Family And Lending Money Problem. Did I do the right thing?

[Lili 0]

Hello everyone,Hi, I have a problem with my family. And I wanted to know if I did the right thing. I am 20 years old in college, and I took out a $100,000 loan to pay for my school. I have been in school for 2 yrs now. Okay. One day my college financial aid administrator called and said, "you have extra money from yours loans would you like to take it, it's $8,000" I did not know what to do. So, I called my parents for advice. I told them about the suituation and was woundering if I should not take the money or have it sent back to the loan company. My parents told me that I should take it out and I should use it for my needs. My parents live 5 hours away in a small town, and I am here all alone in a City, felt a car would do me well.So, I felt safe to take the loan out $8,000 and made plans for it. I did want a car, and I did need a car in order to buy groceries in large quantities, and be able to drive around to work in the future, I would have to use public transportation.... a car would really lift weight off my shoulders. Not only that, I had a couple of bad encounters on public transportation (city busses) a man tried sexually harassing me after I got off at a bus stop, I'll ocassionally get the someone pinches me or pokes me on the chest, and when I look around I don't know who it is, because the bus is so crowded to where everyone is standing like sardines, that I do not know who did it. I never ask for much, but this made me feel better about my future.Now, after this, my parents strangely started to call more than often, particularly my father. He was asking when I was going to receive the money, most of the conversations were about the money. I really felt odd, they would never call me this often.Soon after I told my parents that I cashed the $8,000 and placed it in the bank and was planning to get a car. They said that they all of a sudden needed $6,000. I thought $6,000!!! that is ALOT of money. I asked why, they said because they needed it to move out, and that they could repay me, within a year. They said they can repay me back within a year because they were moving to section 8, which is housing at a lower price. And that they could pay me more because they would be making less payments for the apartment.Now, I did calculations and my parents DO NOT have that kind of money. There was no guarantee they would be in section 8. They gave me no proof of it either. If I were to lend them money, they would probably be eating very little and be struggling.... I mean there is 5 people currently in their house. Realistically, they cannot afford to pay $6,000. I told them, I cannot see you paying that amount of money back especially within a year. And after countless of hours on the phone (I told them I had plans for the money like buying a car). They were not happy, and after many guilt trips and making me cry for not giving them money, my father all of a sudden did not want to talk to me! My mother told me he was just upset because he was old fashion and that children should be sacrificial and give whatever to their parents. I felt like, but.... I am in need too. How can I help you... if I cannot help myself! Besides it's a LOAN! to loan out a loan sounds really odd to me. They even got upset at me not giving them money! Since when did money + family were in the same sentence?! Shouldn't a parent be like " honey get yourself a car, in order to make your life easier, be sucessful in school and get a job?" ........How can I get to a job? if I don't have a car. What if I end up finding work somewhere else other than this city?Well, I felt guilty and I told them, I'll loan you out $1,000 they said that they did not want it because of what happened and that it was too little of amount that it wasen't even worth it. I said ok. A few days later they called and they wanted the $1,000. Because all of a sudden their car broke and the whole transmission and other parts of the car were broken and they said that they wanted me to help out with the family...... my mom said that the estimate was $1,000 to $$1,800. So, I did not question it. I wrote a check, and sent them the money. So I don't have to put up with the stress and guilt trips.They eventually called back again, said that they put the down payment of $1,000 in order to fix the car. They thanked me and were happy again with me. Then they called back like 2 days later, and said, that they needed more money, another $1,500. Because the mechanic said that all the repair came to a total of $2,500. I told my mom, that " I thought you said the estimate was $1,000 to $1,800, and she changed her story and said " no.... I said $1,000 to $2,500". She was lying to me in front of me. I know and remember what she said.But my mother begged and plead about the money. My mother said that when she first talked the mechanic the mechanic said that she could make payments if she pays $1,000 deposit, of course this ( was not written by a contract) it was just talk between her and the mechanic. And she continued to say...... that when she went to go pick up the car that is when the mechanic said they wanted the other $1,500 in full by tuesday or else the car shop would take them to court. That's why she called me, and needs more money. Her story changed, so I asked her can you bring a receipt, or an invoice in order to see the price of the car and then I'll lend you the money. She blew her top, she got so insulted that she hung up to phone on me.She called back 5 minutes later and started to give me a guilt trip, she was saying that she never raised me to be like that. And that if she was to ask for loan money she would never have to explain what she is "spending it on". That she did not have to show me any receipt or invoice...... That it did not matter what she spent the money on...... and put my dad on the phone too, and he was pretty much yelling at me telling me I am a horrible daughter for not helping the family. (I gave them $1,000 and they said I am not helping the family?) And that they are so offended because I asked for a receipt, it's like I insulted them, because I did not trust them. I did not trust them because they changed the story. All I wanted was to see a receipt/ invoice thats all I just wanted to look at the bill!! That is all, and I would have gave them the money. I told them I will give you the money if you show me a receipt/or invoice.Well I was thinking to myself, well if you're not spending it on the car ....I will not give it to you. If you are spending it in the car ....I will give it to you. That's why I need to know and see the receipt.Well, they pretty much said "forget about it" and that they will never ask me for money ever again, in rude terms. And they said that they will take the mechanic issue to court. All because I asked to see a receipt and they did not want to show me a receipt or invoice...... And then my mother went on saying that "I will send you the receipt/ invoice for you to see that we were not lying to you. How dare you not trust us, when have we ever treated you badly, who was there for you when you were sad, who took care of you." She had sent me through another guilt trip.Look if I were rich, and this was not loan money I would gladly just give out money to my family, but I am concered about my school, trying to get a job, and trying to start my life, and I just wanted a car....I told them that eversince I told them I had plans for the money. It's like, they refuse to understand my point of view. They keep insisting that I was in the wrong for asking a receipt and not helping the family when they truly needed it.If I were to make a choice now, I would have not taken the money, I would have not asked advice from my parents, I would have not told them about the money. They would not be calling me now, if I didn't have it. They would have never called me this much before. Some say family comes first,.... but how can I help my family when I am struggling to start my own? I want to start my life, I don't want to come back to my family after my college. They cannot understand this, and refuse to listen. It's my loan money, they did not Co-sign for it either. Why can't they just say " honey dont worry about us, start your life, and when you're ready help us". No, they don't say that, they say "help me now" ...even though I myself struggling to start my life?! Besides I already gave them money $1,000, shouldn't they be happy with that, and just because I asked to see the bill first the second time they asked for --more-- money they got upset and hate me now and did not accept the extra money. That is sad when money makes my family happy and content with me. I cried many times on the phone while talking to them, and feel very stressed about the issue.So now they call me a bad daughter. Did I do the right thing?Your help would greatly be appreaciated and would mean alot to me.

Edited September 2, 2006 by Lili (see edit history)

[shadowx 0]

Hey, thats a sucky situation, ny reply will have to be short as im about to leave the computer but you did the right thing. Youre not supposed to give your life to your parents, it sounds like you could really do with a car and if they were that desperate for money they could take out a loan themselves surely? I think you did the right thing. You should by the car because you culd do with it and it will make things a lot easier for you. Sorry this is short, just wanted to say not to worry about it and dont feel guilty, you need that money and if they need money then they can find their own ways of getting it.

[Mjay06 0]

Why dont they just take their own loan out?

[Lili 0]

Hello,Shadow X, thank you so much, you don't understand how much your opinions mean to me. I was so confused about the issue. Your help is much appreaciated. Thank you, thank you. You are truly so kind.Mjay06, the reason my parents said they wouldn't take out their own loan was because they have bad credit. Is there a loan company that gives out loans to people who have bad credit? And again, thank you for your concern.

[thejestergl 0]

Well that doesn't seem very cool of a situation. Family and money really SHOULDNT be a concern. You did the right thing, and I bet it must be hard with the guilt trips but its good you are holding in strong. And if you start your own then you can surely help them later on down the road right? And I don't think it was wrong of you to ask for a reciept and such for the repair bills because you DID need an exact amount, and a reciept is how to get it. Unfortunate that your parents are asking you for so much money even though you need it too. You did the right thing. And I'm sure that your parents still love you and that you don't need to worry to much. They will come through. Good luck Jester

[quakesand 0]

Hello everyone,Hi, I have a problem with my family. And I wanted to know if I did the right thing. I am 20 years old in college, and I took out a $100,000 loan to pay for my school. I have been in school for 2 yrs now.

Okay. One day my college financial aid administrator called and said, "you have extra money from yours loans would you like to take it, it's $8,000" I did not know what to do. So, I called my parents for advice. I told them about the suituation and was woundering if I should not take the money or have it sent back to the loan company. My parents told me that I should take it out and I should use it for my needs. My parents live 5 hours away in a small town, and I am here all alone in a City, felt a car would do me well.
So, I felt safe to take the loan out $8,000 and made plans for it. I did want a car, and I did need a car in order to buy groceries in large quantities, and be able to drive around to work in the future, I would have to use public transportation.... a car would really lift weight off my shoulders. Not only that, I had a couple of bad encounters on public transportation (city busses) a man tried sexually harassing me after I got off at a bus stop, I'll ocassionally get the someone pinches me or pokes me on the chest, and when I look around I don't know who it is, because the bus is so crowded to where everyone is standing like sardines, that I do not know who did it. I never ask for much, but this made me feel better about my future.

Now, after this, my parents strangely started to call more than often, particularly my father. He was asking when I was going to receive the money, most of the conversations were about the money. I really felt odd, they would never call me this often.

Soon after I told my parents that I cashed the $8,000 and placed it in the bank and was planning to get a car. They said that they all of a sudden needed $6,000. I thought $6,000!!! that is ALOT of money. I asked why, they said because they needed it to move out, and that they could repay me, within a year. They said they can repay me back within a year because they were moving to section 8, which is housing at a lower price. And that they could pay me more because they would be making less payments for the apartment.

Now, I did calculations and my parents DO NOT have that kind of money. There was no guarantee they would be in section 8. They gave me no proof of it either. If I were to lend them money, they would probably be eating very little and be struggling.... I mean there is 5 people currently in their house. Realistically, they cannot afford to pay $6,000. I told them, I cannot see you paying that amount of money back especially within a year. And after countless of hours on the phone (I told them I had plans for the money like buying a car). They were not happy, and after many guilt trips and making me cry for not giving them money, my father all of a sudden did not want to talk to me! My mother told me he was just upset because he was old fashion and that children should be sacrificial and give whatever to their parents.

I felt like, but.... I am in need too. How can I help you... if I cannot help myself! Besides it's a LOAN! to loan out a loan sounds really odd to me. They even got upset at me not giving them money! Since when did money + family were in the same sentence?! Shouldn't a parent be like " honey get yourself a car, in order to make your life easier, be sucessful in school and get a job?" ........How can I get to a job? if I don't have a car. What if I end up finding work somewhere else other than this city?

Well, I felt guilty and I told them, I'll loan you out $1,000 they said that they did not want it because of what happened and that it was too little of amount that it wasen't even worth it. I said ok. A few days later they called and they wanted the $1,000. Because all of a sudden their car broke and the whole transmission and other parts of the car were broken and they said that they wanted me to help out with the family...... my mom said that the estimate was $1,000 to $$1,800. So, I did not question it. I wrote a check, and sent them the money. So I don't have to put up with the stress and guilt trips.

They eventually called back again, said that they put the down payment of $1,000 in order to fix the car. They thanked me and were happy again with me. Then they called back like 2 days later, and said, that they needed more money, another $1,500. Because the mechanic said that all the repair came to a total of $2,500. I told my mom, that " I thought you said the estimate was $1,000 to $1,800, and she changed her story and said " no.... I said $1,000 to $2,500". She was lying to me in front of me. I know and remember what she said.

But my mother begged and plead about the money. My mother said that when she first talked the mechanic the mechanic said that she could make payments if she pays $1,000 deposit, of course this ( was not written by a contract) it was just talk between her and the mechanic. And she continued to say...... that when she went to go pick up the car that is when the mechanic said they wanted the other $1,500 in full by tuesday or else the car shop would take them to court. That's why she called me, and needs more money.

Her story changed, so I asked her can you bring a receipt, or an invoice in order to see the price of the car and then I'll lend you the money. She blew her top, she got so insulted that she hung up to phone on me.

She called back 5 minutes later and started to give me a guilt trip, she was saying that she never raised me to be like that. And that if she was to ask for loan money she would never have to explain what she is "spending it on". That she did not have to show me any receipt or invoice...... That it did not matter what she spent the money on...... and put my dad on the phone too, and he was pretty much yelling at me telling me I am a horrible daughter for not helping the family. (I gave them $1,000 and they said I am not helping the family?) And that they are so offended because I asked for a receipt, it's like I insulted them, because I did not trust them. I did not trust them because they changed the story. All I wanted was to see a receipt/ invoice thats all I just wanted to look at the bill!! That is all, and I would have gave them the money. I told them I will give you the money if you show me a receipt/or invoice.

Well I was thinking to myself, well if you're not spending it on the car ....I will not give it to you. If you are spending it in the car ....I will give it to you. That's why I need to know and see the receipt.

Well, they pretty much said "forget about it" and that they will never ask me for money ever again, in rude terms. And they said that they will take the mechanic issue to court. All because I asked to see a receipt and they did not want to show me a receipt or invoice...... And then my mother went on saying that "I will send you the receipt/ invoice for you to see that we were not lying to you. How dare you not trust us, when have we ever treated you badly, who was there for you when you were sad, who took care of you." She had sent me through another guilt trip.

Look if I were rich, and this was not loan money I would gladly just give out money to my family, but I am concered about my school, trying to get a job, and trying to start my life, and I just wanted a car....I told them that eversince I told them I had plans for the money. It's like, they refuse to understand my point of view. They keep insisting that I was in the wrong for asking a receipt and not helping the family when they truly needed it.

If I were to make a choice now, I would have not taken the money, I would have not asked advice from my parents, I would have not told them about the money. They would not be calling me now, if I didn't have it. They would have never called me this much before.

Some say family comes first,.... but how can I help my family when I am struggling to start my own? I want to start my life, I don't want to come back to my family after my college. They cannot understand this, and refuse to listen. It's my loan money, they did not Co-sign for it either. Why can't they just say " honey dont worry about us, start your life, and when you're ready help us". No, they don't say that, they say "help me now" ...even though I myself struggling to start my life?! Besides I already gave them money $1,000, shouldn't they be happy with that, and just because I asked to see the bill first the second time they asked for --more-- money they got upset and hate me now and did not accept the extra money. That is sad when money makes my family happy and content with me. I cried many times on the phone while talking to them, and feel very stressed about the issue.
So now they call me a bad daughter. Did I do the right thing?

Your help would greatly be appreaciated and would mean alot to me.

Are they even your parents?!?
If I were them, I'll find my own work and do it myself, then let you buy your own private part pinch protector..lol
I bet they are finding excuses to take your money and do things they want...
I can't believe they actually do that...the car broke and needs more and more money to repair!??!
Are they betting money and losing all the money?
You did a absolute correct thing. Good Job..don't let people pinch you, lol...
Edited October 29, 2006 by quakesand (see edit history)