Growing Friendship Or Jealousy? Please help.

[sylenzednuke 0]

Well, so there is this girl my age, same grade, different school though, but she only lives like 10 minutes away. We met on Orkut like some 5 months ago. During the first 4 hours of chat itself we became pretty comfortable with each other and during the phase of the next month she really helped me very well to cope up with the depression I was in due to my first ever break-up. We became quite good friends then, I was attracted to her back then but didn't really care as I thought this attraction would wear off in no time. Then we became really good friends and with it we used to have 10 fights and arguments whatever you say almost everyday. Then I kinda started having some feelings for her, till that time we became best-friends and we almost shared everything with each other, and so I knew about her crush, she really liked him and spent most of the day thinking about him so I tried to control my feelings for her as I didn't wanted to be hurt again.Due to this I started acting damn weird and sometimes we didn't speak to each other for a week. I had told her about my attraction towards her as I am pretty frank about whatever I feel and at that time she didn't know me well so thought that I was just joking and I didn't have an image of a nice guy in her eyes back then. Then after we became best-friends I told her that I am serious and I really like her and I am not joking this time, she didn't really y'know kinda replied but just told me to rethink over this whole thing as she thought it was just attraction again and I was so damn pissed, I needed an answer, yes or no, I couldn't really fake that "just friends" attitude anymore and we actually broke our friendship 4 times a single month but then we patched-up again as we were addicted to each other, we chat on SMS the whole day, today she is not feeling sleep, 4.30 AM and she is still messaging me, I mean we are still messaging each other. Then she said that I should have control over my anger and if I want to be her friend again I will have to promise her I won't break this friendship but not to expect anything more than friendship from her. I kinda agreed to it and promised I won't ever expect anything more than friendship from her. The feelings I had for her disintegrated pretty quickly, or you can say they were just put under control. Now we are really good friends, a little more than best-friends and she says that she kinda likes me too but isn't really sure if she wants to go around with me. Her crush accepted that he likes her today, well yesterday as it is past 12 AM. I told her to tell him about her feelings (she wasn't sure as I made her realize that it is just attraction and nothing else) so she told him about them. Now she is confused whether to have a relationship with him, he lives 500 miles away in a different state all-together so this might sound dumb. But now suddenly all those feelings for her have grown again inside me, I can't really hide it this time. Do you guys think I must tell her about this? She says that I am the best friend that she has ever got and sometimes she acts like she likes me but I guess she is just a bit unsure.Do you guys think that these feelings in me have grown more just because I am jealous of that guy? Should I tell her about it? (It won't affect our friendship though, we are really good friends for such things to interfere in our friendship.) I don't think that I should tell her as it might leave her worried about me as she knows sometimes I get pretty melodramatic, I just want her to be happy but somehow I feel she won't be happy with that guy as it is he only looks good, he is a big time flirt no doubt and as a person he really sucks, god knows why she even likes him. I am so confused, can't even sleep because of this...

[roseysaidwhat 0]

That is some pretty heavy stuff.Honestly if you care about her and you don't want her to end up with some guy she just thinks is attractive then you should express those feelings, maybe not the feelings you feel for her.It is odd that your feelings emerged again when she told you that he liked her, so maybe you should think about it.You need to ask yourself some questions about your feelings for her before you tell her, if you do.You also need to ask yourself if telling her is worth "ruining" a good friendship that you have now.I hoped I helped, I'm not that good advice.

[sylenzednuke 0]

Well, things are kinda straightening out now... It didn't take her even a day to realize that the guy wasn't worth her. So she is now like pretty normal but she is still not able to get him out of head, I know it will be difficult, you can't really forget someone you wasted months thinking of day and night all the time. haven't yet told her that those feelings are growing in me again but I will finally ask her out on Valentines Day now. I hope she says yes. *crosses fingers*I can't really say anything to her now as it is she is deep into some melodramatic stuff and all I am doing is helping her cope with it, god knows why she ever liked that guy so much, by the way I spoke to her, she already sensed that something is bugging me but I am still not sure whether I should tell her about this when she is going through a lot of depression.

[thejestergl 0]

Hey, yeah pretty hefty stuff there buddy, but actually isn't that uncommon. You might feel that it is just jealousy which it could possibly be, but wouldn't you rather think that it could be a little more than that? Though, most girls (at least in my thoughts) like guys who can control jealousy. You should just stay friends with her, unless of course she wants more than that. She seems like a nice person, understanding, and so do you . If you really care then you should just try to mask the jealousy and think to yourself "Well at least she is happy, and that makes me happy." Maybe masking wasn't a good word to use but hopfully you got where I was going. Just try to let her know how you feel about the guy, and if she takes your thoughts into consideration that is up to her. But if she doesn't, don't hang yourself over it. You can only tell them whats on your mind, not believe what's on your mind. I have had people before do the same, and if I learned anything is that the jealousy you feel isn't because she is with some other guy, but that the guy she is with isn't, in your mind, good enough for her. You seem to just be a protective friend. Which can be good, but bad too. Just stop and think for a second, maybe she is walking into a bad relationship, but that doesn't mean you are the one to tell her that. That could just make it worse, and just let her go with her flow, and if things turn out bad, just make sure you are still there for her.Jester

[sylenzednuke 0]

Well I do agree with you Jester, but I did tell about hat guy and she herself agreed to it, I mentioned it in my last post that it didn't even took her a day to realize that the guy isn't worth her. I want to see her happy, that's the only reason I don't frown and runaway, and it makes me happy too but it still hurts, the girl you like the most is right in front of you but still you can't say a word. Anyways as I said, once she is recovered from this low feeling, I will ask her out on V'day. And, things got bad for her 3 times and at all of those times I was there... And I am sure it's not jealousy now, I mean now she is trying to stop thinking about that guy but still I do have the same feelings for her, so I guess it wasn't just jealousy. I did like her before, and I do like her now. The only difference is back then she knew I like her, now she doesn't.

[sylenzednuke 0]

Things aren't the same now, don't want to say everything here, all I want to say is, moderators please close this topic.

[Autumn 0]

Worst move you could have made.I'm posting this not only so you know that you made an error, but so people can learn by example.When a girl tells you you're her bestfriend and that she can tell you anything, she means it. Guys get attached more easily when shown affection, because they're not being looked at by girls all day, like girls being checked out by guys.You should NEVER question a girls motive, reason, choices, etc... on a subject like this, because it will ruin everything, at least for a while.Why? I'll put it this way. When you become the "bestfriend", you've told her (although sometimes indirectly) that you'll always be there for her, no matter what. She appreciates that and most likely will tell you that she never wants to hurt you, etc. This now rules you out of the possibility of a relationship because most don't last too long during the teen age.Well why's it weird now? Simply put, she knows now that you have feelings for her, and she knows that she doesn't have mutual feelings. You've pretty much told her that "Aside from what I've told you, I'm just like every other guy."When you told her how you felt, she might have taken it as you being over protective, or of a jealous nature. Both are turns offs to girls.How can I fix this? Talk to her. It might take sometime, maybe a few months, but it's still salvageable. If she cares about you at all, it'll be fine.Lesson learned? I hope so.

[lilemi 0]

Well if shes going out with a super hot guy in another state, chances are that the guy is loved by tons of other girls and would probably end up cheating on her anyway, especially if he is a jerk like you described. Just stay close to her and help her out, and it's okay to secretly hope that she dumps him. Don't try to trick her into not liking him or something, because then you'll seem desperate and mean. The guy can take advantage of that and kick you out for good.