New Chorus For My Song 'dream Girl'

[stevenufc291088 0]

This is my new chorus tell me what u think*()= talkin*(And she asked me, who is your dream girl?........)My dream girl is, the one who makes me wanna wake up in the morningMakes my heart beat faster without warningWho makes the butterflies in my stomach rollLike you'd never noOne who cares for meWho's always there for meTo trust and believeNever gonna leaveOne who makes me smileDrives my feelings wildAnd if she asked me whoI'd say.....that girl is you

[biscuitrat 0]

This is my new chorus tell me what u think*()= talkin

*(And she asked me, who is your dream girl?........)
My dream girl is, the one who makes me wanna wake up in the morning
Makes my heart beat faster without warning
Who makes the butterflies in my stomach roll
Like you'd never no
One who cares for me
Who's always there for me
To trust and believe
Never gonna leave
One who makes me smile
Drives my feelings wild
And if she asked me who
I'd say.....that girl is you

Spell "no" as *know. I'm not sure how the melody goes, but make sure it falls into rhythm. If it doesn't, it's going to sound awkward. The part about making the butterflies in your stomach roll... it just feels strange. I'd like to point out that the top few lines of your chorus are all really long and the last bunch are all a decent size. I'd try to keep it consistent, so try to rewrite the top four so that they match the rhythm of your bottom lines.

Try replacing "one" with "someone" and maybe change "To trust and believe" to "To trust and believe in me" and make the next line to match with it, because saying "and believe" by itself sounds kinda weird.

Overall, the song is very sweet. Nice work

[hudock.Steve 0]

Hi This is very good lyrics. Your composition is great. Every one wants this. Every one wants this.

[dabl_di 0]

good song.I like it...I think that you have a good melody for it...

[BrooklynB 0]

i liked it i think its lovely.keep it up (y)

[lilemi 0]

This is my new chorus tell me what u think*()= talkin

*(And she asked me, who is your dream girl?........)
My dream girl is, the one who makes me wanna wake up in the morning
Makes my heart beat faster without warning
Who makes the butterflies in my stomach roll
Like you'd never no
One who cares for me
Who's always there for me
To trust and believe
Never gonna leave
One who makes me smile
Drives my feelings wild
And if she asked me who
I'd say.....that girl is you

Yeah, I agree with what the first poster said. You might want to sort of shorten the first 3 lines or so. Take out words like "wanna" in the first line and for the third line just say "And who makes my stomach roll" leave out the whole butterflies thing. No offence, but when I say it in my head I get this really hillary Duff-ish backstreet boy think. You can't really have a non jumpy happy over-jolly song with lyrics like these. But if thats the type of music you like, go for it. I think they're alright, it's just these are really common words to rhyme with.

Me, me, Leave, believe.
Who, you
Smile, wild (sorta common).

Morning and warning are probably the best rhymes in here. Oh well.

[teknoTom 0]

Yeah, I agree with what the first poster said. You might want to sort of shorten the first 3 lines or so. Take out words like "wanna" in the first line and for the third line just say "And who makes my stomach roll" leave out the whole butterflies thing. No offence, but when I say it in my head I get this really hillary Duff-ish backstreet boy think. You can't really have a non jumpy happy over-jolly song with lyrics like these. But if thats the type of music you like, go for it. I think they're alright, it's just these are really common words to rhyme with.
Me, me, Leave, believe.
Who, you
Smile, wild (sorta common).

Morning and warning are probably the best rhymes in here. Oh well.

That looks great. You should post the music notation when you write it