My Newest Poem :d Poems name is the last word in it...

[Joshua 0]

I was noticing I already posted my good poems here so I decided to write another one I just wrote this now in about the last 5 or 10 minutes Enjoy -_-What all think they've gotAnd so many do notIt's life's biggest mustDon't confuse it with lustAny heart it can thawFulfils God's moral LawYou can give to the poorLet your body be burnedWork incredible miraclesSpeak in tongues never heardAnd if you're missing outOn this which you most needThen let there be no doubtYou have nothing indeedMany claim to serve GodBut escape this commandAnd they find it so oddThis is His great demandAnd for all of your knowledgeAnd wisdom, and powerWhich makes others to trembleAnd still others to cowerIf you're lacking in thisThen all you have is mootFor you're missing the pointThis, God's great attributeIt never harms othersIs patient and kindMeekly it suffersWith no evil in mindBearing all, believing allHoping all, enduring allNever failing, over all travailingThis, God's gift from above-This Is Love

[canpolitics 0]

As I am sure you have guessed from our past debates jzyehoshua I am not a religious man, and I don't like overly preachy speaches, bearing that in mind I though you might appreciate some honest input.I did find it overbearingly preachy, yet not as bad as I first expected. It flows well there is one or two spots where the rythm skips a little and it kind of felt like tripping over a crack in the sidewalk, but nothing major. I found myself likeing the poem in spite of the religious overtones, I would comment though that I personally think you could do without so much preaching and let the poem speak for itself, you mention god specifically four times, and several times implicitly, I would put more emphasis on the implied and less on the explicit. No need to beat it over the head, really we get it, it is a religious poem.It is a very good though, don't let my criticism fool you, I really did like it.

[biscuitrat 0]

Yeah, I noticed that as well :/ Also, you have a standard AABBCCDD etc. rhyme pattern going. And then you switch to ABABCDCD and whatnot. You have to keep it consistent no matter what you're writing.

Bearing all, believing allHoping all, enduring all
Never failing, over all travailing

-I like this part mostly because it's the least preachy. I don't really like other religions to tell me how to live :/
-Did you mean "prevailing" by any chance?

And the whole thing about letting your body be burned...er...not for the faint hearted. Not everyone wants to lend their body in such a fashion :/

[Joshua 0]

Well, I think the word I did mean was prevailing Like I said, it was a spur of the moment thing that took me maybe 5 minutes to write (most of my poems were written in extremely short time periods) and why it should flow so well. With the rhyming scheme I don't like following patterns, the "Rabboni" and "Legacy" poems are the only ones written to a pattern before. I don't like using the same rhyming scheme and actually switch the pattern back and forth intentionally for variety I'll tend to go with that 1-2 beat and then get fancy occasionally with the 1-2-3-4 structure where I alternate the rhymes and in still other places I'll rhyme within just one line, like at the end. I like to mix and match I guess you could say. *shrugs*As for the poems being preachy, it's not something I do intentionally. I write my poems to convey how I feel as well as to convey those things I've found most meaningful and valuable to me personally. My poems reflect that, I throw in the truths I've found and is what makes the poems good in my opinion. *shrugs*Again, I wrote it just off the top of my head with no specific agenda in mind other then to convey what I know and feel about the topic of love. Writing like that tends to express myself best and how I really feel and am inside, in my opinion. I tend to write all my poems on very broad topics, "War", "Freedom", etc... I figured I'd write another poem to put on Xisto so just wrote it as a new post right then and there. And it was high time I wrote a poem on love, but I'd actually been putting it off before because it's such an all-important topic. I'm pleased with how this one turned out though, aside from the travailing mistake

[RemoteConnection 0]

wow, it's so nice,did u really writeby urself? I can't believe it!

[Joshua 0]

wow, it's so nice,did u really writeby urself? I can't believe it!

173514[/snapback]

Thanks, and I did write it by myself. Again, I wrote it because I'd ran out of poems to put here so decided to make a new one I have several others on here that are better but noone wants to comment on them I guess:

 

-Time

-Rabboni

-The Pitcher

-War

-Earth

 

The only one commented on was the Time one, and that ended up being a conversation on whether I was posting them to "spam"