I Am Stumped When A Girl Is Crying And Sad.

[lonelykid0902 0]

My friend who only sees me as her "brother" while I have no choice and must pretend she is my "sister" (this is just mainly playing around most of the time, like for fun) but right now this isn't the problem. Recently in the past two days, she and her friend have broken up due to the fact that her friend has betrayed her. I know it really hurts her because that person told her that she will never talk to her again, like a MAJOR breakup. And this is my major disadvantage. I am down when she is down. Why? Because I love her. So every momment she is very sad, to the extent of crying, I myself, is very sad as well. I like her very much.. Maybe so much to the point where I care TOO much about her. I don't know what to do.Because of the recent incident of her breaking up with this friend (used to be exboyfriend) and are relatively close friends (very) due to the fact that this xbf has betrayed her and spread rumours about her AND said "I would rather be friends with [my "sister's" ENEMY]I'm too lazy and hurt to re-read and correct this thread.. Sorry for my horrible english as well..So in result, I really want to help her, I know it takes time too. We're pretty close friends.. I'm always there for her when shes sad.. Now this issue, I have no idea what to do. I've always been clueless when girls are sad. Please give me some advice. I worry too much.Thanks.

[Albus Dumbledore 0]

It's ok to worry too much! Some girls like people who worry too much.The best advice that i can give you is catch her at a time you see her crying in the hallway and take her in your arms (like put your hand on her shoulder) and just tell her that you are there for her if she needs anybody to talk to.I really do not know what else to say but tell her that you are there for her if she wants someone to talk to in the middle of the night when she is up crying, or after school sitting in the football stadium watching the football players practice. Also tell her that you are a shoulder to cry on if she ever needs one.Just dont act as a wanna-be boy friend, act as a very good friend, then after all of this has cooled off, ask her out or somthing :blink:Im sorry that is makes you feel bad, this happens to me sometimes to, seeing other sad people if they are close to me makes me sad but the best i can do is tell them that i am there for them if they need anything/a shoulder to cry in.

[NigaiAmaiYume 0]

My boyfriend and his friend actually have a term for this:

"BABY ON FIRE!!!"

Basically, when a girl is crying, they know they're supposed to do SOMETHING, but don't know WHAT, and so end up panicing and doing the mental equivalant of running around screaming. Fortunately, they don't do the screaming part LITERALLY - anymore, at least. ^-~

Now, for the helpful part:

1. BE THERE FOR HER

Most girls in my experience appriciate physical presence more than most guys in my experience can ever understand. Demonstrating mental presence ups that appriciation and helpfullness. Do do the latter...

2. Practice Active Listening

Basically, active listening is PROVING you're hearing what she's saying, as well as confirming you're UNDERSTANDING what she's saying. Easiest way to do this:
- Keep comfortable eye contact. If she looks away, let her; otherwise, focus on her.
- Repeat what she's saying in your own words. "And he says he'd rather be friends with [X]!" "You're joking? He actually wants to go out with [X]???"
- Keep asking that you're hearing her right, especially if you're worried you're lost. "It sounds like you're feeling like... Am I right?"

3. Validate her emotions

You don't have to agree with everything she's feeling. But try to keep track of the emotions she's feeling by active listening, and let her know she has a reason to feel that way. If you think she shouldn't be feeling so angry/sad/whatever, offer suggestions on what to do (If you have any), unless this gets bad responses (It can! Seriously!). But she has a REASON, even if you don't understand it, and at that moment she needs to be reassured she's not being a complete idiot for feeling that way.

This is NOT as hard as it probably sounds. Actually, a lot of this just what AD said, filtered through my Communication and Counselling class. Chances are, you're already doing most of this, especially if she keeps turning to you for comfort. The trick is paying ATTENTION to what you're doing.

As for the relationship part: Be her friend. Invite her to movies or lunch, with friends or just you two "to hang out". Don't try to speed up the relationship. Just keep being with her, talking with her, and sharing with her. If it's supposed to happen, she'll start to notice you as a guy, and not a "guy friend". If not, don't ruin a relationship that obviously means so much to you! All else fails, she'll be a great companion for when you DO find something that's into you.

You both deserve the best! Fight for it, and if she starts crying, nod, look concerned, let her talk, and agree with anything she says that's not too outrageous.

"Yes, he's a *BLEEP*. Yes, he should have certain body parts rot and fall off. No, we should not toilet paper his house. Yes, ice cream is a good idea right now."

[lonelykid0902 0]

Thank you for everyone's help.. I've actually already done all that before actually reading this.. Either way.. She talks to me every night on how difficult it is for her. She always says she wants her friend back (the ex-bf/close friend).. I'm always listening to her and trying to help.. I don't think them two can be friends anymore due to some huge fight between the two having lost of eachothers' trust.I guess all I have to do is let her cool off a bit from this sudden incident. I just always have the sad cold feeling whenever she is sad. It feels like I need to protect her..Thanks for the advice everyone! Any more would be greatly appreciated