $760 to make every room a media room. The price tag alone makes me go "wow", and not in a good way.

 

15. Because your PC remembers to back up for you.

 

And it did as well with XP's System Restore. No reason for your eyes to pop out, folks.

 

Okay, I'll stop here for now, since I'm lazy and also want to get all the credits for the huge post I'm in the progress of making (I believe the maximum is 10). So far, Microsoft has 2 "reasons".

[dre 0]

10. Surf more Safely.
Internet Explorer 7

Internet Explorer and safety should never be used in the same sentence.

13. Because you need to know who the bad guys are.

Lol, who, the HaX0rz?

2. Because all of your music is just a remote control click away.
I never knew remote controls could be used on computers. Also, notice how they say "compatible" in the reason. I don't think 99% of non-universal remotes are compatible.

So apparently, a remote is required? Lol.

7. Because you can freeze time.

Exactly, the BSOD (or the equivalent) does that for you! How neat! Edited February 22, 2008 by dre (see edit history)

[tricky77puzzle 0]

Okay, now for 16 to 30:

 

16. Get your new computer up and running in no time.

 

I believe Linux has this sort of a feature too, as well as CA Desktop Migrator. And it's not exactly hard to migrate your entire desktop. You might actually benefit from not doing so, because your desktop is less clutterred.

 

17. It's like having your own personal anchorman.

 

Ever heard of Google Sidebar? Or how about Desktop Sidebar, which does the same thing for Windows XP?

 

18. Create your own personal archive.

 

This is just the back up feature 15 again. Of course, it has a schedule, but you could easily do that with XP or Linux.

 

19. Watch live TV on your PC

 

Well, this is an original reason, but there was software to do that already; it was just that people didn't know about it. It's not exactly a breathtaking reason... (+0.5 reason)

 

20. Set your home network up in a flash

 

I don't think there is a home network in 95% of homes that have computers...

 

OK, WTF. It doesn't display properly in Firefox or Opera.

 

21. Put more playtime in family time.

 

So now there's Chess, Mahjong, and Purble Place. Big whoop. Kids usually don't play those kinds of games anyway, unless they're over 8.

 

22. See everything you're working on at a glance.

 

Flip 3D might actually be a reason to be surprised at Vista. Maybe Microsoft does tell the truth sometimes after all. (+1 reason)

Of course, there's always the already-implemented virtual desktop system of Ubuntu, which has a "Rotate 3d" enabled if Beryl is on.

 

23. Because it's like a digital candy store.

 

Note the word "store". That means everything comes at a price. Ubuntu, on the other hand, is like a school party the size of Tutti Fruitti.

 

24. Because you don't want to worry about spyware.

 

This, at a glance, has nothing to do with Vista itself. Now, if it said "you don't have to worry about spyware", then it would have some correlation.

Of course, you always have to worry about spyware with any Windows product, regardless of how close it is to the HAL the Windows sets up.

 

25. It works with the software, hardware, and services you want.

 

Yeah, right. I don't even need to explain this one. About 85% of people who have Vista will know what I mean.

It also says, "just look for the 'Certified for Windows Vista' logo." Well, I've got some news for you, Microhard. About 25% of all products sold worldwide have these on them. Much less than the 51% you'd need for a pseudomonopoly...

 

26. Because you're a multitasker.

 

Am I? It doesn't seem like it. Windows XP is also a multitasking OS. Why can't we just use that?

As well, the Quick Tabs function in IE7 is also available in Firefox 2. Why can't we just use that?

 

27. Because your computer can keep up with you while you're on the go.

 

If you take your computer along with you, of course it'll keep up.

 

28. Enjoy your memories, larger than life.

 

Aren't all memories larger than life? Those big, beautiful photos don't have too much detail in them, do they...

 

29. Take the handwritten approach

 

Hmm. I seem to remember that Windows XP had a Tablet PC edition that was especially designed for this.

 

30. Restore your PC in an instant

 

Even Norton Ghost's backup takes about 1/5 of the total restored hard disk's space. I shudder to think what kind of algorithm Windows uses...

 

I'll post 31-45 tomorrow. This is tiring...