What Should I Do? A girl I really like...

[-bLiNd- 0]

Hey everyone, I need your advice or help please!There is this girl in school I met 4 years ago, we became friends through other friends. Since day 1 I really liked her, and I love her very much.One month ago she broke up, she was engaged to this other guy, he cheated on her and lied to her very much. She had alot of feelings for the guy, after they broke up I knew I had another chance, and I have to make it work this time.I buy her airtime and alot other things, because she doesn't have that much money and her ex used to care for her, but now I am.The thing is I get mixed emotions, because she and that guy are still seeing each other, and he thinks they are still together, he pretends that nothing happend and for some reason she says to me that she doesn't like it. But I don't seem to believe it, he still kisses her and hugs her, but I don't like it, because he cheats on her for crying out loud!! She always talk about him, when I go visit her and we want to go party she drags him along.What should I do??She adores our friendship, but I don't like what she or he is doing...................

[Chrisseh 0]

Your situation seems pretty confusing, and I guess she is sending you mixed signals. And you don't want to say something that could jeprodize your friendship. First of all, you should probably take it slowly, a girl's emotions tend to be mixed for a while after something like an engagement breaking. Just be caring, supportive, let her know that you're there for her. She's probably confused right now, too. Sometimes strong emotions can blind a person from seeing the big picture. He's cheated on her, yet she still sees him, lets him hug and kiss her? If he "thinks" they're still together, he obviously thinks he has some hold over her, and he does because it seems she's allowing him to. I don't think she's ready to let go, but she should be. There's nothing worse than a cheater, and she needs to realize that no matter what she does to try and please him, she'll never be able to change him, once a cheater, usually always a cheater. But as I said, just take it slow. If she starts talking about him, just wait until she finishes her point, and in a very subtle manner, change the subject.After a while if things between them start to calm down or change, whenever you feel the time is right, tell her how you feel. If she says no, well then, you tried. You can still keep your friendship, and hey, after a while, her mind might just change.

[-bLiNd- 0]

Thanks alot for the support, its really not easy, but I guess I should have the patience, hopefully things will turn out better soon. I really do care for her!The thing is she doesn't want to tell him to stop it, she cnt tell him it's friends or nothing, then the guy will be furios and I don't wanna see her get hurt AGAIN!

[Chrisseh 0]

Just keep patient and your time will come. Be the best friend you can be, that's the most importent thing. And... furious? Is the guy abusive to her or something?

[-bLiNd- 0]

Not abusive as in abusing her, but he is a bad guy, he threatend her family and me.. So you understand?

[franz see 0]

IMO, you better confront the girl. Not to choose between her ex and you, but to ask her whether she still loves him or not. As Chrisseh mentioned, she's confused right now. She know damn well that she shouldn't allow her ex to do those things. And her words are there to prove that she knows it. However, when the situation comes wherein his ex comes in for a kiss, she can't think that fast so she tends to give in. Nothing wrong actually, quite common with girls who have mixed emotions. If I were you, I'd suggest to the girl to be prepared everytime her ex is around. Cause he'd probably go in for a kiss or a hug again. And if that happens, her immidiate reaction should be to pull away. she should not think twice about backing away.

[-bLiNd- 0]

Thanks for everything guys, I feel better in a way, but then again also scared. I have decided to speak to her about this little problem about the guy always being around her and giving her hugs and kisses, if he keeps this up she will surely end up with him again and get hurt again and I cannot see that happening again :POnce again thanks

[boludo66 0]

YOUR WELCOME!

[tuddy 0]

If you ask me, or not. She should not be seeing him full stop. She is still trying to hold on, hoping that things will change for the better with his guy. She drags him along, knowing your there as a kind of a buffer, someone who won't let things happen.You need to show her how he is really hurting her, bring her back to the reality. Things are going to be hard, different i know. If she has a friend like you, she will see this and move on.

[saiyeek 0]

Why looking for that girl brother. Go and date some other girls. There are lots of gals with pretty face and lovely heart. She is not worth you. Have fun. Don't bother pains and tensions in relationship. Its not your time to worry for a girl. I know its hard but what I have experienced for a lot of time is that when u think abt a girl over and over again, the feeling you develop makes you all this mad. So stop thinking abt her. Stop meeting her. Find some other cuties who would certainly care and love you. Thats my point. Best of Luck Brother.

[lodd 0]

I agree with what tuddy is saying. She knows you're there, that's why she drags him along, coz she knows that you will protect her. But at the same time, I think she see you as more of a "dad" figure. One that protects her from harm, buys her airtime and generally treats her like your dependant (spouse/child).She also wants to make her relationship work. I think it's because girls tend to have this feeling that if they cant make their relationship work, then they themselves are not capable of holding up a relationship. (i.e. if the relationship fails, they have failed). If you're gonna be her guardian, take it all the way. She expects you to do the best for her now. Point out to her that's it's not her fault that the relationship didn't work out. He's the one who went and cheated on her. It's not her fault that he cheated either. It's not because there's a flaw in her that pushed him away and made him look for another girl. Convince her that she is an awesome girl that any guy can easily love and that he's cheating because he has his own personal problems of commitment (or whatever they are). I must warn you that this is the hardest part. You MUST convince her without a doubt that she is not to blame for the failure of the relationship. Use examples of how she has acted to show that she is an awesome girl. If you don't manage to convince her here, she will go on believing that it is her fault somehow and she will keep on "trying harder" to make the relationship work. Because a relationship needs hard work, right? So make her understand that she has done enough-- no, MORE than enough and that the other guy is to blame.Hope she takes it well. If you're close to her, she'll take it alright.