My Cousin And (former) Best Friend cant see that shes engaged to a LOSER

[TikiPrincess 0]

Ever since I can remember, my cousin has been my best friend. Her parents lived a few hours away from us, my brother and her brother are around the same age and she and I are about 9 months apart, so our families would get together on weekends and stuff. When her mom and dad got divorced, her mom brought the family to our home and stayed with us for a couple months before moving to Norther California, about 6 hours away. But we would still spend a couple weeks with them every summer and trade off holidays, like going up there for Thanksgiving and they would come down for Christmas. After we graduated from high school, we spent almost the entire summer together. I even invited her to grad night instead of my boyfriend! We went on a road trip and I helped her move into her dorm. Her university is about 45 min - 1 hour away, so I thought we'd hang out every weekend and stuff. But we didn't, mostly because I didn't know how to drive and she didn't have a car. We just kinda drifted apart, but I still had this feeling that she'd always be there for me if I needed her. I even hooked her up with my other best friend and they were together for 6 years or something like that. All that happened, though, was that I hardly ever saw either of my best friends.

When I got married, there was no question in my mind who my Maid of Honor would be. She had just started dating this @$$hole, and they got into a fight over the phone at my bachelorette party! Strike 2 against him. (Strike 1 because he can never be as good to her as my best friend was.) I finally met the guy when we all went to Vegas a few months later. I think I was the annoying one at the time because I didn't like him to begin with and I wouldn't let them stay alone in the room and have a little privacy. But seriously, it was the room her mom and step-dad were using. Can't they control their hormones for a weekend? 3 days tops that they would have to go without having sex, is that too much to ask? So yeah, our first meeting went badly and neither he nor I could stand to be around the other. They get into petty little arguments all the time and she's doubted his faithfulness because she found pictures of girls' butts on his camera phone. And he's always grabbing and groping her in public. I'm not opposed to a little PDA, but they take it a little over the top sometimes. At first, I was the only one who disliked him, but now her sister, who defended him most of the time, and brother and most of our aunts and uncles all agree that he doesn't treat her with the respect that she deserves.

Ever since she got with him, our relationship has been strained. When she got engaged, I promised that I would stop disrespecting him when we go out. I didn't promise to like him, I just promised that I would try to not hate him. And he's less annoying when he doesn't have to be the center of attention all the time or sulking about the fact that her ex-boyfriend gets invited to some of our parties because he still happens to be friends with me, my brother, and her brother. But she's starting to take on some really bad habits and traits. She dresses and acts all slutty because he treats her that way. She's always been a flirt, but she didn't act like a ****. Now she wears skirts that barely cover the top of her thighs and low-cut tops that she's almost popping out of. And she's developed this "poor me" attitude and this paranoia about people talking about her. Seriously, it's like she thinks that the rest of us have nothing better to do than discuss her life. Then she has the gall to say that she's done with me and trying to repair whatever's left of our friendship because I said that I was disappointed in her because she threw a tantrum when her mom suggested that she and her fiance sleep in separate rooms when we visit the Philippines because it's a different culture and it is uncommon for couples to live together before they get married. She goes on and on about how she doesn't care what people think, she'll do whatever she wants because she's an adult. I'm sorry, but age is just a number. If you want to be treated like an adult, then freaking act like an adult instead of throwing a tantrum like a spoiled child. She's not the same person she used to be. When we were growing up, she used to be the good, respectful daughter and I used to be the wild child who ran off with my boyfriend and sulked at family parties because I had to be forced to go. But we're in our late 20s now and I've grown up since then. I don't demand respect, I earn it by giving respect and helping out while she's sleeping until noon on a daily basis and can't hold down a job for more than 6 months. Before the incident, she said she wanted to try to re-connect and so I opened up, I sent long, expressive e-mails about my life and my feelings about almost everything, from a non-aggressive center, trying to keep it tactful and rational. I have this habit of blurting out my opinions in less than helpful ways when I'm emotional, so I prefer writing things out so that we can actually move past the hurt and towards change. But she's completely different and is all about the instant gratification and responding in the moment. So I bare my soul to her and get very little back. When I offer to meet with her after I think she's had time to process my words, she's too busy and can't be bothered. So much for her wanting to repair this relationship. And she thinks that I care if she's "written me off" or that she says she's done with me? *@#! her is all I have to say.

[cangor 0]

Yep. All I can say is that I empathize with you one hundred percent. I mean, I would say that you're overreacting and you probably just need to give her space, but it seriously sounds like you cousin has turned into a total loser. All I can really say is that I'm sorry and I know exactly how you feel, something kinda similar is going on in my life as well right now, and I guess I just wish you the best and hope you two can work things out sometime in the future.