Are We Men Good Or Bad At The End? something for the ladies

[Chatz 0]

What do men really want out of life? Do they really want to get married or do they just want to have sex with whomever until they get old or do they have to feel alone before they make the step into a relationship?

What do men really think of women and what do they expect out of women? You hear a lot of points of views from women on how men should act and what they think they should do. I want to know a man's point of views on relationships, getting married and being alone. I have found out that a lot of groups that are for men and women only favor their own sex.So chatz,can give me some views from your side since you a man ? Email sent to me about two hours ago.

First, I don't believe that there is any one model that fits all men or all women. Everyone is different and is motivated by different things. With that said however, I do believe that marriage and commitment isn't as attractive to most men as it is to most women, and I think that's what the bulk of your questions are about.

 

Men struggle every single day to meet the goals that are imposed on them by society. Sure, you're thinking, "Well, so do women!" but there's a difference. Men's impositions have been around for a long time and are actually the fabric of our society and culture (I'm sure all men agree with me atleast the one's here on Xisto). Women's are more "self-imposed", For instance, men are expected to hold down steady jobs, provide for themselves and their families and to do everything (including in relationships) with honor. That means being up-front and direct.

 

Women are under no such obligation! For instance, when a woman loses her job, she may be concerned, but it doesn't relate directly to her self-image. Men's jobs ARE directly related in this way. Men that don't provide for themselves and their families are looked down upon and ridiculed by society! I'm sure you even know of direct examples of this.

 

Another example comes directly from relationships. I hear women say all the time, "Well, he wasn't up-front about things from the beginning..." ...and therefore he's a "dog" or a "pig" or something else. However, women are NEVER up-front about their intentions in relationships! Studies have continued to show that women have all sorts of tools they use to get guys to expose their agenda's up front without having to do so themselves! I've never heard any woman (or man for that matter) chastise (not sure If that's the correct spelling) a woman for this! In fact, it's even glorified and made to seem "cute" by the modern media!

 

With commitment, consider that men and women view this very differently too. For example, women view commitment as security, future, family, love, closeness, support and many other "good" things. Men view commitment (and likewise, marriage) as responsibility, stress, loss of freedom, loss of choice, a life of toiling to meet the demands of that relationship, and many other "bad" things! These are very common feelings among most men.

 

Yes, some men want to get married and yes, some men just want to have a lot of sexual partners throughout the rest of their lives,you may post here in this topic to correct me if you think I'm wrong. These are both valid goals, but it depends on the individual. Most women (not all) would prefer to enter into married arrangements and even our laws support women in doing so - against men! Men rarely come out ahead in divorces for instance, or family custody battles, or just about anything involved with dissolution. Frankly, with all the problems involved, I'm actually surprised that anyone gets married at all hahaha!

 

As to why I tell people that they should have sex before getting married, it's because I believe that our sexualities are the most powerful part of our personalities,Again I could be wrong. By learning about this so-powerful aspect of ourselves, we also learn about how we can function within married situations. People say that sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, and I agree. However, it's in the top three! That makes it significant enough to stress it as a priority. Anyone that gets married without having explored the other person's (and their own) sexuality is simply assuming that an unhealthy relationship is acceptable, and that they'll handle the consequences when they come to them. That's absurd! Marriage isn't a passing thought - it's a life long commitment!

 

Further, nobody falls in love because they have sex,Image that. That is a fallacy. If it were true, there'd be a lot fewer marriages, and a lot more vibrator sales! People (particularly women) ALLOW themselves to fall in love with an ideal - not the real person. This generally comes from an immature idea of sex and relationships - something that can be solved by exploring sex in a more healthy way!

 

Considering the benefits a person gains through sexual experience I can't think of a better answer than to recommend and encourage it.As I said before, If you think I'm wrong you more than welcome to correct me on this topic.This is just my own opinion, I would like to hear your's.

 

Opinion posted by me,The relationship shrink (chatz)

Notice from rejected:

Copied from http://peoplerelationships.syl.com/menandrelationships. Warning issued.

Edited July 30, 2006 by rejected (see edit history)

[sosleadgtr 0]

Wow, yes, i agree with most of what you just said, all except for the part about having sex before marriage is important. While a lot of what marriage is has to do with being compatible with your partner, and the only way to know whether or not you are compatible is real life situations, I don't think that sexuality is one of the determining factors of a marriage. Now I'm sure that anyone here that is married would agree with me, but marriage isn't always rainbows and butterflies, but takes compromise. Your not always going to agree with your spouse, no matter how compatible you are with them. Whether or not the marriage is going to work depends not on the compatibility of two people through situations including sexuality, but in the willingness of both to compromise and keep eachother's best interests in mind. So in essense, marriage is based on love, but not the warm fuzzy feeling that we have when we look at our significant other. The only kind of love that can make a marriage thrive is not a feeling or an emotion at all, but rather a choice. This love is the kind of choice you make to compromise and to do whatever we can to benefit our life partner, and in those instances where we do not agree with our spouse (definitely putting it very lightly), what a working marriage requires is the kind of love where you chose to support and encourage your spouse regardless. But by no means do any of these qualities of a lasting marriage depend on "exploring your sexuality". And yes, men and woman view marriage and "commitment" differently, but to both parties, marriage is still a choice. Both say the same vows, which state that no matter what happens, they will be bonded for life. All in all, marriage is just one of the steps in life, one of the pit-stops we make along the road where we stop and enjoy the scenery, and leave with an eternal traveling companion. In the same way, sex can only be fully appreciated by two people who have made the choice to stay together for life, no matter what, through Holy Matrimony.

[tuddy 0]

I'm suprised we are still going with this topic, i guess everyone can be bad in one form or another, its just the way human society is. However, i agree with sosleadgtr with the fact your not always going to agree all of the time, its just another way of showing you are human.Love is directly proposinal to how you conduct yourself, and therefore if you don't work at your relationship, thier half of the love is going to fly away like a butterfly, i suggest guys and chicks think before they act, and think mainly, do i really really love this person before saying it.

[Confused 0]

Good or bad? It just depends of the person, we can't classify everybody by statistics and percentages. Not all the people are looking for true love and I can't judge them (neither can you). I've had my just-want-to-have-fun periods and I also had boyfriends that I will remember for the rest of my life... so it not just depends of the person, the situation is also pretty important. I know a guy who was one of the worst peopel that I have ever known... he smoked pot, he grabbed (or looked at) every girls **bottom**, he arrived drunk at school and then someday he just fell with this girl. She wasn't even that pretty or hot. Just a regular girl. Shy. He changed... well, "a lot". So you can't tell if people are good or bad, it depends of the moment.

[tuddy 0]

Sounds to me like he was too doped up to remember what the hell he was really doing anyway. I think people make thier own lives and some people just get influenced by peer pressure. I think if everyone was just themselves, then this whole world would be different in every way possible. ah such is the life of the rich and famous. Jokes!

[jennifer084 0]

Here?s my two cents.Marriage has become disposable. It saddens me deeply to see marriages dissolve. But before I get on that subject let me make a comment.Men, have been deeply wronged by society today. And I blame the bra burning women?s lib group. They managed to make men feel like slime. You see these t-shirts that girls are wearing ?Boys stink? or ?boys lie? or ?Boys Suck?. My daughter will never have one of those shirts, and I hope I can teach her to look at such things as demeaning to men. I think that those maggot infested women that feel they have to put men down, so that they (the women) can feel ?equal? to them are just sick sick people.I?m a woman, and I do believe in treating all people with equal rights. That said women and men will never and never have been equal. Men are stronger physically, they are the providers, and Women are more emotional and for the most part more nurturing. Men are one half and women the other. But they are not equal. The two put together make up the strong unit, family.So guys, on behalf of other women who think like I do? I?m sorry for what has happened to you. I for one look up to you. I appreciate my husband. He is the finest man I have ever known. And I never want to be his ?equal? I just want to stand next to him. I don?t ever want to put him down so that I feel bigger. He is my rock; I go to him when ever I need problems fixed. I rely on him to provide for our family. He is awesome and I thank God everyday for him.Now on to the Sex.Yes sex is fun, but after 9 years of marriage you know what I have found? Sex is 100% better with someone you love and completely trust. Sure you might think oh I Love her/him and I trust her/him, you?ve known them for say a year even. Trust me? your not there yet.Sex is a holy gift. And having sex with as many people as you can, takes a key ingredient out of it when you finally do meet that other half, RESPECT for your self. Ladies, your body has the power to bring forth LIFE. Face it, like it or not, your body is a baby making machine, you were made that way. Look at it this way. Which would you rather live in? A house that was rented by 50, 60, 200 men? They didn?t take care of it, they trashed it, and it?s become dirty and broken down. Or a house that was bought by one man that treats it with respect and keeps it clean and fixes things with they need it? It?s the same with your body, do you want your unborn baby in a rental house, or do you want your unborn baby in one that was bought and cared for by your husband? By the way, the house is your uterus, and being bought means getting married. Guys: You got to learn to control your self, keep it in your pants. You don?t need to experience every girl that will open her legs for you. Just the Right one. Face it. You wouldn?t want to marry a girl, who slept with a lot of guys, would you? I haven?t met a man yet that said yes to that question. So why do you think a girl would want to marry a guy who slept around? I sure as hell wouldn?t. Well maybe that was more then two cents. Any rate, it?s my point of view. I know some of you will disagree with me and that?s okay. I still respect your point of view too.

[akyzn4 0]

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Edited April 13, 2007 by akyzn4 (see edit history)