Stressed Out Friend

[Teri Luketic 0]

Here I am again, asking people's opinions that I don't know. One would think that I'd know better by now, but I like reading different points of view.This time it's not about me. My friend Autumn is pretty confused about this situation with this guy in her school. I'm not living in the same state as her, so I can give her just as good of adviceon the situation as any of you could I think. There's this guy she goes to school with who's in the same class as her. Last year, she told his roomate (they, like me, attend a boarding school) that she had a thing for this guy. He claims that he never told him that she did, but that one day the two of them and one other guy were going through the names and faces (a "newsletter" of sorts with pictures off all 140 some students in the school with their names and where they're from, plus their birthdays) and when they hit her picture, the guy she likes said "she likes me". Her friend didn't catch that he could tell, supposedly, till after he'd already confirmed, on accident, that he was right. She talked a lot to this guy that she like, his name's Jeremy, up untill her friend told her about the incident. She started to back off, because she didn't like being that transparent, and her friend had said something that made her think she should do just that. But the farther the year went on, the worse she felt about the decision because her other friend would see him looking at her, and she'd see it out of the corner of her eyes at other times, and any time he came near her she'd start to walk off again. The end of the year came and went, and now they're in the second week of their Senior year, and some of the same things are going on that happened last year. They're talking plenty again, like the beginning of last year, but it's almost like they never stopped talking, although she told me last night that she's still got that uneasy feeling about the situation. She'd thought that a summer without seeing him would help her get over the crush, but when the school year started up again, she was suddenly constantly thinking about him again. They both hang out in the same crowd more this year than last year, thanks to the people in the group telling her that she should hang out with them more, so it's even harder for her to notice things that he does, let alone those at the table with them who know.This past weekend, before she talked to me last night, their class went on this Senior Survival. . .it's kind of like a class trip, but yet more class bonding takes place. I'm going on similar next week, not that that's something needed to be said in this topic. She ended up on the same team as him after them and nine others drew the same color bandana, meaning they spent a lot of time together with these nine people, other than meals with the other group. When she talked to me last night, she spent almost an hour telling me about those three days and how much fun she had, and all kinds of other things including things about this boy. She asked me what I thought about the situation, and if what her friend told her last year could possibly be true, or if it was just him telling her something for any reason that she couldn't think of, but before I could answere her aunt told her that she was going to have to get off the phone so she could make a call too. She's going to call me again this weekend, but I don't know what to tell her. I've got a few concepts of my own, but I'm curious what other people who aren't attatched to the subject, Autumn being my best friend, like I am.Any ideas?

[lawmatchmaker 0]

Here I am again, asking people's opinions that I don't know. One would think that I'd know better by now, but I like reading different points of view.
This time it's not about me. My friend Autumn is pretty confused about this situation with this guy in her school. I'm not living in the same state as her, so I can give her just as good of adviceon the situation as any of you could I think. There's this guy she goes to school with who's in the same class as her. Last year, she told his roomate (they, like me, attend a boarding school) that she had a thing for this guy. He claims that he never told him that she did, but that one day the two of them and one other guy were going through the names and faces (a "newsletter" of sorts with pictures off all 140 some students in the school with their names and where they're from, plus their birthdays) and when they hit her picture, the guy she likes said "she likes me". Her friend didn't catch that he could tell, supposedly, till after he'd already confirmed, on accident, that he was right. She talked a lot to this guy that she like, his name's Jeremy, up untill her friend told her about the incident. She started to back off, because she didn't like being that transparent, and her friend had said something that made her think she should do just that. But the farther the year went on, the worse she felt about the decision because her other friend would see him looking at her, and she'd see it out of the corner of her eyes at other times, and any time he came near her she'd start to walk off again. The end of the year came and went, and now they're in the second week of their Senior year, and some of the same things are going on that happened last year. They're talking plenty again, like the beginning of last year, but it's almost like they never stopped talking, although she told me last night that she's still got that uneasy feeling about the situation. She'd thought that a summer without seeing him would help her get over the crush, but when the school year started up again, she was suddenly constantly thinking about him again. They both hang out in the same crowd more this year than last year, thanks to the people in the group telling her that she should hang out with them more, so it's even harder for her to notice things that he does, let alone those at the table with them who know.

This past weekend, before she talked to me last night, their class went on this Senior Survival. . .it's kind of like a class trip, but yet more class bonding takes place. I'm going on similar next week, not that that's something needed to be said in this topic. She ended up on the same team as him after them and nine others drew the same color bandana, meaning they spent a lot of time together with these nine people, other than meals with the other group. When she talked to me last night, she spent almost an hour telling me about those three days and how much fun she had, and all kinds of other things including things about this boy. She asked me what I thought about the situation, and if what her friend told her last year could possibly be true, or if it was just him telling her something for any reason that she couldn't think of, but before I could answere her aunt told her that she was going to have to get off the phone so she could make a call too. She's going to call me again this weekend, but I don't know what to tell her. I've got a few concepts of my own, but I'm curious what other people who aren't attatched to the subject, Autumn being my best friend, like I am.

Any ideas?

I really this that this girl should stop paying games about her relationship with the boy any more, she is giving herself unnecessary problems and making tjings way more complicated than they have to be. First of all, what is wrong with letting the guy you like or love knowabout your intentions towards him? Isn't that the whole point in the dating game, to let each other know about your intentions than get together? Why keep it a secret? I think that in relationships, one should be honest and upfront about things, it clears alot of misunderstandings and also helps build a solid foundation if you eventually get married. If you keep playing from the start, its hard to build trust and it gets worst when you are comitted, you just have this huge issue of trust problem.. I think that as long as your friend is clear about her intentions, it makes things easier for both parties.

[hotchick2121 0]

ok here's just one thing to think about before she makes any rash decisions.... she needs to realize that there are alwayz other guyz that its all for fun. if shes trying to find a lifelong partner rite now she needs to stop and think twice about it.... she has this little time of college to have fun be with alota guys with no worries of her spouse getting mad... she needs to hang loose and not get so stressed out over the small things....there are other fish in the sea.... hope it helps....

[Teri Luketic 0]

Okay, I'm raising this topic back up again, just because I've noticed similar flying around and I've got another friend in a similar situation. . .grrr. . .can't get them to have a remotely different type of relationship ever!

I really this that this girl should stop paying games about her relationship with the boy any more, she is giving herself unnecessary problems and making tjings way more complicated than they have to be. First of all, what is wrong with letting the guy you like or love knowabout your intentions towards him? Isn't that the whole point in the dating game, to let each other know about your intentions than get together? Why keep it a secret? I think that in relationships, one should be honest and upfront about things, it clears alot of misunderstandings and also helps build a solid foundation if you eventually get married. If you keep playing from the start, its hard to build trust and it gets worst when you are comitted, you just have this huge issue of trust problem.. I think that as long as your friend is clear about her intentions, it makes things easier for both parties.

I agree, there are unnecessary problems, but yet there are so many people like that. What's wrong with letting them know? She doesn't want to ruin her friendship with him if telling him has him suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Although it is the whole point I suppose, there are hearts on the line, and when you've damaged your own so many times, why do it again. Then again, if they don't know, then there is pain in that right there that you have brought upon yourself. In the case of marriage, my first thought was that of, "We're not worried about getting married right now, we're still kids." Then I re-thought that statement, realizing that we're both seniors in highschool. That actually could be coming right around the corner.

Getting your feelings out about some one, in the open, is probably the best idea, no matter how hard it is. And for those reading this right now, including myself and my friends that I'm printing this off for, in the long run, it'll do you some good, even if it doesn't go how you want it to. If your a shy person, pull your closest friends together and talk things out with them before you talk to them. Make them your foundation for your strength to talk to this special person. If you are really as good a friend with them, or if you know you can be open with them, as you should be if your going to be in a relationship with them anyway, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about. It's not like you're walking up to a stranger or anything. If they can't treat you the same after that if they don't feel the same, then they aren't really worth your time anyway.

[thejestergl 0]

I really this that this girl should stop paying games about her relationship with the boy any more, she is giving herself unnecessary problems and making tjings way more complicated than they have to be. First of all, what is wrong with letting the guy you like or love knowabout your intentions towards him? Isn't that the whole point in the dating game, to let each other know about your intentions than get together? Why keep it a secret? I think that in relationships, one should be honest and upfront about things, it clears alot of misunderstandings and also helps build a solid foundation if you eventually get married. If you keep playing from the start, its hard to build trust and it gets worst when you are comitted, you just have this huge issue of trust problem.. I think that as long as your friend is clear about her intentions, it makes things easier for both parties.

Yeah I agree. And honesty really is a base of a relationship. If you hold secrets, then they find out later, that is just worse than if you told them in the first place. Again agree!

[Teri Luketic 0]

I wanted to thank you who said something for your advice for Autumn. I had her read some other stuff similar to this, and she's really thinking hard about some things and the like. She's working up the guts to say something to him, and she's really getting a good vibe without having said anything by the fact that she's hanging out with him a lot more and all that stuff, and he (in my opinion, but she still thinks I am crazy), is majorly flirting with her and all. Her New Year's resolution is to do something about it before Valentine's Day. . .I think it should be sooner, but she's just gotta do it in her own time. Again, thank you for all your ideas. . .although I think that's just one really. LoL.