How Do I Get Over My First Love Who Cheated On Me?

[MichaelA8 0]

Hi Sammy,I'm going to break rank here. I am not 'sorry' to hear what happened. My friend, you have just experienced something wonderful. I know that it doesn't feel that way, but you have none the less. You have experienced love. This is priceless. However, what you are going through now, is the grieving process, which is also priceless. Grieving is said to have 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargining, Depression, Acceptence. From your post, I'd say you're well into it. A quick web search will prove time well spent on this subject.Know this: Her infidelity, and betrayal has nothing to do with you. NOTHING! No matter what is thought, or said, regardless of all the excuses, rational or otherwise, we are responsible for our own actions. In short, she chose for herself. Avoid falling for: It was because of this, and, if only YOU had done that. Think of it this way: I lose my job, and struggle to make ends meet. So, I go out and rob a bank. Imagine me standing before a judge and telling him that the fault lies with my ex-employer. Guess who's going to jail. SHE is responsible for her choices. SHE is accountable for her actions, not YOU.So you too, have choices. Do you get back together? Hmmm. That's a tough one. I do believe that people can change, espically when so young. The question will be this: Why am I (or is she) going to change? If I change so that I can 'get her back' than I am probably going to end up miserable. Even if I believe that I need to change, it should be because 'I want to be different' not because 'I want her back'. Doing the right thing, for the wrong reason, is doing the wrong thing. Do you see?I know that it hurts. You will love again, for it is our nature. Move forward, slowly at first. Embrace your feelings, all of them, and move forward. This, my young friend, is called courage.All my best,Michael"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your Love and affection."~Buddah

[MichaelA8 0]

Aracley,Please see my posting to Sammy.I will add this: First, the old,'It's not what you think' line, tells me that he believes that you're a 'mark'. Secondly, the fact that he took advantage of a vulnerable and needy person, tells me that he is a preditor. So I ask you this: 'Do you value youself enough to gravitate away from such people? Boy, it's tough. I know that it feels like knives in the chest. I know that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps it is better that you learned these things now, rather than 2 years from now.My prayers are with you, and with him, as he needs them every bit as much as you do.Michael

[iGuest 3]

Gosh, why couldn't my bf have stuck around for me to get past my depression. And I never even looked at another dude, just needed to get over stuff, I could infact see the light at the end of the tunnel when he decided to end our love, he left me after being depressed for three months while I was just on my way to sorting mysef out. Your GF is going to kick herself something silly when you do decide to walk away.

 You know what you should do, you should tell her, simply, truthfully and calmly that you can't handle  the situation the way it is, between the two of you, tell her EVERYTHING that is upsetting you, why, what, when, how, where... And tell her you want a break to sort your head out. And really take a good long break.

That line is usually reserved for the real break ups, but you should be honest, and strong, and walk away while you are STILL in love.

Take some time apart, think about every thing, more importantly give her space to think, and then have a good heart to heart.

Don't just keep all this bottled up, don't listen to advice from friends to just walk away, give her a chance to understand you are upset, and think about weather she wants to make that effort to fix what is wrong in your relationship, she will want to fix it if she understands how painful all this is for you, and if she doesn't then she is not worth is. PLease don't just let everythig simmer inside without talking to her, don't let your feelings die before you tell her whats wrong. Give her a chance to fix things before you just give up on each other.

This approach takes guts, because it means that you will hurt like hell if she decides that she doesn't want you, but the up shot is that  if it works out you get to rebuild your relationship stronger and happier than it ever was before.

don't take the cowards way out, by building up a hatred towards her, WHILE YOU ARE STILL WITH HER, and then dump her one day out of the blue,  leaving her devistated and wanting to fix things, but you have made yourself hate her so much you can't bare the sight of her any more. And no matter what she says you ignore It really isn't fair that way. Tell her if you are upset, give your love a chance, risk, the hurt dude.

-reply by clair

[user681 0]

Time will heal man..it took me about 2 years to fully get over my ex who cheated on me on VALENTINES DAY!!but now i don't really care about her anymore..it doesn't even bother me to see her making out with another guy

[iGuest 3]

I dont know what to do.How Do I Get Over My First Love Who Cheated On Me?

Hi I'm Bi and me and my girlfriend have been together for about a year or so I love ger with all my heart I really do i have done so much and gave up so much for her. Ive been disowned by my own family. Shes cheated on me A LOT made out like multiple times with the same girl has told other girls we broke up so they would like her they actually fell in love with her and she would tell them she loved them too and one day they would be together. When I found these things it broke my heart so much but I'm still with her. I cant leave her I love her to much. She said shes gonna stop but recently I feel like shes hiding something I find all these things and I don't wanna tell her cause shes gonna do the usual and tell me I don't trust her and say i am liar and all this stuff I don't know what to do. Its so hard and I hurt so much..

-question by Chenia

[iGuest 3]

READ THISHow Do I Get Over My First Love Who Cheated On Me?

You have to realize that this really sounds like a 1 sided love.  She doesn't love you.  Nobody treats their loved ones like the way she treats you.  Seems as if she is not even making excuses, she is actually being brutally honest with you.  YOU are making excuses for her by saying she does these things because of her emotional/ mental problems.  She is seeing other guys right in front of your face and you are just taking it.  She does not love you.  It will never work.  There can not be a happy ending.  You will only get more hurt the longer you are in this.  She is a disease,  a metastatic cancer, spreading throughout your body, slowly killing your insides.  My advice to you, dump her now and walk away before she dumps you.  Do you really want to get ****ted on for so many years and then dumped by girl that ****ted on you instead of her being sorry and feeling remorse?  If you leave her...You will atleast have a very little bit of dignity left.  Trust me, I was you.

[iGuest 3]

hi dear friend.

I am still going through the same things that you are going through even today. We had 2 years of a relationship. He forced me to be with him as he was alone and no one was there to support him. No body care for him but I did. I was there for him. I started giving him too much without expecting back so I never asked him nothing. He kept on hanging out with me and then stated cheating out with lotsss of girls. Lots of. Later on he became a player coz he got so addicted to women. But he kept on holding me on the side coz I was the only person who understood him and cared for him. He was my first love. From every bit of myself I cared for him. He meant soo much to me. So much. His happiness was everything to me. I did everything to make him happy. But suddently he started acting out bossy and blamed me for everything. This was because he wanted to hide his faults (cheating). He started abusing me and hurting me by calling me names. He treated me as if I wanted to leave then I could as if I was his s***. I respected him and gave him space for everything. He kept on blaming me and hurting me. He claimed me to be flirting with my co-worker and was so jelous and possessive.

I started blaming me for not giving him enough and did everything but never knew he never cared for me.He lied and cheated and did everything that he wanted, he never compermised but I did so much to him because I cared for him I loved him.

I know friend. When we fall in love. We have so much dream with that person. We care, hope adn love for his particular person. No matter what he meant for the world he was my everything. My entire world.

I never expected nothing from him but just give. Still there wil be expectation bubbling up to be loved back by the person whom we love soo much as we all are  humans. But these type of people only know how to love one person that is themselves. Others feelings are nothign infront of their desires. They only care about one things their survival and their desires. These are evil, emotional vampires.

[iGuest 3]

solutions. lets face it together.How Do I Get Over My First Love Who Cheated On Me?

dear fren,

we both do not know each other but we have same problem. He was my first love too.

first, whatever we are goin through is tuff. Its a part of like not heart of life. Time is the healer only time can heal our pain. First of all, make it clear with her or ask yourself deep within you. Are you beign loved or respected. Is she treating you right or wowing you or only you are giving her all the time. Is she investing any time with you. If not then she doesn't cares. Love = action. Actions speak louder than words. Yes he was honest with me too that he would cheat on me and he told me this in front of my face. He brought another girl in front of my eyes. Imagine how would I have felt. That person whom you loved and was everything to you. When he brings others women my heart would bleed, he was killing me inside deep down, but that has made me move on. I  see it through my eyes that he doesn't cares for me. If he did. He would have thought once how much would it hurt. That is what she is doing. 

second state.

I decided to move on and you should too. Ask. Ask yourself waht are the consequences, future. The person whom you love so much, when would still cheat on you again and again. It would hurt you more and more and you will change at some point of adapting it. Well you can move away from her. It is ok to love someone and love them. It is not harmful. No matter how much it hurts this is the correct decision. Being selfish is ok. 

thirst step

be alone for a while. But also hangout. It is ok to feel the pain. Write all those things down that is hurting you deep down. Bring them out you wil feel a lot relief. Try to write down all those negative thought that would come in your mind. Clear your mind so that you can move on.

final step.

what are you goals, dreams, passion. You can find a better a lot better girl than her who would respect you whom you will have children with. You will have a family together whom you will love and would love you in return. Is it possible with this girl. Can you gain her trust back. Can you guys get back together. Can you start a brand new life. So its time to move on coz she is not worth your time and love. If you face the truth now and move on you  will thank me one day. We have to face this. Reality. Your future is bright and lovely

with her you will only find loneliness and hurt, emptiness. She will eat you inside out. So convince yourself. The only person who can change this is yourself. You have to decide it for yourself. This will make you stronger than ever and we both will learn a great deal about life. 

live for yourself with pride, raise your head up. Be a man. Choose your dreamss. Your dreamssss..

only you can do this for yourself.

go for it. I feel you and your pain. I am going through the something.

wish you warm love, happiness

-reply by safry

[iGuest 3]

opinionHow Do I Get Over My First Love Who Cheated On Me?

HEART IS LIKE A GLASS MIRROR.WHEN IT IS PERFECT IT SHOWS ONE FACE THAT IS YOUR LOVERS FACE.BUT WHEN IT BREAKS IT CAN NEVER BE JOINED.AND IF SOME ONE ELSE COMES IN TO YOUR LIFE EACH PEACE OF GLASS WILL SHOW HER FACE.SO YOU WILL SEE MANY FACES BUT ONE PERSON.DON'T BELIEVE TRY IT.

  WHAT EVER HAPPENS HAPPENS FOR THE GOOD.LIVE FOR YOURSELF AND GIVE TIME.I KNOW IT IS DIFFICULT.BUT BROTHER IT IS BETTER TO MARRY A PERSON WHO LOVES YOU RATHER THAN WHOM YOU LOVE. YOUR LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE HAPPY

unknown sister

-reply by Padma

[iGuest 3]

am i a bastardHow Do I Get Over My First Love Who Cheated On Me?

I don't really know what I had for her was it love or commitment,never the less I realise today that I was just a laughing stock for her to walk over.Its been just a year since I have ever known her that was through a friend.I got through yea I asked her out when she broke up with her ex.Not to take advantage but to stop her tears ..I never felt about her that way ..But the day she told she was dumped by her ex..I sort of confronted her ...And asked her out I was cool even if she said no ..I repeatedly asked her twice please let me go its okay if you don't want to..All this was over the phone ..My bad...And I never really meant it ..Then later I could not  pretend any more..I really started learning of her being so good to me ..And I never felt that close to any one or any thing spent a lot only on her phone bills and mine .She asks me to speak to my mom about our relationship I did it ...The best part is we still have not seen each other ..Then she suddenly decides to break up with me coz her best friend broke up with her boy friend and she decides not to get committed..I was okay with it ..Got her back but I still dint find the reason she hurt me a lot of times and I still have ignored it all ..I don't really care I felt they were the ups and downs but now she says we meet b4 her birthday  ..I was good with it we meet and she says and she wanted  me to go away and that she never really loved me ...Or she did and now she started seeing some body else ...I had so many plans for her and the rest of our lived ...Everything ends ..The good part is I don't have to spend much from my pocket ..But I m feeling really bad ...I am ashamed to face my mom and tell her that her soon is a looser ..I cant even get over her ..I cant die too..Not that I m  scared I have  a feeling that my brother will be deprived of all his freedom ...And my mom would not be the same to him too...I don't want my brother to be hurt at any cost ...Coz of my stupid decision ..I cant face any body in the world... 

-question by son 

[iGuest 3]

Hey, my name is AdileneI was with this guy for 10 months and he hurt me so much but I feel like I need him back and every time I think of him I cry. I've tried not thinking of him and starting all over but its impossible; everything reminds me of him .... our memories together. Well this is my story:The first 5 months flew by and I guess you can say we were the happiest couple ever. I mean we only thought we would be together forever. I would always ask him if he was sure about that because forever is a long time and his reply was always the same. He would say that he was positive we'd be together forever he would even bring up our future and kids along with our jobs and where we would live. He made me believe this since we had been friends before getting together. When I would ask if he would ever cheat on me he would say he would be stupid if he did because I was the best girl ever and as soon as he cheated he would kill himself before I broke up with him. This made me trust him with all gut. 1 week before we turned 6 months I found out he had cheated on me. I was heartbroken he had lied to me saying he would never leave me because I was worth everything. That day he tried fixing everything but it was too late he had been seeing that girl for a week now so I broke up with him. For some reason the break didn't hurt. I didn't cry even though he nearly drowned in his own tears begging me to take him back. I said no and left. Later, I was worried about him because he had said if he cheated he would kill himself so I text him asking if he was okay and that was a bad mistake. He started telling me how he loved me and he was so sorry that I fell again; even I wanted to get back with him. A week later he asked me out and I agreed. I was in love with him and he said that we could do this and actually make it to forever so we decided to try again. On the 8th month he broke up with me saying he wasn't ready for this relationship so I agreed to give him a month away from me. After that month he said I was the one and he wanted to be with me forever so I took him back. But on the 10th month I found out this girl he had a crush on was using blackmail. She was texting him and saying she loved him he said he had me and she said "She dgaf" I asked my man if it was true and he said yes so I asked him if he wanted to get with that girl and he said "idk /." that's when I felt something slap the stupidness out of me. I immediately broke up with him he had gone too far already. I went into deep depression looking for someone to talk to but I'm embarrassed because I'm so stupid now he's with that girl and he claims to be happy but I know if they break up and he tries to get me back I'll give in. I found out he would cut and I tried helping him quit but he said to leave him alone because we aren't together anymore. His friends told me to leave his life so he realizes what he lost. They actually told me I was the best girlfriend he ever had because all his other girlfriends cheated on him about 3 times each. Now sometimes he'll tell me he loves me despite he has a girl. I know he loves me I still see my best guy friend in there but something his wrong with his mind he needs help ... I just don't know how to help him when both him and his girlfriend cut. I'm single and I don't think I'll be moving on until Mr.Right comes. I just can't move on when I'm still in love with hum.Please help me-AdileneYou can reply by email: adileneaguilar13@gmail.com In case you need more details or clarification Thanks