Losing Interest In my girlfriend

[Skamikazi 0]

So my girl friend and I have been dating for about a year now, and for the longest time she was my world. I set aside so much of my life for her, wether it was the fact that her religion is considered by the members of my religion to be a plague to ours. I've also had to deal with many issues with her parents and so forth, such as them taking her cell phone away for a month, not allowing her on the internet, and such so we basically couldn't see each other for that entire month. Infact, that was really recent, it ended on Sunday.But after getting to be able to talk to each other again, which might I add has been nearly endless until the times set by her parents. But the more and more I talk to her, I begain to feel less attracted to her. Mind you, I haven't actually been with her that entire month except for maybe 2 or 3 times, but even then it was only visiting her at work. And I don't know why I feel less attracted to her. I don't ever want to lose her, she was the best thing that ever happened to me, and probably the most beautiful girl I've ever fallen in love with, who feels the same way, and yet, slower and slower I'm losing interest with her. Our phone calls, as long as they are, are no where's nears as thoughtful or fun as they were before the month, and our internet conversations are suffering as well.So, I ask of you all to maybe give me suggestions on things to do to spice things up, I do get to see her on Thursday ( her birthday) and that saturday ( Birthday Party), but I just don't want to go and not feel the way I used to about her.Thanks for listening,Steve

[Saint_Michael 3]

well i been in several relationships like that they have their ups and downs but if you can fight through the rough side of a relationships then the good stuff will come.With the time gap you mentioned yeah that happens sometimes, best thing to do is do stuff that makes the relationship better, do wild and crazy stuff to spark it up again (95% of the wild and crazy stuff that has nothing to do with sex). But also talk it out with each other as well who knows she might have the same feelings as you are.that should help out a little mind you don't follow this 100% just use for some breaking points.

[BordaForx 0]

That's what relationships are. If you are losing interest in her, she's not the right one for you. You might get into a fight, but you won't lose interest if you actually like her. There are actually no suggestions for this, from me. Every person has their own different/varied "tastes" and everybody thinks differently. From what I have learned, people get "sexually" aroused by someone of the opposite/same sex because of their symetrical body forms.In AP Biology, they told us that it was not the hair, style, but the body form. If you really are losing interest in her, I woud suggest you don't see each other for a while; then meet each other and let's see how you feel for one last chance.

[WindAndWater 0]

After you spend a long time with someone you start getting very comfortable with them, and you start to take a lot of the things that they do for granted. It's probably not that she's become less attractive, or that your tastes have changed, but that she's become more normal to you, and that the exciting newness of the relationship has worn off. Try thinking back to when you were first going out, to all the amazing things she did that you hadn't expected. Try to remember the things you found most endearing about her, and focus on them when you're together. When you say "I love you", keep it from being a reflex said out of habit. After you pronounce the words, stop a minute, and really think hard on what they mean. Try changing your schedule. If you normally do a specific thing with her, try changing the location, or the activity, or the order in which you do an activity. Go out to eat at different places, go on a picnic, play a game neither of you has touched in years. Try doing random things with her out of the blue. Add variation to your intimate life. If you have good communication in your relationship, it's absolutely best to talk about it. She might feel hurt at first, but you should be able to explain that it's not "her fault", and that you want to work on not taking things you do together for granted. Stress that you really care about her, and that you want to stay together. She might be feeling the same way you do, but be too hesitant to talk about it, and you don't want to let that distance drive you apart. Regardless, hopefully she'll understand and she can help you break out of your feelings of bored complacience.Don't stop spending time with her unless you're fairly sure that you don't want a relationship anymore. Taking breaks from being together rarely works.Best of luck working your feelings and your relationship out. Strong relationships are really hard to maintain, especially when you don't get to see eachother that often, but it is possible.

[Skamikazi 0]

Thanks guys for all of the replies. I appologize for the sluggish response, I've been out for sometime since I was in a car crash last thrusday, but I'm all better now. Infact, if anything, the car crash had helped our relationship, as we had became closer and she had begun to tell me things that were on her mind that she hadn't told me before. Were both also on spring break and have spent the majority of this week together, so our relationship is running rather smoothly. The only thing I fear is that our relationship will turn back to mud as school starts again and we will be seeing each other less and less.

[trace-uk 0]

if you are woking, and not like 10 years old then why are her parents being soo hitler-ish?what age is she?

[Skamikazi 0]

Haha, I'm not 10, I'm 17. And yes I do work, but I get a lot of free time. As to why her parents are so 'hitlerish', it's probably due to many reasons. For one, they are of a heavily religious family. Secondly, her father, an Ex-Marine, has a very strict control of the household. And if anything, her father should hate me, for everythign I stand for, as I have nearly the opposite views of him on everything.

[agentblade 0]

Hey Skamikazi, I agree with WindAndWater, you should talk to her about it. Communication in a relationship is KEY. Even if it's talking about whether you two should stay together. Remember being in a relationship is not the same as being married. When you're married, you have to stay married. That's why being boyfriend and girlfriend is so important. It's when you discover for yourselves whether or not you want this person to be your life partner or not. If in the process (it might take 1 year or even 9 years) you find that you two are not suited for each other then part graciously.Enjoy the moments spent with one another however short it may be.

[Skamikazi 0]

Hey Skamikazi, I agree with WindAndWater, you should talk to her about it. Communication in a relationship is KEY. Even if it's talking about whether you two should stay together.
Remember being in a relationship is not the same as being married. When you're married, you have to stay married. That's why being boyfriend and girlfriend is so important. It's when you discover for yourselves whether or not you want this person to be your life partner or not. If in the process (it might take 1 year or even 9 years) you find that you two are not suited for each other then part graciously.

Enjoy the moments spent with one another however short it may be.

Thanks a lot. I totally agree with what you said about relationships. Infact, I did tell her how I was feeling, and she understood, but it didn't stop our relationship. I just needed to get reaquainted with her, sort of like when some one messes up the **bottom** grove on your couch, it took time, but I'm slowly regaining my interest with her. If anything, this may just have been considered a phase in our relationship rather than a deciding fact as to wether or not we would continue going out.

[agentblade 0]

that's good to hear.. all the best in your relationships dude..

[shadowx 0]

aww its nice to hear thnigs are getting back on track. You could always dosomething a little extra to set everything in concrete, if possible cook her (or maybe order in ) her favourtie food and set up a table with candles and everything like that and buy her some flowers...chances are she'll love it and you'll be all over each other! I think people need a change when thnigs are so .. samey .. for so long so mix things up, go diferent places and do different things good luck in the future!

[dreus 0]

About three years ago, we had a discussion in French class about the various stages of a relationship. According to this model, all relationships can be broken down into three stages, translated liberally into1) Passion2) Engagement3) CommitmentHere?s a very basic summary of how the model works (at least from what I remembered). ?Love? start off with passion ? the initial attraction between the two individuals. This attraction, more than often, is a physical one. Unfortunately, this stage will eventually come to an end, where ?more? will be required for the relationship to move forward. Toward the end of the passion stage, the initial excitement of falling in love is starting to fade away. This is gradually replaced by the realization that both individuals are only human and each have their ?problems?. Certain things will start to stand out and may get on each other?s nerves.If these problems can be worked through, the couple will progress into the engagement stage. Passion, albeit still there, is not the major driving force in the relationship. The couple will start to find other things that keep them attracted to one another ? a more psychological love. They will ?need? one another. The engagement stage ultimately sets the tone for marriage.And as you could probably guess it, the commitment stage soon follows. After getting married, a couple will continue to stay together as long as they are committed to being with one other. Very often, having children is a huge determining factor in how ?committed? the parents would be to the family.Now of course, I?ve really stretched it by writing up this lengthy post. Skamikazi, this is not to scare you but I merely wanted to share with you (and all the other readers) something that came across my mind after reading your initial post.Yes, relationships are bound to have their ups and downs and it is only by working through those downs that your love will be further strengthened. Yes communication helps. Yes honesty helps. But realize that the ?passion? that you have for one another will gradually fade and it?ll be up to both of you to keep that flame ignited.Best of luck!

[CarlU 0]

So my girl friend and I have been dating for about a year now, and for the longest time she was my world. I set aside so much of my life for her, wether it was the fact that her religion is considered by the members of my religion to be a plague to ours.

What religion are you?...if you don't mind me asking.

[Nani Cheri 0]

I also think you guys just should break u for a while, cause if you now have this feeling you are less attracted too her thats something that will not change I gues. But I don't think you feel less attracted to her. I think the situations you have been in and what had been going on with you two has caused this feeling. Maybe it's just a temorary thing, you just doubt about the way you feel about her. Because you do say she is the most beautiful girl you ever been with and that she feels the same way about you. But whatever it is, don't stay with her because you think you can't find another beautiful girl like her who will feel the same way. Because you will, and if you stick with her knowing you actually do loose interest in her is very unfair to her, if she does feel you, or maybe feel the same way! To find out if you just imagined you feel this way is maybe just try seperating and then get back to gether. Just to spice your relation ship up. Becaus I can imagine after 1 year you get a bit bored especially if people are standing in the way for seeying eachoter. I have had with my boyfriend for 2,5 years. I had the same problem thinking I lost attraction of him, I just didn't want to be around him anymore... But I think it was the distance between our homes, and the fact that we didn't see eachother much (sometimes 2 times in a month) because I live very far away. Now we are taking things slower, and I have a little break up...and as time goes by, I get the feeling back I think... But Im very fast bored from things and people, I want action and you know their was just something missing in our relationship. Maybe its the same way with you I dont know.

[heavensounds 0]

Yeah this is a very common situation and it usually happens earlier than in about a year! The thing is that you start to take things including her for granted. You know you have her, you don't see her as much as you did and a loooot of topics you two have gone through...You as yourself...What is next? Acctually just try not to be concerned with what is happening and wait for some time if things will get ok again maybe a bit different but ok! If not you have to talk to her, because usuallly that is first spotted by one of the partners and the other one doesn't have a clue of what is going on. I guess she was the one that acctually started the relationship, because usually the one that is not as "active" in trying to get the partner, is usually the one that feels earlier that relationship is getting cold...Here is my advice: You go to her, surprise her with something but not too surprising and try to put yourself in the same position you were when you two have started...I think that everything is going to get OK, because you like her and you don't want to loose her!Just one more thing, be cautious that if you really don't have fun spending time with her any more, just tell her and let it go! She is not the right girl if it is so...Greetz and may God help you on your way..