Generally Annoyed

[MiniK 0]

Aaaargh! Basically, I'm really annoyed but I dunno why. Probably because I keep agreeing to do things like websites and stuff but I do so much stuff, I can't keep track. I've tried to calm down by doing some writing. I like writing, it's soothing for the mind. It allows you to express yourself. I've done this:

 

Mum? Thomas Gregory said crawling out of bed. He felt dizzy. Something had come over him, but he didnt know what it was. He staggered over to the door in his dressing gown. He pushed it open, not knowing what to expect. The previous evening had shared many secrets, but more importantly, it revealed the true meaning of 69. The number. The dreaded number. The number that killed Toms father. The number that ruined his life. Tom screamed. The sight before him was ghastly. A trail of blood lay before him. Thomas felt a chill come over him. The grey, rugged curtains were dancing as the wind rushed through the open window. He was overcome with shock. Lying at the end of this trail of blood was a body. He didnt recognise who it was at first, but after a few silent moments, it hit him, like a bullet to the head. He felt sick. He wanted to throw up. The weak, frail body of his mother lying on the floor made his eyes well up. A sudden rage made him realise just how strong he was. Although there was no clear sign of the cause of his mothers death, the blood seeping through her mouth gave him a clear picture of who committed this evil act of homicide. Always believe in yourself was what his mum used to say to him back when he was a child. Back when there was no 69. No evil number to ruin his life. He wanted to make her proud. Even if 69 had got her, he wanted to feel the warm sense inside that his mother would be proud of him. His eyes were blurry. Through tears he scrambled to his feet. A question still remained: why had 69 not gone after him? Was there a reason? Or is it just a coincidence. Tom knew exactly what 69 wanted, but was he willing to give the one possession of any meaning to a number? Thats all 69 was. A number. A number can hold many secrets, though. Through all of the tragedy and woe, was 69 innocent? Was it really 69s fault, or did it just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Please tell me what you think: it may help having some decent critisism.

 

Thanks for being here.

[Crypto 0]

Well personally I think it is ok.I like the idea of the number and everything but it seems the number is out of place.You would to explain what exactly 69 does etc.

[MiniK 0]

Basically, the story I'm planning is that the above story is just a story a boy reads at school, and he becomes obsessed with this book and the story of 69. He starts to think that 69 is after him too and some of the things that happen to Tom are also happening to him too. You will discover more about 69 as I write it. Lemme just say, the ending isn't as "happy" as you may expect..

[Crypto 0]

ummmmm.

Sorry to say this but that is the basic storyline of The Number 23.

So you story isn't that original.

[MiniK 0]

I got a lot of inspiration from the film.

 

I wrote this last night for a competition on another forum I frequent:

 

Some people say it is better to live than to die. Some beg to differ. To be honest, I don’t know what my answer is. Let me tell you a bit more about myself. I’m Frederick Iagar and I’m 13 years old. I used to live in a little city called Transylvania, and I don’t really know myself. At one point in my short life, I thought I did, but nobody truly knows who they are and what they are capable of. It is truth that I have learnt my lesson. It all happened on that fateful day: Halloween. It was nearly 9 o’clock and myself and my two friends Andreea and Manuel were just setting off to a Halloween party at our friend Stefan‘s house. Me and Manuel had known each other since we were 5 and had become quite close friends. However, I had only known Andreea for a few months. I dunno, there was something about her. The charm in her smile or her sparkling blue eyes. She was my everything. My love for her burned with the eternal strength of a thousand suns, but I didn’t have the guts to let her know that. Whenever I saw her, I felt happy.

 

A warm buzz overcame my body as we set off. Looking at Andreea dressed up in a black cloak, and with her long, soft black hair glowing in the moonlight made me feel over the moon. If only I could of told her sooner.. I was dressed as a vampire. I felt a bit embarrassed, though. Manuel’s costume made me laugh the most. He hadn’t had time to but a costume so he had his body wrapped up in toilet roll. I didn’t think people actually did that, I thought you only saw 8 year-olds doing it in cartoons, but I was wrong.

 

We walked down the road towards Stefan’s house.

“You look lovely, Andreea,” I told her, and Manuel started laughing. “Looks like you’ve got an admirer there, Andy.” Manuel laughed. Andreea looked flattered, but I don’t think she understood how much I loved her.

“You can shut up, bog roll.” I punched Manuel in the arm really hard.

“Ow!” He screamed.

“You two, can you just pack it in?! Please?” Andreea pleaded, “Look, we’re nearly at Stefan’s!”

 

It was a known fact that Stefan’s place was haunted. Rumours spread that somebody had died in that house many years ago and they had returned to make sure they weren’t the only one to die there…

 

I pushed the doorbell and we waited for a reply. Stefan answered the door. He was dressed as..a monster. 13 year olds and parties don’t go together very well. Especially if the parents are enjoying themselves on holiday. We all piled through Stefan’s front door to greet some of our friends. The night went by like a marathon runner who’s about to win a race. As there were no adults around, the drink started flowing. I wasn’t thatdrunk, but it gave me some confidence. I managed to grab Andreea and I led her outside. “Look,” I spoke gently, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re kind, funny…you’re just so nice...I really love you.”

A smile formed on her soft, pretty face. “I could say just the same about you.”

I gazed into her sparkling eyes. We moved closer to each other and I embraced her in my arms. As our lips touched, I felt a tingling sensation. I just couldn’t express how blissful it was. I truly loved her from the bottom of my heart. I didn’t know it at the time, but that was maybe the last time we would ever kiss, and another thing that I didn’t know was that we weren’t alone…

 

The night continued to fly by. Like many others at the party, the more they were drinking, the more their bladders started to fill. And when they were filled, they needed to be emptied. After a while, it was my turn. I hadn’t seen Andreea for ages and I started to wonder where she was. As I clambered upstairs to the toilet, I started to get lost. I’d only been in Stefan’s house once before and that was only to nick his biology homework off of him. I was lost. There were three doors before me. Which one do I take? I took the middle one. Sod’s law states that whichever door you take happens to be the wrong one. This time was no different. The sight before me made me scream. The sight before me was ghastly. Lying on the floor was Andreea, a pool of blood had formed beneath her. She was motionless, she was dead. She lay on her back with a scar across her neck, where someone had obviously cut her throat. But why? What had she ever done wrong? Something caught my eye. Under her hand, lay a piece of paper. I grabbed it. Maybe it could reveal what happened. It read:

 

Fred, I hope you like what I’ve done. A little present for you. You have until the clock strikes midnight to give me your life, or the knife might just slip over another of your friend’s throats.

 

69

 

A sudden rage overcame me. What was 69? Or even better, who was 69? My first reaction was to tear the note up. I screamed and threw out my anger with my voice. The door flung open and Manuel burst in. He looked shocked at the sight before him. He looked at me and then down at Andreea. “W-w-w-w-what have you d-d-d-done?” he stuttered.

“It wasn’t me!” I pleaded. He started to walk towards Andreea’s body. “Stay back! You don’t understand the danger. 69 is gonna kill another one of you if I don’t give him my life. It‘s nearly too late.”

“What are you talking about?” Manuel asked, “It’s the alcohol talking. You’re insane. You’ll see! I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ANDREEA!”

“I haven’t done anything.” I pleaded again.

 

I was looking Manuel straight in the eye. It was surprising how angry and distressed he looked. His eyes were shining with envy. Suddenly, the clock struck. A voice came from nowhere. It was merely a whisper. “You’re too late…” I turned round. The voice was coming from Andreea. Her mouth was moving…but it wasn’t Andreea’s voice. The light slowly faded from Manuel’s eyes and he fell to the ground.

“W-w-w-hy me?” Fred fell to his knees beside his two best friend’s corpses. The door slammed shut. “It’s time…” the dreaded voice came again, but this time from Manuel. A figure appeared from nowhere. It was glowing. It was bright, oh so bright. My eyes stung the second I looked at it. The translucent figure hovered above the ground. It started to become more clear. It kinda looked familiar. As it waded into focus, I realised it was…me. I was staring at a ghost form of myself. “W-w-w-w-who are you?” I asked in nothing more than a whisper. I wanted to scream but I just couldn’t get it out.

“Don’t you recognise me? I’m Frederick Iagar. Also known as 69.”

“You can’t be Frederick Iagar…that is me.”

“I am you.”

“I d-d-d-d-don’t understand.”

“Let me ask you: have you ever wondered about the significance of your name? Frederick Iagar: born to Felicia and Filip Iagar. I have existed a lot longer than you, a lot longer than your parents, in fact. I started off as nothing more than a number. A myth. A legend, even. The only test of my existence would be if I could find the true holders of my name, and they were your parents. The day you were born, my quest was complete. I killed your parents and from them I inhabited a body quite similar to the one you hold now. The 69th member of a family whom holds the name 69 is the only one who can release me from this immortal peril, and that person..” he hesitated “is YOU.”

“But I don’t understand, you’ve got me. I’m looking at me right now!”

“No. You’re looking at a product of both of your parent’s love. You’re not looking at yourself.”

“Well, why couldn’t you have just killed me in the first place? The night you took my parents?”

“The prediction states that the only way I can be released is for you to willingly give me your life.”

 

I sat down on the floor. What was the point of living if I didn’t have my two best friends? At least if I was dead, I’d be with Andreea. My decision was made for me. “Look,” I exclaimed, “You just don’t get it, do you? What is the point of life if you can’t be with the people you love? I think I know your problem now. You’ve never felt that feeling, have you? Love? You just can’t understand.”

“Well help me understand.” he pleaded, “Give me your life.”

“You took my life the day I was born. The day I started living, the day I started dying. You have my permission to take the only thing I have left: freedom.”

 

OK, I’m back where I started. Life vs. Death. I know which one I’d rather choose. Human beings are the only creatures that feel true emotion. True love. Some stories have happy endings, some have sad. Some people say that no story has a true happy ending. The story of my life is no different.

Notice from truefusion:

If it was for another forum, then quote this one.

 

Adding quotes.

Edited October 15, 2007 by truefusion (see edit history)

[garbage 0]

just a warning from one user to another. You need to wrap your text in quotes when you post something that isnt yours or already posted elsewhere.

[pop 0]

haha, a story about a number 69. i know of only one us of that number, and it has to have a happy end. at least where i watched the number 69

[MiniK 0]

I'm on a writing spree. xD

 

The creature was drawing nearer and nearer. It's gleaming eyes were focused on the boy in front of it. The boy was scared. In fact, he was terrified. The creature crept nearer; it's grey skin brushing against the boy's bedroom door. The creature leapt up into the air and landed on the boy. He fell to the floor. The creature grabbed the boys neck and tried to strangle him. He was getting drowsy. He forced his eyes open to try and get rid of the strange creature. He felt like he was being demented. The creature had gone. Everything went black.

 

***

 

"Dan, get up!" Daniel Green's mother shouted as she burst through his door.

"No! Go away!" Daniel said as he opened his eyes, "Oh." he said breathing heavily.

"Another nightmare?" Linda Green asked whilst pulling open his curtains.

"Yeah, it was that monster. He came back again. He tried to kill me" Daniel said, weeping.

"Don't worry, mate." Linda said putting her arms around her son, "We'll take you to the doctor's. He'll know what to do."

 

***

 

Daniel had a wash, brushed his teeth and got dressed. He ran down the stairs to his mother who was waiting for him.

"Come on, son." she said grabbing her coat and opening the door. They walked down the hard, gravel drive to her green Renault Scenic. He jumped in the passenger seat and put on his seatbelt. His mother got in and started the ignition. She reversed and started heading down the road towards the doctor's surgery. Linda noticed a blue Mondeo parked in the middle of the road. She went up to it and hit the horn. The driver poked his head out through the window and started shouting in some foreign language they didn't understand.

"Bloody foreigners!" Linda shouted. The driver pulled into the road and when he had finished, Daniel turned round and stuck his two

fingers up to the driver.

"Eh!" Linda shouted.

"It was what he deserved!" Dan said.

Linda carried on driving and noticed that her best friend; Jane was walking into a tanning salon. "Look! What does she need to go in there for? She's in Spain eight months of the bloody year!"

"Mum!"

"What?!" she said looking at her son realising what Daniel was pointing at. She was about to smash into a Frontera in front of her. "Sh*t!" she screamed slamming her breaks on. There was a loud bang and everything went black...

[MiniK 0]

Basically, that was Chapter 1. Here's Chapter 2:

 

?Wake up, Melonhead!? Lauren screamed down her brother?s ear, ?GET UP!!!?

?What the f?? he muttered, ?What did you think you were doing? Did you want to deafen me??

?If you keep listening to your music so loud, you'll be deaf by the time you're twenty, anyway?, she muttered under her breath.

James staggered out of bed.

?Put some clothes on!? Lauren laughed.

?I could?ve, if you?d given me at least 5 minutes. But, no! You have to come in and disturb the silence??

?Oh shut up!? She said, ?Listen. John Jones wants to see me, you and Rat at 10.30. He gave me these.? She handed him a swipe card.

James was getting dressed, he looked at the silver clock hanging on his wall.

?Hang on,? he said, ?It?s already 10.07!?

?Well, hurry up!? she replied, ?I?ve already told Rat. I think John?s gonna send us on a mission.?

?What else would he want with us three??

?Dunno.?

 

***

 

James and Lauren headed to the Mission Preparation Building. They swiped their cards and entered. They made their way to the room John Jones wanted them to meet in. When they got there, they knocked on the door.

?Come in!? the familiar voice of their friend Greg ?Rat? Rathbone shouted.

James pushed the door open to reveal Rat sitting down.

?Hey Rat, where?s John?? James asked.

?I guess he?s running late.? Rat replied.

James and Lauren took a seat next to Rat.

?So?? Lauren started, ?Does it look like we?re going on a mission.?

?I think so.? Rat said.

Just then, the familiar face of the 50 year old Mission Controller popped round the door.

?Hey guys!? John said enthusiastically.

?Hi.? the three teenagers said.

?Well, I?ve just had the final calls from the big shots at MI5 and it looks like we?ve got ourselves a mission!?

 

***CLASSIFIED MISSION BRIEFING***

FOR JAMES ADAMS, LAUREN ADAMS AND GREG RATHBONE.

THIS DOCUMENT IS PROTECTED WITH A RADIO FREQUENCY IDENTIFIFIACTION TAG. ANY ATTEMPT TO REMOVE IT FROM THE MISSION PREPERATION BUILDING WILL SET OFF AN ALARM. DO NOT PHOTO COPY OR MAKE NOTES.

 

Mission Background

In September 2006, an MI6 agent was sent to Newcastle to investigate the conspicuous money withdrawals of a known thief called George Stone. Frank Zein, the MI6 agent, was sent to Newcastle to spy on George. His mission lasted for 17 days, in which he found out valuable details about the suspect. One day during the mission, Frank received a call from a friend whilst driving down a city road. He looked away to grab his phone and crashed into another car. Frank was admitted to St. Giles? Hospital. He was never seen again. Hospital staff say that he had been dismissed after spending a week in there. This is not the first disappearance in the Newcastle area. The hospital is owned by Henry Parks, a millionaire.

 

A Brief History of Henry Parks

Henry Parks, born Henry Grey, was born in Wrexham, North Wales in 1951. He was born into a medical background with his mother a nurse and his grandfather a brain surgeon. Henry?s father, Arthur, died in 1965 due to serious heart problems. Henry decided to obey his father?s wishes to become a surgeon.

 

Henry Parks began his medical career in 1972 when he studied at Aberystwth University and became a fully-qualified surgeon in 1979.

 

Henry Parks found his job quite amusing and in 1985 started to have an idea of how to make more money. He would sell body parts of dead people to highly paid people who would use them in medical practise.

 

In 1994, after making more than ?700,000,000, he found another way to make big cash. He started to perform public autopsies. He would invite rich doctors and other people in the same profession to come and view public autopsies. He made millions out of these events and is still performing them to this day. In 1999, he took up the role of manager at St. Giles? hospital. In 2005, Henry Parks started to run out of money, and people to perform autopsies on. It was rumoured that he was deliberately ordering staff to giving patients the wrong medication, which could have some serious affects. We believe that this is how he may be getting people to perform autopsies on.

 

The Role of CHERUB

Three CHERUB agents will be going undercover and moving into the local school, in which they will befriend Ross Parks, Henry?s son. They should try to get as much information about Henry Parks as possible.

 

THE CHERUB ETHICS COMMITIE UNAMIOUSLY ACCEPTED THIS MISSION BREIEFING BUT REQUESTED THAT ALL POTTENTIAL MISSION CANDIDATES CAREFULLY CONSIDER THE FOLLOWNG:

 

1)This mission is classified EXTREMELY HIGH RISK. Agents may be required to spend large amounts of time without CHERUB staff.

 

2)Because of the location of the hospital, it may be difficult to withdraw from the mission.

 

3)The staff working at St. Giles? hospital may be under orders from senior staff to not mention any of the details about the public autopsies, and how Henry is getting patients.

[MiniK 0]

I've abandoned that story. Here's another:

 

Chapter 1 - Fire

 

The sun was setting on the Honduran jungle, but all was not well. A small spider monkey leapt from one tree to another. Water had not passed it?s lips for hours, if not days. It?s small, round face looked desperate. Not only for water but for life. It was only 6 months old and had a whole life ahead of it. It swung down until it?s feet were firmly on the ground, and grabbed a piece of decaying wood. It wasn?t much to eat but it gave the spider monkey part of the moisture it needed for the long day aheard. It?s golden body was raised in the air and it?s long spindly arms were outstretched and it was ready to carry on. It leapt from the muddy ground back into the trees. It brandished it?s long, furry tail as it soared through the trees. It stopped suddenly. It had seen the sight before it too many times. It knew by now that fire meant danger.

 

?Hurry up, will ya?!? Jess said impatiently.

?I?ve only got one bloody pair of hands!? Daniel said carrying the firewood up to the small shelter he?d prepared.

?Boys,? she said, rolling her eyes.

?I?m not deaf!? Daniel laughed as he dropped the logs and sticks onto the floor. Jess came over and helped him to arrange them so that they would light easier.

 

Jessica Imogen Meadows was one of the oldest blue shirts, she had been placed with Daniel because they were both 13. She hadn?t attempted basic training for over a year due to a poisonous venom entering her body whilst attending basic training 10 months earlier. She had been extremely ill and all of the projectile vomiting had caused her to lose a lot of weight. She still looked as pretty as ever; her long blond hair shining in the moonlight. Daniel and Jess were very similar and came from the same kind of background. The fire before them started spitting. The sky was pitch black and Daniel?s face was glowing in the fire. Jess came and sat down by him. ?I?m freezing,? she said. Daniel could see she was shivering and removed his jacket.

?Here y?are.? he said, handing it to her.

?Thanks,? she beamed. She pulled it over her head. Daniel put his arm round her and Jess rested her head on his shoulder.

[MiniK 0]

Mwuahaha. I just finished Chapter II. Here it is:Devon Anthony Harget wasn?t what you?d call bright. He wore smart clothes, he drove a smart car, he had a wife, and a son called Alex, but he wasn?t exactly careful. He had been known to spill out very important information by accident before, but everyone knew he couldn?t be stopped.He lowered himself into the chair next to the table in the dining room. He was alone. His wife had gone to work, and Gareth and Tony hadn?t given him any jobs for days?This was unusual but Devon took no notice. He opened the top of his hip flask and took a swig of the whisky inside. He knew he shouldn?t be drinking because of his health, but in his eyes, whisky was a darn sight more refreshing than lager. The shrill ringing of the telephone sounded throughout the house. He replaced the top of the flask and started to walk towards the phone. He grabbed it and pressed the green button.?Yo.? he said, bringing the phone up to his ear.?Devon!? a voice came from down the phone. He immediately recognised it as Mickey. Mickey was another of the Harvey brothers? men. He sounded different to usual. He sounded extremely panicked. Devon always knew Mickey as ?the bloke who could laugh anything off? but it didn?t sound this way..?Look,? Mickey said, ?Gareth Harvey?s just called me. You need to get to him ASAP. Whatever you?ve done, you?re in for it now???But?? Devon said, he heard a repetitive beeping coming from the other end of the phone. He didn?t understand why Gareth needed him so urgently. Surely he hadn?t done anything wrong?or had he? Devon had started to age. He was nearing 40 but the Harvey?s still found him decent work. He grabbed his car-keys and headed for the door. He jumped into his Mercedes and put his foot down. The one thing in the world that was worse than getting summoned to the Harvey?s is not going?After 15 minutes of driving around Birmingham, he finally came to the Berbeese Foods factory. Berbeese Foods had gone bust around 5 years ago, but the residents of Walmsley knew that the Harvey brothers used it as their meeting place with clients. Devon guessed that they?d be here. He climbed out of his Merc and walked towards the door. He reached the door and entered the combination to enter the factory. He heard a click and pushed the door open.The inside the factory was bare. The demolition company had started to demolish the building shortly after Berbeese Foods disintegrated, but they had never got round to finishing. He started to climb the steep stairs towards the office. He legs were starting to ache as he knocked on the door to the office.?Come in!? a voice came from the office. He opened the door and stepped inside. Sitting behind the desk was Gareth Harvey, smoking a cigar. Gareth was a tall man, he wore a black suit and a grey striped tie. The Harvey brothers had been known to hire all kinds of people to do the dirty work for them. Devon had only been working for the Harvey brothers for just under a year but had revealed enough information about them to get 7 life sentences each. The bad thing about the Harveys was that even the police were scared of them.?Sit down,? Gareth said pointing towards a chair. Gareth had very little hair and a crooked nose. These distinguishing features meant that anybody could see him a mile away. He stroked his small beard as Devon sat down. A cloud of smoke was forming in the space above him and he stared at Devon. He did not lose eye contact. He took a breath of the cigar before saying ?I suppose you know why you?re here??Devon looked clueless, ?Um???Well, remember that raid on that business on the industrial estate that was planned???Yeah, how did it go???Great?? Gareth said sarcastically, ?Only 7 of our men were banged up. The other 3 managed to escape the slammer but they?re now in hiding??Devon looked ashamed of himself. He had only told one person about the planned raid.?In this business,? Gareth explained, ?We can?t afford any mistakes. We would of got 300 K in hard cash if that had been pulled off right???I?m sorry, Mr H?I really am..??It?s a bit too late for apologies, Harget.?Devon lowered his head in shame. If only he had kept his mouth shut?If only he had made something off his education?If only he had got enough qualifications to get a decent job?If only?If only he had turned around 10 seconds earlier?If only he had noticed Tony Harvey walk into the room?He may have been able to avoid the 9mm bullet entering his skull at 1100fps. He was thrown onto the floor. Blood started to seep from his head. Gareth and Tony started to laugh. Gareth stepped up to Devon?s body and, using all of his power, kicked Devon as hard as he could. ?I hope that kills you, you big-mouthed git!?.Devon Anthony Harget was stone dead.