Mr. Takotsu's Friend Has A Problem

[takotsu 0]

My best friend's been going through some bad stuff recently.She used to cut herself but she hasn't for some time now.she's been is some seriously bad relationships and i heard that her old boyfriend used to hit her. he broke up with her but they ended up getting back together for a while.anyways, she hasn't been acting herself lately and i was wondering what i could do to help her out or make her feel better. i really love and care about her and it hurts me to see her this way.i'm not asking for advice on what she should do, but what i could do to help her out and feel better.

[Saint_Michael 3]

I would say keep on talking to her so she doesn't bottle up all the emotion; especially the anger and sadness she is building up because of the abuse she is receiving. I would also try and convince her to go receive some therapy as well so she can find ways to release in small doses and not in large blow. She already shown signs of suicidal and if she where to continue with this bad relationship she will begin again and it almost looks like she is there. So like I mention just talk to her and get her to talk to you so she can find at least one person she can confide in and fine that shoulder to cry on. Also I would recommend reporting this dude to the authorities as well and get him behind bars or something because he surely doesn't care for her whatsoever. Although I wouldn't recommend this, I would give this a dude a serious beat down and show him the same treatment he is giving her.I can't even stress this enough; if you have to drag her out of that house (if she is living with him) get her away from the dude, because he is the biggest negative influence in her life and she needs something positive to help her.

[takotsu 0]

thanks for the advice, but one of the other problems is that her family doesn't give a rat's *bottom* about her.so having her go to therapy, because the parents must consent to it, is out.

[TikiPrincess 0]

Contrary to popular beliefs, cutting isn't related to suicide. Yes, people who cut can be suicidal as well, but cutting is often a sign of a different psychological problem. Girls have a tendency to internalize the world around them, which can sometimes be overwhelming psychologically and emotionally. Some girls discover healthy ways to channel this into physical activity, artistic endeavors like art or music, or by escaping into their imaginations. Others aren't so lucky. Instead of lashing out against a world they cannot change because they lack the power to change it, they affect the things that they can - themselves. It seems that more and more girls are cutting themselves these days. Unless your friend has found a way to channel her emotions in a positive way, she's going to end up cutting again if she isn't already. When girls get discovered, they just find better places to hide it because they don't know how to deal with the pain and emotions. Ultimatums don't work because it's not solving the problem of why she's cutting in the first place. My suggestion would be to give her a journal and tell her to write in it whenever she gets the urge to cut and KEEP WRITING until the urge passes. It's one of those therapy tricks I've picked up. It doesn't matter what she writes, just so long as she keeps doing it. On one hand it gives her a healthy outlet for her emotions. On the other, she can look back and discover what exactly sparks the urge to cut. She can also start to recognize patterns and maybe get to the root of her unhappiness.I have a feeling that she was abused as a child. Many people who are in abusive relationships as adults experienced the same trauma as children and have not been able to process and work through those emotions. Though you want to rush her out of these relationships, and no doubt you should, she will still continue to seek out someone who will abuse her unless she can resolve the issue of why she feels that she should be abused. The journal may help her uncover these emotions, but it takes a lot of soul searching.As to what you can do to make her feel better, just be a supportive friend. She obviously needs one.

[velma 6]

Hello,I am so sorry about your friend doing that to yourself and am happy that you are supporting her like this.Like Tiki said It isn't necessary that she is cutting herself just because she is suicidal but it is a psychological feeling, the person sometimes wants to feel physical pain to justify the emotional pain.I have depression but when I used to get one of my negativity attacks I would just pick up a good book and start reading or I would go do some gardening.All that she needs is someone who will be there just to listen, ask her what she honesty wants and find out if you can help her in anyway she would love to talk to you more than a therapist, trust me for I know how it feels to be in her place.If she asks you to leave her alone anytime abruptly, ask her if she really means it and then if she says No, which I am sure she would then stay with her and just listen to her.I don't know if I helped but hopeful you can help her stop beating herself up.

[thejestergl 0]

The Best thing you can do is really just be there for her! Like people have said, the best you probably can do is just talk to her. The emotions she bottles up can't be a good thing, so you got to help her with that! I know that I'm not a very open person but hey I let my steam out some other way. I just know that there always has to be some way for someone to let out whats inside them. If you stick by her, the best thing you can really do is hope for the best, and hope that everything turns out ok for her. I know that a lot of my friends always seem to get in a rut, and always seems like its really only going down hill. But I have to say that a lot of them are a lot better now. They really need an ear to listen to them. So there you go! My advice, just stop, sit, and listen. Trust me, it might not seem like it is doing much but it is actually helping a lot.-Jester

[tuddy 0]

I know you said you didn't want advice on what she should do, but i'm currently in the same sitiution as yourself and if you don't help her do something about it, your going to snap. My friend had her ex-boyfriend which she still loved kill himself and her new boyfriend wants her to delete anything from him memories etc. and put a ew large holes in my sisters bathroom.When we told him Saturday night she didnt want to see him that night and just to cool off and she'll come see him in the morning, he was ok until 5 hours later when he showed up with a car full of his mate stomped in and grabbed her and they sped off, needless to say what my saturday night was spent doing!-- Moral is that whats this could lead to and its not good.You may sound harsh but you need to drop hints at why she shouldnt be with this guy, and give her alternatives as to she is with him, keep being by her side. Personally, i'd be in the same boat as what Saint Micheal said, give the guy a dose of his own dealings however that is not going to help her if you can't get her out of there or she won't leave.All you can do is do what you're already doing, be a good friend. Objective but Supportive and it's a really hard balance believe me. One of the reasons she may be with him, is because of her family. She wants love and support and to feel wanted. You can tell her until you are red in the face she won't get it from this guy and could have it more from as a friends and others but they don't seem to like to hear that so, supportive and if you need help or think anything is wrong, I wouldn't hesitate talking to the police or council workers, otherwise you'll just get yourself into a mess.