Long Distance Relationship Advice? LDRs... Not Fun

[Rosaline 0]

Hello!I've been in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. The last year was spent being 1 1/2 hours away from him due to college. Is anyone else in a similar situation? If so, I'd like to talk with you about it! Ranting helps, lol, but I also wanted to know if you have any tips for how to improve the relationship even when it is long distance.I find that we fight a lot more now that we are long distance. In fact, we never used to have SERIOUS fights because, in person, we could always hold each other and we could see each other's facial features and know that we didn't mean to hurt one another. It's so much easier not fighting with these nonverbal cues. Does anyone else feel that phone fights are the worst things ever? And that they happen a lot more in a long distance relationship?And how about the jealousy/trust issue... I haven't really had this problem because we are both definitely loyal to one another, but being in an LDR always makes you worry more. I find myself wanting to know everything that he does, not necessarily because I don't trust him, but because otherwise I'm going to be paranoid.Well... hopefully someone else is long distance too, so we can talk!

[Smack 0]

I was in the same situation a year ago, however this year my girlfriend and I moved in together. We bought cell phones to talk to each other all the time and called each other at a same time each day. We would also text throughout the day. You just have to keep communication open. That is the main problem that long distance relationships have, they soon quit calling each other as much, if that happens the relationship rapidly deteriorates as the guy (being at college and all) will find it easy to find someone else. Didn't happen to me, but it did to my best friend that was going to college with me.

[Matt2 0]

I don't know much about relationships, but I hear that Long Distance Relationships are usually quite hard to maintain. I think the main thing would be thinking that your partner was cheating on you, so trust is a big thing to have established before you try the Long Distance thing. The main thing you can do is keep in contact using as many ways as possible - even using the internet (like AIM, and MSN) I'd think would help.Hopefully everything turns around, and you don't have as many fights. Probably because you aren't seeing each other, you are picking little things to fight about . What are the fights based on? Maybe someone could offer some more advice if we knew what problems you were having . Just remember you're completly annonymous over the internet .

[tuddy 0]

Just remember you're completly annonymous over the internet .

That's what they want you to think.

Has relationships really gone so far hat you don't love your partner enough to get through college/uni without having to think of other people except for your partner, all I have to do is think of the girl I like and everyone looks at me thinking, WTF you smiling at?

[cwconline 0]

Well, I can say this... All things work theme selves out. Even if it is a long distance relationship. as long as you got trust and love nothing should matter but before you can have love you have to have trust. If that makes any sense at all to you. Well all I can really do is wish you the best of luck, and hope that you find happiness with your hubby... well take care.

[master_bacarra 0]

i think two of the most important things in maintaining a long distance relationship is constant communication and trust. as a person in a relationship, we long for that physical need, we want to see them, hold them, which somehow fulfills that "to see is to believe" need. we feel like we can't transfer our love well if we can't see that physical connection, and i'm not talking about sex. our only consolation is to hear the voice that reminds us of that physical connection. you need to constantly talk to him to let him know that you're still there and for you to be reminded that he's still there.if you get the chance to see him face to face, you might want to talk about things and especially the fact that you're both fighting more often in recent days. you have to settle out your differences in order to make this relationship to work. and this is where trust comes in. you have to trust each other that you're both true to the relationship. bringing up the topic about trust is a very sensitive issue, especially among the guys. there's two ways of looking at it, if they get defensive, it's either they are committing an affair with someone else (or they have a relationship with another person), or they don't like to be accused of being a cheater. you have to break it gently, make sure that you talk to him in your best condition, taking into consideration that this will be solved not only with the heart but also with the mind. you have to think carefully or else a wrong decision would lead to a devastating result (not that i'm exaggerating or anything).

[TikiPrincess 0]

i think two of the most important things in maintaining a long distance relationship is constant communication and trust.

I agree with this one as the basis for any relationship. You cannot love someone without trusting them. When doubt enters your mind, you begin to question everything that a person says or does. Keeping the lines of communication open is important to establishing and maintaining trust in a relationship. It's important to discuss your fears and emotions and be open to those of your significant other. I'm going to say something that I'm sure will upset some people, but communication isn't the same thing as being honest. Honesty is great in a relationship, but there are times that honesty can be hurtful as well. I prefer tact to honesty. Yes, there are definitely things that you need to be honest about especially something like cheating. Anyways, the "policy of truth," as depeche mode puts it, can be hurtful, so really think about what you're going to say and how you say it.

 

As for the fighting, I've had little success with screaming matches. I find that if I can have a rational discussion, the other person is more open to listening to what I have to say and more willing to compromise and make real change. What's worked for me is to write two letters. In the first one I get all my emotions out, let all my anger, hurt, and pain flow out of me and onto the paper. When I've emptied it all out and can think rationally again, I write a new letter that usually has all of the same points, but written in a non-threatening and tactful way. Instead of saying "I hate you because you never have time for me anymore!," you can say "I know that you are busy with school and studying, but I feel like we aren't spending as much time together and I miss your company." Then offer ways that you would be willing to compromise and ask for his opinion.

 

From your post, I gather that you are just entering college and you're in your late teens or early twenties. I know that you've probably heard this before, but college is a really experimental time for people. You're finally away from your parents and you have the freedom to try and do things that you never could before. You may find that the person you were with is no longer the same person you are with now. In fact, you may not be the same person that he remembers because you have grown and changed. Sometimes we grow in different directions. It happens and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Some couples can grow apart together, like two trees entwined near the roots but growing in different directions. Others must split to survive and maintain their true identity and integrity.

[csp4.0 1]

Trust is the main thing here, you'll have to trust your partner isn't cheating on you, and should always be in contact even if its just an e-mail. Remember to always say something like an 'I Love You' or something, or your partner will feel that you don't love your partner anymore. Fighting over the phone or even over msn should be a complete no-no, not only does it breaks your relationship.